ABC333 Khan Black

[ABC333]

Day 19: 1m GLM

Stayed up too late. Until 3am. Which is 4am a week ago. Woke up feeling great though. Had the sense of feeling free and clear.

I also feel like my feet are on the ground. I’m in a more normal state of human existence. No top secret energy phenomenon or anything. I just say that because it’s more into woo woo, you’re crazy that’s not real stuff, lol.

I haven’t tested it out by going out around people. But I feel groggy now. Like I want to crawl back in bed for a nap.

Also I feel like it’s time to add another workout in my week. I’m probably gonna do my foundation training workout. That’s just like a posture/back pain prevention workout. If I get too cozy and think I don’t need to work out those spine/core muscles eventually I’ve always had a chiropractor visit down the road. But the self traction device seems to really help, if I feel a tweak I just use that before bed for a few days and everything stays right.

After having some of those wild energetic experiences, and then going back to normal is a little weird. I’d say I feel a bit more grounded. But there’s probably some attachment to those what I’d call novel experiences. Probably just more purification, just broke through a layer and now there’s more clearing of another layer. I do feel like just jumping in to Alchemist now, because it would help me stick to my practices and also assist in more of the energetic channel clearing. I think there’s definitely more of that to come. But overall, I feel alright more on the positive side of just existing I guess.

I also might just go with Primal and GLM for at least one cycle. I feel like Primal is loaded and might be better just to stick with 2 titles to get into the swing of things.

I also have 2 women who I’ve always been too. It’s like there’s nothing anymore. So that tells me my energy is probably at work on more blockages or whatever the heck. Also has me feeling like I’d like to do KB for a refresher as well. I’ll stick with Primal and consider it a little breather for a cycle or two.

So for now I’m willing to say I’ve reached a new plateau, certainly not the peak summit, but just an enjoy the view and appreciate how far I’ve come and expect the climb to continue sort of place.

The idea of picking up my guitar and noodling around has been floating around for awhile. I’ve also been looking at this keyboard that I kinda want to buy. Just a used nothing special, but still novel for me. I remembered we had a keyboard in the house growing up, and I could try and learn it.

I think it’s probably because I was planning for CWON, I know last time I picked up my guitar again and started daily practice, when I used it last time. But maybe the energies have gotten clear to where it’s more creative expression brewing, rather than it being about the sex charged thing, a result of clearing/purification.

I still probably have to deal with my issues with being around people for me to really take advantage of say a dating life and stuff like that. I think that would also open up my income producing routes as well, they appear to be linked. Because to make income you kinda gotta deal with people.

Afternoon

Still seemed to be stirred up about people and worried about being judged and stuff. Like I have just this sense of danger associated with people.

Primal will definitely help. Plus letting CFW wind down and sticking with only GLM to finish my cycle was a good call. I got enough stirred up to work with and won’t push it too hard. Live to fight another day, lol.

Regeneration would be a good call but I don’t want to chance it until January. No healing focused titles for me.

Yea, CWON and LB is probably now in my top spot. CWON has been known just to be great and LB is good. So yea, I’ll put off Primal for awhile longer. CWON and LB are gonna be my best bets, as far as what I have in my downloads. I think those will really help me clean up some stuff before I get to the ground work of Primal.

Evening

Haha! Now I have some of that wanting connections coming up. But I think CWON and LB would cover that. Not as good as Primal maybe but I would think they’ll certainly cover the bases. Inner Circle would be good but CWON has the emotional regulation so I’m going to stick with the decision.

After going through the LB thread. I don’t know, man. I’m considering just keeping CFW, dropping to the 30s microloop. Microloop LB at 30s and bump GLM to 1:30. Even though CFW doesn’t have NSE, and that gen I could listen to 15mins. That’s looking really promising. Just add in the LB component and sort of restart at microloops. I know it wasn’t recommended to do healing with CFW, since it’s already super healing, I’ve done CFW with…it was either LB or LBFH, and thought it was great. So that could be the missing touch for me, not recommended for everyone tho. Depends on how one responds to the LB and LBFH.

Night Night

Ya’ll I must have the title switching recon. lol. The way I see it, I start Primal and that’s a 12 cycle committment. So that leaves me right now set on GLM,LB, and one title any title I want for 2 cycles, potentially 4.

So I might just do something crazy and put the fast actin’ Tinactin on it. That’s just a reference to this commercial from the 90’s. It was for like feet spray, fungus or something. lol.

If my new cycle started today I’m sliding S&S in there. I’ve used it before when it first came out. I think anything paired with LB is great, because that might let me get more out of it.

Say I didn’t feel like a title was reaching it’s potential, or mine with it, I’d try the LB with it. Though with S&S I had some quick hits with it. I probably just didn’t spend enough time with it, and probably didn’t have LB in the mix. LB is one of those I don’t need it titles, but lately I think maybe it’s exactly what I need.

I’m kind of annoyed that I got some chest muscle knots or pains. Chest is probably one of my weakest, appearance-wise, body parts. I look in the mirror and I’m getting my muscle tone back. I think I even forgot to do any band work on Monday. So I don’t know how the heck I’m getting this physical shifting. I almost don’t want to start the pushup routine again since my muscles are apparently developing somehow already.

Maybe a late bloom unlock of legacy of the spartan that i ran this summer? I didnt notice much at the time. I felt like spartan apex was hitting at the time.

[ABC333]

Day 20: No listening

4 hours of sleep, woke up from a dream. Got back to sleep for 3 more for a total of 7.

Feel fine once again as far as sleep.

This am my mind had one of my favorite unwanted thoughts, but it had zero feeling. I would say the unconscious was probably working on it sucking the juice out of it.

Had to put my aunt on snooze. Kind of a downer in my feed. Problem and bad feeling focused.

Politics is a turn off for me. There’s this chick I just had chemistry with, but she lives far away. Then she posts one thing and it kinda sours the whole thing for me. I’m not this side or that side. To me it’s like people who call Hollywood, Hollyweird. They find out a little more and it’s lost it’s luster. Doesn’t seem that way with politics, it’s like they get activated for some highly charged emotional issue then they do the rage thing. Other than that they seem like cool people tho as long as there’s no politics.

For me it’s just a little reminder to not get attached. I guess maybe you can never truly know someone. The best thing is to start with yourself. So in a way it just keeps me on track.

I still have these feelings sometimes, that should get me to jump on inner circle. But of course the pull for the fun of S&S is too strong. I guess I still gotta get some stuff outta my system before I’m like alright, Inner Circle is Best for my people situation. It might be like finding needles in haystacks yo find those tight people. IC will help me cut the line.

I want to custom LB and GLM tho. I plan on those for 12 cycles.

I just remembered. I woke up from a dream. I heard the sound of whatever music I was playing on my phone. It was synced up with whatever was happening in my dream. I think it was possibly an S&S presult thing. I don’t remember what exactly but there was a woman and some sort of vibe or something was happening might be seductive sensual sexual thing.

Afternoon

I gotta say, after making the decision to go with LB and S&S next, there’s been zero back and forth. Anything looking like title switching recon, is gone. I guess I was trying to intellectualize and fit into the box of something. It was like when you think you’re solving a problem, but you might be making another one. You’re fixing this because you think that’s what’s best. Yet there was something else that because it was too fun, or seemingly irresponsible, that you brushed it off and ignored it. Yet it was the exact thing you needed!

I just slammed pre-workout. Am I going to workout? Nope I’m headed back to the store first. I’m going to see if caffeine was the missing ingredient. I normally don’t take caffeine until pre-workout. So maybe it’ll help me feel a little better when I get out in the world. lol.

Went to the store. Body had good sensations. I walk in and I’m not doing the friendly body language. More of the leave me alone stuff, without any malice. Just minding my own business with some don’t mess with me vibes. I get to self checkout. Check myself out. Then I get panicky. lol. So I think that stuff is surfacing to be purged. Back around the time I first got into SubClub, I was probably living in daily panic, but to me it was normal. Just do your job, people will realize you’re not a problem kind of thing. But definitely had haters and after a few years of that realized I had to retreat to hermit mode. And I’ve always had anxiety I call it social anxiety. My earliest memory of making a decision about people was like don’t stand out or be too successful or happy, because I knew they wouldn’t like that. They’d get jealous or be offended type stuff. So I suspect these issues go before I could talk. And even though I was panicky, I’m still able to keep it together. I’ve had times in my life where I’d get anxiety in normal situations, but actual dangerous situations I’d get calm and in the moment. So they say that’s trauma I guess. Like today I saw some dude with danger vibes, but I didn’t get scared, lol. I kinda went into fight mode, but not aggressive. I guess maybe like you match vibes kind of thing, but I’m not a criminal so I probably don’t have those vibes, it’s more of a don’t mess with that guy, he’s not a victim kind of thing I guess.

One more listening day. Then everything in the stack is microlooped. Kinda curious how that will go. I know microlooping S&S actually worked. 30 second loops. I don’t know if I’ve ever microlooped LB. I’ve been taking GLM forgranted because I’ve been microlooping it. GLM definitely an essential title for me. LB as well I think, the title I think I didn’t even need anymore.

I just tried joking with my aunt. Got back the AI search assist answer. lol. That seems to be a problem for me. I tend to have a sense of humor, but others take it serious. So then I’m kind of sent back to the drawing board. I just don’t gel with the normal standard human talk I guess. So maybe I’d like some sort of attract people with the same sense of humor module, lol. I think this is still Inner Circle territory. That’s also me, trying again when I probably should give up a person or situation.

S&S must have something in there that is going to benefit me. That’s why it’s settled on my next title again. People say it helps with communication of both sexes too. I think it could potentially keep me busy for awhile, and put Primal on the back burner once again. Between LB,GLM,S&S, I think that’s the whole package for my current stage of development. I was so set on sticking with Chosen, but I think I’m still laying foundation, or at least better fits for my specific current needs.

My ideal stack right now would be: a LB/GLM custom, and a S&S/Inner Circle custom. I could definitely do one but that would wipe out my little cash stash. I would be prepared to do that for the next 12 cycles for sure.

I’m pretty hungry today again. So uhh, yea… Is this some kind of LOS bloom/unlock thanks to glm and cfw? I’m months off LOS, but I’m certainly not putting in the workouts, I don’t believe for getting the physique benefits I’m getting lately. Got a sore elbow again, I’d like to hit that bloom on that pain/injury/tendon strengthening scripting in SI.

The desire to build a S&S/Inner Circle custom is starting to build. There’s a few modules I have and would probably buy one or two modules, everything else I have already. So instead of title switching it’s now onto, must build custom. ahaha.

Why I think my subconscious chose LB,GLM, and S&S: I think that’s more natural for me. Throw in Spartan Apex and I feel like that’s naturally me.

I used to get attracted women, I guess they thought I was okay looking. I’ve had women proposition me. But when I like a chick, it wouldn’t happen or she wouldn’t be interested in me. A skill problem and a self image problem, and a vibe problem. So LB, GLM, and S&S would certainly deal with those. Also I was someone who had a great sense of humor, could get people to laugh. Loved fun. So this could be an LB route, to address those hold backs in me, from expressing my desired traits, help me knock out the self image/fear stuff that I think holds me back. GLM could also be a bit spiritual by nature, those qualities that I certainly value and have attempted to cultivate as well. As well as wiping out the inner reasons why I might get those hater situations, when I’m basically a quiet, do my job, mind my own business kind of guy. Plus I fly solo in adult life, so at work they say the one who gets bullied is alone, and the bullies got their group. I would admit yea, I’ve dealt with that, not so much growing up, but as an “adult” among “adults” at work!

