Wanted, AM, Regen & Elixir

Journals - Major Programs
#9

Wednesday, September 1st, 2021

Update for today:

Recon went away, I feel a lot lighter and a bit relieved, honestly.

Yesterday was intense, and today was much more positive. I wasn’t stressed. I wasn’t dwelling on the past; I was just at ease.

I came to a realization, in a bizarre way.

After writing my entry yesterday, I was drained. I needed a healthy escape. Just forget about my issues for a bit to avoid burnout.

Earlier that day, during work, a co-worker of mine asked me if I knew about the new spiderman movie coming out soon.

I say this because it reminded me of how much I loved spider man growing up. He was my favourite superhero

You see, I had the 90s Spider-Man show on cassette, and I used to watch it all the time.

My favourite episode was the one with Venom in it, and I decided to rewatch it last night just for the nostalgia.

The episode is about a spaceman that grabbed a rock (promethium x) which turned out to be an alien symbiote, a living being that bonds with its host to survive.

Long story short, the symbiote gets on Spider-Man’s suit. He awakens from a nightmare to realize that he is in the middle of downtown Manhattan, hanging upside down in a black Spider-Man costume.

The webs are stronger, and shoot automatically. He’s super strong, and he can now change outfits on demand.

In this episode, he was falsely framed for a crime he didn’t commit (stealing the promethium x from the rocket ship)

And everyone was after him. He grew extremely frustrated with this false narrative that everyone believed.

As a result, he began acting out. Rebelling. In one battle with a villain, and he almost killed him with a steal door. This is unlike spiderman, as he’s one of the good guys.

In another scene, he throws one of the villains off a bell tower but sprays a web to catch him just before hitting the ground.

Spider-man was acting out for two reasons.

  1. The alien suit he was wearing bonds with its host. Meaning it slowly merges DNA with the host and gains more and more control over the thoughts and actions of this host over time.

  2. He’s angry that he’s being framed as a bad guy for trying to do the good thing, which was to save the astronauts from their wrecked ship before it falls off the Manhattan bridge.

I say all of this for one reason. This is how I felt in my last year or so of high school.

Being framed for something I didn’t do, caught in the wrong place at the wrong time. Everyone believed a lie about me and hated me for it.

All because I tried to be the nice guy.

For me, I equate weed to that symbiote. It was something that took over my thoughts and feelings. It made me angry, and that anger made me feel strong. That IDGAF attitude, that was me. It felt like a superpower in the moment, but the whole time it was only to my detriment.

In the show, spider man becomes the one thing he was wrongfully accused of… the bad guy.
A self-fulfilling prophecy.

In high school, I was wrongfully framed as the bad guy. And that’s precisely what I became.
A self-fulfilling prophecy.

Spiderman eventually got rid of the suit, and so did I. And he re-emerged as his old self.

His true self

That’s all for today,

Till tomorrow

  • Mat
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Reclaiming my power - A Journal by MatAlexander305
#10

Thursday, September 2, 2021

(Rest day)

Yesterday I ran one loop of BLU for the last time, 2x Ascended Mogul and 1x Regeneration

This morning I woke up in a great mood, like a really great mood. I was happy and full of energy.

As my day began, I tried to figure out what changed. The only thing I could come up with was a dream I had last night.

It was about that girl, the one I had bad blood with. I don’t remember it in its entirety, but one thing I do remember was holding her in my arms. She was smiling and staring lustfully into my eyes. It was as if nothing bad had ever happened between us, or all had been forgiven, and we made up. It was a sense of pure love.

What’s weird is I dream about her every once in a while. Even though it’s been almost four years since we broke things off, yet I still dream of her.

And I always awaken from those dreams with a similar feeling—one of love and lust for life. The dreams usually consist of some similar plot as the one above.

I don’t understand why, honestly. I’m terrible at interpreting my dreams.

Moving on, this morning, I played LEU for the first time, and I loved it. It’s exactly what I expected—the cognitive enhancements of BL with the powerful motivation and confidence of the Executive.

It’s exactly what I needed. It put me in the zone—the flow state, where everything just effortlessly works out. My mind was sharp, various aspects of my memory are showing improvements, my overall alertness and focus have improved. Problem-solving felt quicker and came easier to me.

