Day 76, washout
So I’ve been lacking to journal here. DR and Emperor send me on a really inward journey.
Chosen helps me to still be positive and enjoy people and life around me.
But I now know what @Malkuth meant when he said DR is like construction in the background. You can still function, but there’s always construction noise going on.
But I thought it’s time to collect my thoughts and review the subs I ran so far a bit:
EOG ST1
- This sub has a funny way of working. You feel NOTHING for 4 days and then suddenly a thought pops up “bruv, we’re gonna be fucking rich. Already building all the groundwork. Just wait for time to catch up” and you’re like “where did that come from?”
- It does NOT make me productive. I know others have reported that, but for me not the case, the other subs I ran helped me to circumvent this. For me it’s mostly introspection on where these beliefs come from.
- Which I greatly determined so far. I feel like I covered most of them for now. I am sure there is more, somewhere deeper, but what I could figure out so far: Impostor Syndrome, Lacking (financial) self-worth due to a negative mother (forgave her), lacking self-worth in general due to childhood traumas, growing up in lack, growing up with people that literally hate the rich, the media.
- The issues sort of resolved themselves by merely thinking and meditating about them. I think, however, this is mostly because I consciously already knew it’s bs (because of years in self improvement) it now was just necessary to bring them to the front and have them worked through.
Dragon Reborn ST1
I only have 2 loops of this one but it's DEEP.- Opened my eyes up about the external validation I still crave through sex/things I want her to do. Stacking that with Chosen in custom def helped to accept other people as they are.
- Primal had me mad at other people not doing what I want. After DR I accept them being different, and that their shortcomings are but a projection of my own. As in, when sex with my wife is not what I want, it’s because I put zero effort into it. Just going to pound town, but expecting her to be all seductive is unbalanced. What you give into the universe, you get out.
- Makes me question A LOT of my driving forces. A big one is fame, @Invictus knows this one. It literally moved me from striving for fame and money to feel better with my business to striving for fame and money to HELP PEOPLE better. Which is a MUCH better feeling of doing these things and it also works better.
- A big part of why I even started DR was that it makes other subs run better, but also the part of the objectives that says it protects you from bad subliminal programming. I do notice this talking to people deep in the matrix, their skewed views and self-lies don’t face me anymore. I realize just because they thin k that way, doesnt mean I will or have to. In the past I quickly sucked up everything around me as my new being. In other words, my own personality was covered because of my past. Now I express that better, which also means it doesnt get overridden as easily. Powerful.
Emperor Chosen Custom
This one is a gift. A fucking gift.
- I am vibing high all the time. I feel grounded, secure, self-assured in myself, while also accepting the reality of higher things than just the physical, dealing with people and their shit, etc. It has the best “happy feeling” so far of all subs I ran.
- I am not at all trying to control people. I lead them. If they follow that leadership is their decision. No hard feeling either way.
- My wife is right hot for sex and submissive. Like, she voluntarily submits to myself (noticeably) without me changing anything in my conscious demeanour (or so I think). She asks me indirectly in the classic feminine way for leadership and then does as I say, but mostly because she also thinks it’s a great direction.
- Chosen of Venus might play a big role in that I need to mention.
- Physical shifting is insane. My appetite is crazy high, but I do also see the results. Shoulders broadened, arms thickened, chest ironed, abs starting to show, etc.
- Calmness, Relaxation, Posture, Conviction. Many nouns I could write here that changed a lot and that consciously elude me have changed to the better. And my face looks more square.
One thing that keeps popping into my mind, though, is if the people around me are the right ones for me. Now this is technically the Emperor, but I think DR also plays a role in this. It’s not just their matrix-mindsets, it’s also that I have nothing with them in common (except my wife, funnily, but she’s very different from her family).
As in, my family, her family, my friends even. All people that gave up on their life at 30, non-achieving, not seeking anything in life, existing.
Now, 6 days a week I don’t see them anyway, so it technically doesnt really matter. It feels to me I am just seeking friends that are more aligned with my path on top. But it’s an interesting introspective feeling.
