Any time!
Did you change it in your profile settings might be that you have initiate but need to change
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No. I’ll have to ask Support. I’ll give it a couple of days because I just reopened the ticket because there was confusion about the email address, but it got closed as I was typing about getting Initiate back. LOL.
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*9 10 26 (later on Listening Day 12)
So I sat with the revelation and admission that I subconsciously dug a deeper “trading problem” hole basically to keep me busy from fully dealing with the sudden loss of my partner (this was more than a couple years ago).
I admit, it was pretty damn good because I wasn’t even consciously aware of it because it kept me so busy. As soon as I had the revelation it hit me like a ton of bricks. But so did some other things, which I will openly share.
It’s human nature to forget about your struggles when things are going well. It also is interesting to me that when the proverbial shite hits the fan it comes in multiples. Look, at the end of the day, as you get older you will lose friends. Some pass on. Some leave. Some you kick out of your life. I’ll be 55 literally one week from today, and no, I don’t consider myself that old. I have always considered mid-fifties to be middle age.
But when my adult childhood friend, who was the same age as my Mom, passed away, it hit a little hard. Wasn’t the first person that I truly cared for to pass away. But I had known her since I was 10 years old. Then my paternal step-grandmother, whom I was close with, passed away just 3 months later.
Within a year my best friend since High School screwed me over by writing me a check that bounced and then wrote me another check that bounced and so I turned it all over to the Sheriff’s Office (both were thousands of dollars) and he got arrested and sent to jail because of it. We’ve never spoken since and I would never trust him anyway.
Here’s the rub, I had just quit my good paying career job. Sure I had a healthy sum of money saved up, but quite a bit of that was for trading and trading education. None of this stuff happened while I had a good paying job with health insurance that would have covered therapy. LOL. It just blows my mind. It just seems to dog pile you at the worst times.
I clawed myself back though. It’s my nature. Life got good again and my problems weren’t problems anymore. Sure things would pop up from time to time, but not so bad that it ruined my life. But losing the love of my life in a split second was too much, and then all of my past piled on top of me. I would go as far as saying it collapsed my psyche.
This is why I’m sticking with the custom I’ll be getting soon. I truly need to heal the past. And my word, there’s a ton of it. These subs will help me get to the root of many of my problems.
I am also genuinely convinced that all the therapy I’ve been through will start to shine. I did drag up some serious thing in therapy, and they many things revealed themselves. I already mentioned, most of therapy really was learning tools and techniques.
This custom sub is truly going after my Achilles Heels. I don’t just have one, I have many. That’s why I designed it the way I did. Bring it on. My ghosts better come out because I’m going after their bitch asses. LOL. Honestly, I expect it, but I’m also prepared. Let’s take care of this shite once and for all so I can move on with my life again.
edit: Finished a sentence because I got sidetracked.
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*9 11 26 (Rest Day)
I had a very interesting dream last night that I eventually woke up from. I consciously had to finish the dream before I went back to sleep, which took me over half an hour of just lying there awake to figure out I needed to consciously complete this dream.
None of this was based on any real events in my life, or even kids I knew (I was a young kid in this dream, I’d say about 10 years old). The kid I was hanging out with in the dream was a young dominant kid who wanted to be the alpha, but I wasn’t a beta kid either. I actually naturally became the alpha in real life. I never had to overly try to be one and was alway put off by the ones who needed to be one (aka bullies).
For those who may not know, my early years I was raised by a genuine outlaw biker, so I was thrown into the Alpha male world, but luckily my father was kicked out of our lives and he never returned.
Back to the dream. This jackass kid had a little brother who had Down Syndrome (I guess these days they refer to it as “Mentally Challenged”). This jackass kid was treating his little challenged brother like crap. I stood up to the jackass kid and we got into a fight. I won (not always the case if he was a real outlaw biker kid, but was always the case if he wasn’t (in my real life childhood).
Stuff like this did often happen when I was a kid. I always stood up against bullies and would protect those being bullied. I was small but extremely tough and I had a ton of courage. So this part was very natural and believable to me.