Great stuff, a quick note on recon. NONE

I was expecting a little bit as I upped the loops of AM up to 2x. But so far, so good. I’m going to continue with this schedule for now, and if recon isn’t present or at least noticeable, I’ll add in another loop of Regeneration. Or perhaps I’ll add Elixir or Sanguine.

Only time will tell.

That’s all for today folks

Until tomorrow

  • Mat
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#11

Taking notes for my own stacks

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#12

Update

Friday, September 3, 2021

1x Loop of BLU 2x Ascended Mogul 1x Regeneration

Yes, you read that right; I accidentally played BLU instead of LEU.

I forgot to update my playlist, lol

One thing I will say is the effects of BLU are very apparent. Today was another day of just being IN THE ZONE.

The powerful motivation and drive of the Executive weren’t entirely present, but my overall cognitive function was on point.

AM: I’m starting to get my stride back. I now have a starting point in regards to making money online and quitting my job.

Tomorrow I’m going to map out a plan so that I never feel lost again.

Rich people make decisions quickly and stick to them.

Poor people take a long time to come to a decision and rarely stick to it.

If you’re reading this, MEMORIZE THIS. AND DO NOT FORGET IT

It’s so important. I can’t tell you how many times I would’ve succeeded had I just listened to this advice.

For Regen: Nothing major. No recon. A bit of self-reflection again, about past situations that caused me some pain. But it was very brief, no dwelling.

That’s all for today folks,

Until tomorrow,

  • Mat
2 Likes
#14

Okay, update time:

Tuesday, September 7, 2021

I’ve added Wanted.

The basis of my stack theory is a solid foundation.

For me, this includes :

  1. Emotional healing
  2. Improving Financial situation
  3. Improving Productivity and cognition
  4. Improving looks, social skills and social status.

Hence my stack

  1. Ascended Mogul (2x on listening days)
  2. Regeneration (1x Every second listening day)
  3. Beyond Limitless Executive (1x Every Morning)
  4. Wanted (1x Every second listening day)

Wanted and Regeneration are described as “Energy-intensive,” and I felt that on Sunday when I played them both on the same day.

So I’m going to keep them separate.

On listening days, I’ll alternate between the two.

Ex Monday: 2x AM, 1x Regen 1x LEU

Tuesday (Rest) 1x LEU

Wednesday 2x AM, 1x Wanted, 1x LEU

Thursday (Rest) 1x LEU

Repeat.

Sunday: I was exhausted. Between staying up until 4 am drinking and just the stress and guilt of what I did, I was tired. (But I forgave myself and accepted it for what it is)

On top of that, I played AM, regen and wanted all in the same day, which made it even worse.

I sat in my living room all day on my phone.

I even took a nap, which I never do.

It was so boring

Partying is getting in the way of my progress. I want to quit my job and make loads of money online. And waking up semi hungover every Saturday and Sunday doesn’t help.

On the other hand, I feel like it’s something I need to do, to get out and socialize.

Like I said in my last entry, maybe I need to change who I socialize with. And cutting down on drinking would help.

Sober October may be on the table this year.

Sunday night wasn’t a great sleep; I was sleep talking in my head, if that makes sense.

I’d drift in and out of dreams, and I’d say things like “camping trip, skateboarding, Stacy,” just random phrases and sentences.

The following day I woke up feeling a little anxious. Probably from all the scripting being processed. I was worried that’s my “anxiety was coming back.”

But it was short-lived, I did a hypnosis session for anxiety that day, and it helped tremendously.

Now for today,

I woke up feeling alright. Not good, not bad.

Still a little nervous, hoping that my old anxious habits don’t resurface.

And… they didn’t.

I walked into work feeling calm and confident. I wasn’t worried or stressed about anything. I was present in the moment.

I was in a social mood, which is unusual because I like to be left alone early in the morning.

A lot of people talked to me today. I was complimented on my haircut a lot. Had a few good laughs with my boss.

I noticed that when I talked to my co-workers today, I wasn’t self-conscious. Like my old people, pleasing self wasn’t there anymore. I wasn’t concerned with coming across in a likeable manner.

