I need to get Emperor Fitness and/or possibly Spartan back in the cycle.
The difference it makes in my workouts, and physical well being is enormous.
Deciding to get a new very small custom in QV2 or run old custom in Q.
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Just a generally update
I’m opening through with new opportunities at work and relationships
My friend is supporting me with a sales job opportunity with the potential income of $5000-$15000 a month depending on performance.
I’m working on resume-and have so much resistance to it -same with my LinkedIn profile-anything public and visible where I am being assessed-I have so much uncertainty around. It’s a skill I never I never developed but going through now so glad to be doing it. If running Emperor or AM in full swing I would have blasted through this- Stark also would likely be great for it.
I want to see the current work opportunity I am involved in through but it’s will be a juggling act ensuring my needs get met there in the short and long run and also adding other work. I can handle it but at some point some tough choices will need to be made
My focus is non stop on moving my life forward sometimes in a performance oriented way and other times circuitous or emotionally challenging. I find very little enjoyment in reprieve in anything else.
Socializing when I’m meeting or talking to woman I am interested in, gym, hanging and having meaningful talks, and reading are the only things that are remotely ‘fun’ for me. This seems like Emperor deeper character attributes. It’s a double edge sword-since I can’t ‘shut off’ or ‘check out’ the way I used too.
Bigger vision and bigger picture thinking is opening up- it’s a little tricky with my current living and financial situation to get settled. I still have decent income and savings, but maintaining my overhead and self investments is getting tight.
The dysfunctional level of anxiety I’d been experiencing is nearly gone, and I have a sense of building real confidence back up. Whether that’s moving through recon or just generally I don’t know.
Not going to lie, I am hesitant to run QV2 again and I am more and more drawn to run subs again. I can so distinctly feel the difference and power of actively running them in my life for everything from gym-to work-to dating etc. I know it’s been said the recon is the same, but that’s just absolutely 100% not the case for me. Whether that will change after a full month washout I also don’t know. I do three weeks off in July and it didn’t reset me fully.
I won’t be running Paragon in QV2 again but I’m open to other subs. Whether I do that, wait until ZP, or go Q until ZP I am still uncertain off.
I want to get the power of these titles back in my life one way or another though. I can see my mental strength, focus, and sharpness, my comprehension, my ability to assimilate information and use it–it’s higher than before subs but down since the washout.
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starkq + Ascension and HoM?
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maybe-I want to run a fitness custom and won’t go over 3 subs- likely only 2. So don’t know how I’ll orient it yet. I have a custom with HOM, EOG stage 1, and RICH that I’ve been wanting to run for some time now as well.
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Sounds very interesting 
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Leg day today at the gym
did very well on the trap bar deadlift for coming back in
followed up with bulgarian split squats, and romanian deadlifts. I jumped in a little quick
because later that night got a bit of a back tweak-could be soreness and or emotional manifestation/TMS as it’s called. Despite the setback it was fantastic going again, and I feel my mind was extremely powered up from having done so. Got a lot of really proactive work done after.
I go in and out of just dealing with things as they come and annoyed that shit ‘keeps happening’ like this latest tweak after finally getting back into the swing of things. My mind, soul, and being feel extremely strong today. though so taking it all in stride and have a new commitment to myself, and my life, with a sense of possibility that’s been absent for a while.
I’ve been exploring the idea that I’ve created a self imposed restriction around subliminals and other things in general. Maybe there is no reason I can’t and what I am going through is all just one giant ‘defense mechanism/sabotage’ against continuing transformation and real change. The whole situation feeds right into that I’m ‘victimized’ and can’t ‘keep up’ anymore.
Feel like I am breaking through this ceiling of things actually able to be good consistently that I have never fully dealt with.
Also this may sound funny but I think-perhaps from running Blue Skies as a module for a year and half, I have developed or heightened my empathetic and energetic sensory abilities. And now have to be more conscious with setting literal and energetic boundaries in my environment
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Closing in on a full month washout.
I don’t know whether lack of recon or bloom, I imagine both, but things are really coming together.
I feel absolutely amazing, and am filled with a well of confidence, internal power, and self confidence that feels natural and part of who I’ve become. I’m profoundly enjoying life and while there is still plenty of ‘challenge’ I feel there is also gratitude, grace, and an ability to step up and handle it. There is a kind of letting go and ease with what before would send me into hyper-fixated states of anger and or anxiety I now I gently holds what needs dealing with and address it if/when I can.
I’m willing to take risk creatively and generally in a new way.
I feel 100% confidence in my status and sense of self.
I’m starting to really enjoy aspects of work, taking free reign to find new ways to bring value and express myself fully, be willing to fuck up and let the chips fall where they may and it’s moving things in a way that (what I see now) my permission seeking/ overly concerned to get it right or perfect way of doing things before was not.
I also CLEARLY see without reacting where certain people in my life are just ‘wacky’ without getting hooked or identifying with it.
I don’t feel any overt effects, or auras, but PCC and Emperor seem very internalized. I can read people even clearer than when I was running subs.
I’m also having a lot more fun, back in the gym is huge, also I’m in on online Dungeons & Dragons group (never played before) and in person literature book club where we get together and grill steaks make delicious food, drink bourbon and then discuss. In the past I’d see this as waste of time-but the give me so much energy, joy, and place to express creativity and even brilliance- that is translating over into other areas of my life. This myopic fixation on causing one result served it’s purpose and career and wealth are still priorities but not too the exclusion of anything else like it’s been.
On Monday, I will decide whether to resume subs and in which capacity or take another week off. I want to see how this bloom continues and how far I can take this roll.
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I feel so happy reading this. It sounds great, man.
Sounds like you’re enjoying life more and more.
Also sounds like ‘The Bloom Is Real’.
You’ve got a lot of years of subliminal use under your belt. It makes sense that there are times to "let the soil lie fallow" for a while.
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hell yeah man!
i got a huge smile from reading your post!
glad that the washout worked for you and helped through the stuff you were going through with the struggles and all 
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I’ve giving this a shot starting Monday. Do you blend oatmilk and fruit or just pour the milk over?
I have a vitamix and I blend the oatmilk with the fruit/berries. I also add a grassfed whey protein source to the the mix. I used to add chia and/or hemp seeds as well. Which I’ll bring back soon.
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Thanks Azriel - I’ll implement for 3 weeks and see what happens.
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You going to try the whole protocol or just the shake?
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The whole thing - of late I’m not one to half ass anything. Must be that Emperor energy:)
Dude I’m so happy for you seeing you come out the other side of the darkness. Sometimes life beats us down but it’s the will to get up and keep going that really defines who you are. You’re on a great path @Azriel can’t wait to see where this takes you.
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nice man, hope you enjoy/ benefit from it.
I also recommended adding mct oil-I use brain octane oil to the coffee in the morning.
And if you have intuition around how to make it your own based on what your body is telling you. Do so.
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thank you brother 
Just have to decide what to do next !
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Have you found benefits to vary when using mct vs coconut oil? Think I can order some from Amazon now. The blend sounds like bullet proof coffee which I loved.
Yes, I like brain octane oil alot from bulletproof. Don’t take too much initially because it can upset the stomach. I find it gives me better focus, mental energy, and reduction in hunger cravings. compared to other mct oil or coconut oil. It is bulletproof coffee.
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Interesting - really curious to see how my body responds. Hopefully results are comparable to yours.
This is one of the reasons I take very few supplements these days. Someone the majority always seem to wreak havoc on my stomach. Thanks for the heads up.