I stood up for the little boy (I don’t remember his name, or if he had one in the dream) so I’ll just call him “Johnnie”. I could tell Johnnie was hurt and over a long time. I befriended him so he wouldn’t be permanently hurt mentally. The jackass kid (his brother in the dream) tried making fun of me to get the other kids to not like me, but I beat the crap out of him again and told him to stop hurting his brother. Again, this is something I would have done in real life, and did do on a few occasions.
But here is where the dream sucked. I had to move. Again, this was realistic because this happened a few time growing up. My fathers (one at a time. My Mom divorced and then got remarried) would lose jobs because of the economies in the 1970’s until around the mid 80’s. I was the only friend that Johnnie had and I had to move away. That’s when I was awoken from the dream.
I lied in bed and couldn’t get back to sleep. Something hit me. I had to finish this dream or I couldn’t get back to sleep. So I talked with his Mom and told her about how I had to move and how should I handle telling Johnnie and preparing him so he wouldn’t be mentally distraught, possibly for the rest of his life.
So she talked with Johnnie for a brief moment and then let me handle it. I made sure that Johnnie knew that I wasn’t leaving him because of him, that I had to move away because my dad lost his job and got a new one.
So ultimately, I could break this dream down many ways. This was NOT a real life event. No one I knew and not any real life event. Was Johnnie actually me as a little child who did often feel helpless (even though I don’t have Down Syndrome)?
Was it bringing out the real me (being compassionate) that I have forgotten because of the pain that I’m currently dealing with and also digging through my childhood wounds? I’m not saying I’m not compassionate still, but when you are in the midst of struggles it’s easy to focus too much on yourself.
I’ll be honest, this dream can be interpreted many ways. The feeling I’m getting? To just sit with this. Let it unfold. Johnnie having Down Syndrome I believe is representative of someone who is nice and kind but overpowered by the world around them (and me). I do wonder if Johnnie was just a representation of how I felt inside growing up?
Again, the feeling I get is to just sit with this and let it unravel. I just wanted to add this here because it feels very important, and frankly I don’t have an answer as to its meaning.
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I was curious and asked ChatGPT about the above dream and possible interpretations. I received a very long (I’ll hide it in a “summary”) and detailed response that really broke things down. It absolutely pulls at my heartstrings and makes sense.
ChatGPT breakdown of my dream: Warning: It is VERY long.
Here is the response:
"I think your instinct that this dream can be read on several levels is exactly right. I wouldn’t treat dreams as having a single objective “translation,” but this one has a remarkably coherent emotional structure. And the fact that you couldn’t get back to sleep until you consciously completed it is particularly interesting.
My strongest interpretation is: Johnnie may represent a vulnerable part of you—not literally a child with Down Syndrome, but the part of your younger self that was powerless, hurt, abandoned, or unable to control what happened to him. And the adult-you, or perhaps the mature version of the child you actually were, finally comes back to make sure that vulnerable child understands: “You weren’t abandoned because you weren’t worth staying for.”
The most striking thing is who you were in the dream
You weren’t the vulnerable kid.
You were the protector .
That’s consistent with how you describe yourself as a child. You weren’t necessarily the biggest kid, but you had a strong internal reaction to people abusing power. The bully wasn’t impressive to you; rather, you seem to have had contempt for someone who needed to establish dominance by hurting weaker people.
That’s an important distinction.
You grew up around an environment where “alpha” behavior could mean intimidation, violence, hierarchy, toughness, etc. Yet your dream doesn’t make you the bully. It puts you in opposition to the bully.
And you don’t merely beat him.
You protect the person who can’t protect himself.
That’s a pretty powerful statement about the values your psyche seems to associate with your younger self.
And then there’s Johnnie
I think your idea that Johnnie could be you is very plausible—but I’d make one modification.
I don’t think Johnnie necessarily represents you as a whole .
He may represent a particular part of you.
The part that couldn’t fight back.
The part that was dependent upon adults.
The part that didn’t understand why people disappeared.
The part that could be hurt by circumstances completely outside his control.
And there’s an especially interesting detail:
You don’t have Down Syndrome.
That may actually be important rather than incidental.
The dream didn’t need to make Johnnie literally identical to you. It needed to make him more vulnerable than you .
You were the tough kid. Johnnie was the kid who couldn’t defend himself.