I was just me; on top of that, I feel powerful. Like I’m shedding away old layers. I can feel my self-esteem increasing. I’m motivated to get rid of bad habits like excessive drinking and unnecessary/ frivolous purchases.

Overall feeling really optimistic right now.

That’s all for today folks

Until tomorrow

  • Mat
#15

Monday: 1x AM, 1x Regen 1x LEU

Tuesday Rest

Wednesday 1x AM, 1x Wanted, 1x LEU

Thursday Rest

Friday, Saturday, Sunday Rest

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RVConsultant: Topics, Ideas, and maybe Q&A
#16

Thank you! Going to start this tomorrow :grinning:

#17

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

BACK AGAIN!

So as previously mentioned, I’m running

Monday:
1x LEU
1x AM
1x Regeneration

Tuesday: Rest

Wednesday:
1x LEU
1x AM
1x Wanted (Solace)

Thursday: Rest

Friday: Repeat Cycle

What a week; life seriously keeps on getting better and better. The happiness, the joy, the excitement I experience from day to day is phenomenal.

#19

September 19, 2021

What’s up, sub-club. I’m back again.

I’m starting to think I should do daily entries again.

It’s difficult to recall everything that happened in a week. Mainly what I felt. And that’s key to tracking growth/ results.

So even if I don’t have much to say, I’m going to begin writing daily.

After all, if I want to realize my dreams. I need to shift from a consumer to a creator.

So create I shall.

Now, my overall mood is excellent. That’s one thing that keeps persisting. I FEEL AMAZING EVERY DAY. Genuine happiness.

I hit rock bottom about three years ago. And I felt trapped, imprisoned. It’s difficult to explain the depths of what I went through mentally.

To sum it up, I experienced a spiritual awakening. And I damn near lost my mind in the process. Now that I understand recon and how the subconscious mind works, I think that’s what happened.

Like a stock market crash, MY WHOLE LIFE CRASHED.

My world view, my identity, my sense of personal power, my reputation, my looks, my friendships, my ego, EVERYTHING… shattered to pieces.

I can hardly recall what it was like to live my day-to-day life back then.

It was painful. Either I suppressed it, or I was just high 24/7. Probably both.

Regeneration is slowly bringing back some of these memories and feelings. Mostly at random too. It even manifests through people too.

Last night I was partying with my siblings, and one of my sister’s friends said to me. “You were so different back then; you’ve come a long way.”

Something along those lines, fuck, I wish I could remember, but I was drunk.

The bottom line is she was complimenting me. The NEW me.

I need that sometimes, to be honest. I know it’s not good to rely on the approval of others. But when you have faulty beliefs about yourself that are entirely backwards… sometimes you need that reminder.

Bob Proctor says there are two ways to change your paradigm, a strong emotional impact or spaced repetition.

And it’s moments like that, moments like last week when that teacher told me all those beautiful things about myself.

That created a strong emotional impact on me. Now I carry myself differently.

I once believed I wasn’t that good-looking. Now I know I’m VERY handsome.

I once believed my body wasn’t that good. Now I know my physique is beautiful.

I once believed I wasn’t intelligent. Now I know I’m quite intelligent. More than I like to show.

Understand what I’m getting at?

So running regeneration is a love/ hate relationship. I know I’m going to experience some emotional turmoil after running it. And it’s strong; there are times that I’ve felt sick to my stomach. Fatigue, anxiety, and overall just old, extremely uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.

But after the recon dissipates, it’s like a weight is taken off my shoulders. I feel lighter. Like that invisible force keeping me imprisoned was SLAUGHTERED TO PIECES.

It’s empowering.

Part 2 is coming up…

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#22

If you might need more rest days, please take them.

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#25

September 23, 2021

Now that recon is slowly fading away; I’m getting a strong urge to start making money online again.

My job is getting on my nerves. It holds me back in so many ways. I need to escape this hell hole.

I started going through the course last night, and it’s fantastic; it goes into seminal retention, transmutation and more. I am going to continue it tonight.

