Good roommate.
I had some good dreams last night. Felt a little bit of that clarity and openess in my being as I woke up. I feel like the dreams were a good sign of good things.
Today I’m thinking I’d like to custom Primal and CWON at some point. Keep it to two titles until I finish KB maybe. Of course I’d have to add in NWE into the custom and maybe a couple wealth modules but also Primal is a big title so I would probably have to run the store title first for awhile. At some point I will probably go back to a 3 title stack and try out Genesis Mogul for sure. Still some tough decisions but for now it’s 2 titles for the rest of the year while I work through KB.
Tonight was the opposite of last night. I had like no energy once I got to work.
But I was able to get it done and in my normal time. I was even clumsy and could been one of those days where everything went wrong. I stayed calm and immediately caught myself from getting on that thought train. I just kept moving slow, but I kept moving. Near the last stretch of work I came to life a bit.
I think part of the reason was I had a big steak for dinner. All my energy went to digesting. So maybe that was too hearty of a meal right before work.
Also feel like today was another healing day. I definitely am ready for a good night’s sleep.
I just remembered it’s a listening day. 15 mins KB 1 and 5 mins CWON.
Yesterday at the store this hot blonde walked by me. I didn’t make eye contact, so that was a blunder. Then I was at the self check out right beside her. I was in 100% comfort mode- just non-platonic vibes. In the moment I thought it was nice because she could feel safe. But since I didn’t have any sexual vibes at all I feel like after the fact that wasn’t the best either. In the moment I was just impressed with having zero anxiety, so for the long run it was a good thing. But after the fact I could see that that took me completely off her radar for anything more than probably being just a friend or a nice guy.
So I was kinda having some thought about how I wanted to bring back a seduction sub to give me a little edge. But I chalk it up to the healing of KB 1 taking precedence and I’m sure things will pick up in the later stages for me in terms of being my natural attractive self with women.
I’ve been noticing some what I was calling rubber band effect. Now it’s kinda like a tide effect. The tide pulls back and then the tide rises, in terms of how i’m progressing. It’s like at first I got some nice highs and boosts in my experience then it’s like things pull back and I kind of fall back into the old version, then there’ll be that progress. So I guess that’s called recon also. I always called recon when I get those emotional kind of moments. But those are smoothed out, so the recon is just way smoother and natural I’d say.
I decided to custom CWON until I remembered that it hasn’t been updated yet. I was going to add in an alpha, Lion IV. Pick out a couple basic seduction modules, add in NWE. But I scrapped that idea until the chosen’s are updated.
So what I might do is add in one title to come back to a 3 title stack and go for 4 cycles with KB 1. But that makes it tricky. At that point, Primal looks like the best candidate just at a micro loop level so I can run 15 mins of KB 1 and CWON the rest of the time.
I was also thinking just pop S&S back into rotation until I wait for the updates. Primal definitely is a longer term thing and S&S is more laser focused and I don’t know that it’s alpha but the NSE surprises would be nice.
Also I might still look at Limitless Executive just for the getting into action and forgetting about being attractive when I can work on building my lifestyle first.
Overall for me, CWON seems to be that foundational title that I was after, but I’d like to make a few tweaks in a custom to make it a perfect fit.
I have Ascended Mogul but Primal is more attractive for the fun part, but it doesn’t have the wealth stuff, even though I think it would help develop traits to make one successful.
Then I do have Stark Black but I will save that until I complete KB. Although…it’s probably the best candidate to fill in for what I was hoping to do with a custom CWON. At 1 minute I think that would add just enough of whatever I wanted to add to custom CWON. So maybe I will go that route after all.
I think that Alpha/Status/Leadership combo is what is responsible for the increase in attraction, on regular Chosen. So I wanted to add just a basic alpha to CWON. But I’m not even done with my first cycle of CWON, and I’m sure I’m in for more surprises down the road.
I was definitely in my head tonight.
I decided that Chosen was the title to go with. But I was going to run SSX.
