Day 18: No listening.
Day 19: 15 mins KB 3. 30 seconds new LB.
Yesterday I was driving around. I noticed that I wasn’t looking at everyone as they passed me. So to me that said that habit was broken. I guess it was still some seeking outside fulfillment. I also noticed I’m not as interested in the nature scenes. I appreciate it but I was hoping for that experience of the beauty and awe of nature’s beauty again. I guess I noticed I’ve been more self fulfilling I guess. So I’m probably experiencing more of that calm and non-chalantness and being unattached to outcomes, that’s what I’ve been noticing.
I also think that’s more of the alpha side coming through. Even when I’ve been doing stuff I used to be kind of hyper vigilant and notice everything. But I was noticing that I was keeping my focus and it was on what I was doing, not about what other people were thinking of me or watching me. I didn’t bother myself with any of that.
Day 20: No listening.
I had this theory that it was the leadership in Chosen that got all these business women attracted to me. I’ve done 3 loops of new Primal. I haven’t seen any business women who are showing signs of interest. I’ve seen some interest and attraction more from the “normal” crowd. Again, only 3 loops so I’m sure things will pick up as time goes on- and then I’ll have a better idea of new Primal. I would like to stack new Chosen when it comes out with new Primal. I think that’d be a great combo for me.
Today I was noticing a more authoritive sounding voice in myself. I wasn’t trying to do it it’s just how it was coming out. So it seems I’m starting to express some of that confidence in the becoming a natural leader from new Primal.
Day 21: 30 seconds KB 3, about 13 mins of new LB.
I planned on listening to the full 15 mins of new LB, since it’s the last day before 5 days of no listening. I was feeling good until I got to about 12:50. Then I noticed like I got the sense that the gas tank was full. I was going to go the full 15 mins anyway but I decided to stop it just over 13 mins. I didn’t want to overload even though I have 5 days off now.
Day 2 of 5 off. I start the new cycle on Sunday.
I haven’t had any roughness or recon from my 13 mins of new LB.
I noticed that there was a little bit of what I would liken to Daredevil-type traits surfacing. No, I’m not saying Primal is like Daredevil. I’m saying that’s what I’d liken my personal experiences too. It’s gotta be the fun scripting and the not caring what others think or non-chalantness coming through. I used to be a guy who could make my friends laugh and if you weren’t in my circle you probably didn’t ever hear me say much. So I guess that’s always been there but for me it’s been more highlighted, perhaps as an anchor point to be built upon.
I’ve noticed an uptick in my sexual energy/libido again. So I have been “releasing” daily and even more than once. It’s not a have to, I’d say it’s more of stagnation prevention until my new baseline for utilizing and transmuting this extra energy is established.
Had good dreams last nite. I still woke up and was a little cranky today. So some very light recon. I just feel like I need more sleep.
Day 1 15 mins of new Primal.
This will be cycle #3 of new LB in my stack. Cycle #2 of KB 3, and new Primal in my stack. I listen after I wake up but I just wanted to make my official post before bed. New cycle begins!
Just listened to my Primal loop a short while ago. I’m feeling a bit more lighter. I’m not feeling what I’d typically think of as primal, I’m feeling more happier.
Day 2: No listening.
I started my new cycle 1 day early. I guess I got too excited. Today was supposed to be my first day.
I went to the petrol station today. I haven’t been to this one in about two months. It was my regular spot. So the older lady was working, I’d say 50’s-60’s. Still fit and active. Well she was presenting the body language of having some attraction to me. I haven’t seen that from her before.
So I’ll chalk it up to my new stack.
End of night update:
I had some recon come up today while I was at work. Very subtle. From my perspective it was just some old emotion being processed. I used to someone who missed out on plenty of opportunities in my past. Then I became someone who nobody was willing to give a chance to. I don’t feel bad about that and it’s not going to stop me from going for what I want. So I wasn’t feeling sad about it. It was just being processed with the knowing that I don’t have to worry about any of that anymore. I will take advantage of the right opportunities for me that show up, and I will hold up my end of the deal. I can’t bend others to my will, thought that’s never been my style anyway. So after I was realizing that I realized that’s gotta be the new Primal influence.
