Beowulf's Journal - Golden Lover (2023)

[Beowulf]

Journal

Back to Normalcy
Back from the work trip, on Monday (March 13) I went to the gym to do my Run and Stretch. Finally managed to scratch my itch to do it since my work trip .

On Tuesday, an old friend unblocked me (due to her finally not caring about her ex’s insecurities) and we followed each other again.

On Wednesday, I noticed I’ve started to fall a bit into my old behaviours of ignoring messages from work and being slightly anxious in replying. Also went for a Run and Stretch on this day.

My sleep cycle has been fixed since my work trip, since I sleep relatively early. I still wake up late though . Feeling exhausted, maybe this is me processing stuff during the washout.

EDIT:
March 15th (Wednesday)
Just to add as a sidenote, I’ve cut my hair on this day and I look way better now instead of the homeless look I had before .

[Beowulf]

Journal

Present Day
Today, I avoided my work a bit (old behaviour creeping in ) and for some reason, I just felt like walking around the retail parts of the city. Went into stores I found interesting, which I have always passed by walking but never entered despite living in close proximity for over a year or two. Talked to the people, had a nice super basic convo in Mandarin Chinese, talked about their store and so on.

Was a good experience and made me realize how many different stores existed but I never took the time and effort to explore. Found a couple of interesting stores that I will keep in mind for the future.

My energy today actually felt a little weak, must be from a combo of poor diet and sleep habits.

Work
I took a long time to respond to a message from a prospect. I think it’s mild anxiety, which causes avoidance. I eventually did though.

To solve this, instead of doing my work at home which is a mess environmental-wise I’m planning on utilizing my agency’s office so I can focus purely on work. This way I can optimize my environment for it until I get my home environment more optimized ala Atomic Habits.

Habits

‘Restarting’ my habits. Nutrition is the theme for this month, it’ll help with my energy levels, focus and prepare me for future muscle growth.

Intermittent Fasting: Day 1 (> 24 Hours)
Started my IF cycle tonight, at 8.30 p.m. Since I’ve been eating like garbage recently, I decided I needed a reset so I won’t be eating until Saturday morning. Just drinking filtered water with salt added to it.

Water: Day 1 (200 ml)
Bought a massive 2 litre water bottle during my work trip (manifestation?). First day will be 200ml. Will try to increase every few days.

High-Protein Lifestyle: Day 0
I’m going to start with 5 eggs as I’m used to it by now. Will start this once my fast ends Saturday morning.

A’s Journal

She told me a story where she went to the gym today and she tied her hair up. She mentioned that her coach (F) didn’t recognize her and then a bunch of guys approached her to mention they didn’t seen her there before. One of the guys was a coach and the others were gym regulars. It seems to be a combo from the fame scripting from Stark and the beautifying + positive glow from Chosen. I noticed I wasn’t jealous or insecure when she mentioned this story to me, so that’s something useful to note.

[Risky]

Definitely been thinking of Ascension as I sometimes struggle with feelings thoughts of imposter syndrome. Just to work on status and self confidence. I don’t pack those things completely but in moments of stress they pop up.

Damn so Many good subliminal to run and so hard to stay dedicated to a few for a long time.

[Beowulf]

@Risky

Definitely been thinking of Ascension as I sometimes struggle with feelings thoughts of imposter syndrome. Just to work on status and self confidence. I don’t pack those things completely but in moments of stress they pop up.

Damn so Many good subliminal to run and so hard to stay dedicated to a few for a long time.

I’m going to write a proper review for Ascension once I hit the 6 cycle mark for it but here’s what I have to say.

Ascension is actually a really powerful, foundational title. It’s not “just” an alpha title, nor can other titles really replace the core essence of it. It gets overlooked for the flashier titles like Stark or Emperor but there’s something really special about it the longer you run it - which is why I don’t think any title can take its spot no matter how low recon gets when running the denser titles.

The word that always comes to mind when I run and think about it is a mental image of FIRE . It represents passion, drive and ambition. It’s an internal fire that is always within you. Like fire, it takes awhile to go from a kindle to a large flame but once it does, it spreads like wildfire. It feels like I can only speak of it in terms of metaphor but that’s how I’d describe it for now. While the other subs I’m running are effective, I always feel this internal certainty of the power of this fire within me - which is why I’ll keep running it for a good while.

