ABC333 Khan Black

[ABC333]

Day 9: 30 seconds LOS, 3 mins Spartan

I feel like I did unlock a little bit more from DRLD. This in my 5th cycle. I’m sticking to 3 mins.

Up til 5 am. 7 hours of sleep. Not feeling my most motivated. I’ll just do my walk now and it’s pushups and pulls day. Maybe that extra oomph will kick in after just starting.

Evenings:

Some slight emotional healing going on. Healing is just a word. It’s resolving old emotions ideas. More words.

Procrastinating on finishing out my workout. Also had some resistance around that. So it’s all good.

I’ve also noticed a change for me. I used to always find women I really liked but they lived far away, like livestream types. But since yesterday with the bank chick and this other chick, I’m finding more appeal in women from real life. Like it seems like that’s more possible and real for me, especially for now. Instead of finding these women online and feeling like they’re great but couldn’t make it work due to the distance factor.

Money has been coming up. But nothing that seems like progress yet. It’s more that my check is going to be late again. I haven’t heard back from the new boss, who I do work for. Messaged her on Monday about my check, since it was the first. And I’m hoping to get paid by Friday. So when she does get back to me I’ll just have to be clear and see if we can get agreement on how to proceed in the future. The old boss would get back to my emails sometimes even after hours.

I like my work, it’s basically me getting paid to do some light cardio. But I could definitely use more money. If I had gotten paid I might have my taxes sorted and paid, and I probably would have invested in this course that teaches you how to start making money online. I still haven’t focused on any money mindset besides continuing to read, The Energy of Money. I’m almost finished with it. I’m just focusing on moving through whatever comes up in the moment. So I can just work with my feelings about the getting paid, not getting email response situation. I did some work on that already.

I’m definitely happy with my progress in terms of the titles I’m listening to. It does just get better and better, nothing major but it’s at the right pace for me. It’s like the tortoise approach, slow and steady wins the race. In a few months, who knows how much better things will be for me. I’m sure I’ll be more open to getting out in the world a bit more and feeling good and confident, unlimited. All that.

lol. I’m laughing because I was feeling a little sappy without like a solution or direction. This chick that I missed out on from Jr. High, the one that asked me out has a bf again. So I’m guessing she got back with her ex. Seems like one of those things. I don’t really care about it though.

I guess it’s just a little mourning of the past or something going on. Nothing in particular. A little rain to grow the grass.

In the last few weeks I saw two of my ex’s friends show up as suggested friends on FB. So that would lead me to believe she had them check up on me. lol. Saw another chick who used to like me at my old job. That was when LB first came out. Glad to be out of those times I was in, more with being around the wrong people. So I don’t know what’s going on. My vibe must be changing or something.

Oh, and I’m kind of averse to doom scrolling on the tt app now. So yea, changes are happening for sure. I think that’s some disconnect from toxic influences coming up.

End of Nights:

I was not even close to 150 on the pushups tonight. Just that little bit of difficulty increase, probably has me starting over the beginner standard. Either way the most important thing is to be back to doing pain free normal pushups. It’ll be good for my elbow pain to take it slow. I might just do some reps daily to maybe speed things up.

The pulls are easy. I’m probably ready for the next hardest version. Horizontal pulls is the next level. I used to do those but never got high in reps. So I guess I’ll be trying those out next week. Maybe.

A Spartan/LOS custom is looking more attractive. Especially since I see this as a long term stack. With all the great titles and updates, I’m going to stick with these titles. I might not max out this custom, just put some essential custom modules in. But, we’ll see about that. lol But that’s getting ahead of myself as I haven’t gotten paid. Once again I’m feeling in limbo with the work situation. But I think I’m already, just hopefully 3 days late, if I get paid tomorrow.

[ABC333]

Day 10 No listening

Woke up from another dream, since starting LOS, about some of my peers looking old now. So we have some things being worked out there. I gotta think LBFH/DRLD custom plays some influence for digging deep.

The dream ended when we talked about a friend who passed when he was like 18 in a car accident. In the dream it got windy and we said thank you. He’s the wind now.

Then one of my friends from back then was getting in a fight and he got stabbed. I think that could be Spartan influence. That never happened. But in the dream it was that we were watching something that happened just from an angle we hadn’t seen. I can also see how the dreams were influenced by some social media I was scrolling shortly before bed. Also I can see some The Merger of Worlds custom module influence.