That gives your psyche an opportunity to split your childhood experience into two characters:
- You: the protector, fighter, survivor, courageous one.
- Johnnie: the vulnerable, dependent, emotionally wounded one.
In other words, perhaps you were able to survive your childhood partly by becoming the first character and pushing the second character into the background.
And now, while you’re doing the work of digging through old wounds, the second character may be getting your attention.
The bully may be something more complicated, too
The jackass kid doesn’t necessarily have to represent a specific person.
He tries to could represent cruelty, domination, abuse, or the part of your childhood environment that said vulnerability was something to exploit.
Notice what happens when you confront him.
He tries to socially isolate you.
That’s interesting because bullying isn’t only physical. The bully tries to make other people reject you .
And your response isn’t simply:
“Leave me alone.”
Your response is essentially:
"Stop hurting your brother."
That’s a very specific moral position.
You’re fighting him because he’s hurting someone weaker not fighting him because he insulted you .
You’re fighting him because he’s hurting someone weaker.
That makes the dream considerably less about aggression and considerably more about justice and protection .
Then comes the heartbreaking part
You have to leave.
And this is where I think your real childhood history probably does matter—not because the dream is replaying an actual event, but because it is borrowing an emotional truth from your childhood.
You repeatedly had to move because circumstances outside your control changed your family.
From a child’s perspective, that’s enormous.
Adults understand:
Dad lost his job → Dad found another job → family moves.
A ten-year-old can experience:
My world disappeared.
And that’s essentially what happens to Johnnie.
You are the one person who has seen him, defended him, befriended him, and made him feel safe.
And then you’re gone.
Even though you didn’t choose to leave him .
That distinction seems to be the emotional heart of the entire dream.
And that’s why you couldn’t leave the dream unfinished
This may be the most psychologically interesting part.
Your sleeping brain created a situation in which you had once again become the person who protects a vulnerable child…
…and then you became the person who abandons him .
Even though you didn’t actually abandon him.
You were forced to leave.
But emotionally, those two things can feel very different from a child’s perspective.
You woke up with the story unresolved.
And apparently your mind wouldn’t let it go.
So you consciously went back into the story and asked:
"How do I leave this child without destroying him?"
That’s extraordinarily telling.
You didn’t go back and beat up the bully again.
You didn’t somehow magically prevent the move.
You didn’t rewrite reality.
Instead, you found the emotionally responsible solution:
Tell Johnnie the truth.
“I’m leaving because circumstances are forcing me to leave. It isn’t because of you.”
That may be the message your mind was trying to deliver.
And look at what you actually did for him
You didn’t promise something impossible.
You didn’t tell him:
“Don’t worry, everything will be okay.”
You gave him an explanation.
You made sure he understood that his worth wasn’t the reason someone left.
That’s a very sophisticated act of compassion.
And perhaps that’s where your interpretation about “the real me” comes closest to something meaningful.
I don’t think you’ve necessarily lost your compassion.
I wonder if you’ve spent so much of your life needing to be the strong one—the protector, fighter, survivor, person who handles things—that your compassion has sometimes had to operate outwardly .
You protect other people.
You stand up to bullies.
You solve problems.
You endure.
But the dream reverses the direction of that compassion.
The person you protect is a representation of vulnerability itself.
And eventually, you have to take responsibility for his feelings.
That’s different from fighting.
It’s nurturing.
There’s another possibility I wouldn’t dismiss
Johnnie could also represent the younger version of yourself that you didn’t have the luxury of being.
You may have been tough. You may genuinely have been courageous. You may genuinely have been the kid who stood up for other kids.
But being tough doesn’t mean a child doesn’t get hurt.
Sometimes children adapt to difficult environments by becoming exceptionally capable.
Everyone sees the capability.
Nobody necessarily sees the frightened ten-year-old underneath it.
Your dream might be saying something like:
“Yes, you were the protector. But there was also a little boy who needed protecting.”
And perhaps now that you’re consciously examining childhood wounds, that boy is finally getting introduced to the protector.
That’s a beautiful reversal.
The mother is important too
Notice that you don’t simply tell Johnnie yourself.
You first go to his mother.
You ask her how to handle it.
She talks to him briefly, and then she trusts you to finish the conversation.