Once again I’m feeling like I wish I had something to attract the right people. I do still have my sights set on heartsong though not as much. I think new LB is taking care of a lot of that healing along with new Primal and KB. I don’t think I want friends though. Again coming back to most practical would be having a social circle through business contacts or something. Even though I want freedom more than I want to be working all day. As far as when the time comes to switch out new LB, regular Chosen is starting to look more attractive to me again. As far as the previous titles before updates I do think regular Chosen was my favorite title to run.
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Day 3: 15 mins KB 3, 3 mins new LB.
Initial impressions of bumping up new LB to 3 mins. I think it’s just going to increase the positive feelings and help to raise morale and consciousness. So I won’t be expecting any manifestations right away but I would say they’re in the works.
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Day 4: No listening.
Had some nightmares last night. Before bed I was sitting outside noticing how relaxed I was feeling, especially in the shoulders. I haven’t been doing any stretching or anything. I’ve been kind of taking it slow and having more rest days lately. I was noticing how I was feeling relaxed and to me it was like a small taste of Sanguine-like effects. I was able to notice how Sanguine could be a hugely beneficial title just for the relaxation and being free of tension benefits. I was definitely in a heightened sense of physical and mental relaxation, I’d say more physical though in the shoulders than anything.
Night update: I’ve signed up for an online dating site. I gave up on internet dating after having such poor experiences with it. So it’s probably been close to 10 years (maybe more like 4-5, I think I used this same photo last time I put a profile up). I’m older, the demographics have changed a bit where I live. So I signed up to see what’s out there. I haven’t seen a lot in my particular city yet but I’ve liked a few profiles. I’ve already got a lot of likes on my profile. My first thought was this has to be a scam. But it’s never been a scam site in the past, it’s still one of the main ones. And I realized well I’m older now and there’s a lot more profiles than there used to be. Plus now it seems like you have to pay to see who likes you and get all the features, but in the past it would show you who liked you if you liked each other. But the photos are blurry but you can still kind of make out who it is if the profile shows up. But you’re just limited to how many likes you can give in a day if you’re not paid.
Day 5: 3 mins KB3, 3 mins new LB.
I was out and about a little today. I feel like with the NSE updated titles it’s more of an inner world is more lining up with the outerworld. In previous generations, I would find that sometimes the outer changes would be way ahead of my inner changes, so I’d go back to the drawing board and pick a more “healing” title.
So far it seems like things are changing better at a rate that I’m more okay with. That’s also probably going to keep me on titles longer. I can see doing 6 cycles of a title being pretty easy. Whereas in the past I could get switched out after 4 cycles, but that was partially due to the titles being updated and wanting to try the updates.
PS: I forgot that I was driving around today. Feeling like I can get laid! Like I wasn’t telling myself an affirmation or making myself take that on. It was like I just know it.
Day 6: No listening.
Had some nightmares last night.
End of night update: I was experiencing some lows today. Been a month or two and it lasted awhile but not all day. Maybe a couple hours. Some depression type feelings. I didn’t have a reason that came up consciously and didn’t feel compelled to search for one. So I think just more old feelings being processed. I was also feeling more optimistic about my future earlier in the day, feeling like I can.
Day 7: 15 mins KB3, 3 mins new LB.
Still slight healing at times, very manageable. Also get those optimistic moments. Have had a few little mishaps that went in my favor. Like where I order one thing and they give me 3 of the same thing at no charge. These kinds of things have certainly happened in the past but I’ve been in a bit of a drought again. Nothing to where it’s hundreds of dollars yet, but I did get a cash bonus at work too. So things are starting to pick up in terms of things just working out for me.
I’ve still had moments where I wish I had friends but then I think of it and it doesn’t seem practical. But when none of my internet people are around I wish I had someone to chat with. So I just realized that that is a sign to me that I’m not on purpose in those moments. Workouts going good, I am still taking it slow but steady progress.
