Thank you very much my man. I greatly appreciate it. 
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Thank you very much. I appreciate it. 
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Have a great BERFDAY
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9 17 26 (Listening Day 15)
Peace (1 Minute)
RICH Trader (1 Minute)
Ascension Chamber (1 Minute) -
9 18 26 (Rest Day)
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9 19 26 (Listening Day 16) BATMAN Day
PEACE (1 Minute)
RICH Trader (1 Minute)
- 9 19 26 (Listening Day 16) BATMAN Day part Deux
Yesterday was poignant and frankly revealed probably the most cornerstone healing area in my life that needs quite a bit of healing. Abandonment.
There is a lot of it. And the truth is, some of it is just life. Not exactly abandonment, some of it was perceived abandonment, but it was lumped into the same folder with all the other abandonment by a hurt little boy (me).
This abandonment issue is both life and money. Money is great, but you also have to have a good life. I’ve personally known a few people who had very serious wealth but their personal life was trailer park dumpster fire caliber.
When I lived in Orange County California I knew a few people from Newport Beach. Newport Beach has some very serious wealth. Were talking Bel Aire level (wealthier than Beverly Hills).
Just to give you an idea of some of the people who call, or have called Newport Beach and Newport Coast (next to each other) home: John Wayne; Richard M. Nixon (President of the US); Kobe Bryant; Paul Merage (the inventor of Hot Pockets who sold his company for $ 2.6 Billion to Nestlé in 2002); and a ton of wealthier people you’ve never heard of.
Funny thing is, if you ever got to see the inner world of very wealthy people, many can be just as fked up and even worse than the most fked up person you can think of. They can just be better at hiding it. I’m not saying all are, but plenty are. Newport Beach, Beverly Hills, Bel Aire, etc there are people with serious class and people who act like ass.
Especially the ones who are born into serious wealth. Many are very messed up and the drug and alcohol addiction rates are insane.
So my focus of working on these core areas, and my foundation is and has been my goal for a long time. Sure, running something like Dragon Reborn Red and other titles makes sense. But I had to work on calming my central nervous system first. I did.
My first custom is going after the major areas of my life. In many aspects it’s my own version of DRRed but focused on my biggest needs.
Which brings me back to abandonment issues. In my upcoming custom I already have picked The Worthiness Recalibration which does focus on financial (absolutely what I’m aiming for) but also digs into why you don’t feel worthy. It is an emotional healing module and one I was cautioned would bring up very emotionally charged “stuff”.
I’ll be adding Pride Unbroken to the build. It’s a status module. It’s working on the same area that The Worthiness Recalibration is already working on, but it help me to reframe all that stuff. Build strength from within that my worth is not dependent on others opinions or value of me.
There is little boy inside me that never healed from some hard core events. Hell, I’m tough. I’m brave. I’m the type of person who goes after his fears and bitch slaps them.
My real power animal is the American Buffalo (actually they are Bison). They are an animal with a very rare trait. When a storm comes (often heavy snow) they don’t run and seek shelter like every other animal, they actually walk INTO the storm.
Why would they do that? Because you go through the storm much faster that way. I’ve been to Yellowstone in the early spring (still winter cold with snow on the ground) and they are incredibly solid. Their muscle build is insane. And you don’t realize how large and powerful of an animal they are until you see them charge a car and move it like it’s nothing. You want to talk about an aura of power. Gorillas and American Buffalo are right on top. So are Grizzlies and Polar Bears.
I love wolves. My heart goes to them the most. They are still very powerful, but nothing like an American Buffalo. A healthy Buffalo can repel a pack of wolves. It’s only the sick and young that aren’t able to by themselves.
So back to the abandonment area. lt needs to be healed. There’s a lot to heal, but that is the cornerstone and I know it now and fully admit it. BTW, PEACE will be very instrumental with this. It helps to calm things down also, but will help to dismantle the abandonment construct.
I can thank @subliminalguy for revealing this to me. He asked me a very poignant question in a statement “This issue I really sense is … what are you afraid of?” The strangest thing, I’ve never been asked that question directly. Not like that. I won’t go into my history, but of course things like that come up in confrontations (I don’t have them very often but had plenty in my childhood).