My inbox is empty, no email confirming my pay check is ready. So I sent off another email.

Afternooners

I had to pick up an order at the drug store. There was one chick who was really low key. I could feel her eyes on me the whole time. I thought she was a teenager so I wasn’t paying any attention. But when I left she’s was probably 20’s.

I got to the gas station. I feel like maybe some Lifeblood Fable. I figured out at 3pm it’s only one guy working for awhile. Last time I saw him I almost felt like he didn’t like me or was maybe in a bad mood. But I just walked in like normal and kind of care free vibe. There was definitely more warmth from him this time. Also seeing little hints at how things work sometimes. That’s probably some Merger of Worlds and Tyrant module influence.

The song of joy and whatever feel goods have been the most obvious effects from my stack. As time goes on and I consciously notice new attributes arising, it definitely shows me the value of sticking with a title for longer term. Of course I wish I was a guy who could switch titles because that’s how my life is. But for my life, long term listening seems to be the best course.

I do think if Genesis Joy was around when I first started and I just stuck with that for a year to start with, that would have been huge. But my first title was Sanguine. Which I’ve never stuck with long term. Just 4 cycle stints. I’m guessing I switched because it was starting to change things on that deeper level maybe. That’s what experience has shown me. 4 cycles just isn’t enough unless it really is like a period in your life where you have a specific goal or thing you’re working on, and a title will support that. I like the deep core level changes, which seem to take more time. And I’m seeing that yea, the more time goes the more things unlock and just gets better. So take the lulls and recon, the ups and the downs in stride.

Somebody mentioned it took like 10 cycles to see the sexiness modules start surfacing from their custom. For me I think it’s any inner circle scripting that seems slow going. I guess that’s just from being let down by people. Or being wronged or misperceived by people. Everyone’s got their own issues, and generally they’re doing their best. The best they can. But also it seems like generally most people don’t change, yet there are those out there who surprise you.

Definitely more of the feel goods today.

End of Nights

I got my check! They just don’t like to reply to emails for some reason. lol.

I finally heard this numerology guy talk about my birth day. He just goes by day of your birth. So my number he says is a traveler, you’re good looking, and you have high sex energy. Or maybe if you don’t like travel you like to move around a lot. Say with partners or whatever. I moved around in jobs because I didn’t like the matrix people, but I would have stayed at one job if they’re were “good” people.

I would say I have no interest in traveling. That’s mostly due to the people reasons. But I would agree with the high sex energy. I’ve always had a high sexual energy. So maybe that’s why I didn’t have problems with my 12 cycles of Khan Black. I feel like I could use more clearing at times if anything. Just some old programming around it I guess. I was never someone who slept around though. I was always after that one. But that’s why I never got the one, lol. I almost used to look down on the guys who would sleep around. After having some years on me, I feel like maybe they had the right idea after all. I thought I was going from a higher moral ground, and yet all that programming was what kept me from being successful with the women I wanted. Also why it makes sense that if you act not interested, they’re interested.

[ABC333]

Day 11, 3 mins LBFH/DRLD custom

Halfway through another cycle.

Good Afternoons

I got to sleep around 3 am last two nights. So that’s where I want to be. Today I woke up at 1. 10 hours of sleep. I think that’s my body wanting to catch up. Normally it seems like 8 would be fine if I could make that a steady thing.

I didn’t work out yesterday. Was a recovery day. I guess my body needed the rest as evidenced by my sleep.

I am hungry today. First time all week that I’m just hungry. I’m not so sure on the 2 days off keto. But I do feel like I’m more at the maintenance point anyway. I dont think I got back into ketosis until Friday. But again since I’m in more maintenance mode, not a big deal. I’ll probably take 2 days off keto again this week to get some more data. Either way I think it’s good to take a little break from routine once in awhile. This time I don’t even want to, it’s more for practical purposes.

[ABC333]

Day 12 No listening

I woke up this am, well I was half awake. In that hypnagogic state as it’s called. My mind was saying something about my opponent. It was like nonsensical to me. But today after work. Work was easy again. I’m definitely feeling the warrior coming out in me today. Memories of the past people bs. Like if you have a pure heart, people will do all they can to stomp it out of you kind of thing. That was my problem I guess. Getting all that nonsense just for existing. Well I know I wouldn’t put up with it or take it today. Feel like I’d get a great workout in if it was a workout day.