After all is said and done I won’t go to a 3 stage stack. I don’t want to prolong my first run of KB. I plan to move to Stage 2 after 3 cycles of stage 1. Then if I get technical I don’t know when that would be. Officially 1 more cycle but my 1st cycle i started at 30 seconds and added 30 seconds eventually finishing my cycle with my first listen of 15 minutes.
So I think 4 cycles on stage 1 I would happy with. To me adding 3 titles just dilutes that down when I’m following the official guidelines.
So for now I stay put. 2 titles 3 cycles per stage of KB. When Chosen titles get updated I will probably be customizing Chosen and Chosen: The Way of Nature into one title.
I also still come back to my bottom line- I think I definitely need the Heartsong healing, and Chosen regular was my favorite title. So if anything I would run Heartsong before going back to Chosen.
Today is the halfway point in this second cycle with KB 1. First with CWON.
I’m feeling a little angry. Still working through the same thing that Heartsong would most likely target. So I might spend only two cycles with CWON then get to Heartsong already. Hopefully by the time I feel good with Heartsong the Chosen line will be updated.
What I liked about regular Chosen was that it did seem to help me pick up on the vibes of other people better. I just wasn’t expecting so much attention as I went about my daily life. So a few rounds of Heartsong and Chosen will be better the second time around I’m sure.
update: Just went to the store. Nobody noticed me. Then I got to the checkout and the cashier was I guess she was flirting with me. She was probably half my age I’ll say bbw, nothing wrong with that. 99% of the time I go to a cashier and it’s someone who isn’t happy and probably doesn’t even like their job but they feel like they have to do it. But she was young and full of life and I’d say happy and fun yet. So that was a nice change of pace.
Then I got to my car and was taking my shopping cart back and saw an old couple. The man didn’t look at me but the woman looked at me with a twinkle in her eye. I would have guessed she was seeing the CWON vibe.
So I’m in a better mood not because of the interactions but maybe just seeing that effect of CWON where even if I don’t feel like I’m in a good mood, the external is still showing me positive and that’s something.
Tonight I had a night where the first half of my work day I was so tired. I was even feeling sore in my muscles. I made great progress last week but needed more recovery. So I might shift gears from strength building and focus on building some power and keep up the conditioning.
So I had an hour between jobs. I decided to let myself nap. Just set the alarm and no pressure just shut off until the alarm goes off. I didn’t get to sleep but when I got up and started getting ready I just caught a wind.
Had another day feeling great at work, but I would describe my movement as 100% smooth. No flash just straight forward, it’s my hardest work day.
I’m also feeling like I don’t need an alpha again. I don’t know if that’s CWON or KB influence. Could be the anger I started my day with was transmuted into some sense of personal power or something.
Listen day: 5 mins KB 1, 15 mins CWON.
Starting to feel this thing I’ve felt before. Like I want to get out and start living, but don’t have the specifics.
Also just feeling more okay, like if there’s chemistry with a woman or not. I guess maybe I used to want chemistry with every woman I liked, but also with some I wanted to like but there was just no chemistry.
Also kind of confused about how to structure my workouts now. I want to save the weights for every 3 days. But I’ll just keep up the mobility conditioning on the rest of the days. That will maximize my recovery. While keeping me mobile and moving smooth and agile like I like.
Feeling a little of the money pinch at times but in these times that’s pretty common. For me though, it’s not a matter of just getting another job. I was thinking this morning that maybe the problem I have with the general work populations is that I don’t mask, and I’m not a big complainer.
I actually am okay with being myself and don’t like to engage in complaining and gossiping. It’s also being okay with being myself and being self fulfilled, I see through people’s masks and it’s not that I do it on purpose. So that seems to make them want to make me into the problem and I really don’t want to be in those battles. Like my presence can be triggering for the miserable judgy types even if I never say anything or judge them. I’ve also had those rare few who only saw good in me and they weren’t even aware of the BS getting directed at me by others. So that kept me back from making friends with them when I didn’t want them to be caught up in the nonsense.
