Ascended Mogul + Ultimate Artist

Journals - Major Programs
#1

So I settled on Ascended mogul and ultimate artist. I’m gonna be prioritizing Ascended Mogul because I feel as much as I have a passion for producing music, I need to get my life sorted. Intuitively I feel that’s the correct choice. Still working out the loops and how much I’m gonna listen at night.

Originally I was going to wait a month to let the other subliminal fade from my head, but I really can’t wait. Hope that won’t cause too many issues. I know it’s not ideal, but as luck would have it since I stopped running the other subliminal the unpleasant resistance type symptoms have escalated. I’d like to work with my subconscious a bit so I can grow without those painful symptoms or at the very least minimize them.

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#2

I think Regeneration or Khan’s Total Breakdown Stage 1 can heal and eliminate all the negative stuff from previous subliminals.

I think you may need this to get the most out of Ascended Mogul and Ultimate Artist.

At least consider Elixir if that’s not an option.

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#3

Appreciate the help. I’m gonna give it a try without it though and see how it goes. Reason being I don’t have that much time to actually listen and the more I try to squeeze in the harder it’s going to be getting a decent amount of exposure for all of them. I’d say that it’s not really negative programming, more like too forceful and jarring. I guess that could be seen as negative though. Oh well, like I said not ideal but I really wanted to try something new after all the struggle I’ve been through with the other subs.

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#4

So I decided on my official stack being 4xAM and 2xUA. Then just looping that all night. During my work hours I’ve got the same thing running on my phone with the ultrasonic. Still adjusting to the “set and forget” thing. The previous subs I ran there was a lot of focus on continuous playback so I still have this left over sense of missing out if I leave the room or something.

It’s only been one night, but I can just tell the difference in how my mind is processing this stuff. I’m pretty adept now at noticing internal changes and sort of processing going on in the subconscious level. Other subs it would feel like I’d run into a brick wall and then I’d have to push. And when I couldn’t always overcome it I beat myself up a lot. There’s definitely something different about these. I’m not gonna get ahead of myself here, but first impression is pretty good.

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#5

Real talk though. I have a lot of fear coming up. Since I was running those other subs a good few years I got to know them. They may not have been perfect but they worked. The subs here are unknown territory for me, so there’s been a little feeling of “wanting to go back”. But I told myself I needed to try something different in my life and that’s why I’m here. On top of that I’m a kind of paranoid untrusting person in general. For a large portion of my life I didn’t even believe my closest friends really liked me. So when it comes to subliminals I’m always highly cautious of what’s going in my head.

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#6

2nd day. Definitely some stuff getting stirred up. Combination of anger/feeling like I need to scream. More like a fed up type of feeling. Which makes sense because where I am at with my life right now I’m very dissatisfied with. Working on integrating these feelings and embracing where the subliminal takes me. Also strong fears coming up, I can feel it in the core of my body literally. Like that deep gut feeling you get when you encounter something scary in life.

I’m gonna be honest here, for most of my life I’ve felt like I couldn’t do anything. I’ve never been the type of person that had confidence in their abilities, intelligence, work ethic, whatever you want to call it. I felt beneath everyone. And with a long history of social anxiety, I was isolated there as well. It’s always tugged at me. No matter how much I achieved, how much people praised me, I just felt like a fake. I still do. It’s why I never progress anywhere in life. And even after years of running subliminals I felt like I was always “getting better” but deep down I just still felt like a massive failure.

Part of me thinks these subs will just be another dead end too. I’ll be honest it was after running a previous sub for about 6 months and having small improvements but nothing major that I lost a lot of hope of ever changing. That’s pretty much been the large majority of my life, disappointment after disappointment when trying to change myself and improve my life. I know that should build resilience, but honestly it wears away at you after a while.

Truthfully I don’t know how I ended up in this mess either. My childhood wasn’t hard, parents loved me, I didn’t grow up poor or anything. I just feel like I completely fucked up. Dropped the ball when I was younger and never faced my fears, just always ran. If I had some kind of hardship it would be more tolerable, but the fact that I was raised in an environment that should have allowed me to grow and thrive, I just fell apart. I mean I did have awful anxiety and I was diagnosed with chronic depression (dysthymia), but those just seem like things that I should have had control over and worked to overcome, not let them consume me.