I’m not afraid of a damn thing. But there is still this little boy inside me who is. He’s afraid of being abandoned, yet again. I never mentioned this before. Just never really came up for whatever reason. I was a very different boy. I was a kind and gentle kid thrown into a very Alpha and violent world.
All I ever wanted to be when I grew up was a Veterinarian. All the way until my sophomore year in High School. That’s when I realized that I wasn’t getting a scholarship and I was in this pocket where we couldn’t get student loans on our own until we were 27. That changed in the mid 90’s. It takes as long to become a Vet as it does to become a regular doctor. 7 to 9 years.
Abandonment. And perceived abandonment. Brace yourselves, because here I come. 
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I’ve never read your journal @Forexpreneur. It was intelligent and revealing reading.
For example…
You’re good with words. That’s for sure.
Good analysis of your bigger picture too. Thanks for tagging me.
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Thank you. And you are very welcome in return.
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It’s obvious to me that I need to share this incredible journey I had yesterday on this forum here in my journal. I started a new topic in “Latest Questions and Comments”
Here is the link:
Pride Unbroken & The Worthiness Recalibration (redundant?)
Here is a response from SaintSoverign with a qOS breakdown of the two modules used together in a custom:
"No, they wouldn’t be redundant. They both rest on a sense of inherent worth, but each one deals with a different injury and points that worth in a different direction.
Pride Unbroken is about worth that was damaged by how other people treated you. That includes being left, ignored, passed over, or made to feel you never mattered. It may help you let go of the worthlessness, powerlessness and indignation those experiences leave behind. It may also help you reconnect with a healthy, positive pride that doesn’t depend on how anyone treated you. Its territory is relational: your worth in the face of other people.
The Worthiness Recalibration is about worth that has become tied to earning. That is the quiet belief that abundance has to be justified through struggle, achievement or validation. It may help you release those beliefs, so that receiving feels natural rather than something you have to qualify for. Its territory is your worth in relation to what you allow yourself to receive.
Put simply, one addresses “I wasn’t valued” and the other addresses “I have to earn it.” The two often feed each other. Someone who was made to feel insignificant frequently ends up believing they have to prove themselves before they’re allowed to have anything. Running both in one custom covers the same root from two sides and doesn’t repeat the same work.
One honest note on The Worthiness Recalibration. The self-worth it nurtures is real and general in nature, but the module is aimed at wealth and receiving. I’d treat any wider life benefit as a welcome extension, not as what it’s built for. Since you’re working on both areas, it earns its place. Pride Unbroken is the one carrying the broader, personal side of the worth work in your build."
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- 9 20 26 (Rest)
- 9 21 26
PEACE (2 Minutes)
RICH Trader (2 Minutes)
I listened to these literally just a few minutes before bed. Man, I have to say PEACE is friking awesome. I go to sleep within minutes, night after night. My mind is empty and clean, not stuck on things from the day or the past.
Not sure why, but I don’t recall any dreams last night. I do know I was dreaming because something from outside woke me up, but then I fell right back to sleep. It did feel like very deep work in my sleep but I don’t recall a single thing.
I found a clip on Youtube yesterday that I saved. It’s from the movie “The Founder” which is about Ray Kroc and McDonald’s. There are a couple of things they took liberty of in the movie but overall it’s pretty accurate and a movie I love.
The scene is towards the end when he’s practicing a speech that he’s giving that evening. The scene is Ray talking about Persistence, which is my superpower. I won’t quote it, but he starts off
“Now I know what you’re thinking. How does a 52 year old, over the hill milkshake salesman build a fast food empire with over 1,600 …” Michael Keaton played an awesome role in that movie. Although I also loved him in the Batman 1989 movie too.
I like this clip so much I am very seriously thinking about watching it as part of my daily ritual before I analyze my charts, etc. But it’s also calling me to play it just before I go to bed. It’s literally just over 1 minute long so it’s not as though it takes much time. But it’s very poignant to me and very motivating.
I’m going to have to make it a point to watch that movie again in an upcoming weekend.
BTW, I have to add, I’m in an odd space today. I’m not down or depressed or anything like that, but I’m not bright and cheery and ready to take on the world today either. I think yesterday brought up quite a bit.
In fact, I know it did, but I’m not consciously stuck on anything. I’m not rehashing anything but I can tell there is some deep work going on. I’ll sit with it for a little bit, but then a little later I’ll play some songs that really motivate me. We’ll see what that does.
