AzrielLight EmperorQ

Journals - Major Programs
#2159

  • Longer timeframe rest periods

  • Careful self observation to more specifically and more subtly tease out the effects of particular programs as well as possible synergistic effects

  • Taking self-responsibility - getting a sense of your innate and acquired strengths independent of continued subliminal use

  • Avoiding absolutist perspectives on either use or non-use

Those to start with.

But then there’s also the objective progress that you’re making in your life and projects.

All told it’s looking pretty good from over here.

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#2160

Out of curiosity Azriel, why would you not resume subs?

#2161

put really simple, since starting QV2, despite some of the positive effects and minimal loops I’ve had a level of external challenge and havoc in my life and internal difficulty that is not manageable. I’ve been teasing out what’s recon/ my strong reaction to the sub, and what other life challenges and internal dispositions have contributed, and while it is not 100% clear what’s what, I have a good sense of it.
Since my washout my life is much, much better. Not just better, I’m not in a constant dark night of the soul with constant physical challenges and an insane level of anxiety. Again I’m not saying there is a direct correlation but certainly contributing elements in my experience.

Being in a better place now, I think part of that is lack of recon, part is positive sub bloom, and part of is having my energy increasingly not processing anything.

For all I know I could resume subs and have it be not that big a deal but my trust in my own ability to handle it has been shook.

I have experienced tremendous positive results on Q and even on QV2 despite this difficulty but I may want to wait until a get to an even more solid place before resuming. To me subs are to aid and support goals and life quality , some turbulence here and there is one thing but if I can’t use them in a way where I can be consistent and level, it’s not the best time to use them.

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#2162

I’m very excited to try ZP actually, I have a feeling it will be a better fit for me.

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#2163

thanks @Malkuth

I really appreciate this reflection.

#2164

Negotiations were successful.
I’ve doubled my salary/retainer in the interim period while the company transitions.

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#2165

So I broke my 5 week washout with a loop of Stark Q on Tuesday

After running, felt fantastic, I had some minor recon with an energy dip/heavy fatigue at one point, and some feeling anti social for a bit at a party, But besides that, it was like color was back in the world, my mind was flowing, seeing steps ahead, larger vision and self belief. The sense of masculinity from it was very strong as well. I had an ability an energy to impact my life and environment in a way that has been increasing missing, despite my new stability, since running subs less and less.

There was one woman at this party who seemed very interested in me and I was going in and out of my interest in her, but it was fun to engage for sure. I also see that there is a level of status that comes up from certain titles, where I just resonate with and enjoy high power people. It’s almost easier, more fun to talk to them.

The next day was non-stop flow, great gym session, dinner at my brothers, and we started brainstorming and making videos for fun.

I’ll probably run 1 loop of Wanted this weekend to break back into QV2 for Halloween, or possibly tomorrow, as a lady is likely to come over.

No further sense on what I will be running more long term though, I’m holding out a bit for ZP.

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#2166

Funny how the brain-mind works. Like Saint said somewhere subliminal are static, WE are dynamic. And this is amazing to see the opposite reaction you can have to the same product before and after washout.

Will this imply a modified listening pattern, with more rests?

#2167

Indeed, the washout tremendously helped in clearing things out and priming me for what’s next. I ran Stark in Q not QV2 although I almost always see results fast with either program/build. The alpha or core scripting is very evident in Q though.

Last I was listening to QV2 was 1 loop a week and I would like to do more than that. I’m not sure what’s next or what pattern. I may mess around and test different things until ZP before starting on a routine.

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#2168

You are already very self aware (subliminal wise) so I guess your compass should be either results (or absence of results) or recon.

I went for the recommended listening pattern for a while with no recon but no result and started to increase loops per day and rest duration.

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#2169

Time for a weekly update.
I’ve still only run loop of Stark Q last week so in 6 weeks have only done one loop.

It’s really fascinating what is happening. I am no longer pushing or pressing myself with the intensity, and energy in directions I was while running subliminals. But I am finding a way to do much less but more high leverage work and actions. A lot of my old sense of self and behaviors have returned but I am using them and working with them in a much more intelligent, and powerful way. So while all the overt effects from any sub are gone my fundamental behavior and sense of self are shifted from the experience.