Early Night

Another workout day. Another tough day to get into action on it! Apparently I still have a block or resistance to working out. I did notice that sometimes I’ll start cleaning up my room before I work out. But I still haven’t gotten any insight into what it is. I thought I had it before but maybe that was surface level, and it still needs to be rooted out or seen through.

I get juiced up when I browse through the Inner Circle thread. I might finally make a seduction/people type custom. Not to keep the bad ones away, but to bring in the right ones. Lots of modules I’ve wanted to use but they never had a place in my customs. So the probability is actually increasing that I’ll move forward on that IC/SSX custom after all. Which seems to have come out of the blue. It was not in my plans.

Here’s how i deal with no workout motivation. I just treat it like work. When it’s time to work I just get ready and go.

My libido seems to be back online. I can feel I’m still processing junk. I am wary about being around people. One more listening day and it’s 5 days off. So that should help get me out of the people funk.

If I do a custom it would have to be LB/GLM first. That’s my 12 cycle combo. I’ll just see how things play out with ssx. Maybe I’d like to test Inner Circle store first before a custom. Reading the copy gets me feeling like that’s the one.

End of Night

I’m calling it an early night. Maybe I’ll get a chance at the mythical 9 hours of sleep tonight.

I really am ready to pull the trigger on this SSX/IC custom. lol. I’ll sleep on it let it brew. I have a week before next cycle starts. I think I need to finish the year as planned. Look at it for the new year plan.

Not sleeping yet. But I’m laying in bed. I feel good. I even feel the love within again. That seemed to be in a lull for awhile too.

[ABC333]

Day 21: 1m GLM

7 hrs of sleep. Woke up after 4 from a dream. Thought I might be up but went back to sleep. Woke up from another dream later. But we got our magical 7 hours of sleep in.

Been remembering dreams a lot more lately. I don’t hold on to them though. So by the time I finally get up for the day I have no recall of them.

One of the times I woke up was 7:07am. I did not check the clock the one or two other times I woke up. I’m not gonna say it’s some kind of angel numbers though. lol.

I’m looking forward to getting back in that LB/LBFH vibe. That and SSX, maaaaan. I think that’s just gonna hit the spot.

The way it works for me is just to be in alignment. Instead of trying to force the issue with affirmations and goals. It’s always been about clearing up what’s in the way of alignment. Then I’m in the flow of life. Yea, sometimes I work hard but it’s not a push push push kind of thing for me. I do tend to be on the creative side, and anyone knows creatives tend to not be the go,go,go, work hard types. Nothing wrong with that, either way though.

I have had periods, around when I first got on SC. I was doing affirmations, I had like a 45 minute one way commute to work. I was doing affirmations, and they worked. But, lol, I did kinda get scared. My nervous system wasn’t ready for it, even though it was what I would say I wanted! Like these good things started happening. But I guess I didn’t have the insight or wisdom on how to navigate the haters and negativity directed my way at the same time. That was the stumbling block for me. To me that was just my own poor conditioning and beliefs, stuck unprocessed feelings and internal junk. Instead of changing the situation I was in, that was the wrong idea. Even though intellectually I know experience is an inside job. Like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I still for practical purposes found that getting away from those toxic situations and people is best. Trying to battle and stay in alignment is tricky with those “outside” oppositions. Even though, it’s all inner.

So far today, feeling like just a normal day. No highs, no lows. Just standard life. Which is perfectly fine with me.

Evening

We just changed out clocks back a few days ago. I’m already thinking I wish I had KB stage 3 just for the increased energy. Or, even Beast Unleashed. Maybe I’ll be looking at some of the energy modules for the LB/GLM custom.

I sleep 7 hours but man, still feel like I need that caffeine hit twice a day. Maybe I could try a nap first. 30 mins nap and if nothing, it’s caffeine lol.

Did a quick fit check before my shower. I had to chuckle. For how impressed I was with my arms and appearance in cut off shirts and clothes, I look pretty good. I see that yea, I have some work cut out for me. Midsection needs the most overhaul. But I think that’s the last of the body fat to go on my body. I can see abs but uhh, I got a few % points to drop in the stomach, lol. That should give me extra motivation. Plus I kinda see those aging cues that people get when they get older. So I wanna tighten up for sure. Just need to hit 3x weekly over the winter and the diet is fine. Just been extra hungry, so I would say I am slowly chipping away at it, maybe not dramatically. But a good pace for winter.

I still haven’t found a good pre-workout. I try a sample so I buy a bottle if I like it. But for some reason I found that the first time I try something is the best time. I got a tub of this stuff on sale, 19.99 I can afford that. So last time I bought it I liked it. It helps on my long work days for sure. Not so much for workouts, or just a nice boost. The first scoop both times, I felt good. Got those tingles that some people don’t like, felt the nice energy. Was in love. Every time after that I’ve been disappointed. 2 scoops is 300mg of caffeine and uhh, I can do that. I just don’t like to because 300mg is my self limit for caffeine per day. I don’t want it all at once.

So anyone who can’t buy pre-workout because it’s too expensive. You might be lucky. Sometimes I think just coffee would work just as well, lol. Plus you can drink it throughout the day instead of once or twice. I buy the pre when it’s cheap so I can’t get myself to become a coffee drinker. I like seeing that there’s extra ingredients on the label at least, lol.

I also think it’s maybe better that I journal, instead of having friends. I can see that if I talk like I do in my journal, they might not be so interested. I talk about me. Everybody else usually talks about them. That’s what I used to not like about trying to talk with people. I guess that’s a side effect of not having true presence and connection. I just could never fake it or mask up like normal people. So around people I was usually quiet, unless they were my friends. Not even judgemental, but that’s how some people take it. And the ones who do are the ones talking about everyone else in a judgemental way! lol.

[ABC333]

Day 1 of 5: No listening

I might’ve gotten 9 hours of sleep. I woke up groggy thought wanting more. I woke up maybe 3 times I think. The first time from a dream. It was a pretty vivid dream. I’m thinking with how vivid my dreams are again, I should be realizing when I’m dreaming. I think I could definitely take up lucid dreaming. I always felt that I dreamed so much that I might feel like I had no rest between waking life and dream life.

At work last night I was really trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the custom situation. Again, so many choice and possibilities. I really want a custom. That locks me in for 12 cycles. But that also locks me in for 12 cycles. As it stands GLM stays for 12 cycles. It’s just do I see a multi stager down the road this year. Best plan is just to let it ride for 2 cycles and then check back.

Once I got to LB/SSX being a possible combo that was really enticing. GLM/LB doesn’t seem as exciting for some reason. Though I know It’d be of great benefit to stick with those 2 titles for 12 cycles. No matter what else I do.

Lol yea I just wanna cozy up and pretend to sleep. That’s what my naps are, a state akin to sleep. I don’t try to program though. It’s basically just surrender and after about 20 mins I get up because it’s like a nap where I just get a slight refresh.

Yea, so one of my pet peeves is that apparently just stand out at times. I thought for many years that I just had an overactive root chakra. But it seems the energy at the base was brewing to awaken, how far I go I dunno. It’s not a full activation yet. And I’ve always been a self awareness observation kinda guy. So if I’m aware of my body and stuff other people sometimes get aware. And they do the talk to themselves thing, but don’t realize it. Like say I’m aware of my power center or whatever, then I might become aware of love. Then they gotta say it. Oh, there’s love. But it’s not in any understanding way. I think it’s just the lack of self awareness in them. Generally most people aren’t the seek within types. Sometimes that just bugs me, so then that’s one of the things that makes me prefer hermit mode, and one of the things why I tend towards anxiety when around people. I just dont’ want that hyper focus on me. I kinda envy those people who walk through the world unnoticed. lol.

But I am groggy, feeling a little cranky today. So it is what it is. Normally this is when I definitely don’t like being around people. More prone to anxiety which can mean more unwanted attention, lol.

I have finally seen a couple people talk about some of the things I’ve experienced during this thing. I also tend to find that the spiritual chicks, and even the awakening ones, they’re all in their own paths or whatever. A lot of it is them outwardly rebelling via their words. Trying to cause a ruckus. And to me that’s just because of the things they’ve dealt with. Being shunned and outcast. For me it’s not a rebel, and I’m sure I’ve had my moments. For me it’s about going deeper and not trying to fight the outer. I realized long ago that if I were to argue and fight with people, there would be no end to it. I don’t want to contribute to that problem anymore.

My new sleep routine for the last month is, I only need 7-7.5 hours of sleep a night. One night a week I get 9 but after that one I don’t feel refreshed like I do with the 7 hours.’

My new playlists are locked and loaded. SSX,GLM,LB are on board.

The mind was definitely doing it’s thing on trying to get me to make a custom. Then the indecision. The old wanting everything all at once. But then I take an honest look and it’s best to still keep it slow. I’m only on cycle 3 with GLM, I kinda feel like maybe, for me at least, a title doesn’t really start until about 4 cycles with it. I have gotten those movie trailer effects in the first few listens for sure. But then it seems like we gotta get down to the nitty gritty.

I think I should have microlooped CFW. I’d probably keep in the stack if I had. I remembered my first 4 cycles with it and running everything at 15 mins back in those days. But ever since NSE, I have shown and proven to myself that I get results at 30 seconds. So now I start all titles at 30 seconds and increase by 30 seconds each cycle. I’m really okay with that plan.

Afternoon

It cracks me up seeing how much I write in my daily entries.

I just did my daily meditation. Once I checked in I saw that theres a lot of stuff surfacing. Manageable stuff. It was frustration, some sadness, some restlessness. I would say resisted potential. Resistance to what is. So meditation did not go well. Surrendering would have been the better choice perhaps. Work time.

Evening

Work done. I would describe my inner state today as depressed. Some emotional indigestion perhaps. I did notice when I had to focus intensely on a task it was gone. Like the uhh, How to stop worrying and start living method. It’s a book by Dale Carnegie. I hated that book because all I got from it was stay busy. I’m a letting go, meditate, surrender kinda guy. But lets say you have to work, I could see how focusing on your work would help not get in those feelings. Just in my experience from standing out people would rather focus on me so it was hard for me to focus. That’s why I still work alone and it’s nice.

Lols. Went to go grab a pizza. It was not my vibes man. The whole crew was the uhh, talk about others type. Just kept my eyes on the prize. In and out. I don’t go there too often but last time I went it was different people. These were younger dudes. Sometimes it seems like the older people generally are the mind their own business types, which is my preference. They just doin’ their job, not worried about other people’s business. I dunno I prolly will unpack it. Sometimes the younger people are more in their own sort of worlds. I guess it’s just those nosey types. Some people it seems like you can just go on about your life, and others, all eyes on you. If it’s respect or something that’s fine. I just don’t like that nosey stuff. But who does, right?

I did have a couple women that I kinda liked and would call them friends. They did that nosey stuff but I never had to say anything to them. They kind of instantly got it that they were crossing a boundary and just stopped that.

I dunno. I’m thinking I might stick with CFW and bring in SSX and just keep everything at 30s microloops for the next two cycles. I still may feel like I need the big guns of Dragon Reborn Red, so I can get to DRG.

Might as well stick to it instead of kicking the can further down the road. Maybe I’d microloop Chosen with it. Or IC would be good also to get my kinda people around me. But Chosen would help with the positive attention at least. I mean since I apparently can’t just go invisible mode, lol.

Night

Seem to be still in remodel phase. Last few days I had those old tapes of my getting over my ex days playing in my head at times.

The way this washout is, I might be in for a 30 day washout instead of pushing forward. Rest and recuperate and process. That could be what’s needed. Let the brain/mind catch up, lol.

That also makes sense, I could see what other updates might drop in the meantime. CFW? Probably not yet. But maybe something.