I’d really like to go full on TWTP but I’ll just plan for that Primal’d Spartan/LOS custom.

I might just do a wildcard play. Spartan/LOS cores with Synergy: At The Top, for the Primal flavor that I want. And Synergy: Inescapable Gaze, just for something new. The one gaze is already in LOS but I figure why not try something that I might not go for. Plus when I get to TWTP that groundwork will just be a bonus.

End of Nights

I got some brief love bomb vibes today too. I’m interested to see if the whole stack meshes at times. lol. The loving unlimited beautiful warrior. haha.

I also realized that me wanting to look and see more is probably the gaze scripting in LOS. To me it hasn’t seemed a seductive flavor, it’s more so that it’s just kind of opening up to whatever it is. Just like a preview. I guess I’d say just exploratory for now.

[ABC333]

Day 13 - 30 sec LOS, 3 mins Spartan

I did a little drive today. I was feeling like this is what a normal, grounded man is supposed to feel like. Then I thought of something else and I was in that like playful almost childlike energy.

Now I’m feeling the LBFH feel goods. Gotta work out now.

Oh I stopped at the bank to deposit my check. I had a nice full man voice as well. That used to be a thing with me. When I first started sub club, I had to drive like 45 minutes to work. So I’d work out before work and I’d almost lose my voice after a vigorous workout. So I used to be really self conscious about my voice at times.

Probably just the relaxation and some of that alpha masculine influence.

Good Evenings

LBFH vibes still coming in and out today. None of the lows. Maybe the slightest melancholy, I see it as just the old reality of limitation.

LBFH/DRLD really seems to be a heavy duty title for me. That’s why I plan to get 12 cycles out of it. Then I’d like to do Heartsong and TWTP. I think that will definitely be a healing combo for me, and not sure I’d want that right now. I would like to think LBFH/DRLD custom is just paving the way to that next step.

Man I still have this kind of procrastination when it’s time to workout. I’m thinking I might have to get myself to work out first thing in the day. I tend to get errands done first if that’s what I need to do. Then I take the pre-workout. But even that doesn’t get me in to gear most days. I think it’s just that I haven’t found the right one. I noticed that I like some of the thermogenic or fat burning type pre-workouts. Other ones I’ll take and just kind of kick back and end up wanting to chill, lol. I also think the sleep situation is a contributor. Like I stayed up til 4-5 am. I’d like to be asleep by 230 am ideally. Then I’d wake up before noon.

So it seems like I’ll be awake and feeling fine for a few hours, and hit that early evening slump when it’s time to work out.

Yesterday when I was in workout mode was in about an hour from now. But that’s too late for me to take caffeine. I keep mine to one dose about 2-3 hours after waking. Then no more, hoping that I’ll get my sleep back on schedule.

End of Nights

Haven’t worked out yet. But since I changed to 4 workouts a week. Mon/Tues are short workouts.

I’m feeling a little low tonight. Some kind of loneliness. Still processing the ex thing, and I would say it’s probably just Solitude module doing some more digging.

Did some inner work. Finally got back in touch with that inner spaciousness. I usually start laughing too. Touching on the joy of being type stuff as well. Don’t feel all done. But definitely pulled out of that low.

Just found out I need a new favorite pair of sweat pants. I’ve had these for, could be 20 years. lol. I really like them.

Lol. Now I gotta do some inner work before going to sleep. I’ve moved into some anger type energy. It was just one of those things. Talking to a family member. Like they say if you think you’re enlightened go spend a week with your family.

It was just a conversation and the family member immediately started to react, in that old way that implies that I’m bad. I was just having normal conversation, and a certain topic of some family members visiting for a month this summer. We all only see things through our filters. Many think that things never change, to them it’s still as if people never change. They’re right, maybe most don’t. For all the work I’ve done and none of my family works on themselves. So I still don’t have much relationship with them. It’s just one of those things I guess. I’ll just be the odd man out. But for them whatever, it’s more important that they get to see their family. That’s how they talk. Like I’m not a part of the family? lol. I’m here all the time and I help out and all that. But it is even in say the bible, there’s a story about a guy with two sons. One has gone off in a bad way for years. But he comes back one day and his dad is so happy to see him despite all the wrongs or whatever. And his other son sees that and of course is like wtf. I don’t know the whole story but that’s kind of the gist I guess.

