Sidenote, Kendrick Lamar is my latest obsession.
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Stressed out about my new job (ad agency).
I always feel left behind and not as good as the rest. I don’t feel any sense of urgency regarding my work too. Frustrating. I don’t understand why I don’t feel that deadline anxiety that other people do. When I do want to do my work I feel anxiety of even starting - which causes me to procrastinate and hold it off.
I’ve been laid off a very promising opportunity before because I couldn’t muster up that discipline + urgency. I would have been very well-off a year from now if I had just did that. If it happens again, I don’t know what I’d do.
No idea what’s the cause of this. I’ve always been (too!) relaxed when it comes to deadlines and projects. The benefit is that I’ve never had a breakdown or panic attacks and whatnot but it also means that I let opportunities pass me by and I build the reputation of somebody who is all talk but no action.
It’s painful how many opportunities I’ve lost because of it. I logically know everybody’s journey is different but the feeling of being in my mid-20s yet feeling like I’m still a child hurts. Feels like I’m just a kid in a room full of adults who have their sh*t together. It’s terrible.
Socially, professionally, financially.
Definitely recon since my boss is basically saying this is my final chance to prove myself. I need to be able to go through this recon and anxiety to pull through. My lover has been busy and dealing with her own issues so I can’t rely on her for emotional support at this time so I need to rely on myself as much as possible.
I need to be responsible now because when else am I going to be free?
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You have insight.
As overwhelming as it might seem, what if a solution was just around the corner?
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I’d be relieved.
And I’d wonder what that solution would be 
I wonder if the point is knowing that there is a solution around the corner and all I have to do is take a peek.
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I pulled through!
And I was praised in the group chat for being proactive so I felt like that was a total turnaround. Went from being anxious to being relieved after I saw that message lol. Feels good 
Now I just need to consistently do that to build up a better reputation.
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Today is the last day of my 1st cycle.
Debating whether to swap out Love Bomb for Dragon Reborn: RED. Gold is very attractive but I need to work more on myself first before thinking about leading other people.
After the washout I’ll take a look at all the testimonials and first impressions to see where I’ll go from there.
EDIT: On second thought, I’m definitely sticking to Love Bomb. Until I achieve the objectives, I’m not going to switch. The love aura + self-love is too useful at the moment for me to drop it.
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Been listening to Kendrick recently and for some reason the music be hitting different and deeper. I’m vibing much harder, my body just wants to dance and I’m singing out the lyrics 
At work today was praised for showing decent work again. Part of it is definitely Love Bomb and Mogul that I ran today but also because of the work itself being decent lol.
Something I forgot to mention was last Sunday I was standing in line for an event and I could sense that it would be a good idea to talk to the girl behind me. I could feel it in my body that I should too. Held off on doing it until I finally decided to do it by asking her a question of what she’s going to get at the event.
It was really enjoyable talking to them and I only regretted not asking her number. She was cute and definitely my type. I felt a sense of excitement afterwards of me potentially meeting other amazing women and still feel that way now. Would love to meet more of them!
(I have my lover’s consent so all is fine if anyone is wondering lol)
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Day 1/Day 5 - Washout
Feeling happy and joyful this morning.
Strong sense of optimism.
It feels great!
This isn’t really the norm for me and I only felt this way once in a blue moon at most. Definitely something I want to feel more of in my day-to-day life.
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Finished my 6 (not 5!) day washout. Today is the first loop of my 2nd cycle of Mogul + Love Bomb.
Very interesting things to talk about that I experienced during the end of my last cycle but I’ll get to it later.
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So getting to that, there are a couple of major things I’m starting to notice.
1. Internal Radar
I can feel this… “pull” towards talking to certain people. And I have the feeling that it would result in a positive interaction if I do. That’s what resulted in me having a positive interaction with the girl in the queue. Felt it several more times after that, more often with women I’m interested in but also with a man one time. With the man I think it’s because I could feel they were lonely and needed me to talk to them.
Very interesting. I have ignored it a couple of times but I realized I should trust my gut instinct to follow it from now on.
2. Compliments on my Personality
Towards the end of my 1st cycle I’m noticing people complimenting my personality and who I am as a person. It ranges from “personable, likeable and you really listen to people when they talk”, “great at talking”, “interesting, never met anybody like you before”.
The thing is my internal state still sees myself as being somebody that seems withdrawn, not great at socializing and even awkward at times. So there’s a reconciliation going on right now between my internal state and what is objectively happening in how people view me.
3. Joy Listening to Music
I mentioned in an earlier post that I’m starting to feel Kendrick Lamar’s music starting to hit deeper. Turns out it’s happening to all music I’m listening to. I’m much more likely to bob my head, move my body and vibe to it.
I finally get why people really enjoy listening to music. It’s very enjoyable lol. I even vibe to it in public with my earphones on and not care that much how I appear to others because I’m enjoying it.
4. General Happiness + Less Negative Self-Talk
In general I feel a lot happier. I’m more likely laugh and genuinely smile (without caring how my smile looks). Love Bomb got me into the gym about a month ago and the regular interval running sessions I’m having definitely plays a big part in improving my mood and mental health.
The “I hate myself” kind of self-talk is far less frequent now, even though it may pop out at times. Noticeably it seems to happen after I PMO. Definitely need to kick that negative habit.