I actually got the pizza for my brother. There was a super good deal. So later I went and got some Chinese food for myself and someone else. Get there of course a little uneasy, is it busy or not. Get in there nobody else is waiting. The place is empty. The woman finally comes to help. Absolutely zero of that BS from the pizza place dudes. Like she was not a violator. That’s what I call those nosey types, violators. The Chinese food lady was just a different species, man. No agenda, it’s crazy just a friendly genuine smile and demeanor. Like I can just be a human and focus on whatever I want but that’d be fine. Say I was focusing on myself, well she wasn’t gonna violate me and pry like that. She’s always just friendly and just a normal decent human. That’s how I’m gonna put it. So that was nice.

I’m still kind of loosely anticipating taking 30 days off yet. I don’t think I’ve done 30 days off this year yet.

I just realized that yea I move through stuff quicker now. Sometimes it gets a bit intense. And sometimes it seems like I lived a whole week in a day, lol. That’s wild. Probably just the fast track growth. I still haven’t had my vacation phase today, in that case. But I think it’ll be another early night since work is done for the day.

This is the kind of stuff I was facing daily like 5 years ago. As far as people. There were the violators, and the people who could only see good. And the neutrals. As far as my preference I kinda liked the neutrals. They were just out living their lives, not bothering anybody and not being bothered. At least from appearances. They probably had their own things to deal with like everyone else, but outwardly just normal unassuming people. Not taking it out on themselves or more commonly everybody else.

So I don’t know. Just old shadows resurfacing because maybe those beliefs or blocks or whatever in me are finally getting addressed and open heartedly purged. I just get to see that sort of reflection or the old, remember this stuff? Yea I do, and I’m fed up with it. Even though it hasn’t been much a part of my life except rare instances lately, lol.

On the workout front I’m planning to add a third day. A medicine ball workout. Nothing too intense or crazy. I have a 25 lb and a 10lb. I will definitely use the 10lb. Maybe it’s their shape or something but the same weight in a dumbell isn’t the same. A ball just seems heavier. So I think 10lbs will actually be fine to start. I plan on more conditioning with it, more of to get the blood moving and maybe help with recovery until I get back into the swing of things. I don’t plan on that until January though. Holiday months mean, I could miss workouts or just not have time for a full workout due to people showing up randomly and whatever else.

I just remembered that the store I made my regular store. I switched because my old regular got a new guy who was hating me. Never seen him before in my life. Well I been getting anxiety at this store lately. I just realized that when I see the workers they’re not friendly. They’re more of the they have to work and they’re not happy. They may not be vocal because theyre just stocking shelves or whatever. But not happy people. Kind of resigned to their misery sort of thing.

I think I need 30 days off. But I’m thinking I gotta stick with the Chosen line and LB and GLM stays. But IC is a contender, DRR of course, and I still want to get SSX in there. But heck after writing all this stuff I still see a case for Primal as well.

[ABC333]

Day 2: Washout

7 hrs of sleep. Maybe slightly less. I finally got to sleep. Woke up from a dream. It felt like a deep sleep. Checked the clock and only an hour had passed. I was pretty awake too, but got back to sleep.

Feeling like I can walk around with my head held high. After a run in with some violators last night. I know that’s not everyone. I just have one spot I no longer go to. My presence will no longer be freely given to those people. I can see why many people like to try to stir people up with their voices though. When you go through shitty experiences courtesy of other people, a part of you does want to lash out. If it helped I would probably do it. But my answer is I just don’t go there. Since that’s really a matter of like some of these native traditions say there’s just places of the land that humans just shouldn’t go. There’s nothing you can do about it and the best and safest bet is to stay away.

Today I’m going to slap together a GLM/SSX custom. Slap that baby together like a Thanksgiving turkey. lol. jkjk. Gotta do the research. Just got this desire to bring in some SSX. That would let me keep the Chosen line, I wouldn’t need to do LB. I could add in the venus synergy back with Love Without Attachment module, and cover that base. Another custom that is aimed at patching up those weak spots while having a more positive focus. My other customs tended to be more on building an iron wall against those violator types. So I want to try accentuate the positives a bit more this next custom.

Got a slight headache. It’s cold af. I’m feeling like I could use more sleep. Yep 30 days off, it’s settled. I feel like there’s processing going on in the unconscious. I can’t wait until this energy gets free to go straight to the tippy top. I think that’ll give me that brain boost. I do remember awhile back I was always talking about wanting a brain boost. So that could just be a sign that an extended washout is due as well. And I think from here on out I’m microlooping until I find the sweet spot. I probably didn’t need to max out SI then CFW at 15 mins. I was just in smash the walls and get the results mode. Which I think is fine at the appropriate times. Rest and taking things slow is also necessary at times.

Afternoon

Yes sir! I bounced back. Laughing at things. Zero rumination or feelings about the violator peoples. This is before pre-workout. Feels good, man.

I got a mock up of a GLM/SSX custom ready. A little more expensive than I planned. Thanks to some of the modules. But this is a 12 cycle comittment. GLM kinda mucked things up for me. I was planning for Primal and Chosen. But GLM is essential in my development. Since I already started I don’t want to give up. So my custom would blend a touch of SI. A touch of Primal. I saw Essence: Protector’s Authority, so that’s from Emperor Daddy, I think it fits better than Rogue which I was gonna just go with finally.

Also got the Energetic Transcended I think, synergy module. So that will cover the energetic base. No need for Alchemist or KB. That would open my options for a potential DRR then DRG run. Planning on just running 2 titles all year next year. It would be this GLM/SSX custom and yea, potentially DRR.

What the heck. I just took my pre-workout scoop before typing the afternoon update. I’m feeling those tingles and a boost. I thought I had a dud of a tub. Maybe my biology bounced back or something with the addition of the good feelings. Mind/body connection, dumped some junk and now I’m feeling a bit free again. I been taking this for a week, and even two scoops wasn’t hitting much. This is one scoop. I dunno, I gotta get to da workout now. Can’t waste it, lol like I tended to.

Oh, I know what I did now. I took some niacin with the pre-workout. So increased circulation and the pre is able to hit better. That’s the trick…

Evening

Yep. That little energy boost didn’t last too long. Need to hit the ground running when I’m feeling good. Got a sneeze now, and a runny nose now. Feeling like a nap. So I’ll do the state akin to sleep, which is just pretend to nap for 20 minutes. I either fall asleep, fall asleep for a moment, or just snap out of it and feel a little refreshed.

I am looking at my LBFH/DRLD custom. It’s a custom and so maybe I’ll take that for another spin. The only thing is the tricky aspect of wanting to stick to 2 titles when there’s a custom or multi-stager in the mix. I don’t have enough of anything resembling SSX in that custom. I have Long-Range Seduction. I been kinda wary of it, because when I was getting over my ex, I was driving to my second job location, and I saw her riding bike. I’ve never seen her in my city before or since though. So maybe that was just a fluke. lol. It was a bit of a long distance situation anyway. So it wouldn’t have really worked for a “real” relationship anyway.

Yea. The run ins and past experiences with the violator types, seems to put a damper on my normal life. My mind gets a little on edge that any interaction is a potential violator situation. If there’s anything good about it, it does help me weed out people. I’ve had violator types ruin friendships. My last few people I thought were friends got influenced by violators and they dropped off. Even my last best friend, last time I hung out with him turned out to be a violator. I don’t mind the solo path I really don’t. Even others who’ve had awakenings don’t gel with me either. I always approached people with an unconditional acceptance. But I guess that’s been a downfall and a blessing of mine. Keeps me on the path and weeds out people.

There’s a quote like, be by yourself and do your work diligently. No matter how isolated you are the right people will seek you out. Maybe, so far nadda. I do occasionally get surprised when I meet just decent good natured people with no agendas though. But that’s been just in passing, no relationships built.

Night

It’s tough for me seeing other people struggling and unhappy. But also just being me, quiet minding my own business has been seen as a problem too. In my early days of evolution and awakening I naively decided to go after the happiness within. I found it and found love and it was a great learning experience. Many people didn’t like that. So they’d try to tear me down. It just gave me more to work with. And thus, I became a hermit. Still wary of being in the people world. Definitely not fully awakened or anything. But far enough that there’s no going back to “normal.”

I dunno, man. For now life is alright. Sure I’d like more money and adventures. But from my perspective it’s in life’s hands and plans, not mine. I can force myself into the boxes I think I should fit, but experience tells me it’s just not worth it and it never lasts. But as they say, nothing is permanent.

Tonight I had the family member drop me down again. They were creating a problem out of nothing. I know theres no use trying to get them to see there’s no problem. But of course being a bit sensitive I got knocked to a low place. So I took care of all the chores. Didn’t tell them, lol. They probably still dont know. But they just seem a bit miserable. It’s not the kind of thing where I could share a meditation or how to let go. But I bounced back again and just kinda have to accept it. Not because I don’t care but because I care too much. I have my practices to get back to. And not get caught up in feeling guilty about it. Because anyone can find more peace or happiness if they knew where to look, and they just keep looking in the wrong places. So yea, how could I fit into that world?

So it turned out alright. I just had compassion in my heart and no apology from the other person. There won’t be one, lol. Maybe some understanding though. It seems different with family. I mean it’s not one I can just divorce or something like that. I get to stay here and don’t have to try and fight the people and stress just so i can survive to pay bills. Thankfully.

[ABC333]

Day 3 waaashout

I must be getting some of the masculine confidence blooming today. I was out of my zyn packs. Yes, I do them. I used to smoke cigars but the hour long investment wasn’t too appealing this year. Normally it’s zyn during winter and cigars until it’s too cold to sit outside.

So I went to the gas station. I been going to this one weekly for a few weeks now. My old one I had the hassle with the guy who was blatantly rude like I had said or done something lol. But he’s been cool ever since. But I just didn’t feel cool with it. Just pretend like nothing happened, when in reality nothing did happen. Guy musta been having a bad day.

Alright so I go ask for my zyns. She ask for my ID. First time I went there it was a friendly 50’s lady, no ID check. I don’t care about that, some stores card everybody it’s just store policy. Well, I didn’t hear her. So I say what. And she basically hollers at me what’s your date of birth? Last time I went there I gave them the DOB and they needed my ID to scan it. So I start to tell her. But in that moment I just make the decision and say you know what, I’ll go somewhere else. But it was like grounded, confident, not aggressive. Just okay. I’ll go somewhere else, thanks. Because she’s coming off as rude and yelly. Now I know some people are just like that. Customer service doesn’t seem to exist as the norm anymore. There’s still people who do it well though.

I go to my old normal gas station. There’s a new guy working. He’s taller than me, younger. Kind of a nice sized guy. And the other cashier is the chick I’ve always been into. But she’s kinda miserable and has to work vibe, lol. So I go to the guy because I’m not an eager beaver. He doesn’t say a single word to me at all. It’s the strong silent vibe. ahahaha. But whatever, I get my zyns and make it back it home.

I feel like I’m bounced back, and yea, maybe unlocked some of the GLM perhaps. I’m not ruminating and like it is what it is. I’ve always been the polite, respectful nice guy. WIth anxiety. So maybe this is just a new me. I mean nobody’s read How To Win Friends and Influence People, and they wont’. It’s also hard to be that way with normal people. That is not their reality. I think sometimes it’s just do as the locals do as they say. They don’t think they’re rude. I know I’m not being rude, but just assertive.

