Ascended Mogul + Ultimate Artist

[Malkuth]

A few thousand years ago, there was an all-powerful emperor. Within his kingdom, his word was law and his whim commanded life and death. He was very proud of the extent of his power.

One day, he was walking outside. He was barefoot, as were all people at that time. As he walked, he was not paying attention and a thorny spike that he hadn’t noticed pierced the bottom of his foot painfully.

He was pissed. He called all of his advisors and attendants to him and said, ‘It is unacceptable that I, the ruler of all, should be injured like this in my own kingdom. You have 3 days to cover the entire land in soft cloth so that i may walk anywhere without harm. Any longer than that and I’ll kill the lot of you and find advisors who can get it done.’.

Based on his…’track record’, they knew he was serious and would carry out his threat; but they also knew his command was impossible. They stressed for 2 days and 2 nights. Then on the third day, one of them got the answer.

He brought two small bundles to the Emperor and said, ‘Wrap these around your feet, my lord. More than just covering your land, they will cover everywhere you go, protecting your imperial feet from any injury.’. The emperor was delighted. Sandals were invented. And everyone lived long enough to move on to other problems.

moral: if we are able to get close to the source of a problem, a small change can often make a huge difference

and now, for the actual point: you’re possibly very pissed right now that i’ve responded to your real-world challenges and complex emotional pain with a fortune-cookie story. Now harness that anger and achieve greater power. You’re welcome. (i’m joking)

[Michel]

I’m even more convinced that reconciliation is Sub Club subs asking the subconscious mind questions that it must answer (as it is an answer machine) with the anger being the end result.

Imagine you’ve been duped by a belief? Anger usually follows, right? Afterwards?

[Malkuth]

I’m also tired of feeling like I need to hold onto jobs and being afraid of moving on to something else.

Yup.

This is a tricky one. I’m working with it too. You tell yourself, ‘Wait a minute. I got this job. By definition, this literally means I can get a job.’ But then another part of yourself tries to say, ‘Yeah, that was just a fluke.’

The unknown. A big projection screen for our inner fears and traumas.

But.

You. Are. Finding. Your. Way.

It is happening right now, even if you don’t see it or feel it yet. Believe that. It is in process. Just that you won’t really be aware of it until it passes that magic threshold point. But a ton of work and growth is happening before that point. Trust it.

As far as the subliminals go, there’s one called Limit Destroyer. A stacking module. I can’t say much about it personally because I haven’t used it yet. But when I bought Emperor (which I’ll start in December), it was offered at a discount and I decided to get it.

Limit Destroyer

I’m going to include 2 reps of that when I begin my next Stage of EoG. I mention it because it sounds germane to your experience right now. Maybe you can look around and see what others have experienced with it.

I guess that’s what’s been seriously depressing me lately. I know nothing out there is going to make me happier because what makes me unhappy in the first place is how powerless I feel to everyone and everything around me. That’s what I want to change, not my situation. And that’s what I’ve been trying to do for close to 8 years now and feeling like I’m spinning my wheels and getting nowhere.

Hang in there, man. That internal sense of powerlessness is getting projected like mad onto the circumstances around you. But over time, these things have a way of getting…re-contextualized. I’m not saying it’s not real or ‘hey, just feel better’ or something. But everything, pleasant and painful, is usually a lot less solid and monolithic than it seems, especially in those most intense moments. Small solace when you’re drowning in it right now, I know. But if you can weather the storm, it may turn out that some parts of the water are not as abysmally deep as they seemed to be. Some parts, you’ll find, don’t even come past your knees when you stand straight and tall.

Anyway. Working on the same shit. So, just want to tell you to hang in there and keep going.

[Fractal_Explorer]

@Lion Thanks man. I love Ultimate Artist. I think for me it really helps bridge that gap between ideas and execution. If I had any advice to give don’t set yourself hard limits for the amount of work you do. Relax, chill, and just sit down and see what you can do. Sometimes it’s 10 minutes, sometimes it turns into 2 hour sessions for me. But I still get stuff done which is better than avoiding it. I also think it’s easy to underestimate how many limiting beliefs lurk under the surface when it comes to art. So in that regard UA can get very tough at some points. I’d go so far as to say nobody gets more outright hatred for a career path or following a passion than artists, it’s almost weaved into society. There’s a lot to work through there and we’ve all been exposed to it.

@Malkuth Lol, thanks for the laugh at the end there for that story. But I like the moral you’ve highlighted. I also appreciate the support. I know exactly what you mean about things being less solid and monolithic. I’ve definitely experienced that, so it’s good to have a reminder that this will pass. It definitely is a storm and feels like utter chaos, but there’s always a way out.