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- 9 21 26 Part Deux
PEACE (2 Minutes)
RICH Trader (2 Minutes)
OMG. I came across this by accident (no way it was actually an accident) and haven’t seen or thought about this in years. I’m going to share a poem I wrote quite a few years back (during the Great Recession when the markets were completely F’n crazy and then volatility dried up for about a year and a half).
Background of poem and me becoming a lyracist/songwriter
Anyway, I went into therapy for about a year and a half and focused on healing things (I mentioned, therapy rarely gets to the root of your problems). My therapist suggested that I should start writing to get my emotions out. BTW, within a short period of time I ended up becoming a lyricist/songwriter registered with BMG. Never had a big hit song, but I did have some success and it was quite the adventure. Seems like another life ago, but I digress.
BTW a subsidiary of Sony gave me a formal offer but I didn’t take it because I knew the markets would come back and my trading would work out again. Which it did. It ended up being a wise decision to refuse because Sony completely eliminated the entire songwriter/lyricist department about 6 months later. That songwriter/lyricist program had existed for over 70 years (obviously started before Sony). Times change.
Here is the poem:
I’ve Always Loved You
Sweet little child, born into this world so innocent and pure
I’m so sorry what is going to happen to you
There’s no way to prepare you for this incredible pain
Always remember, there’s no reason for your shame
The road will be long and filled with strife
But open your heart and be filled with life
You will find your love, a love so pure
Just take a deep breath while you endure
It will be cold and it will show on your face
But the love in your heart can never be replaced
Be sure to smile and to give a gentle embrace
I promise, in this world you will find your place
Learn to be happy, and to set yourself free
When things get too tough remember to lean on me
I’m always with you, I have always been
I will never leave you, even when it feels like the end
When life gets tough and you wish time would stand still
Just remember child
I have always loved you
And I promise I always will
© 2010
[end]
That poem still hits home today after reading it. I genuinely haven’t seen this in well over a decade. I was making a motivational video for myself and accidently put the video into a personal folder that has a ton of positive quotes I used to make. I then looked at other folders in there that I haven’t seen in a very long time.
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9 21 26 Part Three (Amigos)
Peace (2 Minutes)
RICH Trader (2 Minutes) -
Major revelation
I just came across this post from SaintSoverign that seems to break down what I was feeling earlier today ( from me earlier … “I’m in an odd space today. I’m not down or depressed … but I’m not bright and cheery and ready to take on the world either …”)
Link to the post I’m referencing from SaintSoverign
This is the part that hits the nail right on the head as to what I was feeling earlier: Equanimity
Here is the actual quote from SaintSoverign (well, actually qOS via SaintSoverign):
" … What sets PEACE apart is where it finally takes you: not toward a brighter feeling (like Summertime), but toward a still center — the unmoved point at the heart of all the turning. This is not the warmth of a good day or the lift of high spirits, both of which depend on conditions being right. It is equanimity: the steadiness that holds when the day goes wrong, when the demands crowd in, when the storm refuses to pass.
PEACE works at the deepest level of the body, helping a nervous system that has forgotten how to stop forcing remember its own stillness — so that calm is no longer a state you must achieve and defend, but the ground you simply stand on …" [end of quote]
To be clear, I wasn’t alarmed by what I was feeling earlier. It was actually new to me. It wasn’t the blissful feeling that so much of society programs us to think what “peace” should be. Nothing wrong with that, but no way that could be all the time. Hell even the Dali Lama gets hit with rage, he’s even admitted it himself when he thinks about the Chinese Communist Government taking over Tibet and kicking him out.
Anyway, equanimity. Stable. Not high. Not low. Even keeled.
Yesterday brought up some emotions and memories I hadn’t thought of in a long time. Abandonment, and perceived abandonment, all rolled up into a coherent, tight ball of negatively charged energy. Most of which is unhealed, and not by choice.
Instead of getting carried away with this negative energy, man can PTSD ever do that when it’s unchecked, I intrinsically let it pass like being Rooted Like the Mountain " … Storms move across a mountain without asking its permission, and the mountain doesn’t need to answer them to remain a mountain."
My f’n God! (sorry if the language offends you, I do tone it down). This is one of the major things I’m working on for trading. Life also. It’s detachment. REAL detachment.