I guess all I’m saying is don’t make me the secret shopper. Most places will get the F rating on customer service. I don’t feel the need to change it. I just adapt I guess. Maybe in some weird way they’ll get the hint that uhh, customer service isn’t so hard. I worked at gas stations for a few years. I could turn it on like that. I’m not saying they have to or should, but culture has definitely changed. I’ve noticed that through the years. But now it seems without the anxiety, I just show up and feel like anybody else wouldn’t just take it. I know from working too, that there are just those shitty people who want to argue and complain and that’s no fun. But dang, I guess not everyone has that resilience. And I guess there’ve been times where being the customer I didn’t either. I just wouldn’t go back to those places. Like the pizza place, I’m never going back to that one. That was just crazy. Young dudes all ego, no respect or decency. Luckily I’m resilient and conscious enough to realize that’s not the normal. It’s out there but it’s not everyone, so I’m not going to feel like I never leave my house because of it. As long as it’s not violator people, I’ll give the place another chance. Some people have bad days, and/or they just come off as rude and whatever, even though they’re not.

Afternoon

Yea. I’m feeling dang good today. I might just proceed with GLM. Now I’m thinking just go with Chosen, because people. ahaha. Seriously though. I know it’s attractive. I got some interesting situations with great women as is. So after getting some GLM bloom Chosen is back in the top spot for next title. I might actually throw in SSX just to settle some of that inner desire. I guess there’s a part of me that never sowed oats. lol. Primal will wait because I guess I still want to test out the Chosen waters again.

I might not even do a 30 day washout. Like my eyes got reopened that yea, 30 second loops can be effective. I was getting initial results on CFW at 30 seconds, like first one or two listens then it seemed to be more healing focused. Then I got into recon because I wanted to get to the full loop. Sort of not giving zpv2 the same respect as anything that came after it. I found posts of mine from SSX when it first came out. Remembered like after the very first 30 second loop I got my first outer results. So that helped change my mind about microloops again.

My digestion is on point today. Feel the positive vibes. Also have the masculine grounding in there. Still a little groggy in the brain/mind, like I could use more sleep. But overall, feeling good. 30 day washout might be cancelled, lol.

For a short time it made perfect sense just to go with Ascension now. I’ve never done it. Ran Ascended Mogul briefly years ago. Ascension is kind of a full package title. Just hasn’t been updated in awhile. My concern was I didn’t want to be aggressive, or angry due to the recon of the alphaness. But I’m willing to try it for a couple cycles and then maybe get down to business with Chosen and Primal again. Microloops never hurt anyone, lol. Definitely microlooping everything for now. Slow and steady, baby.’’

Evening

I’m opening to possibility again. At least in terms of my stack. I could see a run with Ascension, GLM, and Inner Circle. Inner Circle has a lot of good things. GLM and Ascension to build my base. I probably need to hit those bases finally. There’s probably still the wounded child in there and that’s where a lot of my social/people inhibitions insecurities stem from. I’m not going to pretend that I’m completely freed from that influence. I have moments but I can see there’s still gunk showing up.

Or I was thinking earlier of I could toss Genesis in there. That would be, in a way, a junior Chosen, with the love stuff. Even a entry point for Primal with the adventure stuff. Ascension and Genesis are kind of full package beginner titles. I see that Ascension could be perfect. The health and fitness focus is there. Some seduction. Entry stuff for Chosen that I want to add in. But I think I will just stick with Ascension and GLM to round out this year.

Lol, now have some of those sad feelings coming up. Still purging at times.

Yep. Working through a nice lil bundle right now. I’m working out though, so I’m just teaching myself that I can keep moving forward despite the emotions. lol. I want to continue with a healing title, but at the same time. I probably have enough input. Just need to let it cook and play out for a bit.

Ascension seems good if I keep it to 30s. I haven’t listened yet but I think it’ll let me power through instead of getting a bit sappy at times. Also questioning if maybe I could do LB and GLM to finish out the year. Then we’ll plan for foundational 2026. Which I’m excited about.

GLM,Ascension,Genesis would be amazing I think. Theoretically all “beginner” foundational titles, but powerful in their duties and goals.

I think it would also be a tester case for DR Phoenix. Just that uhh, I won’t chance it during the holiday months, lol. But again, shortly, I’ll be feeling either normal or like I bounced back again. So that’s the ride lately.

So we’re in a back and forth between Genesis and Ascension now. Smart choice is Genesis so I don’t risk the Ascension recon for now. It does include self love and LB aura. Plus emotional transmutation and/or regulation. Plus a bit of wealth scripting, which I haven’t had any of that in years and years that I can remember. So a nice change of direction, and my direction will become more clear.

Oops my bad. Genesis is not officially a beginner sub. It gives you a framework and so it’s great to start with.

I was just doing some processing/meditating to move through the latest round of inner gunk. I got a vision that this energy only goes to my throat. So possible throat chakra blockage stuff. Then I remembered I did have strep throat like a month ago. Nobody around me had it before or after either. Could be just coincidence though. My tear ducts are slightly tearing up and definitely getting somatic releases. So no bounce back quite yet. But just typing this I feel lightened up a bit. Some self love is in there lol. A smile now. Lol.

Also the habit of fapping seems to have come up. I want to go there for self soothing. There’s no real pull, it’ll be easy to keep on with 90 days semen retention. I’m probably at 90 days now but for sure by the end of this month. I haven’t actually kept track when I started. Just for sure sept. and oct. and November.

So yea, still making progress and moving through stuff.

Night

Been working through the solfeggio meditation set in order. No plan but just gonna move to the next when i feel like it. Well i jumped up to the 741hz tonight. Since thats associated with the throat chakra. It felt good, not quite bliss but really good. Now I’m still chilling after. I can feel like waves of energy moving in the root area. So it seems i got some flow again.

No more purging. Just pretty chill and yea kinda feels blissful these waves of energy in the root. Far out. Lol. First time ive ever said or typed that. Not a hippy but it felt appropriate.

Again it’s like wow. This has only been one day. Growth fast track, man. I now gotta get to work shortly.

Lately at work it’s like my body just does its thing. Almost like I’m the observer. Must be that muscle memory thing at this point. Tonight I was actually getting frustrated. Thinking too much. It was about what my next title is going to be. I’m going to go with GLM for sure and potentially go solo on it.

I think Chosen Way of Nature could be a great Thanksgiving (in USA coming up) themed title. It has the gratitude scripting. Then I think Happiness and Joy would be the Christmas title of course. Also the Love Bomb’s. I lean towards them because I do want to spread the positivity. Without maybe having to interact with people beyond just showing up.

471hz solfeggio seems to hit the spot. Things didn’t get too crazy. Was just a normal night at work. Wasn’t aware of the increased sense of energy flow again. Doing some light skimming and 471hz can repel negativity. I’ll stick with it until I get the next “hit” to switch.

I’m still too much mind identified I can see. So yea, working the way up to the crown I guess. I also was thinking my last sort of cleaning out the fire spigots energy thing, earlier this year. I ended up in crisis mode with the mind. But I was still tuned to love and people were commenting that they could feel the love. So finally, based on recent events. I think I got blasted open up to the throat. But it was a full send I had tingling on the crown, sensation in my third eye. But the energy fully flows up to that throat so far I guess. So there could be interesting times in store down the road. I’m neither excited or fearful. I can handle it this time without crisis mode. But yea, thinking about the potential of having more flushes to get through the forehead and crown, I’m just not gonna worry about it. I gotta live my life and we’ll see if maybe eventually I can be in the people world again. Recently I haven’t been a big fan of isolation mode, not all the time anyway. Most of the time I’m fine with it. But due to some experiences, yea I’m still waiting for this thing to fully play out and we’ll see where life takes me.

Just interesting. It does have it’s own timeline but of course if I get those inner nudges, where I might be able to help move things along I certainly will. I’m not going after anything too crazy because I know it can be intense with the purging and purification, those are just words of course. It’s not good or bad. But I finally found a few people who talk about their experiences. And there’s definitely some similarity. So I just have a better sort of framework, and understand a bit better what’s happening. So just stay grounded and keep showing up.

[ABC333]

Day 4: no listening

Woke up from a few nightmares. Not the bad kind. It was more like my mind was in junk removal mode. Like KB st 1 dreams I might say. I don’t remember what my dreams were like when I was actually on KB st 1, but seems the same material that it would be dealing with.

I’m kinda thinking just go with Chosen. Then add Primal later. Ascension has the fitness/health aspect and that’s what makes me really want it the most. But I’m coming off 5 cycles of CFW, and I’ll probably continue that train, there’s already momentum.

I don’t know why I’m so hesitant about Primal. With Chosen and GLM I’ll be fine. Everything in microloops. That’s possibly my stack for the next year. The only thing is that fitness/body shifting aspect. I like that for summer months.

Chosen Primal is my original dream stack. I tried both titles and was fresh off Primal. I’ve seen my past posts on both titles and can’t imagine why I didn’t stick with them. But it was the old I felt like I needed more growth/healing.

So I was growing and maybe gave up on the process. Though I did go for more healing and did KB for a year. I think it’s maybe been said that the titles grow with you and you could run a title indefinitely and continue to reap the rewards and benefits.

Lol. Just noticed I have a new energy symptom. I have like a warmth in my head now. I’m still groggy. Felt like I got a pretty deep sleep. Other than that I feel “normal.”

Afternoon

Just got done with my morning meditation. The mind is still pretty active. Trying to figure things out. A little bit of restlessness. I guess that’s what the practice is for. Eventually it settles down.

Last night I was also like screw it, I’ll try Heartsong finally. But I see that I can alternate between CFW and Chosen as desired. Keeping Primal and GLM as the rocks, or foundations. That’s the plan. I think 2 cycles Chosen then back to CFW for a one cycle check in. Potentially alternating back and forth each cycle. They’re such closely related titles that I see that as a good option.

Just saw this quote: You are not an energy source for people who refuse to do their inner work.

That’s the situation I get with violator types. As soon as I show up they’re immediately on it. Blows my mind. Only way so far I’ve found to deal with it is to never be in their presence if I can help it.

I had a couple items I was going to buy. They got sold from under me. One of them was the keyboard. The other the person told me I’m first in line, they had second thoughts about selling. If they change their mind, I’ll be the first to know. I take it as a positive. I get to hold on to my cash. But also goes back to that loyalty thing. If your find a loyal person who sticks to their word, that’s somebody to keep around because it seems so rare.

Another old story of that kind of thing… Is from when I had no job. I was looking for a job. So I go interview with this lady. Just for like a hotel room cleaner gig. She makes a big deal of how she calls everybody back even if they don’t get the job. Because she knows what it’s like to be waiting to find out if you got the job… After the interview, never heard back from her. lol. Good riddance on that one.

Yes, sir! I’m going through it a bit today. Some of that fear and anxiety is showing up for me.

Also I’ve been feeling the need to avoid social media lately, again. This is what I mean when I refer to hunker down mode. Luckily, it’s a day off. No appointments. I can stay home and work through it.

Back to LB again. I think it really is LB time.

Evening

I liked the OG Sanguine. It got me on board with SC. But over the years with all the exciting titles and upgrades, I just felt like it was too basic. So I never really gave it another chance. Thought I’d probably never use it again.

I’m calling the last second audible. Back to the fundamentals.

It’s going to be LB,Sanguine, and GLM all microlooped for a year ending refresher/finisher.

Yea if I go at my sub stack program as what I’m currently going through. LB,Sanguine, GLM wins. I would like to try Alchemist but that’d be the new year option.

Almost had the insight that I’m worked out about nothing, lol. I just thought that I would like some positive people experiences as well. So that’s what I was thinking about. There are some normal people out there who aren’t interested in hyper focusing on you and getting their kicks by filling up on your energy. I think there are more like, normal people than the violators for sure. Not worried about violators. I got one place I no longer go and everywhere else I go it’s just unhappy, miserable, have to work doing things they don’t love people. So uhh, yea. Things are good. I’ll keep getting insights, bouncing back, dumping junk, staying more grounded.

Exercised. Did some breathing. Body feels great. Mind wants a nap. Lol. So the quest marches on.

Pretended to take a nap. Got into just being and surrender. Man I forgot about that. I used to do that. Just get into beingness and spaciousness. It’s not a doing, so maybe that’s why I forgot about it.