I’ll run it raw for another two cycles then mix it in with GLM, which I mentally imagine to be akin to STEEL. My intuition is telling me the combo will be quite strong and solid, which is what I definitely need sooner or later. Like steel and concrete.

[Beowulf]

I was enjoying my imagination just now, of what the other titles in my stack represent to the point I was doing almost doing a passionate, firey dance. I’ll just type out what all the subs in my stack feel like so I don’t forget.

True Sell is like a forceful but gentle breeze . My mental imagery is of a person being pushed in whatever direction you want through being the wind. Just gentle enough to the point where they don’t really mind it but forceful enough to make their feet step where you want them to go. The Aesop Fable, the Wind and The Sun comes to mind. Wow, reading the description on Wikipedia it says:-

The moral it teaches about the superiority of persuasion over force has made the story widely known.

Wow, I didn’t even consciously realize that when that imagery came to mind. There must be something deeper to these Aesop Fable’s or maybe it pulled that story from my unconscious mind since I heard/read it before as a young kid.

For Daredevil, I had this imagery of a tribal war dance . I imagine a group of tribal warriors, passionately dancing with force and power. Every move they make creates a strong forced exhale, interspersed with loud shouts. It ignites a frenzy in the crowd watching, making them want to join in the celebration.

Then I merge all three imagery ( Ascension, True Sell and Daredevil). I imagine the tribal warriors dancing, surrounded by forest on all sides engulfed in massive flames. A strong wind blows, pushing and pulling the wildfire - spreading it around. The dance grows more passionate as the flame grows. The wind pulls and pushes the warriors, as if it was part of the dance itself. This continues endlessly, with no end in sight.

(A lot of this imagery feels very natural, as it flows out of my unconscious. Feels like an intuitive understanding of the internal-ness of the subliminals, in a way. I intuitively feel this is from True Sell. I rewrite my sentences constantly to more accurately reflect how I truly feel it to be too).

[Beowulf]

Journal

Back to Journaling
Missed about 5 days of journaling. I don’t mind the break I took but I would definitely prefer doing it on a daily basis from now on. This will be a long entry, since I’m recapping 5 days. Definitely will miss some things, since I didn’t journal daily. Writing this on March 21st.

Start of Cycle
My plan was to take a washout until the end of March, then start with my new custom next month. That plan is delayed a bit since my budget isn’t quite good enough to get it yet and decided to invest in some self-development software tools instead for now. I will be ready for my custom around May/June 2023.

For now, I’ll be continuing with my same stack of Ascension, Daredevil and True Sell.

Recap

March 17th
Made some notes for this day. I started looking into two apps/software, Todoist and Less Annoying CRM. The former is to keep track of my things to-do, the latter is the same but to keep track of my prospects/clients. I’ve always had serious issues with organization, so this is a good way to start keeping track of things and have some structure, order to my life.

I also started developing the idea of a self-organizational pyramid. Where it would go like this:-

To-do Lists + Habits → Identity → Vision

The first is to create a Vision statement, which is the central guiding force in one’s life. It’s essentially a distillation or purpose that one makes for themselves. It rarely changes.

Then one must adopt an Identity for that Vision. One’s identity can be dropped and changed throughout one’s life, as long as that Identity supports that Vision. Some people have an inflexible Identity, which may mean as time goes on, they struggle to keep on track of supporting their ultimate Vision in life.

Then, on the micro-side there’s the To-do List, to handle the chaos and unpredictability. To keep track of the many, many things that may occur and to ensure it’s not lost to the void. The small things add up, avoiding/forgetting/doing things too late can change the trajectory of one’s life quite significantly over the long-run. On the flipside, doing everything on time/early/quickly can positively affect the ability to take on opportunities that could change everything.

Alongside the To-do List are Habits, which are things one consistently do as a cycle or routine. Over the long-run, Habits are able to push someone from being bad at something to be very good or even the best at that thing. It’s the difference between someone who plays chess when they’re bored every few weeks to someone who plays it for half a day, everyday for decades. These two support one’s Identity, which support one’s overall Vision of life.