Even some of my family are unconscious in that they want to complain and focus on the negative. But they can’t hear anything that would potentially lift them out of it. Kind of a happy in their misery. Due to my self development and getting over myself, working hard on getting rid of my BS. It just seems to be hard to relate to people sometimes.
I still could use a boost in that motivation to start on something that would provide me extra income, just without having to go to a normal job. So there’s absolutely room for progress and growth. So I need to be patient. Heartsong would come next for sure. Then I’d really be thinking about Genesis: Mogul. It just seems to be that I want my freedom, I really like my alone time. Yet how am I going to balance that with making more money and I’m not sure that I will find a normal job that I’d fit in with or could at least tolerate.
So regular Genesis would probably benefit me as well.
On the seduction front: I think this is a continuation from SSX. SSX had me losing attraction for women and that surprised me. But now on KB and CWON it’s like it’s returning me to baseline. Alright let’s start from scratch. First of all you can have no anxiety at all.
Then you can be aware and make adjustments. So I think I’m in the aware phase and no anxiety phase. Probably is a continuation of SSX. Like if I have no chemistry with a woman I want, well I have no hangups about having or not having chemistry with her.
So that leaves me free to choose. I can then begin to learn how to create the kinds of relationships I want. So SSX wasn’t what I was kind of expecting but it does seem to have started me on a good track of having the right base. Still working out some inner game issues but again, just a matter of patience and getting out of my comfort zone as well as taking advantage of those “highs.”
Haha! Seems like a different day that I wrote my previous post. Yet, it was today.
I was driving home from work and I remembered ahh, this must be the gratitude scripting. I wouldn’t say I was putting it into words, but more just feeling or experiencing it. It was like I noticing this feeling or sense of just appreciating being in this moment. Went beyond words with it.
I have also been reconning a little bit in the mind this eve. I think we’re working on some of that removing mental limitations and transforming self talk into quiet, I would say beingness, again, going beyond words into the experience of it.
My biggest I call it recon is about a past relationship. It’s always come up. Well yesterday I realized that for as much as I work on myself, I found out that that triggers some people. I never had anyone triggered but apparently they’ve had people who say they work on themselves probably try to shove it down their throat. I think someone who truly works on themselves is more apt to allow others to be as they are. Not needing to change them so “I” can feel better. Like a lot of people just tell people just to get over it. Well if they were over themselves they’d probably have some compassion or insight, knowing that many people don’t know how or what to do. They’d probably like to get over it.
Well, people take identity in their problems and thus even if they complain and consciously want to change, they don’t. On another level it would be akin to giving up their sense of identity, that’s what problems give them.
So my “favorite” problem I realized, this old relationship that didn’t work out, I was holding on to it. It was my prized possession so to speak. I’d be able to let go and move through everything else but this one thing kept coming up. So I recently came up with a little process for myself and I’d used it another woman who was so into me, I wanted to be into her but didn’t feel like the situation was right. She was a lot younger than me and I didn’t want to face the stigma or judgement from that. Well, years have passed and I’d shoot my shot if we ever bumped into each other again. So I used my process on myself and kind became free, or neutral on it. I’m fine if it happens and pefectly fine if it doesn’t. It just has zero emotional charge, no want, or need there.
So I’ve been doing this process on my old relationship. Well it’s actually working quite well. At some point I really will be over it. I’d still like to run Heartsong but I don’t know how far off into the future that may be. It also allows me to make the most of KB 1 and CWON, which are both great titles. I’m sure they’ll be some of my favorites as I spend more time with them.
Update: Yep, I’m feeling like I’m over the old relationship now. If it comes up again it’ll be easy to take care of. Now that that’s out of the way, I’m getting to the next thing. It does seem to be about the money. So I’ll start working on that since that’s what’s coming up. I’m going to stick with CWON for one more cycle no matter what so I guess I’ll just do my best to enjoy the ride and work on my goals whatever they are as best I can.