I guess that’s whats been getting dug into with this sub so far. And it is pretty heavy for me. I’ve been trying to run from those feelings by improving myself for the longest time. But in more of a shameful way, as if I need to hide it and pretend none of it ever happened.

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#7

Reconciling process has been heavy to say the least. Transitioning from one identity to another has always been my major sticking point when it came to change. Simply trying to do it or consciously willing it didn’t work. But it feels like internally the sub urges me to question why something can’t be done vs telling me it can be. This sort of reminds me of when I opened up to someone about my anxiety and they wanted to know why. As I dug deeper I felt more and more challenged, I felt like I was challenging the very idea of having anxiety. So far it feels like that but x1000 and on autopilot so I can see why these subs works so well. However it is definitely shaking things up, even as crappy as my life was and still is I have attachments to it and letting it go seems to be resisted.

But talk is cheap. I’ve written pages and pages about supposed “inner growth” that just amounted to mental masturbation in the past. Don’t want to start doing that again. I think keeping these journals clear and concise will be my goal, that way if anyone else in my situation stumbles upon the forum they can follow a progression that isn’t a novel.

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#8

Realized I didn’t really outline what I’m looking to accomplish in my own life here, so I’m gonna get that down now.

Basically the job I’m in now is a combination of junior system admin/help desk. I got this job(first official full time job at 27 btw and I’m 28 now) starting at $14 an hour. I undersold myself because I had absolutely no formal experience and nothing to bargain with. Currently sitting at $16 hour. I’ve been trying to get a raise, but my department is not recognized as a revenue generator so it’s seen more as an expense or liability. The only way I can get a raise, told to me, is if I attended more bullshit tradeshows. And that was a solid maybe, not even guaranteed. So I’m being taken advantage of and I don’t like it. Recently a new IT director has come on board and he’s trying to push for more projects to get done. But my job duties have nothing to do with those projects, they were just projects I tackled in my free time when not helping people to up my skills. I’m at a point now where I’m not doing this shit for free, I need to be compensated. I don’t know when it happened, but companies just try to squeeze every single resource out of you without compensating you fairly and then you get criticized also for being ungrateful. On top of that I still live with my dad. I split the rent with him and for what I currently make it’s really my best option. Otherwise I’m wasting money in some shitty apartment that’s more like a closet. Also I feel like I’m being pigeonholed into an ERP software that I do not want to work with in the future. My skill building has plateaued because 90% of my job revolves around supporting this piece of shit software I have no interest in working with.

So I’ve been really burned out and the energy I had when I first started is gone because I realized this is a company I don’t want to work for. My goal is finding a new job, one that recognizes my value, get paid an actual livable wage, and doesn’t burn me out to the point I have no desire to work on music in my free time. That’s short term. Long term is getting to the point where my music production skills grow enough where I can license some of my music and make a side income off of that or profits off of bandcamp or something. Have enough of that money support myself so I can work a part time job and have more time for making music vs spending it in an office doing shit I don’t care about.

One thing about me is I value my time. You never get that back. To sit in a office 8-4:30, feeling like my life slipped away and I’m never getting it back, that’s the worst feeling to me. Money is good and all, but it has to be connected to something I care about for it to be something I’m willing to sacrifice valuable time for.