March 18th
This was a day where I was supposed to be focused on work but that sense of avoidance popped up again and made me want to avoid it. I think it’s because I dread thinking of having to do the thing, then when I take too long I start getting anxious of taking too long, which leads me to become even more anxious. It’s a self-repeating cycle that gets worse the longer I don’t do it.

March 19th
Downloaded some Alex Hormozi sales videos since I don’t have easy and cheap access to the internet where I work. I feel like there’s quite a few bit of wisdom in his videos that are going to be incredibly useful for me in the future.

So I met an old friend I’ve been avoiding since I haven’t gone to their health nutrition club MLM in awhile . A little awkward and turns out I forgot one of the people that was from there, seemed slightly hurt. Honestly I don’t want to go there any time soon since it costs way too much for what I get. When my wallet is a bit thicker and I feel like I have money to burn just to make friends, I’ll consider it.

Went for my music class and I was scolded quite a lot for my poor performance, so I didn’t feel too great afterwards. Weirdly, I like teachers that are positive to you when you do everything right but are stern when you do things wrong. I do get nervous when someone’s mad at me while I mess up my piece though, which leads me to messing up more due to nervousness .

Later that day, I had my first call with someone I met online that lives in China. I listened to Daredevil before I started the call. Really nice conversation, felt really smooth. She was apparently nervous since it’s their first time having a conversation in English but I didn’t really notice it. I’m also going to potentially recommend them a SC product to them since they’re interested in exploring their spiritual lineage.

Afterwards, I was a little mad at my girl for doing something I did not approve of doing. To be fair, she didn’t know what she was doing was wrong so I forgave her and we moved on. I think I have some internal anger issues I need to resolve one way or another. It’s getting better day by day but I don’t want it to negatively impact my closest relationships.

Before I went to bed, I listened to True Sell. Overall, I was not really happy on this day since I was getting a little pressed due to work on top of all that happened.

Private-ish Journal

1. Late Night Musings

March 20th
Not much to note other than I met another person from the nutrition club as I was going out to eat. They again, invited me to go there. Friendly though, so no issues.

Music class went more smoothly and they told me that I’m actually doing pretty good, which I felt happy for. The mood was more positive this time around.

Private-ish Journal

1. Dream of Father

Habits

Unfortunately, not much progress in terms of habits since I wasn’t keeping track of them properly. March might be a month where I solidify no habits at all. I’m thinking of making it so that I only focus on just 1 habit for the rest of the month and continue with my Nutrition habits for April.

I’ve been very consistent with Running and Stretching though, which is great and that I’m grateful for. I think I’ll hit my first 5K next week!

[Beowulf]

Journal

Daily Journaling
Continue to continue my daily journaling, as I think I miss out and forget certain details if I journal after a couple of days.

Dreading Work
Basically, I’ve been avoiding work again (ugh). So I decided to finally make a change and started listening to Ascension. It pushed me to make a draft of the previous journal entry. I remembered I left some important documents in the office, so I went there to pick them up.

After picking them up and heading out, I realized I could do work at a local store nearby. The environment is prime for working and since my laptop is facing the public, I’m essentially forced to work and not to do personal stuff (like visiting the forum, Youtube, etc). Managed to enter a state of deep work and did a good portion of my work. Was surprised at how little time it took to do everything too.

During that time I also started to seriously use the CRM (LessAnnoyingCRM) to organize all of my leads and contacts. I used to write these things on paper and it’s absolutely not good organization in the long-run. It’s definitely a lot better than using Notion and Google Spreadsheets too, even if it’s paid and a little pricey for me. It’s worth the productivity and convenience, as I enjoyed doing the work. Also did some necessary follow-up afterwards, as well.

Didn’t finish all of my work and ended up procrastinating once I head outside of the store to take a break but overall happy with the productivity. I’ve decided to make that store my permanent outpost for working for now, until I can afford to have a proper office of my own.

After a day of work, I slept early in the evening and woke up at night to find a colleague of mine called me. I also missed a briefing, which while not compulsory to attend was something that I wanted to join in on. Other than the To-do List, I should also integrate a proper Calendar so that I’m constantly reminded of things. These two incidents weren’t a big deal but consistently missing stuff like this can lead to a bad reputation and work ethic, which is not a great thing in the long-run.

