Day 12: No listening
If i were in on cycle, I’d be saying I’m feeling a little optimism today. So that might be a first during the washout where it seems like a good day vibe. Not that there were bad days.
Still feel like also maybe finding my footing after some of that inner overhaul.
Also wishing I had some great friends to share life with. But at this hour they’d all be at work thinking about that lunch break, I’d assume. Since the general consensus is that we gotta be at jobs working so we can pay those bills to live.
I’m still not super happy that my workout focus, has become more about being pain free than increasing performance. Like it’s about finding exercises for pain free elbows, knees, and lower back, etc. Seems like an easy fix. Just adding in isometric holds has been great. I wish I’d known about those early in life and did them as maybe a warm up or something. I think I’d be in a much better place now, and doing exercises I’d rather be doing. Like more kettlebell complexes to save time yet be more athletic. Jumping rope, trampoline, heavy bag etc.
So if I could restart my fitness journey, I’d focus on mobility, bodyweight strength, iso holds, and of course kettlebells. More sprinting, jump rope.
There’s still some wanting to change or customize GLM. For me that probably means it’s just digging in there and changing things under the surface. I’m experiencing on the surface as wanting to change something with that title. Whereas mostly it’s been a title that I wasn’t quite sure what it was doing for me.
I think I’ll set my plan as doing the updated Ascension, still on the way. So for me that means, the best course of action is to stick with GLM until then.
Kind of a gamut day so far. Now going through some old stuff. It kind of feels like guilt,shame, and fear. The feeling I can remember feeling when I was a kid. Say I got sent somewhere and I was scared of people. Hearing about all the missing kids back then. So I probably felt guilty for being afraid and shame I guess.
Gave someone a ride to an appointment. I was waiting and this cougar walked out. I didn’t pay much attention to her. But as she was almost out of site walking to her car, my attention was drawn to her. Just in that second it was like she felt something, and turned around and we looked right at each other. I’m not saying she was into me, but there was some sort of “attraction”. Maybe our “auras” reached out and touched each other or something. I dunno. But I just remained non-chalant which was nice. Nothing came of it, just one of those interesting moments.
Also now I’m tired. Wish I got 10 hours of sleep in. I’d say shadow material is surfacing. Probably comes from trauma. Lost innocence. Like a kid it’s all fun and love. I used to wonder why people do bad things. When there’s love and good things. So finding out that people do bad things, and aren’t happy and eventually kind of getting broken down and feeling like I had to submit to that existence as well. The working jobs that don’t make one feel alive and working with crappy people, and having to watch out for the bad, etc.
At least when I realize that the shadow material that comes up, in conscious awareness it’s not running in the background unchecked. It’s not comfortable then I realized it is not running my show, just part of the process, processing it I suppose. So yea, I’d say Primal at work, from reading the copy again. Rooting out those things.
Yea seems to have turned into a processing or healing day for me.
I did find a chick I really like. It’s been awhile since there was a woman I was really into. Of course, she lives states away and no prospects to meet her. But it’s kind of nice knowing that there are probably women out there who really just do it for me. I mean I’m attracted to a lot of women, but like I’ve said, in my locale I haven’t seen many hot ones. Even if I do I’m not like into them.
I think the way I see it the best course of action for me was to be like the guys I didn’t like. Just playing the field and have no loyalty, lol. I was always a one woman kind of guy, and that did me no good. Actually it did, I’m still single, no kids and no single moms thanks to me. 
After all my years, it seems like yea, just enjoy life. Ideally do the things you wanna do, live the life you wanna live. Don’t hurt anyone of course. That’s my policy anyway. Being a good guy hasn’t seemed to pay off. But with experience it still seems like the way to go. Just don’t care about all the judgemental, unhappy crowd, with all their opinions and stuff.
Ideally, still seems like Inner Circle and/or Heartsong is what I’d want. Just to get those right people in my life. Still in inner overhaul mode. Sometimes I get caught up in thinking that a year seems like a long time. But it’s worth it and probably necessary. So just take it day by day.
I can definitely notice how Primal is at work. After going through the copy again and noticing what’s occurring in my world. Definitely seems like Primal is overhauling my world yet.
Still zero interest in going over GLM copy again. Not sure why. I’m going over Ascension though.
Kind of open to Regeneration but with Primal doing some great work, maybe I’d look at LB or even Sanguine instead of GLM for now. I feel like I’d get more out of GLM if I ran Regeneration first. I know I’m getting a lot from Primal as is, so I wouldn’t want a healing title right now. I dunno, I like Spartan too and for me it was an attractive title with power. But if I have the opportunity, I might go with LB even though in this moment it doesn’t appeal to me. Sanguine would be nice since I don’t want to do Regeneration yet. Plus it gets rid of negativity, could help with the shadow material. I might actually look at Sanguine when I restart instead of GLM.
End of Night:
Ending the night with a positive feeling. A little journaling actually helped.
I’m now going to leave the GLM spot open. 18 days left for a 30 day washout. So yea, kinda planning to try out a different title, not sure what just yet. New True Sell maybe, Inner Circle, perhaps? CWON even came up as an idea.
I better make note before I forget. I was having some insight into how “I” affect reality somehow. Don’t have words but just things were almost making sense but more on an intuitive level. Could be some carry over from my time with Singularity previously as well. I don’t really talk about energy anymore but had that interesting experience today. Noticed some other things as well, I’d say yea probably some Singularity influence.
I’m still not feeling like jumping into Alchemist. I am really enjoying the Primal ride for now. CWON is probably what I’m going to go with. just to go more in that direction of being connected to this universe or whatever one calls it. I feel like one probably can’t disconnect from the universe, so he may as well be a positive influence if he can’t help but influence it.