We survived the winter, sowed the land, and watered the crop with our own blood sweat and tears.
Now, we have harvest.
Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer.
I’ve come full circle on WDB and all the recon I’ve been experiencing, all the headaches, all the love loss joy and freedom that’s accompanied all make sense and have become one of the deepest transformational journeys of my life.
April 26th: realized I want to adopt a kid, aka have a kid, and that the only thing i was afraid of with that is being with the wrong person. The INSIGHT there is that I actually do want kids, which was a huge surprise, and that I can be more intentional about dating & finding that person who actually makes me excited about having a future with them instead of nervous.
April 28th: Start backpacking central america
May 6th: Go to a party and I’m the center of every woman’s secret obsession. I make a 5-girl bestie-group called the Sunshines full of straight girls that I call my lesbian besties. They all want their claim to me. They all want to be the one that strikes my heart the most in their own way. I spend an entire weekend with 5 beautiful women who all treat me like I’m their absolute best friend with the possibility of more hanging in the balance. We start joking about feet quite frequently, and despite none of us having a foot fetish, one of them starts sending me photos of her feet in other places she travels, just to lay claim on me and keep me thinking about her. We laugh and realize we’re turned on by each other. But other countries call our hearts and we never see each other again.
Later that night, with 2 completely new girls, not anyone from the Sunshines, I Have my first threesome, embodying one of the major principles of WDB - letting the girls do the chase. Being the magnetic presence that pulls them in. I especially find the dialogue/voice/gaze scripting to be incredibly powerful for me, externally. But the biggest internal change is a desire and ability to let women do 100% of the initiating, like I’m the watering hole in the Safari that everyone must gravitate towards to be truly replenished and fulfilled. The watering hole does not meet someone half way. It entices, it calls for you, it shows you how sweet it tastes, and makes you do 100% of the traveling. In such a way, I initiate with women. Always making it seem like 100% their idea, the only thing I do is emit a gravitation orbit on the women that I want to have choose me, and then they do.
May 14th: Go on tinder, barely do any swiping, ask two girls to meet up, both times we have incredible sex that’s connected, passionate, kinky, fun, and felt like so much more than just the physical. Didn’t find myself getting too attached, they weren’t the right people for me, but the moment was magical.
May 28th: Spend 3-4 days traveling with a girl from the Sunshines and my heart starts to feel torn. The connection with this girl is so strong. It’s something else entirely. Three days of heart-wrenching recon, only subsided when I realize that the connection we have really is more like a strong friend energy - I feel better when she’s my wingman and I’m her wingman, the anxiety immediately dissipates, and I realize that was what the connection was all along, and the reason I was feeling so much anxiety was because I was breaking one of the WDB principles that work for me personally, put myself in a position to be pursued, but don’t pursue directly. Facilitate and create 1-1 time to be chosen, but don’t force anything.
May 29th: Recon at this stage has cleared completely and I’ve now mastered the embodiment of the WDB archetype. I meet a girl who I would literally call a soulmate. She feels the same. It changes my inner world completely. Never thought it was possible to connect with someone so deeply on so many levels. The only problem? She’s married.
Technically speaking, separated. Not monogamous. Not together. But she has the strong intention to go back to couples counseling with her Husband to try and rediscover the passion, desire, connection, feelings of safety and being challenged, that she so desperately wants.
Everything she wants out of her marriage is what she already has with me, before we even kiss, or have sex, or get to know each other all that well - it’s obvious in 3 hours.
May 30th: We spend a night together but ultimately don’t kiss, decide not to do anything, decide it’s so intense that it’s better to not have a short time together and then spend the rest of our lives thinking about it. I created the space for connection, she DID initiate, but as she was initiating, felt a lot of guilt, shame, confusion, it didn’t feel like totally the right decision, so we stopped short.
May 31st: We spend the morning at the same paradise-like location on the beach that we spent the night before together at. But this time, to work, have coffee, use the wifi. We talk a bit about what happened the night before, wish each other the best in our lives, and say we’re too intensely good for each other to be able to have a connection outside of traveling if it’s not to date seriously. We break up, without ever having been together. Nothing physical ever happened, and yet we’re both holding back tears, letting a few slip out, and we spend the next 2 hours grieving, cuddling each other, “breaking up,” and all of a sudden the confusion is gone and there’s 100% certainty that the connection we have is good, healing, wholesome.
I tell her I won’t see her that night, to respect what we had decided, but then she really does want it, without any confusion or reservation, and we end up having sex that night and deciding to travel together.
June 2nd: And now, here I am. In a travel romance with a soulmate who I’ll probably never see again and I have zero stress about it. I know she most likely won’t reconnect with me, and I’m actually grateful for it anyways. When that happens, I won’t be taking it personally, being attached, holding on to the loss. It’s ONLY a good thing, even if impermanent.
It’s shown me what’s possible in terms of how closely connected I could be with someone. I STILL prioritize being chosen over everything - and if she doesn’t choose me, whether that’s 6 months, a year, or two years from now, I’m 100% okay with that, because I choose to be chosen. It’s been a permanent blessing in my life because maybe one day I do end up with her, but I certainly have a new standard, and won’t ever settle for anything less than this in the woman I marry and start a family with one day.
And it’s literally only been a month since I realized that i want kids. And she’s not perfect. There’s every possibility that she’s only preparing me for someone EVEN BETTER, too.
WDB has been a hell of a journey, i must say.