Productivity
Watched an Ali Abdaal video on the perfect productivity system. Plan to look over the video and try to integrate more of it into my life. I also need to get a proper habit tracker, so that I can be up to date on all of my habits. I’ll need to look into other systems at some point too.

How to Build the Ultimate Productivity System (2023)

Habits

As for the habit I’ll be focusing on for the rest of the month, I’ll choose Drinking Water as it’s the easiest and simplest to track.

Private-ish Journal

1. Projection of the Mother

[Beowulf]

Journal

FIRST 5K RUN
Today, I unexpectedly managed to do my first 5K run. According to the app, I needed to go for another 2/3 runs to hit that but I managed to hit it today. Whew, good progress so far

I’ll continue the program until I hit the run that is officially considered a 5K run, then go back a week or two on the program and increase the speed a little bit. I’ll repeat this until I’m comfortable enough to start my progression to my 10K run.

Habits

I need to start continuing my tracking, will do so tomorrow. All things considered, I’ve maintained the 3 habits I’ve started. Let’s get 1 more in by the end of the month.

Private-ish Journal

1. Dream of Genocide

A’s Journal

I’m considering changing her stack to be 100% focused on money, since she’s having issues in that area. Going for R.I.C.H and Ecstasy of Gold ST1 for now. I’m considering swapping out R.I.C.H for Mogul or adding it to the stack as a 3rd title. Or keep running Stark, since that has wealth scripting? We’ll see.

[Beowulf]

Journal

Work
So far I managed to be more productive with my work. Using the CRM has improved my sense of organization and my sense of relief massively, since I have a very structured way of handling everything. Was very focused with doing my work.

Only issue is that I think I handled my leads a little too late and they’ve gotten colder. I have to learn to suck before I get better, hope this sucking phase isn’t too long .

Friend’s Troubles
While I was working, a new friend of mine from China talked about her personal issues with me and we had a text conversation for a few hours. Mostly talked about her personal issues. We have good chemistry, I think I’ll enjoy being friends with her.

Social Manifestation
I met my friend again from the MLM, we didn’t have a long conversation since I was working but it was friendly.

Ramadan - Day 1
It’s Ramadan! I’m secretly not a Muslim but I’m kind of forced to pretend I am when I’m with my family, so I’ll be fasting with them. Happy Ramadan to the Muslims here!

Habits

Drinking Water - Day 1 (1 litre)
I think starting from the absolute minimum is not the best approach when it comes to drinking something you need to survive . I’ll start with 1 litre and increase it bit by bit.

[Beowulf]

Journal

Work

I think I’ve solidly went from the Unconscious Incompetence stage to the Conscious Incompetence stage today because I realized how actually difficult it is to get my leads/prospects to respond to me . I’m still optimistic I can hit my target for this month but I went through a fair bit of recon in which I doubted my ability to succeed financially and socially.

I put the work in though, so if it happens it happens.

New Friend
Definitely feel like we are now solidly friends instead of acquaintances now as I had a lot of fun playing a math puzzle game with her. Talked about my work, the struggles with my job and I suggested her to run subs (she was spooked out a bit but she’ll be fine ) . We talked for about 2 hours, which was a lot longer than I expected.

Ramadan - Day 2

Habits

Drinking Water - Day 2 (400 ml)
Drank only 400 ml this time. Will go for a consistent 3 days of 1 litre before going for increments.

[Beowulf]

Journal

Switching Sub Recon
This morning I had a really strong desire to change my sub ( Ascension) because of my financial situation. Was seriously considering changing it to GLM, Commander, Ascended Mogul, Mogul, etc. In the end I still decided to run Ascension and I’m feeling happy with my decision.

I’ll need to stay strong and trust myself in executing this plan. Focus on the foundations first. The money will come.

Social Outing
Went out on a social outing with my relative to the bookstore. He invited me to go out with him a few days ago. Honestly, I find it difficult to forgive him due to way he’s treated me so I wasn’t that enthusiastic in talking to him. He seemed to be putting in effort to talk to me though, despite me being cold. Not sure how I feel about this. Will expand more in the Private-ish Journal.

