Beowulf's Journal - Golden Lover (2023)

[Joa23]

@Beowulf

@Joa23 I’m not sure how much better is your condition now but the second video might interest you.

Even though its a long process, Im feeling way better that I did when it all started. Consider that 3 months ago I was in constant pain and couldnt sit, now its more of a feeling of disconfort and I cam sit for a while no problem.
Im practicing Feldenkrais every day and doing hypnosis regularly.

Thanks for asking!! Im gonna check the video later, I have a busy saturday.

[Beowulf]

Journal

Writing this on the 2nd of March, 2023. Written from the perspective of the 1st of April, 2023.

Worse Recon
Well, it wasn’t to the point I actually shed tears but it was really rough. I think I’ve figured out exactly why I’m facing so much recon. I think it’s because all of the emotional recon-related things going on in my head all relate to other people and how they view me. It’s all about, “Oh I disappointed this person”, “I wonder if this person doesn’t like me now because…”, “Why can’t I talk like this?” and so on.

I think the major culprit here is Daredevil “helped” by True Sell. It was a bad, negative spiral at night. It was hard to go through. I’ll finish this cycle no matter what and weigh my options later.

Habits

In terms of habits, I’ll be focusing on 3 more habits this month. The theme this month is Physical Health. The 3 habits will be:-

1. Calisthenics
2. High-Protein Lifestyle
3. Sleep

Drinking Water - Day 10 (1 litre)
Almost made it but still forgot. I’m still glad I’m above my baseline though.

High-Protein Lifestyle (5 eggs)
Got my 5 hard-boiled eggs in. Was not uncomfortable for me to consume.

[Beowulf]

Journal

More Recon
Had a fair bit of emotional recon left before running my stack. It went away after listening, though there’s still traces of it.

Libertine
You’ll notice I don’t talk about the results from this. Let’s just say the results are very, very good . I did get exhausted after I was done doing the deed though, since the aura likely used a fair bit of energy. Considering using Diamond next time instead even if it’s a long-distance thing, maybe I’d be surprised.

Spartan?
Considering delaying my Social Mastery X custom until I’ve worked on my physique with Spartan. I’ll spend some more time thinking about this, as I have a fair bit of time until the start of my next cycle.

Habits

Journaling - Day ???
Tomorrow I plan to purchase Diarium on PC and Android to start offline journaling. Nothing will change for my journal here and the Private-ish Journal, it’s just that I’ll be able expand on things that can only be truly understood by myself. This can be considered an expansion of my Journaling habit.

Stretching - Day ???
I’ve been slacking on this for a bit. I plan to make this a daily habit once I tackle my sleep soon. I came to an understanding of what my body needs after watching that video on fascia.

Drinking Water - Day 11 (1.6 litres)
Not quite 2 litres but quite good nonetheless. I’ll expand on this concept later but drinking water being important to how flexible my body is was an important link I’ve never truly internalized before.

[saint]

Your thread is DENSE! It took me two days to get through everything I see a lot of myself in your posts, both good points and bad points, and I think that’s why your advice has tended to suit me too. You’re tackling a lot and I wish you the best of luck!

One thing I’m really curious about – and you know my journal so I’m definitely not one to talk – but it seems like you’re forcing yourself to do your job and it’s not a fit for you. I say that because I read a lot about you organizing and preparing and procrastinating but not really much about performance or closing deals. And given that your job is straight up sales, I’m assuming if you aren’t performing you’re at risk. Is that a fair assessment? I’m sorry if I didn’t read closely enough or missed some things.

It’s just that you seem like you’d be a fantastic therapist, counselor, or coach. Or some job that involves teaching/advising with emphasis on 1-1 situations or the written word. Or maybe part of the sales process that involves client satisfaction/management?

Also, I see that Chinese isn’t your priority, but if you ever start hitting chinese characters seriously I’d love to be your accountability partner. As you know, I study them every day (writing-based drills) and it’s a habit I know is extremely hard to develop when starting out. (I could use the extra support myself some days, too)

[Beowulf]

@saint

Your thread is DENSE! It took me two days to get through everything I see a lot of myself in your posts, both good points and bad points, and I think that’s why your advice has tended to suit me too. You’re tackling a lot and I wish you the best of luck!

Thanks a lot! I didn’t expect someone to read my entire journal, so I’m a little surprised and embarrassed lol.