I had one more thing I wanted to mention but it has eluded me for the moment. So if I remember I’ll add it. Oh I remembered! I was listening to the power of now and practicing the power of now. My intention was to listen 10 times and then go on to the next book that I consider a book to be read at least once a year. So I haven’t listened to either of those books for like 3 days. I listen to them everyday previously. Well it turns out I listened to them 12 times to it’s time for me to move to the next book.
My next book I’ll be relistening to is The Surrender Experiment, I plan to listen ten times in a row. It’s almost 8 hours for the audiobook so that should keep me busy for about a month I’d guess.
Day 8: No listening.
I’m kind of surprised that it’s day 8 already. In the past sometimes it seemed like 8 days was a long time in a cycle.
Had some more pangs of wishing I had some legit friends, like genuine connections. Driving around I feel like I am just going through more healing. But at the same time, I do noticed that we just vibe with some people and don’t vibe with others, so it may not be a matter of more healing. Just focusing on the right people, opportunities etc.
It was also good to see in another thread, khan I think, that some people find that they seem to repel women. It came with the insight that it may very well be because the women are in committed relationships and they’d like to protect those situations. Thus leading to their reactions of trying to avoid you because you’re a sexual threat, just in a way that the best way to deal with that kind of aura/temptation is to just completely avoid it.
I was listening to a short audio book Let It Go: Manifest What You Really Want by Giving Up and Allowing. It actually had some good insights, nothing I hadn’t heard before but in such a simple way that I’d recommend the book to others. One of the things that stuck out from my first listen was when he was talking about how people may laugh at you for thinking you could live other than them. That idea that people maybe don’t want to succeed they want to see you fail. In line with that crab bucket effect. Like say you’re a happy person and they’ll do their best to poke and prod to get you upset and if they succeed they’ll laugh and take pleasure in it. I’ve been through that. So now if I get around shitty individuals I will walk and it’s not gonna take me years, months or weeks, even days. I used to put up with the abuse thinking they’d realize that there’s no problem at least from my end. The author didn’t mention it but this kind of goes in line with the idea that we’ve probably all seen- they tell you not to share your goals with anyone. Well for me if I’m happy and I’m not showing it off, I’m literally just being and somebody makes that a problem, I will leave, I don’t have to stay and wait for anybody else to change. I’ll just keep moving until I find my place or people, I’m kind of in one of those phases now. It always works out somehow for me and I don’t need to force myself to stay where I’m not welcome or wanted.
Day 9: 15 mins of new Primal.
While listening to new Primal I got a mood boost.
Now awhile later my mind is having it’s annoyances. Kind of being kinda cranky/moody. I’m not saying I’m moody because of my Primal loop. Also a little tired maybe didn’t have quality sleep last night.
Today I was driving around in the city for a change of pace. Normally I head out of town away from the people. I do seem to get a little inspiration or at least into the feeling of possibility in terms of what is out there or maybe what I could do for a living, when I drive around in the city sometimes. But I think that’s because of the freedom and I’m just driving without any destination or any schedule I have to be on.
Day 10: No listening.
Still seem to be going through some light healing at times. Slight bit of playing with ideas of what title I might do next. Kind of intrigued by the new Limitless. I would be able to learn and most importantly apply whatever I learn. Whether that’s starting a new job and/or coming up with a way for me to be self employed and make money without a job.
I’m still thinking I will stick to LB and Primal for at least 6 cycles before I’d switch them out. I’ve got 3 more cycles before I consider my first round of KB is complete. Then I’m kind of planning to take 30 days off to experience that extended washout. The longest washout I’ve taken has only been 14 days I think.