Night

Man that was nice to get a taste of being free and clear again. I tried to do it again but wasn’t able to get back to that state. I’ll see if that might be my new post workout practice. That’s gotta be good for the nervous system. If I would be able to live in that state or at least turn it on, I don’t think I’d ever have to deal with the violator situations again. It’s basically the no “me” state, if you will. I don’t think that can be taught, it can’t really be put into words or concepts though. Like I happened to see the Alan Watts quote that I’ve seen dozens and dozens of times. The best way to clear muddy water is to leave it alone. I’m sure I butchered the quote, but I truly got it beyond just the words and intellect. That’s the sort of experience. I’ve had situations where like people say oh just let it go. Or let it be. But they themselves aren’t in that place. If they were they wouldn’t be bothered enough to think the other person needs to let go or do anything. There’s like no me to get attached to kind of thing. Nothing can stick. Certainly wouldn’t get any unwanted attention from the unwanteds, nothing to “feed” on. At least, that’s the theory. I haven’t experienced that yet.

So at least I got dropped out of the me and the monkey mind for awhile again. I used to do that regularly at times. That could be why the energy got awakened, that’d be my theory. I had no idea about any root energy and didn’t know that could just happen. It was just all basically shadow work for me. Shadow work and getting into the beingness state.

Still undecided about my stack. GLM will go solo if I can’t decide. But Sanguine might have to go in there. So for now it’s looking like GLM, Sanguine, and Chosen. I want to keep on CFW but I’ll give it the bloom time. Lol. But yea, Primal is tempting.

[ABC333]

Day 5 no listening

Got a good night sleep. Lots of dreams.

Today that old wishing I had friends is coming up. I thought I was done with that. The old spiral, everything comes back around again I guess.

Lol, now we’re back to square one on the third slot. CWON or Inner Circle. My first New Primal run, I dropped CWON prematurely for it. A tag team situation would be nice.

Looks like we have a clear winner based on reports, and it being one of the latest updates: Inner Circle gets the nod.

I still had the old fap habit show up this am. Did not engage.

Seems I’m transmuting this loneliness into workout motivation right now. Gonna knock it out to start my day. I think maybe doing morning meditations kinda chills me out too much. So that possibly contributed to my difficulty getting my workouts in. Plus after yesterday, I found that practices like meditation afterwards might allow me to go deeper and have a better session there.

Also think I’m trimming down again. Last night I noticed my metabolism was kicked in again. Just did the mobility and walking exercise this week too, but have hit it daily so far.

Evening

Welp, changed the stack again. It’s LB,Primal, GLM. Since GLM could technically overlap with Sanguine. Primal may bring power and alpha. LB will keep me afloat instead of feeling like I need more growth to be on the Primal.

New cycle and stack starts tomorrow.

Got some anxiety creeping in now. Just about to finish up the workout and it’s pretend nap time, lol.

Just didn’t get tired enough for the fake nap tonight. Did some self enquiry. Didn’t go to deep. Meditated, feeling more energized tonight than tired. The mind isn’t out of juice, so no pretending to nap yet. No major stuff came up today either. That’s fine by me.

I read a few stories about these Buddhist seeker’s who eventually became famous. That’s why there is stories about them, lol. But that one of the things they were made to do is like put in a hard day’s work of physical labor. Because the one they went to for teaching, knew to tire the body and mind out enough so they’d surrender or something. In that state of surrender they could find this whatever that they seek, it’s all inside they say.Now these guys of course, took it all the way. So they did all the work and however long it took them they sought this thing until their realization came. Even if they had to go up the line to like their teacher’s teacher because they wouldn’t give up.

Night

I decided to just turn on a live stream and see if I could take a nap anyway. Had a few hours until work, all my tasks were done for the day. So I settled in, and yep. Had some cool sensations. It felt like bliss like at the top of my brain and a little between the forehead but not much. I dunno what that means.

But for a little bit it felt like the top of my head was open and uhh felt some energy moving through the body. Not the crazy stuff. It was more subtle. Just enjoyed that experience and actually fell asleep for a bit, lol.

No, no drugs, or anything like that. Not a dream either. I was listening to this livestream and just enjoying the experience and then fell asleep. Yea, I’ve still got a journey to go but hopefully things will go a little smoother from here on out. They seem to be as far as that whole energy thing.

If I had any sense I’d jump on Alchemist. I’ve been in the unknown for awhile but yea. Maybe that will wait. I wanna check in with Primal first.

It was 2 for one burger night at this local place. So a family asked if I wanted one. Said sure why not. I didn’t go there.

I just dont like a burger and fries and fried food anymore I guess. I mean I eat burgers just without the bun on keto. Saturday is my free day and I just wasn’t excited about it either. I mean I like pizza yet. maybe I gotta do pasta, lol. My tastes have just changed I guess.

[ABC333]

Day 1: 30s CFW, 1m GLM

Well guys, I couldn’t give up CFW. Sticking to microloops though. By the time last night rolled around I was feeling mighty fine again. lol.

I remembered my first results were after 30s of CFW. With GLM I noticed my first results after a minute. So I’m sticking to a minute for this cycle as well. If I see results I don’t need to push it more, just see if I can notice more and can see if I notice any GLM recon, which I don’t think I have yet.

Perhaps the mistake I made with both SI and CFW, was that I was just on a goal to hit that 15 mins ASAP. When the 30 second increase per cycle would have sufficed. I thought I could have 1 title at 15 mins since it was ZPv2, one at 3 mins or 7:30 and just microloop the new GLM.

Went to a different store that I don’t usually go to. No anxiety, things were way calmed down in terms of my inner weather. I’ll have to check back at my old places. I don’t just want to assume it’s the people, but yea, this store is a little busier. Workers that I see were just doing their jobs as normal. No weird or yuck vibes from anyone.

I finally got someone who friend requested me like a week ago. And in the last week I got a few likes from new people. People interested in the kind of inner path, non-duality, self realization stuff. So that was cool to see. I get into those moments where I know people are into this kind of stuff, but haven’t had the same experiences, and are still stuck in the sort of matrix programming, as they call it. I just like to post fun memes and pointers to that stuff that can help people get freer. It helped me, and maybe that one person will get that click.

As far as the energy stuff I never got into it. I didn’t think it was what I wanted to do. Like say, kundalini yoga or that type of thing. That’s not something I thought I was going for. Never listened to anyone really talk about it or any of that. But I found a few people who talk about it. Can’t relate to some of them of course, but breaking through the conditioning is the thing, everybody’s at different levels of that, and personal identification so yea. It seems to be more a personalized thing, and many people have a hard time as I have at times, just having to still function. Thankfully, I got blessed to where I don’t have to work a full time job yet. In the beginning that was the real challenge, for me. Being around people and that negative, jealous, seeing you as some kind of zoo animal that is a source of some kind of sick entertainment for those narcissist types. I still run into that sometimes, and it’s rare. But it’s still not fun and something I don’t seem to glide through. I just won’t go back to places where I’ve dealt with those types.

I finally got my favorite polo shirt replaced. I’d been watching it for months. Saw it on sale last week the lowest, $25. Never goes below $29.99. Almost bought it. Today, $20.41 with coupon code. I jumped on that bad boy. Of course I wish I was at the place where my favorite shirt is $30 I buy it without a second thought. But I guess maybe I still have some programming/beliefs to unpack in the money department. But I mean, many people do and I know how difficult breaking those blocks and programming can be. So I just deal with myself. That’s been the biggest key. I don’t fight with the world, I deal with whatever is in me. It’s been worth it yea, even though I still don’t have lots of money, and friends, just yet.

That’s why I’m sticking with CFW. Primal will add in some of those social/seduction elements that I have been desiring. But I’m taking it slow. Like the uhh, small changes add up. I’m cool with that.

Afternoon

Just a workout day. Day off from work. So far, everything’s been pretty settled and just a normal day.

Read through CFW page, and yea. It’s a worthwhile title to me. Maybe I’ll get 12 cycles out of it this time. I’d like to see the update come out before then, but either way I’m staying the course. I think it will really help me out.

This is cycle 6 of CFW. Cycle 3 of GLM. Cycle 1 of Primal (Name embedded with Irresistible Relaxation module). Whew! That reminds me I think I uploaded the store version to my playlist. I need to change that.

Evening

My brother hasn’t gotten back to any of my messages this week. Lol, dang that’s still popping up. The loneliness theme seems to be back in the mix.

Alchemist would help me stick to my practices. I don’t see myself as diving into the social world with True Social. To me, Inner Circle is the top social for me. I don’t see myself having a non-stop social life. To me it kind of seems that way. I’m either the one reaching out and making things happen, which has never been my thing. Or there’s nothing and the relationships just don’t continue without my effort, like my effort is the only effort. What I’m looking for, it seems the closest fit would be Inner Circle. Maybe Heartsong could help as well. The upcoming IC:Brotherhood might be what I need though. That’s not here yet.

I’ll just have to see if I can keep transmuting feelings into workout motivation. Today I made the grocery run. That usually knocks me off my game too. If I didnt make the grocery run I would just hit that workout to start the day. The later it gets and I haven’t worked out, the more challenging it is, seemingly.

What I’m finding so far is that those loyal, keep their word just good people, are a bit rare. Like true friendships/connections. Picking through the weeds isn’t something I’m interested in. I could chalk it up as just me distracting myself from more of the self work, it’s not that I need work, inner practice is the better descriptor. Am I still seeking approval and happiness outside of myself?

Primal is gonna be good I think. A lot of stuff will get cleared up. New positive experiences. Yep, yep. That brings me good feelings to know that. Because even further down the road I can run Primal Seduction, or even New Wanted. lol.

Also when stuff comes up I think of it as from the CFW objective- eliminate weakness. lol. Just part of the process.

The objectives of Primal, say I just have stuff to look forward to. I’m sure there’ll be ups and downs and adjustments, but that’s just part of the process.

Night

Decided to take a drive. Grabbed some food. Housemate wanted me to get them something too. Said they’d pay. So I had to stop at 2 different places. That kinda put a damper in my plans. But didn’t get reactive. Started driving and got a nice little drive in there. Maybe 30 mins or something, lol. But I was driving and I noticed I’m actually feeling a little free and clear, less of this habitual “me.” So when I noticed that, my kind of default kicked in, which is slightly finding everything amusing. Just the kind of stuff where you’re far enough outside the program that yea, things are a little amusing for some strange reason. Then I was like I think I’m feeling some Primal vibes already. I think Primal would bring me a little more oomph, but over all, some nice Primal vibes. I haven’t even listened to it yet.

When I was driving I was driving downtown. Just didn’t have any anxiety or the “me” stuff showing up. It was there a little but overall free and clear. I was driving and noticing a few guys walking by themselves. Kind of feeling that sense that these guys have their attitudes. They’ll be more than happy to yell at someone or that kind of thing.

But it wasn’t bothering me. I felt like yea, I’m not scared, zero anxiety about that. Then I got to the place to grab my food. I extended a little goodwill, energetically, to the lady. She was not completely at ease.

Next place thought I was having problems. They forgot the drink cars driving the parking lot with no rules or courtesy, lol. Thought the drive through forgot the drink, they thought they gave me everything. Their body language showed it. So they finally come back to the window and I tell them they forgot to give me the drink. The lady smiles and felt safe or goodwill from me or something. I could see that. Probably half expecting an annoyed customer, lol.

Lol. I just saw this post in my x feed. The account has the steadfast module image but some proverbs listed on it. They don’t seem like they’d be into or know about sc. it’s the exact image as their profile image. I see a lot of the words out there too. Some guy in a livestream was named like quintessence just certain letters capped in it.