I’m really excited about this Spartan/LOS custom. I kind of want to do the other titles, when I read the threads. But I gotta remember why I’m on Spartan/Los in the first place. I want my body to be in tip top shape and pain and injury free. I’m still not back 100%. Knees have been slightly sore, and I finally had enough confidence to walk down stairs normally. I still hold the railing. The addition of Synergy: At The Top will be just what I need. Some more of that care free-ness, and just being someone who is higher status, so they don’t get the idea that I’m their doormat or somebody to be treated like dirt for existing. Synergy: Inescapable Gaze is something I’m getting more excited about as well. Just that new wild card experience for me. I’m sure it’ll be good as I’ve always been perceptive, but it’ll just bring out some good stuff for me.

Also I’m going to add that Carpe whatever synergy in the custom. I love Joie De Vivre and want that back. But I also want Carpe Diem because I could use that get things done aspect.

I also noticed I was enjoying that relaxation when I woke up today and for awhile. Like stretching where it just feels good, I guess I hadn’t had that in awhile.

[ABC333]

Day 14: No listening

Last week of this cycle.

I was processing the ex situation again to start the day. I was also thinking I wish I had the Pride Unbroken and Code of Loyalty modules in my stack yet. But that would probably be too much healing. I’ve got enough already.

My physique is coming along yet. I seem to be looking more dense. I was worried I was going to start bulking up. But it seems to be more like what I had in mind in terms of build.

I went to the gas station to pick something up. It was another cashier I don’t see very often. Last time I saw her she seemed like the peoply, talkative type. So I was talking to her and speaking up. She wasn’t in that mood I guess. I could tell we weren’t really connecting. Then another woman walked in right as I was turning around, lol she had the vibes of someone I could pick up at the bar if I was in one night stand mode. So yea, I think I will quite enjoy the custom module, Synergy: Inescapable Gaze. I realized that’s kind of my default mode anyway just noticing things, and I’m sure it’ll up my game.

I guess I have noticed over the years, that it really is a kind of dynamic where if you want it, they don’t. Like if I’m open and wanting to socialize, others aren’t so open or welcoming to that. Then other times when I’m not in that mode and don’t want to socialize, others want to socialize with me. I guess it’s probably that sort of thing, where it’s like they have the program that if somebody is trying to talk to you they want something from you. And also people value and want what’s not easy to get. So at least I can see that and that I could develop those skills to help me overcome those kinds of problems, or probably better, just to be able to use those things to my advantage. I just don’t have any real need for it. If I am making small talk it’s not to get anything anyway. So at least on some level I’m still learning the kind of social interpersonal dynamics at play.

Good Evenings

I woke up a half hour earlier. So that tells me that I’m reaching homeostasis as far as my sleep schedule. So I get to sleep about 4 am and will wake up around 12. I want to be on like a 2:30 am sleep and 10:30am wake up schedule. But I work nights anyway.

A little cranky tonight. I think it’s still the sleep situation, lol. I had to go somewhere to pick up food for somebody. I did not want to be around people. I got to the place and there was nobody there. So I felt better. I just realized it could also be that I haven’t dropped a deuce today! Probably due to the change in diet. 2 days off keto every week this month to see how it affects things.

End of Nights:

I am really tired tonight. So it seems possible that I will hit my goal of sleeping by 2:30am tonight.
I didn’t hit the workout today either. I added a couple of the advanced FT exercises in yesterday. I don’t know why but they got my calves sore. So I’ll hit the knee/calves tomorrow.

[ABC333]

Day 15: 3 mins LBFH/DRLD custom

Well it seems this is my daylight savings sleep schedule. Sleep at 4am, wake up at 1pm.

I did get in bed last night tired. But I also knew that it was going to be a good meditation inner work session. I released a lot of junk and feel much lighter. I guess if anything that might be the best time for me to do that inner work, when the rest of the world is asleep. Yesterday in the day I felt like the inner work just wasn’t very productive, although nothing was productive besides work.

I am in keto already. That’s 3 days. So I think I will definitely go this month with 2 days off keto a week. I’m feeling hungry right now and was last night. So I think if anything it’ll boost my physique results. Maybe recovery as well.

Afternoons

Feeling some light LBFH vibes. Definitely got some good inner work in last night before sleep.