Workout update: I decided to go to a 25 lb kettlebell for my 10 sets of 10 swings. I decided to drop the ego and build from the ground up. I tried the 35 lb kettlebell and my back wasn’t happy. So I went to a lower weight to focus on conditioning and drill that proper form. Well first few times went fine. I’ve been learning the movement and having to tweak some things to keep myself injury free. Well the last two days I was wondering why my intercostal muscles were sore. Then I flexed my core to brace like I would for a kettlebell swing, yep! That’s it. The muscles will just need some time to get conditioned. Then I’ll switch to alternating wings. Then I’ll switch to one arm swings. Once I can do that for 10 sets of 10 then I’ll move on to the 35 lb kettlebell. I think this is really going to help me drop some fat and tighten up my physique and conditioning. When I first ever started doing swings I was able to move up to like 80 pounds right away, but I hadn’t drilled that technique and conditioning so I had back problems. That’s why I’m happy to start slow and go light and just perfect the form.
Afternoon Update:
Had to make a walmart run. Definitely picking up some attention even if I’m not looking at people. I’m scanning for the items I want to purchase. People will look at me as if I’m looking at them. I also noticed a few women who I think were interested in me. They never looked directly at me but I could just tell they were watching me without watching me. Like it’s almost like an energy or feeling I’d say. Then I saw one guy at the checkout he wasn’t interested in checking out, though I guess he was ringing up his items. No hurry at all but he was people watching. He was watching me a good portion of the time while I was self checking out. I got there after him and he was still there after I left. Kind of gave me an idea maybe I could people watch, but at the same time I’m getting lots of eyes on me even if I’m not focusing on all the people. But feeling more okay being around people I’d say. And I can really tell the ones watching me, like the parents who have kids and they’ll be corner eyeing you thinking you don’t know they’re watching you like a hawk. I just ignore that, they don’t know me, and just being overprotective at least with me.
Evening update:
Feeling close to tears now. I don’t know for maybe a half hour or so. I don’t have any conscious memories or events. So I’ll chalk it up to old energy/emotion being processed. As I’ve said before this is a rare occurrence for me, maybe every 1 or 2 months. I don’t remember the last time tears actually came, might be a few years.
So that means there’s a good chance of feeling on top of the world and/or being in the flow coming up again.
Day 11: 3 mins KB 3, 3 mins new LB.
Last night I was sitting outside and it’s like more of the Primal came online for me. I noticed in my demeanor and body language and I was feeling kind of sexy and still at ease and relaxed. So I guess that was my bounce back from feeling low earlier in the day.
Workout update: Came up with a new plan. I’ll do the 10 x10 kb swings once a week. Instead of just taking days off, I’ll go back to doing 1 set of kb swings daily with the 35lb weight. It’ll help move the blood flow and speed up recovery and give me that daily time to master the technique while I build slowly up to 10x10 1 arm swings with the 35lb kettlebell.
Evening update: Again I’m feeling a little low at times today. Going through some more of that healing.
DaY 12: No listening.
Again I’m feeling a little low at times. Today I’d say I’m even feeling cranky. I’m not enjoying that relaxed sense of optimism and sense of being at ease like I was starting to enjoy. So I’ll see if I can channel this recon into a good workout today. I’ve had 3 or 4 days of no work out.
Day 13: 15 mins KB 3, 3 mins new LB.
Feeling much lighter today. I spent hours yesterday doing conscious releasing or letting go. Today so far much lighter but I can tell I’m not 100% free of these insecurities or whatever. Just part of the process. Nothing that’s gonna hold me back.
Sometimes I was thinking this again is just deeper level into some Heartsong territory. But I would still not switch out any title for Heartsong yet. That’s still a difficult choice. Would I switch out Love Bomb for Heartsong or would I drop new Primal and tag team new LB and HS. I plan on 6 cycles with LB and Primal but depending on how things go I could see myself testing out HS after 4 cycles of LB maybe.
The nice thing about my deep healing has me going back to the process of just feeling good. The good feelings are already there it’s just a matter of placing attention on them. If you want a name for it the book I learned it from is called Eufeeling. So I’ll need to just keep doing more of that.
I’m also in limbo with working out and rest. I feel like I could use a week off and I’m almost there. But at the same time I know working out helps with feeling good. I’ve found that the technique of just doing the first five minutes, without putting pressure on yourself, is enough to get you to do the whole workout. Say I’ll do the first five minutes and after that if I really don’t want to do anymore I don’t have to.