8 Months of EoG (and others) - SHADOW WORK 2022!

Journals - Major Programs
#197

Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck

So the custom is firing hard.

I don’t know if it’s the ME primer in it, Blue Skies, Chosen, or TYRANT firing on all cylinders, but I have some sort of an existential crisis.
Not the one to question your whole life, more like, what IS reality.

I came across this video:

And in the midst of it, realising how true that is, I noticed anxiety creeping up. I suppose my mind is afraid of letting go of an existing “connection” to reality.
I also noticed I am not yet ready to face that fear. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a few months. Not yet.

I like the realization, but it’s also interesting observing my own mind who quickly came up with “Ignore that shit, we gotta work on the business.”

Me, being the consciousness that just observes the other dude talking all the time in my mind, I felt a certain funny smirk about it. “Oh poor little Summerchild. There is nothing to fear, only to experience.”

Still, the ego clings. And it clings hard. I did notice that today.

2 Likes
#198

Day 71, processing (or maybe I’ll throw in DR)

3 days since I ran my custom (3 minutes) and it’s doing great. Chosen of Venus and Chosen are the most profound. Simply because my mood is always up, but the Emperor is there. Just a bit more subtle. I notice the physical shifting, but also the nonchalance, the calmness, the relaxation, and, well, the horniness of the women around me.

I experience conscious dissonance a lot because the sub works so well.

Like, my wife is bubbly and cute all the time, and when things happen where I think she would be mad, she isn’t. Past experiences to not align with present anymore, which means the sub is firing hard, but my conscious mind does seem to take a bit of time to accept that.

I was thinking of throwing in a short “Rebirth Booster” but decided against it. LEAN into the pain, the healing, the recon. Accept it. It is good and well.

On another note, Tyrant in that custom was a powerful decision. I keep getting a deeper grasp over reality. I notice the external world being directly influenced by my mindset a lot.
Which had me realize this morning that I finally need to stop hopping subs and fucking stick to one.

Which will be the current FORGE OF MAN, as well as finishing EoG and DR.

Next cycle we add HOM to the mix.

As I said, EoG ST1 only needs to fix one more mindset issue (I am consciously aware of) but I can already report that it did a lot to my general beliefs.

3 Likes
#199

I want to make sure I understand this - you ran your custom for 3 minutes rather than the full 15 minutes. Is that correct?

#200

Yes! I run all subs 3 minutes now, including AC.

Best feeling. Tons of results, no overload.

2 Likes
#201

What have you noticed as differences?

Less reconciliation?

Faster results?

Etc.

#202

Nope, but I see recon differently.

What I experience on the 15 minute version is overload. My mind doesnt like so much input it seems. Has been an ongoing theme for me. With 7 minutes, 5 minutes, and now 3 minutes it got increasingly better to a point where I NOW can run the subs almost according to recommendations (I do way less).

I would say recon is less but recon is generally pretty chill on ZP for me. And it depends on the sub. PCC gave me SHIT recon for 5 days straight. DR averages at about a day. But it’s not all day, it’s every now and then.

Long story short, it’s generally a MUCH nicer experience for me. Like, a different ballpark.

Yes. So fast that my conscious mind can’t keep up as I mentioned above. They come within a few hours and it’s literally a different reality, which is why I mentioned this “conscious dissonance” above.
My ego has a hard time accepting the reality that is unfolding.
Which is not a bad feeling at all. It’s a bit confusing, but I take it with a smirk as to how great these subs are.

So yeah I mainly do it because of overload which is WAY less than listening the full 15 min.

4 Likes
Building a damn strong foundation (Asc, LB, Stark)
#203

Thank you for the explanations and clarifications.

Any other differences?

#204

Not really, no. Not that I am aware of.

1 Like
#205

Day 76, washout

So I’ve been lacking to journal here. DR and Emperor send me on a really inward journey.
Chosen helps me to still be positive and enjoy people and life around me.

But I now know what @Malkuth meant when he said DR is like construction in the background. You can still function, but there’s always construction noise going on.