Books, Books, Books
The bookstore is one of my favourite places to go to. It’s especially a fun thing to do when you’re running subliminals, since your mind focuses on an “interesting” book on the shelf that “just so happens” to be directly related to the subs you’re running . Noted down that most of the books I just so happened to be interested in were all social books.

Would recommend anyone to just go in a bookstore/library with no expectations. The bigger the place, the better. Chances are that whatever info that you will need will suddenly catch your eye. Don’t ignore that impulse. If you can’t afford it or don’t have time for it, just take pictures of the books and note it down somewhere for consideration later.

Running
I’ve stopped tracking my Running habit formally on this journal but I think it’s for the best since there’s nothing really new to update each time I do it. Will still try to track it on an app somewhere though.

Anyways, I just wanted to note how good Running feels and how it builds-up a sense of grittiness and perseverance. During my run today, there would always be moments where my mind goes “We should stop now, I don’t think we can do it”, “Let’s take a break. We haven’t had enough recovery yet” and so on. I just kept going and went chugging along. I also had confidence from past experience. I’ve done a run that was only 2 minutes shorter than this just 2 days ago, so why stop now? I’ve had 2 days of rest too instead of just 1 so the rest excuse makes no sense either.

The nice thing about being on a treadmill instead of a jogging track or park is that the treadmill keeps moving whether you like it or not until you consciously decide to stop it. And you have no choice but to keep the same pace and keep running until the clock hits 0. There’s more “friction” in making the decision to changing the speed and even more so when it comes to ending the run, so now the default option would be to keep running even if you don’t want to. Found that interesting to note and I’ll see if I can apply this to other areas of my life.

Social Interaction Again
Talked to the friend from China again. Basically we had a good time again but what I wanted to note was that I asked what she thought of me so far and she noted that (among other things) I’m basically like an annoying teenager - though she meant that in a good way. That seems to me like the Daredevil in me in action. She also noted I’m like her therapist, which makes me feel that’s part of True Sell. (No commentary that resembles Ascension seems absent, is that important? Who knows).

She loves texting me and talking to me from what I’ve seen, which is great and I like making new friends. Honestly it seems I prefer making friends with women compared to men. Maybe because they’re just more fun and emotionally intelligent in general lol. Always had a lot of friends that were women growing up, so I’m more comfortable with them in general too.

I feel like I want to talk and interact with more people. Considering inviting out one of the people I met on March 4th or some of my other friends. We’ll see.

Cross-Pollination
Just an observation I noted. I’ve noticed someone on Discord from a more spirituality-based server posted content that’s closely-related to a cognitive improvement server. I just found it interesting how ideas and the popularity of those ideas spread, all it requires is one person to share one thing that somebody made in another community and now significantly more people are aware of it. There’s a lot of power in Word of Mouth that I haven’t seriously considered and should be more aware of.

Ramadan - Day 3

Habits

Drinking Water - Day 3 (1 litre+)
Drank a fair bit over 1 litre, though it isn’t tracked properly.

Private-ish Journal

1. March 25th 2023

[Beowulf]

Journal

Recon
Facing some emotional recon. Feeling like I’m not going to be able to make any major changes in my life and succeed. Feeling like a failure in general. Feeling like I’m not as good as everybody else. Worried on whether I can really be somebody. Feeling stuck, stagnant and thinking that no real progress is being made.

I’ll get over this but it sucks so far at the moment.

Social Interaction
The friend I mentioned before really loves texting me out of the blue and invited me to call her since I wasn’t busy at that moment. We have really good social chemistry. I might have found a great long-term friend. Will probably stop posting daily about this after this point unless something particularly interesting happens.

Ramadan - Day 4

Habits

Drinking Water - Day 4 (1 litre+)
Progress progress.

[Beowulf]

Journal

Music Class
Ran the subs before class today. Noticed my teacher is more socially disinhibited, joyful and less angry when I mess up. We even laughed a couple of times during class. I even muttered a swear under my breath when I messed up and she laughed ( Daredevil at work )

Interestingly, I also think the subs I ran today made me a lot more relaxed while playing the piano and the result was that I played a lot smoother and my focus was a lot better.