5. Women Manifestation
It seems to be that I’m either manifesting or attracting women that I’d enjoy talking to. I was beginning to notice this then checked out the LB sales page and figured out hey - it’s right there in the objectives lol.
- Attract romantic partners who resonate with one’s own model of love and wisdom, building relationships founded on integrity and love.
Wasn’t expecting this tbh since I’m using Love Bomb just for the self-love and aura aspects but this is very nice!
Notes
(1), (3) and (5) seem to weaken or I notice them less during the 5 day washout. Definitely noticed not vibing as much to music during the washout though it’s still there, just not as much.
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Hey there past me, you seem to be right!
Right now I’m learning to go through discomfort and just doing them anyway. Wonder how Mar 31st Beowulf would think of me now haha.
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Missed my listening day yesterday because I was too tired so it wouldn’t make sense to add more processing to an already exhausted body and mind.
Listening today.
EDIT: Note to self. This is Day 1 of Habit 2.
EDIT 2: Accidently listened to Love Bomb for 4 minutes 15 seconds, so I did the same for Mogul.
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Really great reading about your turnaround at work and in social settings. It’s like RVC 's “prophecy” of things being better round the corner came true when you took a “peek” haha!
Awesome!!!
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Thanks, I appreciate the comment! 
When things get bad, I’ll remind myself of that next time!
One thing I didn’t mention is that I seem to get higher praise from my boss at times compared to my co-workers, which is a big plus! I’ll do a dedicated post more on the benefits I’ve gotten on Mogul since I’ve been neglecting journaling that area of my life.
I still feel like socially I’m a weird mess so it confuses me sometimes when people compliment me on my social ability. I feel like I’m either a big hit or a huge miss. Could be internal recon going on, could be me being “on” at certain times and not at others. Great thing I’ve been doing is going to tons of social events though - so maybe that’ll help.
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You know it doesn’t sound like Love Bomb would do it (sounds more Wanted Black-ish) but…
I’ve accepted completely that I can and do romantically love multiple people. And that I would likely be completely happy with and content with more than 1 partner. I achieved this realization a couple of days ago but found it noteworthy enough to write it down now.
If anybody knows about the anime Jobless Reincarnation, if you watched the most recent episode where they’re around the campfire - you’ll know what I mean. That’s when I felt accepted for who I am and I shouldn’t feel bad for it.
Describing what I want as a “harem” is technically correct but gives off the impression that I just want to have sex with multiple women, which isn’t really the case (though wouldn’t deny that’d be pretty damn awesome).
I love romantic intimacy and connection. It means a lot to me to be able to show your world to another person. I’ve just now expanded it from the feeling that it just has to be one to the many. That’d be the dream I’d love to have.
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@Beowulf It’s funny that you’re running LB and AM because yesterday I stared a stack of LB and Ascension myself
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I’m actually running Genesis: Mogul instead of Ascended Mogul since I want a lot more focus on wealth.
What you have going for is pretty damn good. Love Bomb and Ascension is great. I love them both individually, so I’m sure they’ll go great together!
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Ran Wanted Black for 1:30 minutes on top of G:M + LB (July 1st, 2 days ago), which I regret 
. Was definitely an impulse decision.
I say regret since it definitely added to the processing and I was exhausted as hell when I woke up this morning after going to the gym last night. What I did notice was that I was felt fluent in a conversation with somebody on some difficult topics (politics, economics, business) - which was very nice.
Still, I wouldn’t want to disturb my current stack that much.
Today is a listening day.
Accidently listened to Love Bomb for 4:35 minutes (35 seconds more than I’m supposed to), so I’ll do the same with Mogul to even it up.
Wondering if even 4 minutes is too much since I’m tired than usual. It is a jump from 6 minutes total to 8 minutes total. Could also be because I’ve been going to the gym though. Hmm.
Figuring out what habit I’m going to work on for this month since this didn’t happen.
I subscribed to Audible a day or two ago and I’m thinking I can replace my Youtube/Social Media Addiction with it. Replacing videos with long-form audio is bound to improve my concentration and not rot my brain.
I haven’t talked much about Genesis: Mogul…
But needless to say, it’s been very effective for me.
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Given a business opportunity by a friend of mine that’s fun to do and doesn’t take much time.
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Among my 3 other co-workers, I’ve been given the most compliments by my boss and have essentially been given a “promotion” due to my work being the best. Found this to be surprising since I thought the other two were better than me but upon reflection, my work really is better.
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Not only that but he threw out a number for my salary (if I do a great job getting us clients) that happens to be exactly what I consider to be my " financial freedom number" - a number that would allow me to hit at least the (2) or a “low” (3) goal at the very beginning of this journal.
(2) = To live on my own
(3) = To travel whenever and wherever I want
- One of my clients that I have a good relationship told me about a pretty cheap business mentorship that he considers to be reliable and trustworthy. Must be the mentorship manifestation.
Not everything is sunshine and rainbows for me though.
I messed up by not fulfilling work for one of my freelance clients and I have no one to blame but myself. It’s that weird anxiety blocking me from fulfilling the task which I hate. They plan to stop working with me because of that and it pains me quite a bit.
I plan to finish all the remaining work I have for them to go all in on working for the company. It’s honestly immature and unprofessional of me to even not do that when they gave me a chance. Ugh.
If I look on the bright side though, this freelance client wouldn’t pay me nearly as much as my job at this company - so we would have parted ways sooner or later. I just prefer to end it on a good note instead of whatever is going on now.
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