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I feel hopeful, like a light in the dark for what’s possible-I didn’t realize how resigned I was until I started running DR. I had/have ambition from Emperor, and willingness to do whatever it takes-and at times a sense I could accomplish anything-but it was on top of a mud pie. So it was an uphill battle. Don’t get me wrong-this mud pie is smaller than it was 8 months ago, but DR is cutting through it like a hot butter bullet out the barrel. (heard that on a show and been wanting to use it-now seems as appropriate time as any lol )
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I am naturally, like sooo naturally simply taking care of myself, With other people, with bosses, with family. It’s like pcc and alpha without the edge. It’s just super natural. Like this sense that I matter, and am looking out for myself–this is occurring both with objective insight, and in the moment like setting boundaries and saying/doing what works for me.
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On the physical front-I am holding my body with a profound awareness, not tense or hyper vigilant, but just super clear and aware of it, posture and especially when working out, like without any negative emotion or drama, just naturally moving in an optimal way to maximize performance and minimize damage. This is distinct than what I get on my physical custom, which improves my mind-body connection and sense of how I am moving in space and for effect.
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I feel more myself a little de-alphaed at times, like it doesn’t matter as much, this goes into feeling vulnerable in a good way, this then gets wiped away and is replaced by a perfect mix of Alpha/and natural where my vulnerability occurs like power
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I feel less like I need to do, fight, get away from, avoid, fix anything-my guidance system seems to be more about whats naturally right for me.
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Spontaneous burst of happiness, excitement, power
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Everything feels better physically, suppler, I am forgetting to remember that I am scared and had injuries at points, on spartan I would get a rush and it wouldn’t matter, but it was a push against what was, but on this it’s like I can go in and out of them, injuries/issues, never having happened… mentally, emotionally, and dare I say closer and closer to physically. It’s been one week, and my back and ankle, normal points of chronic pain/constriction, have been well…something I’m not even thinking about or noticing. Except when I remember that they usually bother me
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I’m acting and standing without positionality, stubbornness, or defensiveness, on my points where I stand and even criticizing my most challenging bosses and work colleagues !! this is huge, I’ve been able to put up with certain relationships, and start to make them better, I started to say what I need and where I stand on Emperor Terminus and HOM, but on DR, I tell them about them, criticize them, say what they have to work on–this is much more how I relate to people normally, and I do it in a very empowering way, no judgement or negativity, so to be doing this with certain people in week 1 is absolutely mind boggling to me. And the fact that I never did it before literally makes no sense-it makes me better at my job and them better at theirs.
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The big daddy of my health grievances currently is a not fully understood Eustachian tube dysfunction, sinus issues, facial pain, tmj issue with in an out tinnitus-all unilateral on left side. At times DR makes me emotionally distraught about this, more so then usual, but for the most part -it is calming me down emotionally and in relation to this.And I feel a heat and pressure being worked on in that area… I’m quick to assign subs their value, but I’m reserving judgement/ conclusions on this one
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My path and what I want to do seems more realistic now, and I’m starting to walk it with conviction out of naturalness/ inspiration- rather than will and promises to myself. Although I still can do that.
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I have two modes normally-concerned and on top of everything- avoiding being concerned and choosing to proactively disengage-on DR I am not concerned and on top of everything
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I don’t feel a need to be nice when I don’t feel like it. I don’t need it to be safe, I’m certainly not mean, and I aim to be kind as needed. Emperor made me able to engage others super passionately and really upped my communication. I would choose to engage or I was dismissing people, engaging people on my terms. It’s very conscious and in control. With DR it’s like it doesn’t matter how I engage or don’t engage. I’m more inside myself and less effected.
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I feel less influenced or effected by my environment, again more inside myself.
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Head ache- oh boy-I NEVER get headaches-I get headaches on this a few times and it’s well…a headache
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Sleep I usually get 6-7 hours-I need 10 + on this, and when I don’t get it I’m miserable-feels like I’m going through my teenage years again. I got up at 3 in the afternoon today.
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Questioning my attractiveness and masculinity in a way I have not for quite a while
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Fear of losing results with woman, and game while simultaneously not caring.
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Fear of losing this magnificent machine I’ve turned myself into, but also seeing how my ‘optimization’ is a reaction to where I feel not enough. It’s a super me imposed on top of a hurt one. The hurt one is getting healed now, and the super me is taking on a different form, hopefully a better one
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Times of being incredibly irritable, feeling like I want nothing, and to do nothing, but don’t want to check out either.
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Starving in the day, I fast all day normally, I play DR at night and wake up starving. I never wake up starving. 1 loop of EmperorQX kills my appetite- actually I’m cutting a lot of the more challenging recon with other subs. Anyone who is running DR solo probably gets a harder ride with this.