Looped regeneration last night because what the hell. One play through was relaxing me and easing the tension in my body, so I decided to keep going. Might have to cut it back to 3 or something because I woke up too tired today.
I was thinking about the whole idea of taking action. Sometimes it only seems valuable if I know I won’t self sabotage myself. The thing that frustrates me about subliminals in general is I’m using them to recorrect my mindset so I don’t have to constantly push myself into action. I’ve had to do that all my life, I’m sick of it. I started using subs so I wouldn’t have to go through so much fighting myself to get the simplest of shit done.
@Fractal_Explorer Am wondering about this myself. Maybe a few of the subs here have that particular “pushing to take action” module in them. I hear that Emperor and Khan ST3/ST4 has them. And I can only report on Khan ST3 after a couple of days.
At the same time, I remember SaintSovereign and/or Fire mentioning that taking action is part of the initiative we have to make ourselves. And that to do it for at least the first 10 mins or so and it we will enter flow by then.
I don’t have many experiences with subs to say this "pushing"has happened to me (apart from subs pushing others to be attracted to me or my self feeling masculine). If it does though, I will let you know.
Same here. I also feel like the idea of subliminals is in some parts a bit dangerous when it comes to taking action because it makes you think “Ah well, the sub is going to take care of that” and you become lazy.
My assumption is it goes beliefs to natural action. When an individual adjusts their mindset the action naturally follows. To me that’s the whole point of anything subconscious related. If the beliefs can’t actually be changed at a root level, all the action in the world won’t do anything. That’s not me saying these subs don’t work, but I’m becoming increasingly tired of basically putting in 90% conscious effort and my 10% subconscious being lazy as fuck or afraid. If I’m doing something wrong or if there’s a better plan of action, I don’t know. Just feels like I’m stumbling around blind here.
Perfect example. I’ve been taking action for months now with my music. But every time I continue a project I keep overthinking shit, fear makes me make bad decisions, and ultimately I continue to strengthen that horrible association I have with creating music. Like a skipping record I just keep doing the wrong stuff and I can’t stop. Because at this point my subconscious behavior is so automatic and ingrained in me that I have to use a ridiculous amount of willpower to get anything done creatively. There’s a core sickness inside of me that I need corrected that’s derailing me, not my lack of action.
(apparently they are like assholes in that everybody has one. If you’ve had enough of opinions for the day, you can skip down in this message to where it says ‘end of opinions’. In any event…)
opinion 1
my intuition tells me that, in your case, the issue is less about ‘getting there’ and more about ‘feeling as though you’ve gotten there’. I think that your journey will be about recognizing and realizing what you already are and what you already have.
If my hands are cold and numb, someone can place a priceless jewel into them, but I won’t be able to feel that it’s there.
opinion 2
right now, your subconscious and your habitual perceptions are making the idea of ‘taking action’ seem like a Mt. Everest to be climbed. That will definitely change over time (although in the moment, it will FEEL like it’s taking forever, due to your urgency to be THROUGH WITH THIS. In retrospect, it will feel that it has happened quite smoothly. With the amnesia of the newly comfortable, you may even forget that you ever felt this way. Hold onto this memory of uncertainty and discomfort, though. Memory of past discomfort is a secret friend who warms you in cold times.)
BUT, you can also make use of your subconscious to help you with the exact same issue that it is currently causing. This is deceptively simple, but ask yourself questions like: ‘If I were to take effective action in a way that was utterly easy, comfortable, and enjoyable, what would that action be?’ And then don’t analyse, just receive whatever images/ideas come to you.
Actually, you’ve already asked the question when you read that sentence. So just notice what your first thoughts were. You’ll be able to tell which answers are coming from your subconscious, because they’re kind of ‘pre-analytical’.
You DO NOT have to do whatever those first thoughts were, though if they’re cool, why not? But just know that this source of easy ideas is always accessible to you. There are parts of yourself that are ALREADY exactly where you want to be. And you can literally ask them questions and get answers from them. They’re just parts of yourself that are a bit more distant from where your identity tends to hang out.