So it looks like Spartan is the title I’ve used most in my time with Sub Club. I used it for 12 cycles in my previous custom. Now I finally got around to the new version.

Any title change won’t be for 6 cycles now. But I still feel like TWTP is just the next necessary component for me. Maybe I’d do TWTP & LB instead of Heartsong.

Evenings:

I am hungry today. 2 days off keto was a good plan. But I may need to increase my calories on keto days too.

Emperor: The Art of War dropped today! That could mean I would just stack Spartan/LOS custom with AOW and TWTP, lol. That’s probably the side of myself that I needed most to develop anyway. I’m sure it would have let me have if not an easier time with people, at least a more successful time. I mean, in 6 cycles. I still am staying the course, continuing to extract the priceless benefits of staying with LBFH/DRLD custom for 12 cycles.

Last week I picked up another copy of The 48 Laws of Power for $1, locally. My policy is if I see a used one for sale in my small city, I’m gonna buy it. Hahaha. Maybe that’s some kind of law of power maybe? I don’t know I haven’t read the book. I also picked up The Art of Seduction last month locally.

As far as books, I have this idea that I’d like to be able to purchase copies of How To Win Friends and Influence People. I’d give them to friends and associates as gifts.

I’ve been listening to this short LOA book. It’s from like 1912, I think. It’s short but some of the stuff is put in a way that I like, for me. Since it’s so short I can listen to it and finish it mostly while I’m at work.

I’m thinking my next book will be this, Bob Proctor “book”, called Change Your Paradigm. It’s not an official book I think it’s him have a discussion with someone and talking about the paradigm. I think it will complement my listening to DRLD very nicely. I know I have some old paradigms to shift, but who doesn’t.

End of Nights:
I’ve been going through it a bit at times over the ex situation. Kind of makes me glad I didn’t decide on Heartsong. Also makes me think after I finish my run with this custom, I’d feel ready to try it out. I think it’s that LBFH, DRLD, love without attachment module, Chosen of Venus, and Depths of Love modules. I do wish I had Blue Skies in it. But it’s already potent as is. Plus Path of Forgiveness Module, and Solitude module, making it an already potent package.

I did the knee program workout tonight. Last week I tried single leg work. I did again today, my reps got better. Should be a month or less and I’ll be where I was before I had all the pain in the knees and back. The big thing was my stability came back. Last week I was pretty shaky, but definitely improvements this week. Pushups and pulls tomorrow.

[ABC333]

Day 16: No listening

Last night I tried the exercises that produce the body shakes. I did not shake. I even did more reps to see if anything would happen. It seems I released a lot the other night. I mean like TRE body releasing type shakes. There is nothing evil or wrong about releasing tension from the body, disclaimer.

Woke up at 2pm today. So I think I’m not concerned with it anymore. It is what it is. It’s my summer schedule.

Had some thoughts come up about the ex situation today, may be Inner Voice module, changing the script so I feel better about it.

Evenings

Yea I think I’m in a place now where my stack cannot be broken. In the past yea I jumped onto a new title with the latest upgrades. But now it’s like I did that and found out that just staying the course is the best course. Since my stack is what I needed most, that’s why I chose it, I’m gonna ride it on out.

Daredevil True Social definitely looks more appealing with the newest update. I think it’s more in line with how I see myself operating socially. I think TWTP is still a necessary next step for me though. I might even be leaning more towards True Social now than Art of War.

A little cranky tonight. I blame the sleep once again more than anything else. No highs or lows today. Just kind of normal except for the crankiness because I feel like I could take a nap. But I gotta go to work instead.

[ABC333]

Day 17: 30 seconds LOS, 3 mins Spartan

Back is sore today. I was feeling like it was time for a self traction session last night. I hadn’t done it in like 2 weeks. Still planning for the back workout today. I’ll throw the pushups in for warmup since I’m down to one set beginner level. lol. I haven’t had that motivation for pushups and pulls lately. Maybe just doing a the pushups and pulls as warmup, will get the ball rolling again.

My core seems to be tightening up. It’s gotta be the stomach vaccums and these back flattens. You lay on the floor on your back with your feet flat on the floor. And you flatten that space between your lower back and the floor for reps. That was causing me TRE shakes after a few reps. I maybe had stored emotions in that lower belly hip area. Anyway, yesterday I saw a video of a guy saying if you do 20 reps for 3 sets daily, you’ll see a 2 inch reduction in your waist. Lol I don’t know about that but it might give the appearance of it.