Work - Cringe
Contacted a lead on the phone and cringed at myself at how I handled the conversation. I can see why Daredevil may not be recommended for work, I blurted out that I call them because I didn’t hear a response from them in a casual fashion. Not going to blame Daredevil though and realize I’m going through a period of growing pains as I get used to my job.

Notes on Daredevil
It seems both my girl and a friend of mine noted how silly and funny I was today. They both love it of course. It’s funny because I don’t feel I’d be as relaxed and witty in-person due to how “tight” my body is due to my poor posture and breathing. Really feeling that if I can fix the physical side of myself, the social/status part of the scripting will shine through since my body feels like a limiting factor at the moment.

I also have to note how Daredevil has been a social manifestation machine for me. I’ve been having a lot more social interactions while running it as compared to before. Makes sense as it’s literally part of the Objectives and it gives opportunities for me to improve myself each time. Really enjoying it so far, definitely a favourite of mine and it feels very different from Stark and they aren’t really all that comparable to each other.

Blossoming Love
My relationship with my girl is improving every single day. We have a very deep love and care for each other that I’m always grateful for. Makes me feel determined to ensure we can have a beautiful future together.

Ramadan - Day 5

Habits

Drinking Water - Day 5 (1 litre+)
It’s going to be difficult for me to chug down 4 litres of water during Ramadan, so until the end of Ramadan my goal would be to hit 2 or 2.5 litres consistently.

[Risky]

Keep going man or take a day off.
Meh days come and go, like a grey cloud, hiding the sun. The sun is there, and you have built and worked on a beautiful world (your world) the past months, it’s all grey now becauase the sun is covered, but the sun will shine again. It must.

[Beowulf]

Thanks my man, those are beautiful words of encouragement

Honestly, I think it stems from the fact that this is the first period of my life where I am actually committing myself to getting better. I’m also on a forum where people have amazing achievements already behind them from years of hard work. So I feel like I’m lagging behind or that the subliminals are not doing as much as I want them to, which are both fallacious forms of reasoning.

I think it’s partly recon and partly because I need to realize that I have to look at the state of my temple (body) and the piety of the devotees within it (mind) - both of which are not in excellent condition. If I can work on cleaning up the temple, doing renovations and reach a state in which my internal sangha makes prayers of absolute devotion 24/7, then the gifts I’ll receive from God will almost certainly be most abundant and flow endlessly into my life.

Congrats on the 10k run, I’m impressed

[Risky]

Thanks man. Yeah, you’ve done alot off progress from what I see in your journal. I say just keep it up and trust your instinct. Easier said than done, but that’s what I do every time I “fall”. We all fall from time to time.

[Beowulf]

Journal

Work
Had a fair bit of social interaction at work. Noticed better eye contact. I think I was more charming here. There’s another guy around my age at work that is really charming and he can hold the room in anticipation with his silence. I noticed I don’t really do that, since I always want to fill in the space as soon as possible yet when I’m silent, I’m silent to the point where people ignore me. The balance required here is interesting

I explained some concepts to the other guy and I think I did okay-ish. Honestly, could be better. He did seem to understand everything I taught him though. Also, I felt more authoritative than usual while teaching. Another issue I noticed is that I don’t properly enunciate my words and speak too quickly, which means people might not understand me. Something to note.

I feel like I’m developing a “sixth sense” that is in it’s bare infancy where I can tell what somebody is feeling and wants while interacting with them. Hard to explain for now. Seems like a specifically True Sell result. It’s also improving my ability to explain concepts to my colleague I mentioned earlier.

Social Interaction - Notes
Daredevil seems to give me a sort of “childish” flair when I interact with my girl and my friends. I tend to just speak whatever comes to mind and there’s no filter to what I’m saying. I seem to see it executing a lot with my friend (let’s call her Claire) since she’s someone that likes to banter a lot, I do comebacks on the fly that seem to improve every day.

True Sell is definitely making me choose words that are more colorful while writing and speaking - including my non-native language. It’s useful when it work alongside with my improved ability to explain things through metaphor. I’m also developing a sort of deeper, intuitive understanding of people.