(Since you’re a musician, you can also use music to connect with those distant ‘non-identity’ parts of yourself. Let your subconscious speak to you through songs and words.)
opinion 3
I don’t know if you’re an Aries type (i.e., have Aries somewhere important in your birth chart), but someone I’m close to does, and something I’ve noticed and pointed out to that person is that they are kind of a trailblazer. Aries is actually very, very action-oriented. But it gets extremely frustrated when it cannot take action. If a human being is a train, then Aries identity hangs out in the engineer’s car right at the front. The focus is on 'WHAT’S HAPPENING NOW".
The downside to that is frustration. But the upside is a real PRESENCE.
You have presence, @Fractal_Explorer. Right now that’s frustrating because it’s causing you to be present in an uncomfortable situation. But, fundamentally, it’s a net positive. It ultimately results in a kind of engaged wisdom. That is yours.
We each have our own specific treasures and our unique access to pricelessness. You already have it. Those parts of you are in the process of making friends with you (i.e., your identity, the small you) , but in the haze they can at first look like enemies and even act like enemies. Like in one of those superhero movies where, in the first bit after the hero gets powers, the powers cause more trouble and damage than benefit.
True. I’ve struggled for so long. Lost a lot of time in life. It’s not always easy for me to recognize how much I’ve grown because it just doesn’t feel like I’m any closer to where I want to be. I just feel like I should have been on a better progression with life at this age or I regret all the years I lost when I could have been investing in my own future. Not financially, I mean just my life in general.
Also on point. I guess for me nothing in my life has been easy, comfortable, or enjoyable when it comes to action. I associate action with a lot of pain and fear. But I’ll start asking more questions like you recommended. I think that will help me break out of this fear/pain loop associated with actions. Also I guess a lot of the actions I forced myself to take in life were either a result of approval seeking or just a way to ease fear. My whole perception of life in general isn’t a gift to be enjoyed, it’s just felt more like survival and not screwing up somehow.
Not sure if I have Aries in my chart. But I’m a Taurus. I’ll have to double check that. I actually have a reading of my birth chart done on audio recording from when I was a child that I haven’t listened to in a while.
Thanks for the advice man, it’s much appreciated. I feel small right now. Not really connected to that internal power yet. A lot of people around me have commented that they see it in me. But it’s like I’m almost blind to it or don’t really believe in it. I guess I should take some time to understand why that is vs trying to force that perception on myself as a need to change at this very moment.
The fabric of our minds, of our reality, usually changes in subtle ways, without announcing itself. We’re focused on this tiny strip of it, that forms our awareness. But the path of wisdom involves literally becoming a humble fool, I think; because it involves seeking intimacy with processes that are out of our control, and that stretch beyond our understanding. It’s not an impressive accomplishment, unless you’re talking to someone who hasn’t done it yet. Sometimes, it looks impressive from the outside.
These things I’m saying sound like advice, I know. Mostly due to my habit of using declarative sentences. (See paragraph above.)
I’m actually trying to share my experiences and current ideas.
Here’s one. It was 1998 and I was on an isolated seaside practicing qigong. My teacher had given us some methods for ‘working with energy in nature’. I did the practices as I’d been taught, and strangely, on that day, I became filled with a strong sense of emptiness and meaninglessness. Not the mystical, sexy emptiness that Buddhist students are so excited about. I mean the ennui, Camus-ian type of emptiness. There were a couple of crabs running along the shore and there were seagulls flying above the water. The thought came to me then, ‘If the water swelled up, drowned me, and carried me out to sea, those gulls would keep on flying’. It was a large feeling of empty aloneness.
After I was finished, I was hungry and drove to that bane of my existence, a shopping mall, to get some food. It was the season of some holiday, probably pre-Christmas. A time I’d always disdained: Unaware herds of unaware people doing unaware things. But this day, I had a different thought: If I drop dead here, whether people like me or not, it will mean something. Activity will ensue.
For me, that day, there was an insight of a connection underlying any given identity or story that I or anyone else had. A connection between humans. Not good, not bad; but real and powerful.
I appreciated the holidays in a different way. "Ah,’ I thought. The specific details may or may not grab me, but there’s an underlying thing here of recognizing the significance of our interconnection.
My tolerance of the so-called herds increased. The ‘awareness’ that I’d been prizing so highly, started to seem like just one more human activity, not necessarily more or less important than the others; but beloved to me because it’s my path.