Also the last few weeks even after any overt recon died I’ve noticed some really strong old lack of self worth, depression, frustrations all come to the forefront, but I’ve really dived in and dealt with them, by acknowledging and consciously addressing what they were about or simply letting the energy of them be there without judgement and this is causing some kind of alchemy or transformation as I feel I am discovering my most authentic self and rhythm newly.

I’m still going to the gym again, and getting fully engaged in a way I hadn’t in the 5 years before running subs at subclub. I’m not like a mad man looking to get to the gym and do 2 hour powerlifting sessions like I was on EF/Spartan but I’m in there and hammering it out consistently.

I’m not looking to fill every hour of work moving myself forward or demonstrating competency like I was on Emperor and AM but I’m getting done what’s needed and finding one or two new value adds that are making the difference.

I don’t feel celebrity level status and crazy attraction from the hottest woman, like I did when running subs consistently, but I am profoundly comfortable with my sexuality and still have a spark/ polarity with the woman I am interested in.

I went through a week phase where my entire past, woman and other people from the past, issues, financial breakdown, even seeing my old college bus, came flooding in but then it ‘past’, and I feel like it was wiping the slate clean.

I’ve significantly chilled out about existential issues, anxiety about my life and where I am at however my drive to keep upping my income and financial game is as strong as ever. I just doubled my monthly retainer and while that’s awesome, I’m looking to make the next thing happen. However I am only willing to do it in a way that I want to see it done. I won’t grind more hours or do some project/job that I could give less shit about. I’ll work hard if its worth it, and it has to be clear it’s worth it for the long game and/or has to be awesome in the day to day.

I did run a couple minutes of wanted on Halloween weekend and then stopped. It actually clarified what has been challenging for my with QV2 though- it ‘feels’ like QV2 almost instantly pulls me outside myself in a way that is very trippy. I noticed my erection quality that weekend was also crazy strong and the veins in my member look significant larger. If that is from a couple minutes of Wanted, damn that shit is strong. I remember something similar from my test day when Wanted first came out.

My plans fell through on Halloween day so I went to the bar by myself and ended up having a very good time. Total flow and confidence, talked to a few woman I was interested in, one girl asked to take a picture with me and then asked for my number to send me the photo, one girl who came solo also seemed to be trying to get in with me, but I wasn’t interested in her. (Maybe this all was also an effect from running a couple minutes of Wanted but it didn’t feel nearly as strong as easy as when I ran full loops of Wanted and was out and about. Felt more my natural speed pushing things and getting them into gear.)

My plan for now is to resume subs next week and run Stark Q and HOM Q moving forward. I want to test run Heartstrong and Sage Immortal and perhaps add one of them once a week. Also considering a fitness custom in QV2. I’ll move to Stark/HOM in QV2 in a month or to ZP, if that comes out by then.

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#2170

This is a quietly radical N=1 study you’ve been running here.

With all of the ‘experimentation’ people like to espouse on here, it seems that our experiments almost always go in the opposite direction (i.e., more, more, or more).

I feel like you’re asking and getting answers to valuable, important questions that will benefit people beyond yourself.

:pray:t4:

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#2171

Yes, that’s a really cool reflection. I am experimenting with less and what happens when not running subs after running for almost two years. How do the changes integrate, what is permanent, what does ‘permanent’ mean in a case like this? How am I taking the experience and suggestions when no longer directly present etc.

Also of course what was what in my experience, results, and challenges, of QV2 more recently.

I also see how certain subs like Emperor can push against natural rhythms and consciously integrating an understanding of this to accommodate for it could be important.

Also while some overt results are so in your face and incredible-specifically status, respect, focus, organization, drive, work capacity, social savvy and attraction for me- I am interested in using these subs for profound change, a totally different lifestyle, new line of work, real freedom and internal power, new meaningful relationships, relationship with self, a completely different experience and I wasn’t sufficiently making some of those shifts despite intense efforts and a lot of action. So to pull back and reassess how I am using these tools and their effects, where I can step back and steer them more when I resume etc. I also see and appreciate more where a lot of groundwork was laid, internally and externally, on these subs for some of my larger aspirations. Being fully in the experience of the subs- even before I started experiencing more difficult challenges, made it harder to steer them but the experience of stepping away has me see exactly I got caught in small choices, decisions, and loops that led nowhere. The same as in life without subs, but cutting away any particular consistent influence, even a positive one, can grow perspective.