And finally on the women front. I’m fucking terrible with women. I don’t really have a need to bang a lot of women. I just want to be good enough so when an opportunity arises I can get it. I’m a recovering “nice guy”. The whole sex being bad thing, needing to be friends first, not fully embracing being a man, etc. I don’t have lofty goals, right now I can’t even close a date on Tinder or whatever, I’m that bad. And it’s not about game. I just have this ability of having a girl show interest and then completely destroy it by self sabotage. That’s all down to subconscious stuff in my opinion. Once I get that sorted it’s gonna be like “cool you’re interested? Lets get together” done. No more over complicating shit in my head

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#9

On limits. I think myself and many other people believe limits are these things you “fight” or “battle” with. That success, achievement , and anything good in life must come as a challenge. There’s a certain amount of ego in that. Having read and explored a lot on reality manifestation/altering it always comes down to identity. So the question I can ask myself. Do I want the identity of an individual that fights tooth and nail to overcome obstacles and achieve success? Or do I just want to achieve success in the most optimal, straightforward, and easy way possible? People tend to look down on those who have things “easy”. But why? I think jealousy. Because they never had it and they are upset so the only way they feel better is imposing their world view on others. As a collective we shouldn’t hold shame for things being easy. I see subliminals as the next step up in human consciousness. One where we can actually attain what we want without all the excessive struggle that humans have come to think as necessary. Admittedly that sounds lazy/wishful thinking, but what if it was true? Think of all the inventions and advancement that have come along that have revolutionized how people live their lives. It’s not so absurd to think that there’s another level beyond what we’ve been told.

Here’s an interesting quote from the book Reality Transurfing. If you haven’t read it, I’d recommend it. It frames reality in a way that common teachings/ life experiences completely neglects.

People think that obstacles can be overcome by action but in actual fact they ultimately experience whatever their dominant thoughts are. So if you choose to battle against the obstacles on your path you will experience an abundance of obstacles. If you are absorbed by thoughts about your own problems you will find that there are always problems in your life. Even if you take action to change the situation on your current life line on the material level it will not change the original script in the alternatives space. All you can effectively do is choose a different script. By trying to change parts of the script you do not like you inevitably get caught up thinking about what you do not like. Your thoughts are then successfully realised and you end up getting what you do not want.

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#10

A wise man said you live in the reality your mind creates

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#11

So I woke up this morning and then decided to meditate. I slipped into a half awake half asleep state. Weird thing is I heard the masked subliminal in my dream as if I was listening to it but I really had ultrasonic playing. The dream went through some weird themes, I was semi lucid. Then I realized what I thought would instantly manifest. But my mind decided to conjure up my childhood recurring nightmare monster. I shot up from bed as soon as my dream had him creeping though the door. Chills, then that brief second where you come to and it still feels like your dream is happening in real life so you freak the fuck out. Upon further reflection I wondered if this recurring nightmare I had as a child was really a manifestation of my deep anxieties and fears.

There’s definitely something powerful about reaching an altered state where there’s still conscious intervention vs solely subconscious. For that reason I’ve decided to grab Elixir and try it out. I’ve got a love hate relationship with healing. I’ve wasted a lot of time waiting to heal completely, but I’ve also spent a large portion of my life detaching from stuff in an unhealthy way. I used to deal with crazy amounts of dissociation and depersonalization. I actually had to learn how to be ok with emotions other than “positive” ones. So running elixir, I feel like the conscious intervention will allow me to hit areas my subconscious can’t get purely on its own.

The hardest part about all this is there’s no guide or guaranteed path for what will help you. Sometimes I feel deeply fucked up and I just soldier on thinking ignoring it will make it go away. Sometimes it’s less about brute force and more about changing your approach to things. Sometimes you want to be somewhere, but you need to slow down and be more thorough.

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#12

So I gave the Elixir a shot today. I looped it 4 times and was committed to digging deeper to find what’s been holding me back. I don’t know if I’m supposed to consciously be aware of memories or trauma, but I can’t say I found anything solid. But at one point I just found myself repeating “I don’t want to die”. It didn’t really make any sense to me, but I let it be and didn’t silence that part of me. As I focused on my breathing, each breathe out it felt like I released myself further into this trauma. My body felt like it was trying to rip itself away from what was being dug up.

I honestly don’t know what to make of it. Clearly there’s a fear of death there. And I know I was always a highly anxious child. But the part that makes me wonder if it was this life vs another was I got this internal sense of being a woman dying on the ground begging people to help her. I don’t know how to describe it, but you know when you recall a memory and there’s that familiar sense of feeling that goes along with it? It felt like that, except it wasn’t anything from this lifetime. Ancestral trauma maybe? I have Norwegian ancestry in me and the black plague hit them pretty hard.

