Day 3: 1 minute LOTS
Just woke up. 7.5 hrs of sleep straight. That’s a new record for the last 10 days. Feeling a whole lot better. Dare I say, more normal, slightly good. So I’m gonna go do some errands while I’m feeling fine. Looking forward to being back at work tonight. I’ve had good feelings throughout the whole ordeal, heightened states of love, even a few moments of almost tasting enlightenment, but those moments were short lived. But maybe we’re back on track! Normal is good, man.
I can see how some things were like happening before I knew it. Like I wanted to take a social media break. That got real weird not even going to try to explain that one. But it’s like things are new, but for the most part the same. So yea I’d say it’s been a partial awakening of the k. I certainly could work on maintaining that still mind, that’s my biggest challenge I think.
I take that back. I remember after about 4 hours of sleep, I woke up to notice that more energy had moved, filled through my body. As far as the energy I hadn’t noticed that since the initial first few days. It wasn’t anything major. I could just feel that this energy was in my body and had moved through again. But I went back to sleep.
Alright I had some slight anxiety as I was running errands. Just normal after the wild stuff I been through. I realized a few months ago that was just normal for me, nothing to worry about. Definitely going to get some stuff done finally. Laundry is in, planning on doing that cleaning that I was meaning to do before I had to take a break from the normal things. Just gotta get used to the new normal I guess, definitely easing back into normal life.
Good Evenings
I’m more leaning toward bringing back one of the LB’s next cycle. Instead of Genesis Joy. I just really like that component. Either LB or LBFH. I may need some time with LB again just to continue on my inner journey. I’d probably just like a custom LBFH and LB.
Lol. There’s still a little bit of the thing about some people just don’t like me. About 10 days when my adventure first started, I went to the gas station I always go to. The man who I’ve seen multiple times before, the cashier guy, was just blatantly rude to me. I’d never said anything to him, was never in a bad mood around him. Apparently I offended him in some way, lol. Today at the grocery store there was a new guy cashier and he was giving me those dislike vibes. But I went to self checkout. And I’m still wondering about my friend. I guess as far as that goes he has his own things to deal with. So I won’t put a story on it. But the guy hasn’t answered my instant messages for like a week. That’s when we hung out and went for a drive, before I knew what I was dealing with. He’s had some experiences as well. But things I’d never try.
I guess I found out that maybe there’s two paths of k awakening. There’s the active, where you’re doing yoga, chanting and breathing and all that. And the passive, which I didn’t know was a path to the k awakening. I was just letting go, but apparently in my minimal research, that’s the passive path. Surrendering and letting go.
Anyway, I guess I don’t let that bother me. I was kind of bothered today at the store, but that’s because I had anxiety after the whole thing I went through. But the first cashier at the gas station guy I had no reaction, and just acted as I normally do. Because I never said or did anything to or about the guy, lol but in his world I definitely did something he didn’t like.
On the positive note, there were a few people who I definitely won over. Just because I think they could feel that love and goodness from me, they even mentioned that out loud. I wasn’t actively projecting. I was just kind of struggling because I wasn’t exactly sure what transformation was happening to me.
I think I’m still dealing with some fear of success. Right before I got into subliminals, I was doing affirmations. They started to work. For whatever reason that kinda got me spooked. lol. So I will be exploring that aspect definitely. I’d heard about that too with the letting go thing. There’s a story on a couple of the courses I used to learn the letting go. They said they’ve had a few people send the courses back for a refund, they said things were getting too good. lol, and I could never understand that. But I guess it snuck in there for me too. I guess that could also have me exploring the idea of having responsibility, and whatever else goes with that. I was never a guy who moved up in jobs and all that so I never had the responsibility besides being like a basic worker.
Alright, made good progress on that fear of success. I won’t say I got it completely out but definitely was an obstacle I was finally ready to face. I’ll work with it some more. Seems that was behind my anxiety today.
End of Night
The anxiety was cleared up until it was time to go to work. Then the floodgates kind of opened on more fears. So when I got to work I decided to try mindfulness. I don’t think I did so great but I was able to at least have a little fun and not take it so seriously. I was smooth as butter though in my physical movements.
I think the big hiccup for me with this whole awakening thing is the fear. At one point in time I thought I was ready to face it. But now I think that could be the stage I’m at. I’m ready to face it at least more ready than I’ve been. At one time I probably was trying to bypass it by just focusing on self love. But at the same time I think having the self love is giving yourself the ability to face those things you need to face. I would say the fears are irrational, I know that intellectually. Yet the mind can be really tricky with how it hooks you in. So yea, I’ve still got some fears to work through. But now I’m feeling alright after a good night of work. Shower and hit the sheets for hopefully a good night of restful sleep.
Oh and since it’s finally shorts weather. I tried on these shorts I bought last year. I never wore them because I could button them but it was too uncomfortable, they were tight. Tonight I wore them. I will probably need a belt in a month if not sooner. It’s just kind of been easy as far as trimming down. I of course still have a bit to go. So maybe my real pant size is a size lower than I thought, I mean if this keeps up.
ahaha. So once again I am hermit mode, hunkered down for possibly another day.