I did switch over to plyos/power focus instead of strength. So far I think it will be more manageable. Less muscle soreness and it’ll just bring in a new dynamic for me. I also plan to take any strength focus back to the beginning and build up from the ground floor again. So to prevent injury and I’ll be ready when I want to focus on pure strength again.
Update: Seems after my biggest stumbling block issue is out of the way. It gets to the core. More back to what started it in the first place. Self worth and image and all that. So it’s kind of like coming full circle again. Back to doing the inner work again. Which is fine. I’m sure I’ll have more insights into that so I can resolve it as well. Money came up again but then it was quickly back to feeling worthy which I thought I had handled. Then it is more stuff that isn’t really verbal, just feelings again. So CWON will be good to help me channel it into the direction I want to go if nothing else.
today was a non-listening day.
I don’t know if it’s KB working it’s magic or what, but I’m kind of leaning towards bringing back SSX. I’ve been having some bloom or maybe just noticing some effects and I haven’t ran SSX in 2 cycles now. I even took like a 10 day washout after.
I read the objective probably a few days a week just to keep myself in that mode of what KB and CWON are doing. Well in the CWON objectives or right below whatever section that is, it says use those moments of pure calm and bliss. So the moments of zero anxiety is what I’ve been calling them. At least twice I’ve had them, and that’s CWON.
Ideally I’d want to do Primal but SSX is the lighter title and it would add that element in there to keep things interesting for me. I’d just like to explore it more and see where things lead.
The only thing is that it will make me reconsider how many cycle to do for KB. I can’t say until I try a 3 title stack but with where I’m at on KB 1, I think I could move on to stage 2 next cycle. But for good measure I’ll stay to test out 3 titles.
Last night I couldn’t get to sleep. I was reconning. I think it was from CWON moving from fear to power stuff. Was having like lots of subconscious stuff come up while I was trying to sleep so it kept me up longer than I wanted. Like I think I was almost falling asleep then like my mind was gonna have a nightmare so I woke up again.
A 3 title stack might give me a little buffer, if it’s SSX I won’t have any major recon to worry about either. So looks like I’ll do it for a test for the next cycle. So that’ll give me 3 cycles with KB 1.
Today listening day: 15 mins KB 1, 5 mins CWON.
So basically what I do is I lay down to meditate while I listen to the subs. Then basically do whatever you want to call it focusing, awareness meditation, observation. Like whatever “problem” will come to mind so I don’t DO anything with it. I just let it be and observe it and the sensations. It transmutes itself, usually into joy. So I wouldn’t call it letting go because for some people, letting go gets a bad wrap. But the experiencing is not actually letting go, because to me that implies doing something. I’m not doing. It’s not doing, but maybe that’s worse to some. It works for me and it would help someone else so that’s why I mention it.
It was nice to not have it be about that old relationship. Today it did start off with money. Then the relationship came up for very very lightly. Now it’s to the point where I go about my day and if it comes up I just remind myself, that I don’t want that because I already have it or something better, then I’m back into joy, joy of being.
Some of the issues for me used to be that there was such a contrast for where I am and where others are. Just as a metaphor like shining a bright light on somebody who is sleeping. That’s not very comfortable. So today I was driving and realizing that I really can’t take it personally if people are triggered when I’m not doing anything to them! It’s their own stuff, but they don’t know that. It’s not comfortable to face it and they probably don’t even know how. The program is that we’re all programmed for survival, so whatever problems we’re creating and all that, it’s the mind’s way of protecting us. Any changes to what is normal, like say just a general sense of dread or misery, well that’s a threat to the unconscious because it’s not the norm! It’s not personal.
I think KB has been clearing stuff up. I’m ready to get back on SSX. I’m choosing that title because I’ve already been on it and had no probs. Plus it’s kind of been blooming it seems. And my virility is on the rise and I’m feeling like yea, meeting the ladies seems like fun. More so just learning and fine tuning my “game.” Like I want to be able to meet some great women and have a good sex life. I’m not necessarily looking for the one at this point anymore.