@Michel Very good point. I’m definitely in agreement with you there. The amount of times I’ve thought to myself “wait, that’s just what everyone told me and it’s all BS” Then comes the anger associated with having your life derailed in a way because you blindly accepted what they had to say. Yeah lol, nothing like feeling like you were duped or conned.

[Lion]

@Fractal_Explorer - excellent advice. Thank you.

[Fractal_Explorer]

Wow, some things are coming to the surface along with an awareness of my behavior. Not going to get into it in depth right now as it’s not fully there yet, but I think I’ve just been really hard on myself lately given what I have to overcome from my life.

The short of it is I’m struggling with an internal part of myself that is deathly afraid of showing myself to the world. This part has been holding me off from making any drastic changes. Right now my exposure to the outside world is limited, but if I fully took on the behaviors AM is getting me to take on that means more interaction with people, more relationships, and that part of me doesn’t want that at all.

[Fractal_Explorer]

Still chipping away at assumptions bit by bit and trying to construct a new reality for myself. I admit when I first started AM my sort of tunnel vision led me to think it would push me towards a more traditional business route and cause me to grow and excel in that field. Well the exact opposite has happened. I’ve realized 1. I don’t care about this field I’m in, at all and 2. I was feeling guilty that I didn’t care, wasn’t amazing at it, and wasn’t pursuing any knowledge to grow. I just felt this need to be good, be competent at something, be confident in some kind of skill that made me valuable to employers. It sucked, it was all fueled by insecurity, and it basically masked my real desires and caused me to put myself through endless self hate and criticism because I couldn’t force myself to thrive in the area I was in. To be perfectly honest that initial vision I thought AM would push me into I hated. I was projecting all those insecurities I had and conforming to what I’ve always felt pressure from society to be. But I had such low self worth and thought I was such a piece of shit that was dysfunctional and useless, so I said yeah that’s what you need to be because that’s the only way you’re going to have any worth as a person. Who you are as an individual isn’t good enough and everyone else is better than you by default. I shot myself in the foot right off the bat because with this sub I assumed I had to be a certain way vs defining what I want.

It’s a lot to unpack for me. And I see now why I’ve been so unhappy all my life. I quite literally wasn’t living it for myself. Everything I did was followed by an almost paranoid anxious seeking approval of “Am I good enough now?” You can’t live life or make the right decisions for yourself if they aren’t even your decisions to begin with. That’s how bad it is for me. I used to think it was just fear of the unknown. Nope, it was and is approval seeking behavior that generates fear because I assume I’m incapable of making good decisions or leading my own life.

To make things worse I think I couldn’t even accept I had this strong approval seeking behavior because admitting to that would basically be admitting I wasn’t the perfect image I was trying to attain. Me? Approval seeking? Nah, I’m not one of those weak people. I’m strong, I’m confident, I’m blah blah blah. Lies on top of lies while that approval seeking tugged the strings in the background. Hard truths to come up against, but completely necessary for an individual like me.

[Michel]

Sub Club is merciless. Life is a lie! SURPRISE!

Actually that’s not true, Life, as prescribed by society’s invisible cage is a lie. Work hard, get a promo, make money works for some but for everybody? Why is that the default? Who are you performing for?What’s the way forward then?

[Fractal_Explorer]

Lmao. Now I’m just imagining my room being wheeled away like a movie set and someone congratulating me on passing “the test”

I have to re-evaluate where my priorities lie. What I want, who I want to be. I have to build that sense of autonomy and independence from the mass opinion. I will always respect people’s decisions on how they live their life. But nothing gets me enraged more than when people try to lay some cookie cutter step by step layout over EVERYBODY.

[Fractal_Explorer]

Ahhh approval seeking behavior isn’t the issue, it’s a symptom. The main root cause is and always has been low self worth. That’s where the anxiety comes from, my need to isolate myself, my lack of independence in my life, my fears, etc. Being mindful of the the behavior isn’t enough because even though that helps me stop doing it, it’s still being generated from somewhere. I don’t want to maintain, I want to live. I don’t want to feel like I constantly have to be mindful of each and every interaction and how I might be fucking myself over subconsciously.

In a way being overly focused on the approval seeking behavior misses the point and just devolves into self-criticism. I don’t need anymore of that. What I need is understanding and to work on my own personal worth and my relationship with myself.

