Listening Day 3: 1m GLM & NE Primal
First look in the mirror and I got that sinched up feeling in the waist again. Like I got tightened up.
Yesterday I also plucked a hair and it was 90% black but the tip was white. It grew out white but had turned black. I haven’t had one of those since probably last time I ran LOTS. But hair doesnt’ grow that fast obviously. So coincidence. I later plucked another hair that was the opposite. It had grown black for 90% but the last part that just grew was white.
Today is my first day doing foundation training again. But it’ll be good. Charles Poliquin found that strengthening the lower back strengthens everything else. So even though it’s not sexy training it will help me be pain free and once again build the base to get back to training how I want. I just wanna do kettlebell work, jump rope, hitting the bag. I’d like to sprint again but I’m not gonna mess with that and just take it slow.
Whew, wasn’t a fresh stretch mark on my bicep. It just looked like one. I was wearing my elbow sleeve while I was at work. I wear it because I only vacuum with one arm and don’t want to get overuse.
I was briefly out and about. I noticed that the respect and deference from men is back already. Still a little bit too aware of how my existence seems to draw attention at times. But the deferential treatment will go a long way. Helping to reprogram the nervous system that it’s okay. Being seen is okay. I’m safe.
Energy was still there. But it was almost anxiety. I guess I have conditioned that having lots of energy can mean anxiety. lol. So when I’m around people I just have to get used to it. That’s it’s alright. It’s okay to even feel good around people. Toxic work places and people had me conditioned that feeling good wasn’t okay. Lots of projection and the like.
Yea I dunno what happened. Genesis Joy knocked something loose or something. Now when I have caffeine I get the good chemistry. If anything I think it helped me knock loose some of that old programming. That yea, it’s okay to feel good.
I also keep forgetting that all the relaxation scripting is probably coming together. When you’re free of tensions you naturally feel good.
I guess I have an unwanted assumption. It’s that people are nosy. Being around more people again since it’s spring. I tend to mind my own business or simply observe. I’ll be kind of jolted out of it by the nosy people who are watching me. So I actually checked with ai, what is the opposite of people are nosy. It gave me poor answers that were still focused on the unwanted. But in the further analysis I got a good one: people respect privacy.
I might’ve had some recon today. I was cranky for awhile. Then I came home and tried to nap cuz I was a little tired. Couldn’t nap and that’s when I got my insight that I must be operating on a negative assumption. If the Neville Goddard material is true. My experience with people after noticing the increased respect, was that people are nosy. So I would like to experience that people respect privacy. I think this was once again that anti-recon in action. The crabby disappeared in maybe a half hour when i put the phone down and gave myself permission to nap or at least try for 30 mins.
Got a bit more clarity. GLM and the anti-recon. I got a reframe. I used to think I was hypervigilant but I’m just observant. After today and experiencing the nosiness of others. I see it as them having been programmed and looking for problems or trouble. I’m literally there not doing anything, and when you get watched like that, if you’re not clear you can think you’re the problem. But then if you’re on the Neville Goddard tip, you’re like yea I am, it’s my assumptions. So then it gets tricky there. But I see myself navigating things better now. I don’t take it personal. And I will work on changing my assumption about people being nosy. But I can see it as them having been programmed. They don’t know any better. And when I thought i was hypervigilant, I didn’t know any better either, until I did. I was probably taking on that programming as well, via them. And not realizing it. Because this is what presents right. So then I’d get caught up in an intellectual mess. I kinda got mental tourette’s is what happened to me. lol. But I see people with actual tourette’s, they’ll say their tick and they just ignore it and keep on track. Because it’s not “them.”
So the violators kind of feed on that. They sense that insecurity or whatever. Then they get their fix. Oh he is bad right. Now they can ignore themselves and bask in their ego of judging and pointing fingers and getting everybody to gather in. No violators today though. 
Just home from work. Now it’s kinda bugging me. I went down by the river for a bit. It’s a public dock area with a camping spot. I don’t usually park though, even though many people do all the time. I’ve been chased out by the law. Just for doing nothing. They make up lies that sound believable too. Oh, somebody called and reported an abandoned car. So your anger is directed elsewhere. That’s why I like learning all the tricks. Though I’m not one to use them. And I fell for it too. That’s why I keep an eye on TWTP and The Art of War. Unfortunately I’ll need those in my bag instead of more fun titles.
Anywyay. I was down there today. Just parked. Not too many people yet. One of the first really nice days again. Was a guy who must have had a boat in or fishing. I wasn’t even paying attention. Wouldn’t have noticed him if he didn’t notice me. But he had those kind of angry vibes. Like he was definitely looking for a problem and I just happened to be there. At the time I just didn’t pay any attention. I just took it as he’s way too protective. But now, I could see that someone like that might be up to no good. They’d feel justified in getting into a skirmish or something to pacify their ego/insecurity whatever it is. But for whatever reason I’m bothered by it now. lol. So that’s a case for revision as it’s called. I could imagine how I’d have like it to have gone. For me it’s not nice, I would have gave him a piece of my mind is the first thought. At least it may help stop ruminating on it. Telling myself oh just let it go. Or whatever other story doesn’t work. So it’s a “me” problem, even though there’s no problem at all.
I used to work at a marina long ago as well. Just absolutely beautiful. Most days I didn’t see a soul. lol. But when the rare human would come through, there’d always be some trash left. And when people would show up it’d be a lot of ego. It ruined my assumption. As I grew up fishing and for me it was about appreciating the beauty, enjoying nature kind of thing. Yet for all these other people, it was about ego and problems. lol.