@saint

One thing I’m really curious about – and you know my journal so I’m definitely not one to talk – but it seems like you’re forcing yourself to do your job and it’s not a fit for you. I say that because I read a lot about you organizing and preparing and procrastinating but not really much about performance or closing deals. And given that your job is straight up sales, I’m assuming if you aren’t performing you’re at risk. Is that a fair assessment? I’m sorry if I didn’t read closely enough or missed some things.

You’re absolutely right. I guess you can say I don’t really love a lot of aspects of this job. The only process that I do enjoy is the process of speaking to the prospect, deeply getting to know them and their situation to find out what’s best for them, then delivering on that. The other parts are fairly boring and monotonous.

Also as I’m doing high-ticket sales, the level of skill required is much higher than say, selling a bottle of water at a marathon. The decisions made here are really big-life decisions for 99% of people, so thoughts of me potentially messing up their lives definitely keep me from being more aggressive. Withholding and misleading people is not my thing as well and so I worry if I am doing those things just so I can get a sale.

And yeah sales have not been good so far, hence why I haven’t talked about that part of the process as much. I’m definitely at risk. I’m at risk of not being able to eat if I don’t sell, since it’s purely commission-based . That’s why I’m reconsidering my stack for my next cycle quite heavily now.

You make a great point on this job probably not being a good fit for me. I have always had a poor work ethic my whole life though so I want to see if once I fix that, I’ll change my thoughts and feelings about this job or if I should look elsewhere in the short-term.

@saint

It’s just that you seem like you’d be a fantastic therapist, counselor, or coach. Or some job that involves teaching/advising with emphasis on 1-1 situations or the written word. Or maybe part of the sales process that involves client satisfaction/management?

I do greatly enjoy helping people out, it’s one of my greatest joys in life to do so. I actually planned to be a part-time English teacher since it sounds kind of fun but then I had to focus on this sales job and the ROI didn’t seem worth it compared to it. Honestly, all of those jobs you mentioned sound appealing to me and I’d be emotionally satisfied doing them. The problem for me is, how can I get satisfaction from doing such work and also get a lot of money so I can create a massive, long-lasting, permanent, positive impact on the world at large?

The solution is, I have this long-term plan to just do this to get enough money to do my own thing, which I believe is either going to be a more creative-oriented job or it would involve entrepreneurship of some kind. Whichever one it’d be, I have very strong ambitions of leading, organizing and being involved with social movements - so my career needs to be integrated, related to or be compatible in some way with that.

Before I die I want to know I did what I could to help the most amount of people in the greatest number of ways possible. Whatever career I pursue or whatever my life’s work may be, has to fulfill that vision in some way. I will die a happy man once that happens. If there was a Beowulf’s Law of Robotics, it’d be:-

1. Create massive, long-lasting, permanent, positive change for the world at large.
2. Have an emotionally satisfying and fulfilling life filled with contentment and joy.
   2a) If reincarnation exists, then ensure this is the case for my future lives as well.
3. Become the kind of person that is able to fulfill (1) and (2).

Also my brain is fooling me here since I swore you said the word Chosen somewhere in here and now I can’t find it . I think this is a sign since there was a reply to me that stated my posts made them think I was running Chosen. What you said here definitely makes me consider running Chosen or any other titles from the Chosen line sooner than I expected, as I feel like it’s the archetype that is most naturally suited to me.

@saint

Also, I see that Chinese isn’t your priority, but if you ever start hitting chinese characters seriously I’d love to be your accountability partner. As you know, I study them every day (writing-based drills) and it’s a habit I know is extremely hard to develop when starting out. (I could use the extra support myself some days, too)

I would absolutely love that!

In my experience, people from my country and in China tend to just type the pinyin and select the characters. I think it’s higher ROI to just learn to recognize the characters and the pinyin associated with them rather than writing them out physically with a pen or finger. I’ve seen someone say it cut their learning time by half, since the process is quite tedious. What do you think about that?

I’ll definitely hit you up once I start tackling it seriously. What I call my “habit loop” for Chinese isn’t going to be tackled until around June, I think. Also, you’re learning Chinese and Japanese? That’s impressive.

Appreciate the response, it gave me some food for thought.

[saint]

@Beowulf

You’re absolutely right. I guess you can say I don’t really love a lot of aspects of this job. The only process that I do enjoy is the process of speaking to the prospect, deeply getting to know them and their situation to find out what’s best for them, then delivering on that. The other parts are fairly boring and monotonous.