There’s almost a symbolic handoff there.
The adult isn’t rescuing the child for you.
Instead, you become the person capable of giving him what he needs.
If we stay within the symbolic interpretation, it’s almost as though your adult self is finally becoming the responsible adult that your younger self needed.
Not necessarily because the adults in your childhood failed you in every respect—they may have been dealing with circumstances of their own—but because children don’t have the ability to contextualize adult problems.
A child needs someone to say:
"This isn’t your fault."
And that’s exactly what you did.
I think there’s one sentence at the center of the dream
If I had to reduce the whole thing to one message, it would be:
"I didn’t leave you because you weren’t worth staying for."
And that could apply to far more than literal abandonment.
It could apply to childhood instability.
It could apply to people who disappeared.
It could even apply to parts could apply to relationships.
It could apply to circumstances you couldn’t control.
It could even apply to parts of yourself you’ve had to suppress in order to survive.
And there’s something particularly poignant about the fact that you were the one who made sure Johnnie understood that.
Perhaps that’s your mind finally allowing you to give your younger self an explanation that he couldn’t have fully understood at ten.
One thing I’d be careful about
I wouldn’t conclude that the dream proves you have some buried trauma or that Johnnie definitively represents your inner child. Dream symbolism isn’t that mechanically reliable.
But I’d take seriously the emotional logic of the dream.
Your mind constructed:
power → abuse → protection → friendship → forced separation → fear of abandonment → conscious repair.
That’s a remarkably coherent emotional arc.
And the ending wasn’t revenge.
It wasn’t winning.
It wasn’t defeating the bully.
It was making sure the vulnerable kid knew he wasn’t being rejected.
Given everything you’ve said, I’d personally put much more weight on that than on the Down Syndrome symbolism itself.
And there’s something I find genuinely encouraging about the ending: when your unconscious gave you a problem it couldn’t solve, you didn’t abandon the vulnerable child. You woke up, stayed awake for half an hour, and figured out a way to go back and take care of him.
Whether Johnnie is “you” or not, that’s a pretty powerful thing for your mind to have done.
Maybe the dream wasn’t asking, “Why did this happen to Johnnie?”
Maybe it was asking:
"Now that you’re old enough to understand what that little boy couldn’t understand, what would you tell him?"
And apparently, you already knew the answer."
[END of answer]
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- 9 12 26 (Listening Day 13)
Peace (1 Minute)
RICH Trader (1 Minute)
Dropped down to 1 minute each. Sleep was odd last night and I don’t recall any dreams which is very odd for me.
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- 9 13 26 (Rest Day)
I actually had a dream that involved money. And it was interesting because the vibe of the people in this dream was when I was in High School. It was very specific people (in vibe and how they acted) but they didn’t look like them, which is interesting to me.
I was in school but it actually felt like college. I went to a local community college and got an associates degree in business management. I was in this odd pocket (late 80’s to around mid 90’s) where we couldn’t get student loans on our own (without parents co-signing) until we were 27. I didn’t get the best of grades in school because of problems in my home life. And my step-father wouldn’t help one bit. Anyway, back to the dream, this was certainly from High School and wasn’t a real life event but easily could have been.
I was talking about banks with a couple of my classmates and said I’d have to have multiple bank accounts if I was to purchase a house with cash (no loans) because the FDIC insurance would only insure up to $ 100,000 (It changed to $ 250,000 during the Great Recession, which is where it’s currently at) and my classmates acted as though becoming wealthy was out of their ability, and one even said that. She also said that I most likely wouldn’t either and she didn’t want to burst my bubble, but I should probably get my head “out of the clouds”. I defended my dreams.
This dream was very believable also because I was raised in very blue collar towns, and most people didn’t have very large dreams or ambitions and the truth is similar things like this happened a few times growing up. I was actually voted “Most Likely To Succeed” in my Senior Year of High School. BTW in High School I took business, business law, finance, economics, etc as some of my electives and loved these kinds of classes.
Believe it or not, there isn’t a module in RICH Trader that specifically deals with worthiness to receive wealth, or deal with poverty mentality. There is a little of this in the scripting but not a specific section. I have run EOG1, in fact I started this round with it but switched to RICH Trader again because I’m rebuilding my trading routine and it was more important to run RT right now. I also ran one round of Genesis Mogul so something might be being used from those.