But I thought it’s time to collect my thoughts and review the subs I ran so far a bit:

EOG ST1

  • This sub has a funny way of working. You feel NOTHING for 4 days and then suddenly a thought pops up “bruv, we’re gonna be fucking rich. Already building all the groundwork. Just wait for time to catch up” and you’re like “where did that come from?”
  • It does NOT make me productive. I know others have reported that, but for me not the case, the other subs I ran helped me to circumvent this. For me it’s mostly introspection on where these beliefs come from.
  • Which I greatly determined so far. I feel like I covered most of them for now. I am sure there is more, somewhere deeper, but what I could figure out so far: Impostor Syndrome, Lacking (financial) self-worth due to a negative mother (forgave her), lacking self-worth in general due to childhood traumas, growing up in lack, growing up with people that literally hate the rich, the media.
  • The issues sort of resolved themselves by merely thinking and meditating about them. I think, however, this is mostly because I consciously already knew it’s bs (because of years in self improvement) it now was just necessary to bring them to the front and have them worked through.

Dragon Reborn ST1

I only have 2 loops of this one but it's DEEP.
  • Opened my eyes up about the external validation I still crave through sex/things I want her to do. Stacking that with Chosen in custom def helped to accept other people as they are.
  • Primal had me mad at other people not doing what I want. After DR I accept them being different, and that their shortcomings are but a projection of my own. As in, when sex with my wife is not what I want, it’s because I put zero effort into it. Just going to pound town, but expecting her to be all seductive is unbalanced. What you give into the universe, you get out.
  • Makes me question A LOT of my driving forces. A big one is fame, @Invictus knows this one. It literally moved me from striving for fame and money to feel better with my business to striving for fame and money to HELP PEOPLE better. Which is a MUCH better feeling of doing these things and it also works better.
  • A big part of why I even started DR was that it makes other subs run better, but also the part of the objectives that says it protects you from bad subliminal programming. I do notice this talking to people deep in the matrix, their skewed views and self-lies don’t face me anymore. I realize just because they thin k that way, doesnt mean I will or have to. In the past I quickly sucked up everything around me as my new being. In other words, my own personality was covered because of my past. Now I express that better, which also means it doesnt get overridden as easily. Powerful.

Emperor Chosen Custom

This one is a gift. A fucking gift.

  • I am vibing high all the time. I feel grounded, secure, self-assured in myself, while also accepting the reality of higher things than just the physical, dealing with people and their shit, etc. It has the best “happy feeling” so far of all subs I ran.
  • I am not at all trying to control people. I lead them. If they follow that leadership is their decision. No hard feeling either way.
  • My wife is right hot for sex and submissive. Like, she voluntarily submits to myself (noticeably) without me changing anything in my conscious demeanour (or so I think). She asks me indirectly in the classic feminine way for leadership and then does as I say, but mostly because she also thinks it’s a great direction.
  • Chosen of Venus might play a big role in that I need to mention.
  • Physical shifting is insane. My appetite is crazy high, but I do also see the results. Shoulders broadened, arms thickened, chest ironed, abs starting to show, etc.
  • Calmness, Relaxation, Posture, Conviction. Many nouns I could write here that changed a lot and that consciously elude me have changed to the better. And my face looks more square.

One thing that keeps popping into my mind, though, is if the people around me are the right ones for me. Now this is technically the Emperor, but I think DR also plays a role in this. It’s not just their matrix-mindsets, it’s also that I have nothing with them in common (except my wife, funnily, but she’s very different from her family).

As in, my family, her family, my friends even. All people that gave up on their life at 30, non-achieving, not seeking anything in life, existing.
Now, 6 days a week I don’t see them anyway, so it technically doesnt really matter. It feels to me I am just seeking friends that are more aligned with my path on top. But it’s an interesting introspective feeling.

6 Likes
#206

That post was prime filet mignon with no fat.

:pray:t5:

1 Like
#207

Day 77, washout

So today starts another Mercury Retrograde.

I sometimes question myself if I put too much emphasis on this and thus create a self-fulfilling prophecy.

However, maybe it’s also a good time to re-assess ones fears.
I notice myself being afraid of certain things falling apart in this timeframe, because the good ol’ trickster up there is known to do this.

But WHY am I even afraid of this? I considered myself to be detached of most things, but here is Mercury showing me I am not.

Or maybe it’s the fear of the unknown all humans have because you never know what he plays.

Anyway, this time is said to take care of old projects you didn’t finish instead of trying new ones.
Mercury Rx sends you into the past, so why not do that?

Gonna clean up old shit, take care of things and finally get stuff fixed. To be honest, I always liked the feeling when I had done this.

1 Like
#208

Oh I completely forgot to mention:
Emperor
Chosen
Entranced
Ethereal Presence

are INSANE.