[ABC333]

Day 2: No listening

Mostly got the life is good vibes going on. No loneliness. lol. It’s really crazy to me, when you see that something just isn’t for you. Say a group of people, you’re not judging them but you know that it’s just not a match. Like say you want friends, after being on your work grind for years, no friends anymore. But it’s not as easy as just finding the first people you meet, lol. Or who’s most convenient. Trying to relate or engage you see through things a bit too much. Yet you’re not completely free just yet. And those kind of forced or convenient friendships aren’t fulfilling either. But then that cool breeze on a hot summer day fills your sails again and you know you’ll be okay, you are okay. Life is alright…

Lol maybe if I met a personality types, person. They’d just be like oh yea, you’re just an INFJ. I don’t believe that personality is fixed though. There’s a book called personality is not permanent, by Hardy.

Yea I could always see that things aren’t as solid and black and white as we believe them to be. Of course that gets you into trouble to verbalize it. Then you get ridiculed and judged. I think that’s part of the reason I became more of a quiet type. It’s funny though, just being “myself” not bothered, not judging none of that. I’d get judged because people would think I’m this or that, and it just their own bs projection. Anyway, morning meditation time, lol.

I guess this could be some more of that CFW assisted “unraveling.” That’s all junk in the way.

I think that’s what it is! Part of the process. CFW is a killer title. I dig it. But uhh microloopin this one from here on out. Lol.

Afternoon

I decided to run 30s CFW before 1min GLM this cycle. I think this is gonna be a great combo. The healing of CFW, positivity all that, with the GLM goodness and the anti-recon. It seems to be a match made in heaven.

Name embed Primal with Irresistible Relaxation module, gets its own day.

Yea, first listen of CFW,GLM- I’m just really happy with it already. We are talking microloops! Though I’ve got 5 cycles of CFW and 2 of GLM under my belt. Maybe getting some bloom by now. I had stopped CFW a week early in my last cycle. so I’ve had I guess 2 week break from it.

Evening

Some slight going through it now. For me it’s not overwhelming though. It’ll be nice to get some Primal loops in for sure. Really looking forward to this stack.

The upheaval didn’t last too long at all. Now I have that sense of possibility. Say the first time I traveled to another country when I was way younger. That kind of sense of feeling.

I have been wanting to bump into an old friend. He was on that trip with me, for this summer camp we went to. Last time I saw him, geez 2012 era. He said he had a few kids, I dunno how many but like 3 for sure I think. I just want to see how he’s doing. Dude could be a grandpa already, lol. I don’t think we’d get to hang out since he has the family, and probably has to work for a living.

Night

Evening meditation did not go so well. Interesting sensations in between the eye brow area. I got a little bit of that clarity in the body experience. I guess we gotta work through those upper 2 blocks yet. I got a lot of somatic releases. Head feeling some slight pressure. For the last week I’ve almost had like slight headaches. Not a medical thing. My sense is that I’m still working through the blocks and stuff.

It’s work time though. I’m really looking forward to starting up my Primal journey tomorrow. I got some slight lonely stuff again. Very slight though. So that seems to be the main blocker we working on. I also still get thoughts of my ex situation lately. No real emotions or attachment, more like just old tapes playing again. Making progress.

I feel like I should almost move to the 852hz solfeggio meditation. I was planning on at least 30 days for every frequency… But now it seems the 852 would be most appropriate for the latest symptoms and blocks. And that’s been my thing, when I the inner detective goes, aha! Then it’s time to move on. And it was like 2 months for the first one. a month for the second.

Now it’s like maybe a week of the next one and seems like it’s time to move on to the next. I haven’t even had to work with the tones for solar plexus or heart yet. But my focus was always on love. So I worked on self love and all that. And lots of the LB’s. I’m surprised that my solar plexus seems good to go. But I guess maybe getting caught in the monkey mind was the biggest sticking point, so that’s what we seem to be hitting at now.

Haha! Coincidentally my only sleeveless work tee left is the purple one. Gotta do laundry tomorrow.

Yea a little bit of worry creepin in since I’m done with work now. Just tiredness I’d say. I was looking at the 852hz solfeggio. Looking at the symptoms of a maybe 6th chakra that needs some work is anxiety and depression. I’d say I’ve checked the anxiety box and lately some temporary depression. Also feeling disconnected, which could tie into the lonely stuff that’s been popping up again. So yea, I’ve always had great intuition at times. But haven’t seen much in terms of intuition hits in quite some time.

Like the kind of stuff where say it’s somebody’s birthday. You don’t really know, certainly never talked to them to get personal details, never happened to see it on a paper. So you say I don’t know why but maybe I’m just being silly but I wanted to tell you happy birthday, and it’s the person’s birthday. Didn’t hear them ever talking to somebody else, or anyone talked about them kind of thing. Like really first time you got to hang out with the person kind of thing because it was a co-worker. Never saw social medias, nothing. Didn’t even know their last name.

Or my other favorite one is shortly before my energy was really awakened the first time. I was at work, one of the toxic places, last full time job I had. Just a cleaning gig. Worked the evening shift, so no managers. Kind of on my own basically my whole shift. I wanted to find a box cutter. So I go to the work area, nobody around to ask. And the sort of maintenance area was just cluttered. random junk everywhere. nothing you’d need that I could tell. But it’s a maintenance area, there’s gotta be tools and everything. Not like toolboxes or anything. Just all kinds of drawers, the place was badly in need of some upgrade remodel kind of thing. So I stand there and say to myself show me where the box cutter is. Or something like that. I start walking slowly. Eventually I stop, now I don’t know why because that’s not real. So I stop. I decide to open the first drawer in front of me. Out of all the drawers. Some of these are like stuck you don’t know if they’ll close, or falling apart stuff. I open it and there’s a box cutter. Surprised the heck out of me, but of course the blade is dull. So I don’t try again. That’s the kind of place, I was like nope I’m not gonna try and find new blades, I doubt there’s any by the looks of it. lol. I think I probably found a screwdriver to use instead or something. Was just breaking down some boxes for the trash bins.

[ABC333]

Day 3: 30s NE Primal with Irresistible Relaxation module

Only got about 5 hours of sleep. Had a bit of an emergency to tend to. Had to wake up after 3 hours of sleep and was up for about 2-3 hours. Then I got another 2 hours of sleep. Woke up just feeling positive.

Not too stresssed out or worried at all. Just some anticipatory anxiety about people- my mind thinks it’s protecting me from being violated somehow. When the mind seems to do the opposite of what it should do. Ahem, what I’d prefer it to do. Instead of junk thought, how about no thought? Presence? That would be something. I guess the sticky part for me is I still have some worst case scenario worry mind, which is what I refer to as monkey mind. I’m not so identified with it anymore, but still working through it.

Not an ideal day to start Primal. But maybe a good day to start Primal. Probably won’t notice anything since I’m on low sleep and just working by myself mostly. Seen a few people driving to and from work. Nothing stands out yet.

My brother is still ghosting me. It may not even be like on purpose, so to speak. But after about a week I notice how my mind starts questioning. Like what did I do? Lol but seeing it just kinda laugh at the mind’s antics. I don’t know and that’s that.

Evening

Work was fine. A little anxiety but more present and aware rather than identified with the anxiety.

I was still doing a lot of thinking, lol.

There’s the thing about being unattached to everything. You can enjoy it and gain insights. Say like with women. Maybe a year or so ago, I started getting picky. Like if a woman is not i to, she’s just into you. If I like her but she’s just has low interest I move on instantly.

With social media it’s more interesting. Say I like their content. Made friends with a few that I’ve known for years. Most of them it’s comment and they don’t like or reply. Some do, I get it lots of comments. But some always like a reply. Then some i like and always comment but it’s like at what point to I stop trying. There’s zero interaction Then the same person makes a video of how this social media is the new way to meet friends and she met this guy and now she’s meeting him in person. Lol.

I dunno I like being unattached and still able to enjoy things. But maybe there’s some attachment because I still wish I was meeting her in person. Lol. So yea, Primal gonna be good once it gets rolling.

It’s also one of those things where if you’re making videos, that’s how you get to meet the new friends. Not so much just comments.

[ABC333]

Day 4: no listening

I think I got a total of 8.5 hours of sleep. Funnily enough, I don’t feel my best after those longer sleep nights. I have some slight anxiety, and the old habits creeping in. They lack any power or identification from me though.

I actually did let myself fall of the keto wagon for four days. Not a big deal. Now I’ll just stick to it until Thanksgiving America holiday. Then of course, may have to indulge in leftovers for a couple days, don’t want to have to toss it out. Especially in these times, where food prices are sky high and many people are struggling unfortunately.

Yea, I’m looking forward to this stack of Primal,GLM, and CFW. I think it’s just going to get better and better.

This is why movement is good to start the day. That’s also why I like my job where I get to work alone, and I’m constantly moving. I guess it’s probably grounding.

Afternoon

I don’t attribute this to the subs at all. Today I was maxing out my anxiety levels. But I also got a taste of pronoia. Instead of going the opposite direction, I got a taste of that. Have a family member, well a few who have health problems. One just got out the hospital had to pick them up. It’s just yea, I usually do get a little anxious around that many people and all the activity. This was definitely nothing to do with subs. Something I struggled with for a long time. That’s why I use subs, to help me get the positive. I think that’s better than trying to keep away the unwanted. But there’s a place for everything I suppose. Gotta try things and see what happens.

Now I gotta work out. Had that pre-workout in before I got the call to pick someone up, lol. So yea, maybe I just hop out of bed in the am and do mobility to get grounded and get things moving. lol

What helped most is coming back to presence. Not identifying with or trying to stop any unwanted thoughts and stuff. Now as I’m writing I’m more aware of the nice feelings than the sense of anxiety and the mind is mostly settled. I think the mind just gets caught up with some of those past mind blowing not so fun experiences and does the anticipatory thing, trying to protect me.

Still not completely okay with being seen, that’s always kind of been a thing too, for me. Being seen meant danger or unwanted experiences for some reason. I did have some micro-glimmers of yea, that I could be attractive also. I have had good past experiences as well. But rather than being about past or future, the now is a pretty good place to be. I guess now after settling in, I could see how yea, it was the mind trying to grasp for safety. And I could also see how I have options, just have to settle and get “me” out of the way is the real trick.

For those in tarot, it was definitely a Tower day for me. There’s this meme where what people think spiritual awakening is like, rainbows and the nice cute animals. Then it shows what it’s really like, a tower on fire and chaos and looks like destruction. lol. But that’s also just life i think everybody can relate to that idea. That life is sometimes messy and unpleasant, at least to our human minds and experiences.

Yea, it’s like a splash water on my face let’s get back to reality kind of vibe now.

Evening

Doing a little scrolling on the social media. If you’re a bit energy sensitive, yea it’s almost overstimulating. So at least I get to see that yea, good habit to break. Maybe just set a schedule, for this amount of time I get to scroll social media. And that’s it. I could see doing that myself. It’s not productive, I’m not a social media creator, I dont’ have a large following. Nor is it my goal at this point in my life. For me I just use it for entertainment. Even trying to set it up so I only have a positive feed, doesn’t always work. Still get some junk showing up in my feed.

I saw this lady with great energy. Really stood out to me today. To me it was like I was standing out, but it was probably just this thing they call spotlight effect. But anyway, if I was grounded and in the fun state, man life good be really interesting in a good way. Another lady was walking by and even though I was anxiety mode, I was able to see and be in the attractive state as well. Potential date right there, but I was in my car slowly driving through a parking lot. Just kind of overwhelmed with the stimulus and anxiety stuff. I was just able to read her body language and energy that way, and yea potential date for sure if she was single. Which obviously I wouldn’t know unless I were to ask her. It was a little yea I still got it kind of thing, which helped me settle out of the anxiety and overstimulus to a better state.

