About 32 hours after my last loop of WANTED I noticed a distinct drop in its effect
back to more baseline Emperor/PS. Honestly while I still really enjoy the social effects of that custom,
I feel like I’ve tasted the divine and there is no going back. Even though I ran WANTED for only 1 loop two days in a row my experience on it was incredible, and I don’t want to go back to life without it.
I’ve never been so in alignment and impressed by a sub yet. My biggest issue before I got into development was being left out, not being the one picked etc… with out giving a phd on my previous challenges, I’ll just say subs really helped me deal with this powerfully, and be on level playing ground or above, but WANTED just address this issue directly, both in my inner game and my external reality and its for me simply incredible, it brings out my best.
Warning: Long personal rant to journal some present feelings
I’ve been ‘above’ competition with men, either cause I have no need to compete, I think of it as just me and the woman, or I walk away from situations that don’t work for me and it’s no big deal but I’m noticing I’m embracing this part of me that want’s to blow every other guy out of the water when it comes to woman I’m interested in. I think this is parted of WANTED or recon from it now that I’m on an off day.
I noticed some intense specific recon on my day off today, namely this competition aspect and anger, anger at competition with men.
Right as I was present to this, I specifically manifested a situation at a social event today which riled this up—where an ex-friend with benefits of mine’s close female friend, and I got to catch up. Quick backstory- this girl went from being a close friend of men who I hooked up with often and a really close friend of this other girls…to disappearing for weeks a time, acting really really odd increasingly, and then disappearing completely from both our lives. We knew she was caught up in some drama but we cared about her, and there were enough moments when she seemed totally sane and great, so the whole thing was really weird.
It came up in the convo and I found out the back story behind the wholes situation, and it was insane, what I would consider fucked up, and involved a ton of deception and playing everyone on every side.
So no surprise I haven’t seen this chick since starting PCC, about 8 months ago, but I got to say I was amazed at the level of deception and what was actually going on…and it really fucking pissed me off.
And the thing is at the time I intuitively knew and didn’t press the issue. Every time in the past I just straight confronted this girl, she would get really pissed off, act all accusatory and then totally become way more real and awesome and be thankful for it. By confront I mean, she would be behaving really weird, and I would say ’ Look, we can hang or not hang but I don’t know why your acting like this, it’s really weird and unusual so what’s up?’ .
Now this girl and I were not exclusive by any means and she owed me nothing necessarily, the red flags were all over the place, but the sexual chemistry was amazing, our relationship was very boundried on one hand , and we were really close friends and seemingly transparent with things and to find out what she was lying about while I was with her was extremely unsettling. It explains a lot of her behavior in retrospect, as she seemed like two different people often.
I’m a very compassion forgiving person normally normally, and I don’t blame or direct my anger at people often anymore but in this case I found all this out by telling our mutual friend to fuck that girl, she was aggressive and lying to both of us, she owed her nothing, and she should just tell me the whole situation.
I’ll look at why it bothers me so much after I embrace the energy of change this anger is pushing me towards, even though it’s almost a year later.
This feels like the next layer of something real deep I need to transform to move more into the life I want, and the man I want to be.
On a similar note
I’m getting extremely social again and social dominance, power is increasingly important to me. PCC is great but I’m transitioning from the self directed power of Emperor and the in the shadows power of PCC to craving/ looking for overt power and being the star -so Khan alongside WANTED is increasingly looking like my near future. I’m going to bite the bullet and resume DR for a final 7 weeks to see through what I started. Will run alongside HERO custom, WANTED, and Emperor/Primal custom, for 3 more weeks and then wealth custom for the final month of DR.
Running 4 subs may or may not work, will adjust as needed.