When you’re out EVERYONE is looking at you. Some can’t understand why they have the need to look, others (especially women) know right away.

It’s powerful. Insanely powerful.

2 Likes
#209

DR is also ripping open an old wound I can tell.

I never met my father, and I thought I had made peace with that, but now that it’s coming back into my mind, specifically through a video about Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader and how we are destined to become our father, it seems to me that this is intentional and some things are not clear there.

2 Likes
#210

DR digs deep and brings out everything that hasn’t been fully processed. I’m always amazed at what comes up. Things you thought were already done. Seems to be a normal process, but it is very tiring at times.

1 Like
#211

Wow.

Hearing this really helps me.

This has definitely been a day (and last night) that has me turned upside down.

I briefly mentioned on my own journal (but without much detail), I have had a lingering unsettled feeling starting from last night/this morning.

The order of today’s events literally got turned upside down.

Last night, I had the most stereotypical Mercury Retrograde thing happen. And of course, in keeping with the stereotype, it was technology related:

I was actually feeling the rumblings of the unsettled feeling beginning yesterday.

I don’t usually rush to buy a custom subliminal. (Before this week, the last one I bought was in May 2021.) But, yesterday, I got the feeling that it would be best to finish designing and purchasing this one by no later than last night.

I went through this very odd rabbit-hole situation of spending quite a long time (and a somewhat obsessive time) tooling and re-tooling it until I’d chosen the final combination of modules. By the end of that process, I already felt weird and a bit unsettled.

Then last night, I went to purchase the modules as I was sitting with my son listening to some fiction as he went to sleep. In order to stay in the same room, I used my phone to make the purchase. And I painstakingly navigated the phone screens to buy all of the modules. I pressed ‘Next’ thinking I would get to the place where I could enter my coupon code and…

…the (non-coupon) purchase had already been completed.

That is an extremely Mercury Retrograde occurrence. It was sometime after midnight.

This morning, I got up and (about 15 minutes late) signed in to an online workshop–that I just learned of yesterday. It was related to the sub-field to which I’m planning to direct my career. I was somewhat unsettled again by the way that the topic was being discussed. Was also unsettled because this workshop was occurring at the same time when I’d usually have meditated.

After that, I had a talk with my daughter in which I hounded her for details related to a trivial topic, and she was vague and evasive. Basically, an unnecessarily dissonant communication. I was glad that she seemed to take it in stride. But I’ll be careful in the weeks ahead.

Then at 11:20 AM, I realized that someone was contacting me for an appointment that I’d thought was cancelled. Still had it. Was not at my best.

And so on and so on today.

It was a relief to read that Mercury Retrograde began on 10 May.

And this has been a long Mercury Retrograde reply.

2 Likes
#212

In closing, right now feels like a great time to go hibernate for 3.5 weeks. But nah. That’s not the way to do it.

1 Like
#213

Same, I woke up irritated and even slightly disappointed/angry at my wife for no apparent reason. I first thought it’s DR lingering around but it’s likely a combination of both :wink:

Glad I helped you with this realization, and, yes, technical stuff is acting out already and I am being clumsy, for sure.

I feel like this period of time is to tie up loose ends you’ve been avoiding. Things from the past you need to do. Even if it’s just finishing a book you meant to do for ages.

Cleaning out closets, the house, etc. Cutting ties, whatever.

Bringing things to an end before getting back to the regular in 3,5 weeks.

1 Like
#214

Funny you should mention this because TECHNICALLY, ever since ZP I’ve been to old ways in many ways.

Things I thought I already covered consciously, are coming back and I am failing at them. Like boundaries, sexual performance, productivity.
I don’t think it’s all just DR, I think it’s ZP in general, ripping out that false foundation and building a stronger one.

Because I DO feel that whenever I implement something new, for example about masculinity, it’s much STRONGER in how I operate with it. Whereas before it was shaky, depending a lot on mood, etc.

So I sort of go through the same things again, but this time I DO IT RIGHT.

This might also be why some people having a tough time with ZP, but as @Luther24 said, you CANNOT RUN FROM ZP.

It will go DEEP to your roots and weed out the bs. Because only THEN can you truly build on top.

For some, this might mean months of pain and turbulence. But, adversity is what makes you grow.

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#215

That would be a very good explanation why everything comes back under ZP.
I can only hope that some things will finally be settled and forgotten.

#216

It’s not about forgetting the past, it’s about accepting it.

1 Like