I’m excited about the objective from Primal to overcome social anxiety. After today I’m noticing details that are useful for me. In terms of this metaphor, that you just know not to touch a hot stove. When it comes to anxiety it gets tricky. But as far as the mind goes, I can see that yea I’m not intentionally doing it. But it’s nice to see even just the potential is there of just not touching the hot stove. In other words not feeding the anxiety.

Feeling like a nap now. So I’m try that. Feel like I learned some stuff today. Definitely want to hunker down now until I do some more processing. I’ll bounce back as usual.

The lady I saw today that blew me away with her good vibes and aura was also stunningly attractive. I guess experiencing the double hit. That’s a rare thing, at least, it used to be. Couldn’t tell you when if ever I got to experience that.

The second lady who was the potential date, we just kind of had one of those momentary connections. We weren’t looking for it, kinda happened to cross each others paths.

She wasn’t stunningly good looking but she was alright, and just felt like yea could be a possible great connection. Like the just right kind of vibe, not blown away, but certainly not just settling for something. Like could be friends, lovers, the whole package. Lol, but I’m not feeling like I missed out either. I know there are plenty of women out there and who knows.

Ok, no nap. Just a few mins of surrendering to sleep. Didn’t happen but I feel slightly refreshed. Also my mind seems to be giving me a better story to focus on and appreciate. It’s not dwelling on the anxiety and chaos experiences. It’s letting me see those learnings and good stuff.

Night

Saw a glitch in the matrix. Someone who used to be active daily on certain social medias. Disappeared completely from all of them after 2020. Maybe a couple years ago they finally posted a couple new photos.

Tonight I decided to check to see if just maybe they’re active again. Yep! New profile photo but they went to private mode. So I’m guessing they plan to be active at least on that one account. I deleted myself earlier this year I think, after years of no activity. It was one of my she’s either into me or she’s not moments. lol. I dunno where that’s from. It could be Primal bloom since it was pretty much a year ago I stopped Primal. I only did 4 cycles I think.

I think maybe that could have been what was up with today also. I thought I was gonnna get time to stay hunkered down, continue to ease into it. But yea, emergency situation, unplanned events, not getting to stick to my nice comfortable routine. Then I got some lady manifestations today, not saying they were into me, well one was a definite maybe. I saw a few other signs from others too, but yea I was in overstimulus mode, not from subs. Just my own anxiety struggles creeped up to smack me today. I think I used to live in that kind of anxiety back when I was working full time trying to do what everybody’s supposed to do. I don’t know how I kept showing up through that time. Man, that’s wild.

Just checked my clock, as I was gonna get back to finishing the main portion of my workout. It was 9:09. Which reminded me I been hitting those angel numbers quite frequently as of late. Just didn’t even register though. I mean I noticed it but I didn’t make it special.

Also just driving around. Noticing lots of coincidences. I tend to not even give that any energy though anymore. I got carried away during my big energetic shift time periods. Then I made the mistake of telling people about it. Just got the yep, he’s crazy kinda reactions. ahahaha. But it could also be considered just high pattern recognition. That’s probably the more logical framing of it. Though I know a lot of people don’t even like science, the stuff that they can’t wrap their heads around either. Like same experience thing but different way of framing and describing it. Like spiritual, scientific, etc. Then the jealousy type stuff. And if they were more energy sensitive they’d realize uhh, it’s for everybody. I’m not telling you because I’m special. I’d actually like the entire consciousness to raise, but it’s an inside job for each of us.

I can also see how old stunk (noticed another typo, leaving it. lol) comes up to knock you over the head sometimes. The idea could be called a choice point. It’s like yea I surrender to life, but “choice” still seems to have some value. Do I want that old messy stuff, or would I like to take the more scenic, harmonious route?

Trying to workout but I keep getting hit with this unpacking business. I am feeling a bit of life is alright vibe again. Like say there’s this movie I wanted to watch. I can do that if I want. I guess some breakdown of those anxieties. The programming that you have to be busy or productive. I thought I didn’t have any of that. But I can see that probably has contributed to some anxiety, and just being able to relax and enjoy things. I mean I have my moments but it’s maybe that old background hum of a fan that you forget is there.

That’s not the first time that happened. More data I suppose. Another time this chick liked me. So I followed her account. She was obviously into me in person, she went to where I worked all the time. I was still in that crazy people stuff and stuff going on that well I didn’t know what it was yet. So I quit the job, like a year later I was like you know what. Things have calmed down enough, lemme give this a shot. Poor game on my part. Messaged her, never got a reply yet she accepted my follow request. So I deleted myself, then she changed her account to private, lol.

I finally tried the 852 hz solfeggio meditation. I felt like a subtle energy to start. Then as I got further, I felt like this nice energy in my whole body. But it wasn’t any particular location. It was a really good session. I’d like to stay with this one for a month at least. It was almost like the afterglow from good sex. Just saying, it was nice. lol Like a bit of the free and clear experience. I guess it’s the higher self is the idea.

Looks like people report 852hz being great for ADHD. Maybe it could be just what I need actually. Quiet that monkey mind and get in touch with the free and clear state more.

[ABC333]

Day 5: 30s CFW, 1m GLM

Haven’t gotten to my loops yet.

Kinda cranky today. Got that 8 hours of sleep in. I guess I’ll see if I can take a nap. lol. Still tracking that if I sleep longer I don’t feel my best. But I’d rather get the 8 hours. I dunno. I don’t blame subs for that either.

Afternoon

Yea, just feeling cranky and tired like I didn’t get enough sleep. I got enough sleep, I think. Maybe the 7-7.5 hrs of sleep is my top end now or something.

That first week goes by so quick. I can’t believe it’s already day 5 of this cycle. I’ll try to get a 30 min nap again. Just one of those days I suppose.

Just some self check in, and writing out some stuff in the old journal seems to have me lightened up right now. So maybe it’s just some kind of inner desire for expression. Been half considering starting practicing my guitar. I just haven’t had the breakthrough on the guitar, I never stuck with it long enough. Just do the finger exercises, know chords, but playing songs has been tricky for me. Just haven’t gotten over that hump for some reason.

Evening

I was out and about a little today. I almost forgot I saw this one lady who was a “friendly.” I just mean as I knew it was one of those people I could just be myself with. Not a potential date or anything like that. I got that from regular Chosen before. Maybe it’s some CFW.

Man. My family was lucky during 2020. But it looks like all of the sudden we’re having our 2020 now. Some health crises going on.

Night

So far the night seems to have ended on a positive. After the stormy situations, it seems like everything is okay again. Still have challenges to deal with and health stuff for some of my family. But yea, for now it’s alright.

Work flew by. Got done in a good time. It’s wild how just minimal exercise seems to transfer over to my work pretty quickly. Something as simple as 4 mins jumping on the trampoline. I have not been consistent with that yet. Felt like I had a cardio boost, everything felt smooth. I’m going to try for 3 main workouts this week. I’ve only been hitting one for probably the last month. And this last week was the first time I did mobility daily again and walking. It does make me feel good to feel a little athletic, though I’m not that. But for my job I am, lol. I see older people hiking and I wanna be able to do that. Don’t see myself running though. Not really a big biker either, I can get down with the exercise bike though.

I got these new bag mitts to hit my freestanding bag with. Just having those things motivates me. I tried out a few punches and am surprised that I have a little bit of power for some reason. I gotta work on it though because they say after 40 power is the first thing to go. I been working on a little balance and the leg workouts and that’s been it for the last month. Gotta find something for the elbows, they get a little cranky sometimes yet.

[ABC333]

Day 6: No listening

7hrs sleep. I think I’ll test my theory and stay up. I feel a little tired. But just like a normal day I guess. Not too tired. Gonna slam a scoop of pre-workout and see how much of my workout I can knock out to start the day. Trying something new since today I have time.

Made a quick bank run. Just a normal positive interaction with the bank chick. It seems like different people everytime yet. I wouldn’t say she was i to me but the positivity and vibe led me to think I’d have a good shot. She wasn’t super hot but still fun and pleasant.

Also feeling a little expanded and clear in terms of energy or awareness. Yet the pesky habits of the mind are still there. I didn’t get to do my 852hz meditation last night.

I saw another lady drive by and she was definitely looking at me. I had the sense that she could “see” me. Not into me but very perceptive. I mean to say she didn’t seem interested or attracted to me as a person. But I didn’t get bad vibes, someone I probably wouldn’t like to spend time with though. I would guess she doesn’t have that same level of perception with herself, as most people don’t. Those uhh scammy types are out there too, unfortunately.

I kinda like how my perception is on the up. Like being able to sort of read people and situations. Primal will probably really help that kind of thing for sure.

Afternoon

Was in just part of the process mode yet today. Then I got home again and got to do some relaxing/resting. Finally got that shimmer of inner love back again. But it seems there’ll be more of the not so fun times as the old stories and programs continue to lose their grip. It’s kind of the tightrope that I’d grown to live with at times. On the one hand there’s the inner fulfillment and all that stuff on the other hand there’s the anxiety and chaos and the not fun stuff.

Night

I’m a little worn out after these past few days. Not sub related. I’m not satisfied with my usual distractions. Workout done though. It was nice getting done earlier. If I wasn’t so tired I’d be making good use of it. I think I’m gonna get my guitar out, haven’t touched in at least a year. lol. Then maybe I’ll satisfy some urge or something maybe, and call it an early night.

Looking forward to getting my next loop of Primal tomorrow.

[ABC333]

Day 7: 30s Primal

I woke up from at least three dreams over the course of my 7 hours of sleep. I don’t remember the first two. But the last one was more like a movie. I had a brother and he had a wife and all these situations that were not real life. So it was like I’d set up or be part of a deal, and things wouldn’t work out. Then it’d look like we got a lucky break, but in the end doesn’t work out. So we go through a couple of those situations. My brother in the dream’s wife is getting upset with him. Then after the last situation I just give up and start apologizing to my brother and I wake up. I guess it was intense for some part of me.

That’s not literal though. That’s not the real life me or situations or brother and his wife. So if anything it’s metaphorical.

I am up at 8:30 which is early for me. I’ve always worked late shift so go to bed well after midnight. I do like that I can get my full workout in to start the day though. It’s just a mobility and walking day though.

Afternoon

Made a quick gas run. Picked up an order for my polo shirts. Stopped at the drug store for some goodies.

I noticed I’m feeling light. It’s a free and clear but it’s more puppy dogs and rainbows variety. lol. Which I’m fine with. Like singing songs I make up to my cat, lol. But I’ll be happy to have Primal and GLM kicked in. That will help me with the people when I gotta deal with them.

No interactions with people. Some lady held the door for me when I got my shirts. So I said thanks, in that good natured, polite way. Hopefully spreading some of the good will. She didn’t even say anything or look at me though, lol. Closed off but still courteous I guess. That’s what I noticed. Most people I saw were closed off, not in an unfriendly way. Just going about their business.

I wore my nice pea coat dressy type jacket to the store the other night. I think appearance definitely has an effect sometimes. I was at the self checkout and the worker had to come enter his code. Normally they might say hi but no interaction. It’s just a formality. I didn’t set an item down, so the system flagged me. So I’m expecting the usual. But no this guy starts talking to me, didn’t say hi. Just goes into some story about how a spirit came to visit his house. He knows who it is, it’s his uncle. He heard a note on the piano play by itself or something. And there was nothing for me to add, just be like oh man, that’s crazy. lol.

Today I was in like my weekend wear. Hoody and sweats. Just a guy running some quick errands. Plus I didn’t see any hotties anyway. So I won’t say people were closed off because of that. Because I’ve seen it so much. That when a woman is kinda into me they really don’t care about appearance. I’m not dressed nice or anything. Scruffy beard. I would think I’d get overlooked but nope, if a woman likes you she likes you. lol. For me I think it’s all vibe more than appearance.