I found that my vision had broadened a bit. But I don’t think it was ‘because’ of the qigong on the beach. I think it was probably happening for a long time before that, and that was a quiet moment when it was just a bit easier to see.
Don’t know how this story relates to you, but felt the intuition to share it. So there it is.
I’ve been running all my life. Always afraid, never facing what I need to face. Being constantly subjected to the fight or flight response I seem to always choose flight. I’m gonna change that from here out, I’m gonna fight for change.
I’ve spent a lot of time with self help stuff and fluffy feel good books and lessons. Every time I didn’t get results I’d try to figure out where I went wrong from the perspective of what other people where saying. That was my mistake. The mind of every person is truly unique, there is no one size fits all solution. And the hand I’ve been dealt in life, there’s a lot I need to overcome.
I’ve also been given the gift of self awareness, but it’s a double edged sword. I’m painfully aware of my own shortcomings, to the point where I’m not able to just fill my head up with desirable beliefs and change like a wishlist. Not like how most people claim stuff like this works. Fake it till you make it never worked for me because I always knew better. I’m sure everyone in life has met those delusional people who think they can do no wrong, are smarter than they actually are, or just bs their way through life. It takes a certain amount of detachment from reality to do that, that’s something I can’t do. But instead of wishing I could just toss aside old beliefs and fill my head with overinflated ideas for myself, I can work on actual real concrete changes I can make in my own attitudes.
We also live in a world now where more and more the answer to these types of emotional or dysfunctional beliefs is to accept you’re human and flawed. I think that’s lame personally. People should be free to be who they want to be, not accept some limited version of themselves. I did that for too long. The answer to suffering isn’t to accept the suffering, it’s to change what’s causing it. That very passive approach caused me more pain and I’m done going through life accepting limitations. Again probably the flight response to changing things that needed to be changed.
Ultimately I need to be stronger. I need to be someone in control. The world is rough, it just is. And I have to build myself up so other people can’t take me down. No more fear of people, no more letting people use that fear to control me, no more being kicked around like a piece of trash on the street by others. When you think of all the people in this world, you start to question how much autonomy they really have? Or are they just following the same negative beliefs and programming I’ve also been instilled with?
I think the real reason I had depression for so long is because I had a very accurate view of the world. I wasn’t pessimistic, but I could see how fucked up other people could be. And I realized this at a young age. But I never had the strength, courage, or confidence to deal with this. So in my mind it felt like I was willingly jumping into a tank full of sharks and hoping for the best. I had no control, I had no power, I was at the mercy of everyone else.
The exact same thing “grown ups” told me all the years. Even a therapist said something similar to me. I didnt know exactly why, but I hated it. When I found out why, I was raging like never before.
The most important reason why I was so furious being, that I believed their lies.
No more.
Interesting take @Lion, maybe it isn’t us, it’s the world we now live in. Maybe we volunteered to try and change it and forgot it was difficult. But what’s the solution to surviving in a fucked up world, be more cynical and distrusting?
Feels like I’m getting closer to reaching a state where I stop prioritizing everything over my own life. Since childhood it’s beaten into your brain to work hard. Now I believe hard work is important, but it has to be for the right thing. Working hard for the sake of working hard is dumb, to get a nice little pat on the back while other people use and abuse you.
This is the nice guy stuff. Just when you think you’re past it, the old behaviors still tug at your life. I’m realizing I’m still caught up in how people perceive me. Thinking if I do or don’t do this, what will other people think of me? What does that make me? And what I should really be telling myself is it doesn’t mean anything. None of it matters. All of life is really just labels people stick on to everything. I can’t just tell myself to stop putting so much weight in other’s opinions because that doesn’t do jack shit. But gradually I feel the emotional impact of how other’s perceive me lessening and that’s really what I’ve been after. Consciously, logically, whatever you want to call it I know full well how irrational or pointless it is to worry what others think. But it came from an emotional core which overrides all that.
I’ve also realized that I want to move ahead, it’s a very strong desire. But very often I’d be so reluctant to go back inward and address the things holding me back. That was my intuition speaking and I’d often try to fight past it or ignore it because I felt it was taking a step backward. The feeling of “shit how am I NOT passed this yet?” But it’s always been that need to move past it faster or fear of slipping back into old ways that left me in the position of never handling it completely so it creeps back in again.