Combine the two and you get a witty person who uses colourful imagery to convey ideas and jokes. Loving it so far, I wonder how far I can push it.

Manifested Work Trip
Manifested another work trip, this time just for a day beginning of next week.

Wealth Anxiety
Need to start making some money. Making money has been at the back of mind. My mind throughout the day says, “Let’s get some money”, “We need to start getting cash”, etc. I can survive on my savings for quite awhile but I need to start optimizing my workflow so I can make some serious cash. Seriously considering “upgrading” Ascension to Ascended Mogul at the end of this cycle. I really prefer to just stick with Ascension but an upgrade isn’t so bad, it won’t affect my long-term plans.

Ramadan - Day 6

Habits

Drinking Water - Day 6 (1 litre)
Consistent 1 litres have been good. I used to have lips that were quite dry and chapped before starting this habit. Now my lips are more moisturized, though not perfectly yet.

Running - Day ???
Wanted to note that I was supposed to run today but forgot to do it. Not a big deal since tomorrow I’ll be running my first “official” 5K run according to the app and I need all the rest I can get. If I run tomorrow, I’ll have 3 days of rest. Noticed I need 2 to 3 days of rest now, as I’m increasing my distance.

Private-ish Journal

1. 28th March 2023

[Beowulf]

Journal

Work
Did my remote work even if it was uncomfortable at times. Not much to note other than I notice that for me, it seems that fear, mild anxiety and uncomfortable situations hold me back from being productive. Consistently stepping outside of my comfort zone and getting used to feeling these but STILL take action is something I have to learn.

Self-Organization
Today I finally used Todoist and put up a list of things I wanted to purchase. I also started using it to get me into thinking about what routines I need to do when it comes to work. I also searched for books related to sales. Sought out resources to improve my job. Also a deep desire to build a sort of teaching guide/course to myself so I can be clear on how to do my job systematically, as I’m sort of confused at the moment.

I genuinely believe that if I put in the effort to create a good system for myself, I can excel in my work and beat 99% of my competition. I just need to first:-

1. Figure out what needs to be included
2. How it “flows” - what steps are necessary and in what order
3. Consistently do it, making adjustments and improve my efficiency

Once I set this up and execute it consistently, I’ll almost certainly get results in a year.

Recon
Had some minor recon in terms of anger. Each time I’m getting angry, I’m noticing I’m getting better and better at handling it. The intensity seems to be slowly going down each time too. That’s interesting to note.

Social Interaction
Didn’t realize this at the time but writing it down here I realized a co-worker of mine asking me to hangout with him today is likely another Daredevil manifestation. I refused since I was busy (not really) but I’ll be sure to make time to see him tomorrow if possible.

Habits

Drinking Water - Day 7 (1.3 litres)
My lips are dry and peeling off again. I realized that a few days ago I drank 2 litres of water but didn’t measure it properly. That was the reason my lips weren’t chapped/dry for a few days until yesterday.

Running - Day ???
Didn’t run today yet, will be running in an hour since I haven’t slept the whole night. Or maybe I should just get enough rest and run tomorrow night? We’ll see.

[Beowulf]

Journal

Déjà vu
Had a Déjà vu moment today. Felt like I’ve seen this exact scenario along while ago.

Procrastination
I have very serious procrastination issues that bothers me. It feels like I haven’t done anything serious in my life ever since I was a kid. I truly believed if I actually did the hard work, I’ll be a completely different person now. Probably facing recon now.

Puzzle Games
Today Saint started a thread to guess the new title coming out soon. Had a lot of fun thinking and making connections about what the title might be. Then I looked back and realized I really love playing puzzle games of all kinds. I remember way back in school 10 or so years ago where I played “Tower of Hanoi” and I got the highest score out of everyone in my class. Also thought of the board games I played with my friends and how much I enjoyed playing with them. There was one game where you had to figure things out like a mystery, that was my favourite.

If you know the videogame “Danganronpa”, I also loved playing that game (though didn’t finish it yet). I seem to be a fan of games that require a lot of thinking and mystery to them. Maybe that might be important in terms of my career? No idea.