I have some results from Wanted; my hair is really soft. And I haven’t even washed or used conditioner in 6 days. Another thing, the fella downstairs is holding more weight than usual.

I do jelqing, stretching and a few other exercises for length and girth. But results are coming in fast. Even just flaccid girth is noticeably bigger.

I’m even getting morning wood again.

So my optimism has returned. I think recon just had me feeling super pessimistic and lazy.

:upside_down_face:

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#26

I’m noticing some profound insights about myself and my behaviour.

Mainly pertaining to dopamine addiction.
Here they are:

I’m a total dopamine junky. I’m obsessed with how I feel. It’s the core motivator for everything I do.

Weekends come around, and I get excited to work on myself. But nothing ever really gets done…

I have this weird self-help mental jerk-off fest where I scan the internet for the best resources. And I always think, “maybe this will be it, this will fix all my problems.”

Buy it, then when it comes to putting in the work… all motivation dissipates.

Motivation gone, all hope is lost. I start to feel stuck again.

Until next weekend rolls around, I go out and party to escape my shitty circumstances. I get some socialization in (which is good, it’s an integral part of my healing process), but the next day I’m tired from all the drinking and lack of sleep.

So it makes things even worse. I already struggle with productivity and motivation. And I only make it worse. It’s like playing a video game on hard mode when you don’t even have the basic skills to play the game in the first place.

I have massive blockages when it comes to “putting in the work.” I’m a terrible student. Studying, taking notes, implementing what I learn is so tricky for me. It’s so dull it’s honestly painful.

I get a crippling sense of depression whenever I try. Occasionally I will feel driven. But it’s always fleeting.

More on healing, I need better friends. More connections, more networking. I wish I could run an inner circle right now rggghh.

I have this urge to go out to new places and meet new people. Like I seriously view partying as a way to network and meet people who can help me on my journey, and vice versa.

Brothers, I can build empires with. And in the process, meet some pretty ladies because what’s life without a little lovin’?

The people I party with now aren’t people I can network or build with. They’re family friends (who I love), but they’re all normies. Not into self-development, stoners, no real ambitions or goals in life.

I seriously think running starkQ would be an excellent fit for me. It’s a single sub that covers a lot of the goals I have, the script isn’t that much bigger than AM. But I also think switching subs could be counterproductive.

I don’t want to swap AM for stark only to realize that running it with Wanted and Regen is too much for me. But then again, perhaps it’d be perfect for me?

Maybe it’ll be exactly what I need.

Honestly, I don’t know; maybe I’m indirectly procrastinating by trying to “change something.” (Something easy. ) All while avoiding putting in the actual work, making real changes that are perhaps more difficult.

Feedback on this would be greatly appreciated.

I also think swapping LEU for Elixir would be ideal for now.

I have lots of healing to do still. And a lot of the work I need to do will help me be more productive and motivated.

It is easier to remove the gunk first than to brute force my way through it all.

Another thing: I sometimes scroll through people’s insta’s and vsco’s for inspiration.

I’m trying to reinvent myself right now.I want to take new photos and start being active again on social media.

So, I look at their feeds, and it’s full of lots of people, different places, and most importantly, it tells a story in a way.

I see social media as a tool. One to express yourself, show off your lifestyle to attract women, and overall elevate social status.

Anyways I look at my social media feeds, and it’s amateurish. The quality of the photos is sub-par. Theirs not a lot of people or different places showcased.

It doesn’t scream “fun lifestyle,” you know. It just gives off a lonely, mysterious and weird vibe that’s hard to describe.

Most people have no idea what’s going on in my life right now, and I guess it’s kind of a good thing for the time being.

But I want to have great socials. One that can be an asset to me. But I need to develop a lifestyle worth showing off.

What would make people interested in me? What would make people want to meet me? What could I do that would make people proud to be my friend?

I want that spotlight, I want people to ooh and ahh over me and my lifestyle, if I’m being honest.

For the Astro people, I have a 10 house Leo north node, so yes, this isn’t just a random wish and desire. The spotlight calls me in this lifetime. I’ve spent much too long being the “observer” of other people’s lives. Watching them have fun, all while I sit on the sidelines daydreaming about what it would be like.