I’ll still hold off on adding a money title until stage 3 or 4 with KB. I feel like I want to get through KB first and then tackle the next thing, which seems to be money. SSX will just help me gain some confidence in interacting with woman and being able to gauge interest and create interest and heck even friendzone myself if I need. So those skills would help me in any other social/business situation. I could learn and practice and why I’d go with SSX, it’s just who doesn’t love women? I’m definitely feeling some drive to move in that direction and I think that is KB freeing me up.
Now I’m kind of thinking it’s time to move to stage 2 of KB. I feel like I’m ready for the next step. That’ll be 2 cycles. Still have 1 week to go before washout.
I’m still going to bring SSX back on board next cycle. So that could mean 3 cycles per stage with a 3 title stack. That’s just my personal preference. But I plan to listen to 15 mins of KB every listen starting next cycle. So 2 cycles might be fine.
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Non-listening day.
I was kind of getting bored with no fap or release. But since I’m 2 weeks in that keeps me going, not wanting to start over. Now I’m going to eat lunch and do some cleaning. So I guess it’s got transmuted into some action.
Feeling that vitality again. I guess that’s what that is. That urge to live and be alive kind of feeling.
afternoon update: I did some cleaningl Still feel like an urge to do something in the background. So it’s a workout day. I decided on Sat and Tues for my most intense sessions. Rather than 3 a week 2 fits better and gives me enough recovery time for Fri/Sat (sat not so much hard but both the longest days) my two hardest work days.
I was just reading through the ASBR thread and now was not 100% on bringing back SSX. But I will stay the course for the sake of experiment. I think what’s held me back from Heartsong is I don’t really want a relationship, I just want the healing and self love inner work aspects.
While I finish out my first run through of KB, I think keeping it light is best. SSX will keep things interesting while I work through KB and CWON.
I’m sitting here eating a bag of doritos. Not something I normally do but 1.99 price was too good to pass up these days. So I was thinking this isn’t even food! It’s an interesting experience but this is definitely not food. lol. So some CWON at work I suppose.
Listening day: 5 mins KB 1, 15 mins CWON.
Lost of dreams last night, at least that I remember. They say we always dream, we just don’t always remember them.
I might hold off on SSX. I have one more cycle with CWON to make it 2 cycles. I kind of want to look at long term so a run through Khan regular seems like a good idea. I still want the EOG, but Khan will probably be better for right now with KB. I’d like to completely knock out that anxiety and just get some of that grounded confidence and power of regular Khan.
Now I’m not so sure. A lot of what comes up for me is that struggle between wanting to have a great dating life and be great with women, then there’s always that practical side. I should go for a wealth title, then I’d have the money for the freedom I want. But I also do like the freedom I have now. I can do what I want. Making more money might get in the way of how I live now. Less time to workout and less free time, but long term thinking says that might only be temporary.
I’m sure CWON will actually help me with this. Getting into the flow more in terms of there are times of great effort then there are times of rest and fun and even maintenance.
Chosen is my favorite title but it didn’t necessarily have the wealth like an EOG. It also didn’t have the seduction. I also felt like I needed to tighten up my inner game. So I think Khan would be the best for that. TB would be good. So I’ll just ease up on it. I still have one more cycle to go with CWON, and I’ll be moving on to KB 2 I think.
So TB or even CFW is what I’m thinking to add in.
Alright so I think the plan moving forward is to stack CWON with CFW. So that’ll be the stack I ride out for the first run of KB.
Evening Update: Time to workout. Last night at work I had a slight moment of clumsy. I figured it out. It was due to it having been a plyo/power day. It’s new stimulus to my nervous system and so the last time I started out clumsy at work it was my first plyo/power day. It’s a new stimulus so the nervous system needs time to adapt and adjust to that new stimulus. I think that’s also what massive change does on a subconscious level sometimes, that’s why those moments of rubber band effect.
It’s kind of interesting to me that I already kind of see this listening cycle as over with. It’s just a matter of making the final decision on my next cycle. Only 3 listening days left so 6 days left. It looks like KB 2, CWON, and I’ll bring CFW back on board. To me that’s a low risk of recon being that I’ve already done CFW, but I can definitely benefit from more of whatever it does. It will also maximize CWON and I do plan to get back to regular Chosen in the future.