@Michel - we all have heard of the phrase “create your reality”. This can mean one or many of the following:
we “law of attract” people and things into our life which we desire. In this case, we don’t change the world, but we have changed enough so that the environment and people around us, are positive for us
or the world doesn’t change nor do the people and circumstance change but since we have changed inside, we are able to handle anything
or the world actually changes for us since people and things are just thoughts pushed outward.
Am still learning how this works and how subliminals are working to achieve this. So far, the results are good. And in some way, it doesn’t matter how fucked up the world is as along as we get what we desire.
Recognize this inner work and movement that’s happening. You can feel internally that this inner movement means something. As much as you can, celebrate it! That’s not complacency or resting on your laurels, it’s freaking smart. You need to know–to be intimate with–how this works so that you can do it whenever you need to. Also, celebrating your power moves sets up a virtuous cycle (as opposed to a vicious cycle) in which your good energy generates ever more good energy.
These thoughts of strength and purpose grew out of bravely facing the darkness of your doubt and disappointment and then using the fire of your anger to forge a light. That light reveals new possibilities. And it’s going to keep growing.
Struggle of our lives. I really don’t know what the answer is, but Ascension is redressing the balance. Why should what others say and think matter so much? Like they have the key to salvation?
I’ve officially given up on talking about what I talk about here in my day to day life. I’d love to be around people that “get” it, but until I do I’m keeping my mouth shut.
This isn’t just about achieving dreams and wanting more out of life. It’s also my lifelong journey battling depression and anxiety. Two things a lot of people overlook or just don’t understand how they can completely wreck your life.
People just don’t get it. I’m done walking around feeling bad that a series of events in my life led me in a certain direction that I’m recovering from. Done having to explain why my life is complicated even though I’m not in poverty or struggling on the streets and homeless. True I don’t have the toughest life, but it’s not simple either. If it was I would have had an easy solution for it. No my life is a puzzle and it’s always been like that. None of the answers are really external to me. None of the answers are the easily accessible ones society throws at you. But I’m fine with that because I know just going along with what I’m spoon fed is going to make me miserable.
It always struck me when I tried to explain my situation to people (especially elder people) and they were like “Huh? What? Can’t be so bad, hun”
It really makes you aggressive.
What I have learned is that these are exactly the same people you dont want to be around with and you cant have a deeper relationship with them, if they just wont understand.
Life will teach them the lesson sooner or later.
A lot of people really do overlook or don’t understand how depression and anxiety can wreck your life. And that lack of understanding can make things even worse.
At the same time, there are also people who understand very deeply. Some are counselors. Some are people who have faced and struggled with these and somehow made it through. Or are in the midst of it.
What’s your take on a more pinpointed search for support?
I’ve considered it. I got burned by a therapist once. He was a complete asshole. Made me lose a lot of trust in opening up to strangers or people that would help me. Very dismissive, accused me of over-reacting to anxiety and I always got the impression that he was judging me for being 22 and only holding down one job in my entire life as a cashier. He also didn’t think it was a good idea to get another job away from the public or less people oriented. But at the time I was having panic attacks that made it hard to be in those kind of situations so I was looking for something I could tolerate.
Back then I was a lot worse. I came to learn what I suffered from was Avoidant Personality Disorder after finding another therapist who diagnosed me. That’s not my official diagnoses because apparently insurance can refuse to pay if they find out you have an “untreatable” personality disorder. So I’m basically down in the books as social anxiety along with dysthymia. Unfortunately the nature of that disorder makes it really hard to open up to anyone. I’d often be too anxious to say what was on my mind and also had trouble accessing the more raw emotional issues I wanted to bring up. Even if I wrote them down and presented them in my next session, I’d end up sort of brushing it off or doubting if it was legitimate.
That’s kind of why I’ve been going at it alone. I only feel safe exploring these things by myself. And the process of finding a good therapist is tiring and a serious emotional investment. I can spill my guts here because I’m pretty anonymous. But something about face to face interaction leaves me deeply unsettled and defensive, it causes more issues than it helps solve as I try not to paint a false image of myself as perfectly fine. Of the therapists I’ve seen a lot of them have commented how I seem very put together, but it’s always been a well crafted mask. In a way my strength is my weakness as I learned to survive all this on my own, but it’s left me unable to open up about it.