Also as I’m doing high-ticket sales, the level of skill required is much higher than say, selling a bottle of water at a marathon. The decisions made here are really big-life decisions for 99% of people, so thoughts of me potentially messing up their lives definitely keep me from being more aggressive. Withholding and misleading people is not my thing as well and so I worry if I am doing those things just so I can get a sale.

Yeah, OK that’s the vibe I got. Well, I’m assuming high-ticket sales have a longer cycle so it makes sense that you wouldn’t necessarily be banging out deals one after another. And speaking out of pure ignorance, I’d assume that your personality and character traits would make it BETTER for you to sell to people making life-changing decisions. I think people these days are more informed and definitely prefer that to the archetypical salesman. Are you able to form a team and maybe work with someone who is good at the parts of the sale that you hate?

@Beowulf

I do greatly enjoy helping people out, it’s one of my greatest joys in life to do so. I actually planned to be a part-time English teacher since it sounds kind of fun but then I had to focus on this sales job and the ROI didn’t seem worth it compared to it.

Yeah good call… don’t be an English teacher unless it’s at the university level with all the benefits that come with that.

I still don’t know enough about these subliminals to give any sort of opinion, but what you’ve said about your goals and Chosen do seem to line up to me!

@Beowulf

In my experience, people from my country and in China tend to just type the pinyin and select the characters. I think it’s higher ROI to just learn to recognize the characters and the pinyin associated with them rather than writing them out physically with a pen or finger. I’ve seen someone say it cut their learning time by half, since the process is quite tedious. What do you think about that?

I’ll definitely hit you up once I start tackling it seriously. What I call my “habit loop” for Chinese isn’t going to be tackled until around June, I think. Also, you’re learning Chinese and Japanese? That’s impressive.

No, I only study Japanese but they use Chinese characters heavily and most Japanese people study a bit of Chinese as part of their education. For me, I’m aiming for the first 3000 and if I can keep it going then eventually up to 6000 and stop (the highest level they test for here that’s way beyond daily life)

As for the learning process, people say that exact same thing about Japanese. “These days everyone uses computers and smartphones so there’s no need to write, or learn how to write them. Japanese people don’t write, they use the kanji converters on their phones.” And as a beginner I believed them because it made logical sense and appealed to my laziness, but now I understand how wrong that is. Think about English words. Idk about you but most of us go through absolute hell learning spelling and punctuation rules, doing spelling bees and writing countless essays. It’s only by going through that that we truly own words. Me using autocorrect on my iPhone and someone who learns English vocab purely through flashcards using autocorrect is completely different.

When you only study by recognizing characters they aren’t yours. You’re just borrowing them. And if you haven’t actually been forced to write them and study their meanings it can be hard as fuck to even visually distinguish or understand them. Your mind doesn’t store them the same way, and you’ll eventually realize you can’t visualize them either – which is a huge sign you haven’t mastered the character yet.

So people say “Oh I often confuse 島、鳥、鳴 or 球 and 救” when those are actually quite easy and immediately distinguishable. I say, study how the natives study and you’ll understand it close to how they do.

Writing just to write IS a bit bullshit in this day and age. I’m not talking about writing a character out 10 times every day. But writing practice via drills (you’re prompted with a reading and you produce the character) and writing characters with their associated readings from memory is the way to do it. Although I think Chinese basically has one reading for one character? Is that correct? Using Anki is a huge advantage for us in modern times, and if you start studying that way it will be faster long term because your brain will learn how to learn them, you’ll ACTUALLY learn them, and you won’t have as many holes when you’re done – even if it’s a bit more tedious. It’s a fucking grind so you might as well grind properly one time and be finished.

[Beowulf]

@saint

And speaking out of pure ignorance, I’d assume that your personality and character traits would make it BETTER for you to sell to people making life-changing decisions. I think people these days are more informed and definitely prefer that to the archetypical salesman.

You’re absolutely right and I need to leverage that properly. Yours words have made me reconsider the direction of my stack and my short-term goals.

@saint

Are you able to form a team and maybe work with someone who is good at the parts of the sale that you hate?

This is also true. I clearly can do this but never thought about this.

@saint

I still don’t know enough about these subliminals to give any sort of opinion, but what you’ve said about your goals and Chosen do seem to line up to me!

I remembered you talked about not liking the Chosen archetype since you’ve met a lot of people masquerading to be good people. Hopefully I can prove to you in some way that there are people who are truly genuine who do as they say.