I’m very drawn to people who “shine bright.”
I often ask myself: What could I do to shine bright like them?

I’m in a weird space right now. I want to go go go, but I’m held back by bad habits.

I need to do some healing, then get to work, then it’s time to shine. Does that sound right?

To summarize this giant rambling entry, somethings gotta give. I can’t keep doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.

Maybe I need a mentor; my dad is passive. And he can’t teach me how to do what I want to do. I need direction, a different perspective from someone wiser than I, someone to hold me accountable.

Someone to shine a light on things that maybe I’m not aware of.

I think that’s all for now.

Till next entry…

Deuces✌️

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#27

What is your listening schedule for the next 9 days?

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#28

September 27, 2021

Regen is deep at work. It’s been five days since I listened to my sub routine, and out of nowhere, I’m coming to many conclusions about my past.

Why certain things happened to me. Mistakes I made. Behaviours that sabotaged me.

Another realization about last night’s entry. My urge to swap AM for Stark was probably recon.

I’ve concluded that I have all these huge goals. And sure, I believe I have lots of potential. But what’s potential without action?

You could have the potential to become the greatest figure skater to ever live, but if you never pick up those skates and learn the basics… Then who cares about “potential.” It doesn’t matter.

Right now, I have a weak foundation.

I struggle with basic skills. Most notably studying, learning, and productivity. Building new habits, getting rid of harmful ones, motivation and discipline are also big ones.

Struggling with these makes all my audacious goals seem far out of reach.

This makes me think perhaps I should stick with AM as it’s also a foundational sub. I think stark is a little more advanced, and while it offers all the social/ fame aspects (Inner Circle, PCC, Daredevil and PSIT), plus the cognitive enhancement/ productivity I desire (Limitless) and the Business & Career/ wealth building I need (Emperor).

I’m just not sure I’m ready for it.

Maybe I’m wrong; who knows—just an idea.
The bottom line is that stark fits the exact archetype I want to become right now, so the urge to run it is still very present, but I’m hesitant.

Since Wanted’s physical changes are working real well below the belt :wink::

I figured consciously guiding my mind via taking action towards my other goals was a good idea.

So to help me build a solid foundation, I picked up three books recently:

Atomic Habits (AM), The Presence Process (Regeneration & Elixir) and The Appearance of Power (Wanted).

Atomic habits is up first since my current habits aren’t optimal, to say the least. I have so many great resources at my disposal; the only thing that holds me back is my habits.

I will start reading that tonight, also still going through that course on how to quit PMO forever.

Finally, a little note on my day at work today:

I was in a social mood today. Instead of keeping quiet, nodding my head, and just observing my surroundings.

I made it a point to actively participate in the conversation. I cracked a few jokes that made people laugh and even weighed in on a few political and social chats we had.

This may sound insignificant to most (especially extroverts), but to me, it was a nice change. I’m not usually comfortable stating my opinions with people I’m not “close to.”

They tend to be the polar opposite of what mainstream society deems as morally correct or just different from the general group think/ herd mentality of normies.

But today I didn’t care so much :slight_smile:

Until next time

  • Mat
2 Likes
#29

Current plan is:

  1. Monday (today)

1x Elixr
1x Regeneration
1x Ascended Mogul

  1. Tuesday (Rest)

  2. Wednesday:

1x Elixr
1x Wanted
1x Ascended Mogul

  1. Thursday: (Rest)

  2. Friday: (Rest)

  3. Saturday: (Rest)

  4. Sunday: (Rest)

  5. Monday:

1x Elixr
1x Regeneration
1x Ascended Mogul

  1. Tuesday: Rest
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StarkQ, Wanted and Primal Seduction
#30

Looks like plenty of rest. How is your sleep?

#31

My sleep has been pretty good actually.

I have no trouble falling asleep, I normally wake up feeling rested and ready to take on the day.

My energy levels are good. Sometimes I get some fluctuations, but for someone who does manual labour 9 hours a day, i’d say it’s pretty good overall.

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#32

Oops, forgot to tag you

#33

September 28, 2021

Last night I played: Elixir, Regen and AM (1x each)

When I first started Regeneration a month ago, I noticed old memories pop up at random.