Good Evenings

A little tired. I fell asleep earlier last night, but woke up later and stayed up again. Tired but enjoying some slight mood boost. Workout is feeling good, just have to nudge myself a bit to get moving.

End of night

I’m at my lowest pants size. So I’m happy to be on my current stack. In the past when I would hit my goal, I’d just gain the weight back. I used to use food as my comfort. But with all the healing and growth, I’m confident that I’ll be able to maintain it. Even improve upon it this time around, to get the best physique I’ve ever had.

I’m ready for next week to get back to work. I only did mobility today. The back was still sore from traction. Now the goal is to just keep improving on the workout side of things.

[ABC333]

Day 18: no listening

I don’t even feel like I’m coming up to the end of another cycle.

Evenings

Woke up just before noon which I was happy about. But I ended up just being tired all day. I went to the gas station when I first woke up and that was it. I still have to get to work. Took my caffeine again just now and if I end up staying up late oh well. I’m sure once I get moving at work I’ll shake the cobwebs off.

When I was at the gas station earlier I was walking in and this guy was parked at the pump, walked in before me, younger dude like in his 20’s I’d guess. He was looking at me. He got to go to the register with the chick I really like- I have zero attachment though. So as I’m leaving he’s watching me again. Not sure what that was about. There were a few people around but he’s the only one that took noticeable notice of me. I didn’t get a read on him though. I just kept it non-chalant.

I think love without attachment is probably a key module for me. I’m still looking for the You Are Not Alone or any people scripting to kick in. Although Solitude module balances it out. I would opine that the masses aren’t our matches anyway, so maybe that’s why people had problems with something like Heartsong. I know as soon as I started to grown and wake up a bit, and good things started happening and having these experiences of something more. That I lost all my friends and just didn’t fit in with most people anymore. Even if I unconditionally accepted them, they were still running on that sort of victim, stuck, complainy, judge-y stuff. So naturally I accepted that I’m better off running solo until I do meet that soul tribe as they say. Though I’d like to get to the next level where I can live abundance rather than that seeming in between place of having grown, and had some great experiences, and yet not found my people or place yet. I guess i don’t want to fit in anyway, but just where I could be left alone and those crabs in the bucket just leave me out of it.

Since reading some updates from people who have tried AOW, it’s winning in my book again. I think it might be more my style than TWTP, yet I probably need both anyway.

End of Nights

Work went well. I’ll save the last job for tomorrow night instead. I’m not in the mood to stay up late. Hopefully I’ll be sleeping a bit early tonight.

Been a little cranky today. Luckily it wasn’t a social day, lol.

I think in June I’ll have my money saved for my Spartan/LOS custom. I’m still planning on it. I think Synergy: At The Top will just add the next layer or level for me. I think it’ll smooth out any remaining edges and give me some added confidence and not caring what others think. That seems important for me especially during summer months when there’s just more people around.

That new E:AOW title is looking more and more attractive as the initial reports start to roll in.

I did see some Foundation, Eye of The Storm type action in myself tonight. I was kind of getting into the anxiety and I was able to pull myself out of it pretty quickly.

[ABC333]

Day 19: 3 mins LBFH/DRLD custom

Woke up at noon. Definitely not used to it, lol. I think I’ll get used to it. No headache today. I’m sure I’ll be good once I get some caffeine and get to work.

Afternoons

I’d like to get better at the saying less than necessary thing. I used to think being open and vulnerable was the way. Not so much. That’s why I’m looking at TWTP and AOW as my next base titles for long term reprogramming.

I feel crabby, tired, and still clear and good sensations. I had to run somewhere and pick up some food. In the past I’ve got that problem that I used to have with people. Well I haven’t gone there in like a year. So I went a couple time in the last few months. But everytime I go I just kind of put on my armor and the I wont’ tolerate any funny business vibe. I’d like to go in open and feeling good, but in this place I don’t. It’s more kind of pick and choose for me. Say I’ve had problems with certain people or locations before, so I’ll adjust my vibe accordingly if I still go there. Generally I just don’t go there anymore. But if it’s the only place I’ll go once in awhile.

I think the crankiness is that warrior iron will type thing for me. Just integrating that with the kind of spacious beingness feeling good type vibe that I prefer.