[Malkuth]

Sounds like it’s leading somewhere.

Wish you good journeying.

[Fractal_Explorer]

All this inner work has been exhausting. I’ve been digging deep and healing old wounds inside me. Some of them just make me think "where the hell did this come from?, how did it happen?, and how long has it been like this?

Seriously. I don’t know how I ended up so twisted up inside emotionally. Especially if you take a look at my life. There’s almost nothing there that would stand out as particularly traumatic or impactful where if it happened you’d think, oh that’s why he turned out like that. Maybe that’s what I’ve been grappling with all these years and why I’ve felt like a failure. I was given opportunity to thrive and supportive parents, how did I fuck this up?

But none of that really matters. All that matters is I move on and improve.

[anon3072973]

We often have this idea of an event in a person’s life that completely changed them. Ofc there are cases like this, but most of the time it isnt one big event, but smaller ones that occurred again and again.
Each time, they changed you to a little degree.
And they piled up.

Just my theory

[Fractal_Explorer]

I’ve also entertained that theory. I guess for me it’s hard to believe sometimes how I grew up in an objectively good environment but somehow still developed all these issues.

[Malkuth]

@anon3072973

but most of the time it isnt one big event, but smaller ones that occurred again and again.
Each time, they changed you to a little degree.

Clearly accurate. You only need to look at our physically observable change processes to see that it is accurate.

On a subjective level, any phenomenon that occurs below the threshold of awareness has simply not happened. We are, thus, unaware of the vast majority of changes that are occurring, whether in ourselves or in the world around us.

This picture is a good reminder:

much, much, much valuable growth is happening beneath our threshold of awareness.

[Fractal_Explorer]

That’s a good pic and a nice reminder of what I’m going through, thanks

[Fractal_Explorer]

Just had a moment of clarity regarding all this. The behavior that controls me is the autopilot behavior and thoughts. Trying to superimpose positive thoughts on top of that does not overwrite the behavior or make it more dominant. Instead I’ve noticed I hold two sometimes more separate thought streams. One tries to be positive, creates hope for the future, is focused on the changes from the subs. The other thought stream is repetitive. Assumes the worst, feels incapable, feels more “real”. Basically this is the one that runs underneath the surface, it’s the one that dictates my behavior when I have a lapse in being attentive to my thoughts.

Im aware of the new thought patterns from the sub, but I have to make that the “default” so to speak. The issue arises when the default negative behavior overrides and cancels out the new stuff. Trying harder to believe something doesn’t work.

So moral of the story here. I have to allow these more negative thoughts and behaviors, don’t suppress or fight them, but at the same time choose to act a different way. This isn’t the easiest thing because the immediate reaction is to “push”, it’s not effort or stressing about it. It has to be a conscious decision to follow the different behavior and disregard the old.

I’m incredibly guilty of feeding and giving attention to the wrong stuff. I always come back to it like an abusive relationship and then think it’s some internal thing I have to heal. When really the solution is to commit to a new mentality and stop going back to the old one.

[anon3072973]

Do you meditate? I feel like just being aware in situations like this is the key.

I’m incredibly guilty of feeding and giving attention to the wrong stuff. I always come back to it like an abusive relationship

Thats actually very accurate. To put it in Dr Dispenzas words, you seem to be “addicted to the experiences and therefore the chemicals of the past”. Thats very common because that is what we are used to. Dont beat yourself up, it can be a long process which can take either weeks or months or years. You just have to think about where you want to be and then be patient while it pans out.

[Fractal_Explorer]

Yes I meditate often. It helps me stay centered. I think I have to place more importance on acknowledging past pains and emotions without getting sucked into them. An ongoing challenge for me as I seem to either be suppressing and fighting off those feelings or getting pulled into them and identifying with it too much.

[Fractal_Explorer]

Trying something new. Before I go to sleep I’m going to play UA, AM, or Regeneration once as I fall asleep and visualize what I want. The plan is to just rotate them out each night or just play whatever I feel like. After reading more from Neville Goddard and the importance of your daily thoughts as you drift off to sleep I felt it was important to ensure I go into sleep focused in the right direction and not veering off into things I don’t want or letting fear consume my thoughts. I’m also curious to know if hitting that state between sleep and awake if I can open myself up more to suggestibility and let the sub work more.

I know for certain I’m passed that phase I was in where I felt changing was wrong or inauthentic. I’m now open for change and basically rebuilding myself from the ground up. I’m ready to leave this old identity behind and craft a new one that brings me everything I want in my life. Just have to strengthen it and make it real.