Running
Failed to break my personal record today. It’s also the first official run by the app where I could have hit 5k (though I’ve already hit that a few runs ago). I’ve been very consistent in making progress and stopping halfway today when I got noticeably more tired than usual did suck a little bit.

Though, I did remember that it’s Ramadan and I likely did not drink enough water and get enough calories. My sleep has also been very shoddy since I had to wake up early to eat. Maybe I’ll just try to maintain my running progress until I’m done with Ramadan.

Social Gaffe
Today I messaged my friend and said something that could be seen as creepy. Intended it to be more like banter. It’s cool, just worried it’s awkward for now.

Vent
I feel like a failure. Sometimes I doubt I can even be successful. Wasting all of my gifts and talents. Ugh, recon recon. It’s funny because I’ve met people in my life (a long time ago) who credit me for being inspirational and changing their lives, yet I don’t feel all that special at all. I need to feel like I actually am that person.

The ideal me is someone who’s muscular, fit and healthy, with a charming and uplifting smile, who can lead people into making the right decisions. Helping out marginalized communities and people in general, forming deep connections and hanging out with amazing friends. Meet new people all the time, have deep and enjoyable conversations. Discover new things, figuring stuff out and learning more about the world and myself. Wealthy enough so I don’t have to worry about financial matters, money itself and the status symbol it provides doesn’t matter as much to me. Start a nice family, have some kids, raise them to be good people. Leave a longstanding impact on the world, changing the lives of countless people. Progress spiritually, whatever that means (since I have no clue at the moment!). Letting go of all regrets and emotional burdens.

Looking back, noticing this cycle I’ve been getting a lot more recon. I wonder why. Is it because my sleep has been wrecked due to Ramadan? Maybe it’s because I feel like I’m not making that much progress? Hard to say. I’m thinking it’s the lack of regular sleep but I’m not sure.

Anyways I’m keeping this up on this journal instead of my Private-ish Journal, since that’s where I usually put this kind of stuff. Will still link it though.

Ramadan - Day 8

Habits

Drinking Water - Day 8 (1 litre)
Not much to note.

[Beowulf]

Journal

Writing this on the 1st of April, 2023. Written from the perspective of the 31st of March.

Recon
Went through a fair bit of emotional recon due to an incident today in which I made someone so disappointed they almost cried. It was a mess but we’re good now. I listened to all the subs listed for today except Libertine at that time. I’m considering an extra rest day but I’ll probably just grit through this.

The Power of Word of Mouth
This was just a thought that came to mind. I was thinking of how powerful networks are. Any individual person probably knows at least a few dozen people and they know at least a few dozen more. If you know the whole concept of the six degrees of separation, that came to mind as well. Like I’m connected to the President of the United States by a (theoretical) chain of at most seven people. I have no idea if the theory is true in of itself or proven but it makes intuitive sense.

It made me think of the power of building a good reputation. Also coincidentally I remembered about a Youtube Shorts from Alex Hormozi where he talked about all the great connections he made, he traced it back to just 1 person. I guess I’m realizing the value or “networth” of social value/social connections.

Love Bomb
Love Bomb is fun. People are always sweeter when you run it. They’re kinder and love you more. The way they talk is injected with sweetness of some sort. It feels like an Eros and Phillia type love, I would say. I love running these once in awhile just to feel good about myself.

Also maybe it’s just me but whenever I run this, an old post I made on the forum gets randomly liked by someone. It’s happened so many times that I thought it was worth noting.

Subliminal Input
Today is a little heavy and is a break from recommendations but doing this once per cycle is fine for me. Do it too much and I’ll suffer the consequences though. Just wanted to break from the monotony of the stack and inject some fun and life into it.

Ramadan - Day 9

Habits

Drinking Water - Day 9 (1 litre)
It’s already Day 9? Man, that’s faster than I expected. While it’s still 1 litre today, I shifted my water intake from being mostly done at night to being mostly done in the morning. So I could have drank another litre at night but forgot too. Confident I’ll hit 2 litres tomorrow.

Resources

Adding an extra section to my journal, for anything that caught my eye for that day. @Joa23 I’m not sure how much better is your condition now but the second video might interest you.

How to Think Fast Before You Speak: Framework Thinking

This is Why I Stretch EVERY DAY (Fascia Documentary)