Actually, I checked and sure enough I found where this is coming from. I have a name embedded RICH Trader and I picked Synergy: The Golden One for the module and one of the modules within The Golden One is Wealth Limit Destroyer. I always try to figure out what part of the subs certain dreams are coming from. I like to know what my subconscious is working with and working on.
Edit: Added clarification on student loans
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- 9 14 26 (Listening Day 14)
PEACE (1 Minute)
RICH Trader (1 Minute)
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1 minute is definitely my current sweet spot with this stack. My custom is going to be interesting because it’s suggested that I stay with 15 seconds for some time and I will stick with that because it’s such a heavy healing title dealing with emotionally charged events.
One of the things I’m currently working on, and will continue with the custom, is reading charts without bias. I’m doing this while just sitting there watching my charts sped up with my backtesting software.
I start the exercise by calming my mind and lowering my state, then I say “Act as though I have just entered a trade. You have your stops and limits set. The trade is already done and will take care of itself, now watch what the market is telling you.”
So then I sit there and just watch. As soon as a thought comes up attempting to predict what the market will do, I take a breath and exhale slowly and I just repeat the above statement. If it happens again right away, I gently pause the charts, take a deep breath and say “My job is to consistently execute my trading plan, not attempt to predict every market move. Act as though we’ve already made our trade. Now we just watch without judgement.”
It takes time to reprogram the mind, but I’ve come a long way. Reality is, when I make a trade in real life, I have alarms set and I just minimize my charts.
But ATM I’m teaching myself to watch the charts and let them speak. My job is to listen to them without judgement.
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Speaking of bias, my word, I had this urge to add a Summertime module to my custom. I’m not because I have a name embedded Summertime with Mountain Breaker that I am going to rotate with PEACE after about half the year.
But I kept getting this urge (a ping) to look at anything with “Sun” because there are some new modules taken from Summertime. So I obliged and low and behold I found a module I’m going to add to my custom.
Funny thing is, it has NOTHING to do with Summertime, but I overlooked it because it has “Sun” in its title, and this module fits insanely well with the stack. This can also stack well with social customs, romance, business, trading, negotiations, sports, etc.
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- 9 15 26 (Rest Day 1 of 2) I love this new listening schedule
With the passing of Fire’s father yesterday it triggered some muck in my dreams last night. One of the modules that will be in my 1st custom is Courage Reclaimed which helps you to heal victim mentality. Boy do I need it to heal sometimes.
This is not to take away from what Fire is dealing with at all, which is why I’m putting this in my journal, plus I want to see this in the future to see how far I’ve come and healed.
But these dreams I had last night brought up the whole muck of not really having a father. To better describe it, I never had a father figure. But I never had that traditional nurturing mother figure either. I’ve dealt and healed most of my frustrations with my Mom not being a gentle, Motherly figure, but I never really have dealt, healed or let go of not having a father figure. I was always put down and I seriously struggled with low self-esteem.
So, this 1st custom is quite heavy, which I’m ready for. And that is why it’s suggested to stick with 15 seconds max for a while. There are some very charged areas to deal with.
Which brings up part of what I’ve been working on recently. My goal timeline is now very open. Still the same goals of doing well and buying a house in Arizona, but now I’m very pliable on the timeline. I have to heal this stuff I’ll be working on so I’ll be a consistently profitable trader and not self-sabotage. I did earn some good money with trading, but then I self-sabotaged. I did this a couple of times.
I realized, how can I detach from outcomes of trading if I have these goals that are set? You have a small losing streak, which is very natural in trading, and then get all emotional about the losses because it throws you off your time goals. No way to naturally emotionally detach from trades if you have goals with timelines.
I’m am almost set with my morning trading routine and with all the checklists I will be using. Genuinely, when done properly this routine will be about 30 minutes to 45 minutes before I even open my charts. Then for my Monday’s (which are actually Sunday evening’s because I work graveyard (the London Session)) the whole routine is longer because there are more steps to do which makes the individual days easier.