Phoenix I will save as a pre-run to Khan if I choose that route in the next run of KB.
End of night update:
I realized I’m still running away from Heartsong. I’m at the point again where I’d do Khan Total Breakdown if I had it. I’ve already done CFW, and a bunch of other stuff. KB 1 hasn’t eradicated this thing that keeps coming up. A bad breakup I haven’t gotten over. So based on what I own and what I haven’t tried yet is Heartsong. So I’m bs’ing myself and running away if I’m not just going to face the Heartsong next.
The last time I ran CFW it was right around the breakup. I then switched to Wanted and was reconning from it. Yet I just kept going until I got to my customs and stuck with those. Had a few healing modules but maybe the cores were not the right cores. Though I feel like it served me and took care of a lot of things.
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Non listening day.
In the last week I’ve picked up my guitar and started up my practice routine again. Just a few minutes a day to get back into the swing of things. Today I’m actually having a desire to play. So that must be that creativity urge still going.
I finally applied for a couple jobs again. I could take on another part time job if the situation is right. So I’m feeling up to at least going on some interviews now.
Also been having some light bulb moments lately. It’ll just be like oh! I get it now.
One example is with my guitar practice. I never knew how to progress the basic finger exercises. But yesterday it just clicked for me and I knew what to do.
Evening update: I’m wanting to get back to Chosen. I’m resisting doing Heartsong so that’s all the more reason to do it. Healing comes first, then back to CFW, then Chosen.
I’d say even though it’s not a thing, I’m having pre-con to running Heartsong. There’s a sense that it’s a threat to my status quo, I know it is. So I’m not gung ho about it, yet it know it’s necessary. I’m sure I’ll have feelings to work through. Though with having a cycle of CWON under my belt, I think that will smooth out any rockiness.
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Listening day 15 mins KB 1, 5 mins CWON. I did a cycle of Ascension Chamber.
Today I think I’m more settled again. I am not so set on adding a third title. I might just keep it to two titles. So as not to dilute anything. I’ll let CWON work its magic while I move on to stage 2 KB next cycle.
I might bring Ascension Chamber back full time though. I haven’t run it for the last 2 cycles at all. I would only run it on Fridays.
Afternoon update: Despite feeling like I could use more sleep, a nap isn’t going to happen. Got 8 hours in last night. Now I’m feeling like I want to workout but since it’s my day off I’ll keep to the bare minimum light mobility.
I think if it were summer time I’d be out for a walk.
Evening update: I was wiped out today. Some muscle soreness kicked in from my workout 2 days ago. But tomorrow is the next workout. I couldn’t nap and I took the night off. So I’ll have my long day tomorrow. Even though it’s a workout day. I’m ready for that washout. Kinda wishing my month off caffeine and pre-workout was over. But I’m sure I’ll be feeling better tomorrow.
End of the night update: Felt good at work. Tiredness went away. I only did a half shift.
As I was working my mind drifted towards my workout program. I realized I kinda do miss my SI/Spartan custom. It had a certain level of fierceness that I liked when it came to motivating myself in my workouts. But that’s also the beauty of growing. I haven’t had any situations of unwanted bs directed at me in quite some time.
I remembered a situation from a past job where this bodybuilder dude had the ear of a shitty co-worker, the rumor kind of idiocy. He was neutral to me until I alpha’d his buddy or maybe the proper verbiage is that I beta’d him, he was kinda too dumb to get the message though, that was the co-worker of mine. I ended up leaving the job. Kind of place where everybody pretends and acts nice around the boss but they’re not so nice and if you’re not one of them, you’re not gonna have a fun time.
Then the next time he saw me he tried to intimidate me. It was like, look buddy I never had anything against you, this has nothing to do with you. But he was one of those guys who was better at playing the social game and had a better job, and I was just trying to be left alone. But now that my memory was jogged I have some motivation to call on for my new program.
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