That also reminds me. Sometimes when a woman goes on a date, she’s all dolled up. And that’s not as attractive to me as when she’s just normal, maybe even less or no makeup.

I also found a new thing I want to try. It’s old. New to me. It’s called the 39 Energization Exercises. It’s from Paramahansa Yogananda. He was admired by a lot of people I listen to. I haven’t gotten through his book yet Autobiography of a Yogi. Started it a couple years ago and never finished it. I’m not a yoga guy. Tried some fitness yoga years ago. Didn’t stick with it, just didn’t vibe with it I guess. But his exercises are like movements kind of a mobility workout. Takes like 15 mins a day. It’s like prep for yoga and helps with your energy. I did some basic qigong and I think maybe tried tai chi. But yea, felt like you need a true teacher. People say books or videos aren’t the best. But these Yogananda Energization exercises look like they would be something I could get into.

First time in a week or two I’ve considered what my next title is. I think after CFW I want to head right into DRR and alternate with DRG since that’s what I really want to run. I’m saying like 4 cycles DRR, then switch to DRG and do that a couple times. Could be my next year plan. Just a matter of figuring out if I’ll need to drop all other titles for the 1st stagers.

Oh, I did pull out the guitar last night. I need to keep doing that to bring back muscle memory. Still got my things I play which sounds alright. Stuff I just came up with from practicing chords.

Evening

Was having some just part of the experience stuff earlier but it didn’t last long at all. Lol I’m going to try for a nap since I did wake up so early today. Unusually early.

In other news I have had a drop off of finding women attractive. I’m talking women I was into. I’d say there aren’t any that I’m actually into at the moment. I was just thinking, it must be some kind of anti-simp effect. Not saying that’s in the scripts or anything. But maybe my own natural interpretation of it. Like when I had the moment of connection the other day, just going on about my life. And I had zero feelings of missing out. Perhaps that inner strength and fulfillment is the more appropriate wording here. It’s like, why waste my time on women who aren’t into me? And it’s not oh well. It’s just not caring, lol. One of the women I’m not into anymore I’m happy about. She had a man and it was one of those things where they say when you’re the side dude you see women a lot differently. I wasn’t the side dude but enough going on to see that it was a possibility for me. That and maybe more of an abundance mentality, I just know there are plenty of women out there. Not that most of them will be a match, but that doesn’t bother either.

After my lates chunk block post, it seems clear to me that Heartsong would be a part of a seduction focused stack for me. I’ve always been a quality over quantity guy. But poor conditioning was my downfall. And I just didn’t understand how things really are. I probably did get caught in simp style habits and the whole movie version of how love works. Lol.

So now that I seem to have had some clearing up. I can get back to focusing on my practices again. lol. Not that I haven’t but it seemed like it was hard. Where I was not able to get settled in and didn’t want to focus on the practices. Which is just settling in and being anyway, lol.

[ABC333]

Day 8: No listening

Yea I think it’s cool how my perceptions are changing. It’s like they say change your perceptions, change your life or something.

Just seeing things more clearly, and being able to see the positives is great. CFW working, Primal seems to be working, GLM. I could probably bump GLM up to 1:30 if I wanted.

I had some instance where I still have bad habits in communication. A cool thing I learned was start on page one. People don’t always know, even if you know that they think they do. I assume they know but no, I should have started back at page one. Like one thing was on of my family found out they have cancer. So I told his brother to tell him to check if they have RSO oil, since he’s already on the medical herb. So awhile later they talked and then it was a thing where they were trying to get it for me!

They thought that I was asking for myself. I guess they’d never heard of RSO oil. And I don’t even mess with the herb anymore. It does the opposite of relax me. So I guess they thought I wanted it to relax. So they’re like we’re gonna get it for you. lol. So I said uhh I dont’ have cancer tho. lol. Then it seemed like they got annoyed. Just a misunderstanding kind of thing.

So yea, for all I’ve read and studied on sales, and that kind of stuff. Like they say, it’s way more valuable to learn by doing. And the spiritual dudes even say we learn the most from the mistakes not the successes.

I am now toying with the idea of finally after many years of putting it off, trying Heartsong. There’s this chick I thought I was into, a different one. Kinda knew her for years thing. She seems cool and all that. Then yesterday out of the blue she drops one rage political post. lol. So I’m like, oh yea, there’s still that thing out there. Now I’m kind of just dropping any kind of interest in pursuing anything romantic. I did see that there are people who are opposites politically who really like each other. As long as they don’t talk politics everything’s great. I always wondered how they did that. Because politically they hate each other, maybe they just don’t know, lol.

Afternoon

Been feeling a little “exposed” and “open” today. Been a stressful week. I didn’t let it stop me though. Bout to hit that workout. Sometimes I wish I could be like normal people and just close down. I think it was yesterday this forgotten thought came to mind. Somewhere along the line I decided that living life wide open was a good idea. I had the idea of this total freedom, and fulfillment, inner of course. But if you’re not completely free, it seems not such a good idea. Any inkling of personal identification trips one up if they live like that, well it does anyway but most people don’t seem to notice or realize that. So for me being sensitive energetically and seeing through things, it’s made for a rough time at times.

Maybe I’ll have to consider beefing up GLM to name embed with the Energetic Transcendence synergy module or whatever it is.

I’m still riding out any storms though. I feel like I have a nice little shack at least. It’s not the ideal situation. But I want to keep at it with CFW. I think it’s worthwhile. But that move to DRR could be a better situation. But a CFW update is on the horizon and for now, I’m holding it down. After this cycle I could see bringing in the microloop of Chosen for next cycle instead of CFW. That would allow the bloom and I’d get that nice positive hit from CFW, lessening the healing “storms.” Plus Chosen would just be a good fortifier and I could test that one out again. So I wouldn’t feel like I’m giving up. Chosen to me is a step up again.

There does seem to be a no give up attitude about it though. Things can get a little rough and yet I stay resolved to stick with it. But yea, once again it looks like a CFW rest is a good idea. I’ll play it tomorrow, my 30s loop. Then take another look at how things are going. I could be looking at a once a week situation with CFW. Just play my micro loop 1x a week to finish out the cycle. That might actually be the plan.

I think I’ll be just fine with GLM still there. It’s just that yea, it’s like I wanna keep at the CFW. But it’s just not an ideal time for that kind of thing. Even though I’ve been through years of basically high anxiety. lol. I guess that’s what has me so resolved. I want to be done with that. But a taste of the positive with Chosen is what I need. I’m not going to say maybe. lol. I gotta play it smart and play the long game, at least for awhile.

Or heck, at this point knowing the objectives of GLM and Primal, I might even just finish out the year with those two titles. CFW will get the nice bloom effect again. GLM and Primal will cover more than enough for me. I may not need the positive of Chosen just yet. Just focus on getting grounded and solid, and joy and fun will be in there too.

So yea. Due to life events I’m gonna go ahead and set CFW aside. I’ll be open to 1 30s microloop for the rest of the cycle. So that means no CFW tomorrow. I got my loop in this week.

I finally got some down time, to myself. I had to sit in the fire so to speak. The fear was the first thing and then I got past that and there was some anger there. Then that dissipated. So I’m probably just going to have to keep at it and sit in the fire, as they say. Whenever I get those moments to myself. But I gotta get this workout in yet today. Had family visit today. Probably will all the time from here on I’d guess. I’m not gonna get bothered by it because I like my alone time. It’s where I feel alright. No pressure type stuff.

To me it seems inconvenient that we’ve had some family emergency health stuff. And I still have to be going through whatever my process is. But it is what it is. I still have to get to work on my work days and do my best to take care of all the chores, pick up some slack. Just hoping for the best and doing what I gotta do. I guess maybe this is also what some people call, “manning up.” lol.

Evening

Back to the rage politic people I’ve known. I’ve seen them get along great with and never talk politics with people on the opposite side. I’ve also seen quite a few of the ones on the same side politically get into scuffles with each other. These people were friends but had falling outs. Kinda weird to me. Not over politics though. So that’s what I find perplexing.

Got the chores done. I decided to take a nap. But that’s not gonna happen. So just resting in bed decompressing. Might not even workout tonight. Did the bare minimum mobility today. I think it’s more important to just rest when I get the chance. Let everything just settle.

I can see that I get caught up in the go go go mentality sometimes. Even thought I’ve always said I’m okay with things being easy, light, whatever. Just seems to be the social conditioning I guess. See all these people say work hard and then I’ve seen a lot of the same people end up miserable. Still getting some clarity at times which is great. Like what do I really want kind of stuff. And maybe it is the fear of what will others think if I truly live a life true to myself. Almost seems to be a rare thing.

Yea. I see that my practice may just become not touching the hot stove. When it comes to the mind I’m certainly not doing it on purpose. There seems to be immense value in learning to just not touch the hot stove. In other words, don’t feed into it. Feeling much more at ease. Just a matter of sticking with the program. But then it brings up oh but remember people don’t like quiet people. Lol. So again, just a conscious decision to not feed that. No problems here and now.

I came back to ground zero for me. I just never felt safe around people. I mean of course I have at times. But the big thing for me as far back as I can remember is that. Just didn’t feel safe around people.

[RockyHandsome]

@ABC333

So my second version of my new custom has 5 synergy modules. So I’ll leave it alone for awhile and come back to it with a fresh mind. I want to build the best custom I can but I do plan on going for Khan regular next year.

What 5 energy modules do you have ?

[ABC333]

I don’t remember. I never made the custom.

I’m on GLM, and name embed Primal with Irresistible Relaxation module.

[ABC333]

Day 9: 1m GLM

First day without CFW. Gotta put that beautiful title to rest for this cycle.

Last night was the first night I got to sleep without being worried about the family with health issues.
When I got to possibly the root of my problems, I did some conscious work on that. I’ll keep doing some work on it and yea. I might have gotten to one of the roots, and that could be a game changer.

Today I woke up with some sense of peace. Feeling mostly grounded. Probably have a bit more to work on but, for now I think I’m at or close to the core thing.

I think I’m gonna do the bad thing and bury my head in my own sand again. Stick to my journal. And maybe the Chosen update threads, lol.

One part of me actually enjoying being alone is that, I get to feel how I want. No interference. When I’d get around people you realize when there’s people there’s problems. But at the same time I have been seeing some good people out there again lately. Not a lot but just here and there and that’s nice. I attribute that to my SC titles usage for sure.

It’s also why at times I tend to see how social media is not always a good thing. And at times feel like I just need to shut that off and leave it alone.

Like today, I don’t feel that pull to social media. Instead I’m more focused on myself and my life. That’s also part of why I haven’t enjoyed being around people. It’s a mess. They want to also focus on me and my life. Maybe at some point I’ll have the click into the experience of nobody’s thinking about you, nobody cares. I’d like that. But my past experiences leave leave for some unpacking and unraveling. That’s also why I’m really excited about my ongoing journey with GLM and Primal. It’ll only get better.

I used to work at a marina all day and was really seeing the beauty in nature. Life is amazing. I’d get those experiences of harmony and that kind of thing. Yet I’d get around people and it was all judgement and ego and tearing me down. lol. Making me out to be the bad one, yet they were the ones saying and doing bad things. So I guess I still have some unpacking to do around people yet. Right now I can feel there’s some slight anger there now. But that’s good. For me it’s fuel, but not that I like it, it’s just better than feeling that anxiety and having a nervous system that doesn’t feel safe. If I get an insight or something and later on I feel like I can forgive them, that’ll be great. For now it’s about reclaiming my personal power I guess. And that’s alright with me.

[ABC333]

Day 10: no listening

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