At work, while cooking, just before going to bed. Just random times.

I also noticed a newfound interest in old songs I used to love.

I’ve concluded that this is my subconscious attempting to bring buried thoughts, feelings, events and actions to my attention.

And all the songs: it’s a way of accessing that emotional state or vibration, if you will, where these memories and emotions reside.

Music is the closest thing we have to a time machine. At least that’s my opinion.

I’m starting to notice specific patterns and themes in all of them.

What’s annoying is they tend to happen while I’m working? And I can’t just put down my hammer and go write them down in my notes.

So it’s fleeting, which is annoying.

I’m sure they will return.

Elixir certainly takes Regen to a whole other level. I can’t believe how many connections I’m making and how fast they come.

Oh wait, here’s one I had:

I randomly thought, how can I work manual labour 9 hours a day, yet I can’t even work on myself for a few hours on the weekend.

How am I so disciplined in one sense yet so lazy in another?

Maybe it’s the reward. I get a decent paycheck every two weeks.

Perhaps working on myself doesn’t yield a strong enough “reward” to further motivate me to do it again.

Maybe it’s the environment. And the associations I have with them. Home = Relaxing, Work = Well… work lol.

Maybe it’s because I work with other people; therefore, there is pressure to perform.

This needs more introspection.
Atomic habits probably covers a lot of this.
(Btw phenomenal book, if you haven’t read it. You need to read it NOW)

On the topic of socializing, I’m still feeling pretty social. But something irks me.
I think it’s to do with the people that surround me.

I’m just so different than all of them. SO DIFFERENT. I’m very different from most people, to be honest. And maybe that’s why I have a hard time relating to them.

Sure, I can put on a front. I can wear my “normie mask” if I need to.

But it’s annoying. Why should I lower myself to compliment you?

“Ohh yeah, life is so hard, I hate my life, happy wife happy life, can’t wait to retire.”

Like sorry, I can’t relate. Go co-misserate with someone else who cares. If you’re not willing to help yourself, then I don’t want to talk. You’re a waste of time

The thing is, I don’t want to be a complete social loner.

I already keep people at a distance; I don’t open up to any of them.

Because if I stated my honest opinions, I’d get a bunch of backlashes, question after question, cognitive dissonance etc.

And I have no patience to deal with that. I’m not here to wake those kinds of people up. I’m not Morpheus for the normies.

For example: on the last break, some guy starts talking to me about buying winter tires for his car.

“This place sells them for $649 while this one sells them for $593.”Like okay… why are you telling me this.

I’m 21; I don’t own a car. I know nothing about purchasing tires. The $56 difference is nothing to me; I don’t care about your tires or car. You’re an adult; you can make your own decisions.

Like why are you telling me this? I could be reading my book right now.

Then he talks about some young lad who used to work with him that was lazy and always slacked off. And then compared the kid to himself.

“I’m an old concrete worker; I work out two times a day blah blah blah.”

All he did was talk about himself. Never asked me anything. Never asked me about my day. Even when I go to say something, I’d get cut off mid-sentence…

Even I know that asking other people questions, showing genuine interest and making people feel heard and understood is a good way to make friends and be just be liked in general.

Anyways, I say all this to illustrate a point. And the fact is this:

I want to be more social, but I also don’t want to be a phoney. I don’t want to pretend to be someone I’m not.

Truthfully I think I need to find a better tribe.

Further motivation to get out of this place as soon as possible.

Anyways,

That’s all for today. Sorry for the little rant, I just want to imprint a certain energy in this entry. So that I can remember my what my thought process was today.

Till tomorrow

-Mat

#34

A quick note on Wanted.

My body is looking more symmetrical. My physique has more flow to it. For lack of a better term, It looks more pleasing to the eye.

One thing I have noticed. My jaw is imbalanced.

I always take photos with my right side facing the camera because I always saw it as my “better side.”

When I took photos on my left, I was always put off.

And now I know why. It’s the asymmetry. I predominately chew my food with the right side of my jaw.

So no wonder. Going forward, I’m going to chew my food with my left side. I might even grab some mastic gum and start doing mewing; who knows.