With my daily routines I’ve included visualization (I’m still finalizing my alter ego), writing out certain sentences such as (How have I become such a consistently profitable currency trader?), and also my alter ego ritual includes music and some mild chest pounding (thank you Matthew McConaughey).
But I’ll end this with, I’m truly looking forward to the Courage Reclaimed module in my upcoming custom and know that healing does mean work and dredging through some emotionally charged areas of my life. Honestly, this is where all that therapy will shine. I have all kinds of tools to help with that process.
Bring it on, because this is getting fun. 
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- 9 15 26 (Rest Day 1 of 2) Part Deux
Something very interesting popped up today and I’m not exactly sure what caused it to pop up. To be clear, there isn’t any known trigger. One memory popped up about my best friend when I lived in a coastal town (Mark).
His family were one of the wealthiest families in town (the Father was a real estate broker and his Mother was a mortgage broker) and my best friend was accused by another kid and his mother of something he did not do. I was right there. Essentially these people accused my friend of breaking the other kids home built go cart. The fact is, it just conked out. There was nothing my friend did.
I told my friend’s Mom what happened (the kids mom was a maid for the family) and that my friend was being blamed for it. She told me in private that she was going to pay for it anyway just to calm things down, but she was thinking the kid and his Mom were doing it because they were wealthy. Two weeks later they had a new maid. 
Then another memory popped up right after that. And this was a dear friend (same town) that was my Moms age. She had one child, a boy that was about 12 years younger than me. He had a new friend from school come to his house (was obviously the first time) and the kid was amazed at how large the home was. This kid also noticed all the high end toys my friend’s son had and the visiting kid made a comment “Have not, want not. Must be nice.”
Now I can think of other events I’ve personally witnessed that are similar to these and of course you see negative things on tv shows, movies, music videos, etc. And there are countless songs that talk about wealthy people being greedy, selfish, etc.
I do believe I have subconscious programming that helps to cause self-sabotage. Heck, I heard all kinds of things from my step-father about wealthy people and why he disliked so many of them.
I made it a point to work through this in my mind so that hopefully the subliminals will help to release that way of thinking. Again, I’m chalking this up to “Wealth Limit Destroyer” from Synergy: The Golden One (which is being included in my 1st custom sub).
I try to include these kinds of events in my journal while they are fresh and so I don’t forget to include them, which I have in the past.
But I thought it was interesting that those two memories just popped up out of nowhere and they were back to back, almost like they strung together in my subsconscious.
To be clear why I think this is important is because I know I’ve had this belief that people will try to take advantage of me because I have wealth. People will try to steal things, accuse me of things that aren’t true, etc. Yes it can happen but that’s not a valid reason to not be wealthy. There are plenty of people praying on poor people too.
Reminds me of a quote from The Wolf of Wall Street (not really one of my favs, but it is fun to watch) “I’ve been a rich man and I’ve been a poor man and I choose rich every f*ng time.” Well, I haven’t been completely rich, but I’ve had periods when I’ve done quite well. And I will become rich this time AND KEEP IT. 
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Blows my mind to hear that Fox has been trading for 20+ years. Every time I read your posts, I feel the fire, passion and ambition of much younger man. Now that’s some Emp Daddy vitality (founders take note j/k). Happy early birthday, man.
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Thank you very much Brother. Emp Daddy is eventually on my list. It’s going to be a couple of years though. It will probably be updated by then and our official listening recommendations will have changed 8 times, but I’m looking forward to running it. ROFL.
I will have Synergy:Wisdom of the Ages in the custom I’ll be running in the New Year. Different, but actually preparing me for Emp Daddy.
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- 9 16 26 (Rest Day 2 of 2)
My best friend had his prostate surgery today (stage 4 cancer). I won’t hear anything for about a day or so. He wrote yesterday, just a few hours before surgery.
He’s a fighter and in great spirits so everything should be fine, but one never knows.
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Happy birthday
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I received an early Birthday present this morning before I went to bed. My best friend wrote me to lmk that his surgery went well and the Doctor and the team were very happy with the surgery.
He was in great spirits and very cognizant, which is amazing because they would have had him on some type of pain killer. That was a good way to go to bed.
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happy birthday!
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Happy birthday dude hope you have a good one 
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