@saint

So people say “Oh I often confuse 島、鳥、鳴 or 球 and 救” when those are actually quite easy and immediately distinguishable. I say, study how the natives study and you’ll understand it close to how they do.

Writing just to write IS a bit bullshit in this day and age. I’m not talking about writing a character out 10 times every day. But writing practice via drills (you’re prompted with a reading and you produce the character) and writing characters with their associated readings from memory is the way to do it. Although I think Chinese basically has one reading for one character? Is that correct? Using Anki is a huge advantage for us in modern times, and if you start studying that way it will be faster long term because your brain will learn how to learn them, you’ll ACTUALLY learn them, and you won’t have as many holes when you’re done – even if it’s a bit more tedious. It’s a fucking grind so you might as well grind properly one time and be finished.

You’ve made a very good point here. You gave me inspiration of a theory on how one could just focus on writing the core components of the characters as in Chinese, all characters are made up of smaller “parts”. If I can focus on just writing those repeatedly, I could theoretically spot the difference in the words you’ve shown me immediately as I recognize the parts that make up the whole. I’ll put it to the test at some point.

@saint

Although I think Chinese basically has one reading for one character?

Not quite. It’s like “read” in English, depending on the context the character is pronounced differently. Though I’m not sure how common that is.

[Beowulf]

6/4/2023 - 3:11 AM

I’m going monk mode.

I’m tired of being stagnant. I’ve been very slowly breaking out of my suffocating inertia that has kept me in a cage of complacency and inaction my whole life. To outsiders, my actions may not seem significant at all but to me I did literally nothing that could be considered self-improvement my whole life. So the past few months have been a major change for me.

Yet, it’s still not enough. I have to change rapidly or I will drown when calamity comes upon me. I need to learn to swim as soon as I can. I know I am destined for greatness, I am not meant to be stuck, helplessly flailing my arms as I sink into the depths.

I will journal offline until the end of the month, as I will be beginning a 25 day washout until April 30th. I will go into processing mode for the subs and clear out my mind, as I’ve been listening to SubClub for years now without a long washout. I am revamping my plans for my subs next month, as I have come to a realization of what is truly needed. Ascension has been useful to me to crack open my shell but now I need to start getting serious and take action with my own two hands to break free.

Debilitating recon has been claiming my mind this past week but it also gave me clarity. Clarity of what needs to be done so I can succeed. I’ve changed my long-term subliminal plans, my short-term goals and my immediate needs to reflect that.

I will return to the forum beginning May 1st with a new journal. Until then, I’ll be working on myself to revamp my identity. I will succeed. I will be back.

Adios

[FireDragon]

@Beowulf

I will return to the forum beginning May 1st with a new journal. Until then, I’ll be working on myself to revamp my identity. I will succeed. I will be back.

Adios

Adios my friend and hope to see you soon.

[saint]

@Beowulf

I remembered you talked about not liking the Chosen archetype since you’ve met a lot of people masquerading to be good people. Hopefully I can prove to you in some way that there are people who are truly genuine who do as they say.

I already know you’re not a phony, you’ve shown me nothing but love since I’ve come here. Maybe it’s Khan’s effect but I’m starting to come around to the idea of opening up and sharing good vibes again. Starting to lol

@Beowulf

You’ve made a very good point here. You gave me inspiration of a theory on how one could just focus on writing the core components of the characters as in Chinese, all characters are made up of smaller “parts”. If I can focus on just writing those repeatedly, I could theoretically spot the difference in the words you’ve shown me immediately as I recognize the parts that make up the whole. I’ll put it to the test at some point.

Yep! You’re exactly right – not a theory, that’s basically how it works and how you’ll naturally start to study and remember them over time.

@Beowulf

Not quite. It’s like “read” in English, depending on the context the character is pronounced differently. Though I’m not sure how common that is.

That’s a hard barrier to get through!! I guess reading is extremely important to get used to parsing them then. One of my friends from Taiwan said he never really studied grammar. I found that hard to believe but Chinese is much different than I realized then.

@Beowulf

I will return to the forum beginning May 1st with a new journal. Until then, I’ll be working on myself to revamp my identity. I will succeed. I will be back.

Will be waiting for you man. Good luck on the path… I hope I have some good stuff to tell you too when you come back!

[Malkuth]

@Beowulf

I will return to the forum beginning May 1st with a new journal. Until then, I’ll be working on myself to revamp my identity. I will succeed. I will be back.

Adios

加油!!!