Not forced. Not feigned. Real. Automatic. Not practiced. No trying. No remembering. Not even doing. JUST BEING and letting the other stuff be what it’s being and just let it pass on by. Like a storm moving past a mountain.
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- addendum to the above post
I was so excited about this revelation, that I actually forgot to mention what I was actually most excited about.
I’ve very recently experience true detachment (the park incident just a few days ago). What I’m most excited about with this experience today is that yesterday brought up some very heavy memories of things that happened in my childhood.
One incident was so heavily charged I’ve only told one person and that was a therapist that I had an excellent rapport with and I had been seeing them for over a year and it still took three months to even talk about it. And truth is, he genuinely had to talk to a therapist (all therapists have access to therapist mentors that help them deal with their emotions if a therapy session brings it up).
So the emotions and memories from yesterday were heavy, deep, and charged. Honestly I would normally be caught up for a couple of days when heavy stuff like this came up (before I started using SubClub titles and getting excellent results).
I didn’t get lost or carried away by those emotions. And they passed. I can’t even begin to tell you how many I tried this in therapy and my Buddhist practice. Easier said than done, especially if your life had a ton of trauma and abuse.
My next two days happen to be my rest days from the subs. I’ve said it before, but man I love this new modified schedule of having two rest days back to back during the week.
This is now the second week of my new listening schedule which is M Th Sat.
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It amazes me sometime how quickly l can dig into things. BTW one of my superpowers is researching. Part of that is speed reading and comprehension. I can break a few pages down in less than a minute, unless it’s very technical stuff that I have no clue about.
So I was curious if the order of the modules in a custom makes a difference? I found out it doesn’t (at least according to wisdom from a couple years ago).
While researching, I came across a pearl of wisdom from a gentleman I’ve not run across before @Simon . It just happened to have been on a thread of @subliminalguy .
Here is the link to the pearl of wisdom of how to used EOG1 (and really any sub. But frankly is handy for my custom sub)
Simon’s Instructions on using EOG’s First Stage
Overall, I’ve been doing this and intrinsically knew it. But I love how @Simon breaks it down and explains everything.
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- 9 22 26 (Rest day 1 of 2)
I’m taking today off. Not just from the subs but with the trading stuff today also. I was just getting ready to start my trading routine (the actual prep part before I even open charts and plot out a game plan for the day (I’m still demo trading just to get the routine solidified)) and I realized that I need to just chill today and let this equanimity experience continue to gel.
It’s been with me all day today also. My mind is getting more comfortable with it but it’s still treating it as an unknown. It’s funny to me because it, nor I know what to do with it. And that’s the rub. I intrinsically know there is NOTHING to do with it and if I try it will probably disappear and then who knows how long it might take for it to come back.
PEACE is incredibly interesting. Honestly it’s about being, not doing “it”. Not striving for “it”. It actually reminds me very much of the Tao. In the Tao Te Ching it talks about the Tao as being something you can’t chase because it’s always there. You can’t name it because it’s beyond names and labels, etc. PEACE genuinely feels like that.
So what does this have to do with trading? EVERYTHING. I already mentioned it, but with trading one of the things that a pro trader strives for is equanimity. Truth is, it’s very rarely referred to as that, but honestly, that is what you want to achieve.
That way you can read the charts without bias. See things happening before others. Instantly change and adapt with the markets. The ONLY way you can achieve this is with true equanimity.
If it’s still with me today, which it is, I don’t need to chase it. It’s almost like a butterfly just landed on me. You can’t move towards it to take a look. You can’t turn your head to see it better. Just sit with it. Let it be. Let it bless you.
So I’m sitting with it (equanimity) today. I’ll let it do its thing. Maybe it will stay. Maybe it won’t. I know what it feels like now. And I like it a lot. It’s just not familiar yet. So I’ll let it become familiar to me.
We’ll see if it’s still with me tomorrow. I’m very curious now.
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I found a picture to describe what true equanimity feels like (right smack in the middle and yellow on this chart.)
It’s not a let down by any means, but is completely new to me. Any happiness brings you out of equanimity (not a bad thing, and most still consider that equanimity). Also any sadness or anger brings you out of equanimity.
With true equanimity you feel neither. What most people refer to as peace, is a form of bliss. That’s not what this is. It’s neither. It’s difficult for my brain to wrap around and comprehend. But it’s here.
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