Time will tell what this was. I’m trying to keep an open mind, but at the same time not let my imagination go off the rails here.

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#13

Figured I’d update on the UA side of things. I’m slowly being able to sit down and just make stuff without fear or anxiety. That anxiety was ruining the creative process for me. I’m integrating concepts better as it relates to music production. I still get overwhelmed at just how good other producers are though. I’ve come a long way from my crappy 8 bar loops. But I still have a lot of sticking points. Finishing tracks is my biggest vice. I usually get this burst of inspiration and a solid idea, but fleshing it out into a full track is difficult.

Kind of hit a low yesterday where I was digging something I made and then turned on a track from one of my favorite producers. Mine just sounded like it was trying to be a song vs actually a song, if that makes any sense. I know there’s a lot I need to improve on and that sometimes causes a lot of anxiety because I start having thoughts like “can I really ever be as good as them?” It’s rare I really like what I make, most of it is meh and I definitely don’t have a lot of pride in my own stuff.

UA has been helping with that, definitely. Some people say “oh well don’t stress, just keep it a hobby, don’t do it so much if it’s that unenjoyable”. But that’s not the right attitude if you want to get better. My ultimate goal really is effortless self expression through my music. Right now it’s very stop and go and it frustrates the every living shit out of me

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#14

Haven’t been able to listen to the Elixir as much as I want. I’m going to make more of an effort to do that because I ran it this morning and it feels like it unlocks my ability to clear these emotional issues. I noticed I have a lot of emotional suppression, aside from conscious meditative sessions it’s almost like they don’t flow through me properly.

I think specifically anger and frustration. Growing up I felt lost, I didn’t want to do what everyone else was doing because everyone else looked miserable. Whenever I tried to express that I just got the same old “that’s how the world is” or “it sucks but you just have to deal with it”. So I started to feel I was delusional or immature vs being surrounded by people with limiting thinking.

Maybe not just those either. There’s probably other stuff that I’m not even consciously aware of. I think my go to coping mechanism is detaching from these so I can keep going. So outwardly I’m functional but internally I’m suffering.

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#15

You’ll get there, I’ve found that the subconscious mind on Ultimate Artist cooperates with your vision rather than sabotages it, it just manages to find the right colour (or note) to put down and it works. But it will take practice.

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#16

I’ve definitely had a few experiences like that recently. But it hasn’t been consistent. Or rather I slip back into old doubting ways and lose that flow. Most recent song I’ve been banging my head against started to coming together more the other days. Instinctively knowing what to change to make it “work”.

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#17

Welcome to the “recovering Nice Guy” club! You describe my life so far, dead end low paying job, passed over for promotion numerous times, living with family, bad, traumatic relationships, friendzoned more times than I can count, creative passion lying beneath the surface…

I’m praying Ascended Mogul does something to elevate all these areas, because that kind of life just sucks. One month on, there is hope…

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#18

Lol thanks man. It’s funny how nobody warns you about this growing up until it’s too late. It sets in motion a series of cascading effects like dominoes that royally fucks up your life. Here’s to hoping Ascended Mogul fixes my shit as well.

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#19

Got a question for you guys. When listening in the moment does it ever feel like your mind sort of starts “focusing” is the best way I can put it? Like it starts aligning more towards the goals of the sub? Because I get this, but I also get a lot of fear that comes a long with it. I usually try to keep pushing forward when it happens but sometimes it feels like I’m just hitting a wall. I’m not sure if I make progress or I just stress myself out more. Any insights? It’s been happening a lot more lately which is odd because I thought it would happen more in the beginning. But I guess it makes sense as the behavior becomes stronger and more ingrained it starts shaking up old patterns and the reconciling process gets stronger.

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#20

Can you explain more how it feels and what you mean exactly @Fractal_Explorer?

What you described there is a bit “abstract” :slight_smile:

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