After these 6 weeks my hindsight perspective from what I’ve seen was missing the most for me with QV2 was my relationship with myself, it’s like it dissipated and everything in my being and energy was pulled outward and pulling for external results, I couldn’t put this in words at the time, I would just experience profound levels of internal distress that pushed and motivated for some external result or confirmation. Which is one of the reasons I am thrilled ZP seems to have such a focus on the internal experience and sense of self in relation to being at the center of things. If SubClub can match that with the level of external results or better it will be a marvel.

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#2172

I hope that is true, there’s nothing I love more than benefiting others by focusing on my self :slight_smile:

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#2173

Two Thoughts

It’s hard to steer effectively if one keeps pressing the gas pedal all the way down. Another reason to think clearly about breaks and rest periods.

and

I’m wondering how Dragon Reborn fits with this orientation. Hopefully, I’ll be able to find out for myself.

2 Likes
#2174

Update.
I’ve run only 1 loop of Stark Q in the last two months. So basically two month wash out.
I really needed the time off subs and I am really ready to jump back in.
I will certainly be testing ZP, as it looks like it will be released soon.

What has unfolded in the last two months is quite fascinating.

  1. It’s like a slow-motion unfoldment of everything that was really in my way while running subs has become increasingly obvious, integrated, and clarified- it takes much more conscious effort but all the things, fear of being alone, sense of self worth and value, victim mentality, self-judgement and even hatred-all the things I was not present to I got very present to on QV2 and now I am dealing with them consciously and at a reasonable pace.

  2. All the obvious effects of every sub are gone in my day-to-day experience and at first, I was kind of disappointed by this, but understand there is maintenance required to a degree. but then I noticed some thing really interesting. I just don’t have the same investment or interest in working while off subs.

And this creates a stress, avoidance, and ‘negagtive’ way of reality to myself and my life. Outside of that, all these other things in how I approach life, socialize, engage personal interests are very powerful and profoundly different than before. The thing the Alpha subs helped deal with the most, was staying strong and centered while dealing with work stuff that normally overwhelms me. What I see now is that even though I was strong with dealing with it, it was never right to continue and that strength gave me confidence in staying because my unconscious sense was that was where I could meet the goals of certain subs.

Now, I have no idea how to transition to a day-to-day work experience that works better for me, but that’s been my excuse to not simply take action. I’m now committed to simply taking actions and figuring it out now that it’s 100% clear for me whatever opportunity there is in the work I am in now is not worth it, there are other better ones, and it’s just a matter of believing in myself and having faith in my own value and what the universe can provide when I put in the work.

That said I have no doubt RICH and other ZP titles will support in this transition. In the meantime I plan to resume subs next week, and pending the ZP mixing with QV2 title will order a new fitness custom in QV2.

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#2175

I think its been quite recently for me that I also had this big realisation that there is a natural rhythm and pushing ourselves too hard in trying to become who we think we want to become (and not what we actually want to become) causes a lot of reconciliation.

That’s why ZP is coming at a good time in our lives.

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#2177

Sorry, making an update on the wrong journal.

#2178

Back to thinking about Stacks with ZP coming out! I miss that creative brainstorming and seeking the right fit for the goals- feeling!

So far leaning towards Paragon ZP, Chosen ZP, and RICH ZP or I may run Emperor or Emperor HOM instead of RICH.

Time to make some huge money and accelerate things. Get a new living situation I love, and really turn the engine to full acceleration in life.

I am stoked to begin subliminal adventures again. I was going to start this week but getting over some sinus stuff so didn’t want to muddy the waters.

The goal is to get to $10K a month off current work and side ventures. I came close at $7K a month on Emperor for a 6 month duration and then fell off everything.

There is still Heartsrong, Sage, Khan, fitness custom so much I want to run! I’ll be keeping it simple though maybe even only two subs. I will start with two months on my first ZP stack and look to hit or exceed that target goal.

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#2179

Ran HOM Q today.

results in one day one day

  1. 100% back to great standing and new opportunities at work
  2. People offering and acting out my intentions and wants in relationships
  3. Locked in a completely random but connected through friends perfect roommate and moving situation. Like I mean perfect-down to location, leaser terms, financing, gaurenture etc
  4. Drive for life and big picture thinking again

This is HOM Q not even QV2 I can’t wait for this sub in ZP. So freaking powerful, how fast subs can change everything. I’ll run Paragon and Chosen ZP with HOM QV2 and then upgrade to RICH.

Will post the end of the journey and start a new journal next week.

9 Likes