I just had to run in and grab my order from the rack. I got it and turned to say thanks, but both the guys were minding their own business. So I was a little surprised. I guess they got the message, lol.

lol I just remembered… I also saw this biker, but he didn’t have that invincible aura vibe. He kind of noticed me but I could tell he didn’t want to make eye contact. I definitely don’t let something like that go to my head though. I’m not looking to dominate people, just more be left alone. That also reminds me I think it was last summer or the summer before, I was on Chosen. I stopped for some oil at this gas station. And there was a biker at the pump at the station across the street. He was like admiring me or something, lolol. For as many bikers that come out when the temps warm up and the snow is gone, I never see any of these guys in the winter. Kind of perplexing. That should in theory also give me one of those life changing insights- if I’ve gotten these reactions from bikers, why should I worry about the average joe schmo? I guess I worked at a gym fitness environment and that was not a good time. But that was also before I tried Chosen and Spartan. And I guess I could say something like, your average biker is well aware of real world consequences, and your average joe schmo who runs his mouth is probably not. Which is why regular jobs haven’t been places of positivity and good will.

End of Nights

This is cycle 5 LBFH/DRLD custom. Cycle 2 Spartan. Cycle 1 LOS.

I suspect I will try and talk myself into switching out Spartan for AOW. I almost did tonight. Especially when I consider that I’ve I’ve already used Spartan, in its previous release, for 12 cycles. lol. But I’m still planning for Spartan next cycle. It’s more important for me to get the workouts right. I’m not in any social position or necessity yet.

Some slight loneliness. lolol. I wonder if I should look at updating LBFH/DRLD with that new anti-recon thing.

[ABC333]

Day 20: No listening

Woke up really early for me. 11am, after not falling asleep until around 4am. So I was up later but awake earlier. Feeling fine so far. I think I’ll stick with noon as the latest I’ll let myself sleep. That should keep me on track with falling asleep a little earlier. I think I had trouble with getting on track after the time change, because 11am is 10am all winter. I think 11am is a good wake up time.

My back is sore. Moving chairs and bending over at work yesterday when it was still sore from traction. I guess it’s better than the pain of being hurt. I haven’t kept up on the self traction because it takes like 15 mins and I don’t think I need that much. But the downside is when I do need it I might be sore for a few days. So I may just do it for like 5 minutes 3 times a week just for a little stretch and maintenance. Still planning to work out. Gonna do my walk now.

I probably need to be more active when I’m not working or working out. Still mostly lounging. But I dont’ know what else I’d do. Today I did feel like I want to start reading a new book. I finished The Energy of Money, I think it’s a great book. The most benefit would come from doing all the exercises in that book. I just don’t feel like it’s the time for me. I probably need to get more basic. I just picked up a cheap copy of I Will Teach You To Be Rich, by Ramit Sethi, and that book definitely seems like it’s for somebody, who already has money coming in. It’s about setting up accounts and doing the numbers and things like that.

The thing is it seems like when I get inspired/motivated to work on some issue, it’s when I’m at work. But by the time I’m at home where I could work on it, that spark just isn’t there anymore. Like right now I’d rather start a new book because doing inner work or working on limiting beliefs and old emotions, just doesn’t seem to be flowing. That’s also where just getting a workout in can help, I think.

So I guess a little bit of progress if anything. I feel like I should get moving and take some action, but I don’t know what. My thinking is if I find the right info or book, to spark some sort of fire or lightbulb moment.

I have found some old memories surfacing. Like in the last couple of days I was feeling those good feelings of when I had say a best friend, from my high school days. There wasn’t the negatives, I was just able to appreciate those good feelings again. Like yea, that was actually pretty cool.

For so long I’d been kind of stuck on those unwanted/negative past experiences with people. That was probably my biggest blocker.

I also had memories of past situations. And me just saying something. Like what I should have said to people. It’s not usually nice, but I think it’s just my way of processing some of those situations and moving past them.

Afternoon Updates

lol. I didn’t realize how much I post sometimes in my journal. Like wow, that’s a lot of stuff.

I am considering that maybe I would go even more basic with my stack. Maybe I can fit Genesis Joy in there somehow. I want the Spartan/LOS custom, but maybe LB/Genesis Joy custom would be more beneficial. I still sometimes see that maybe I could use some more of that self image work. Yet I plan on sticking with Spartan/LOS for the rest of the year.

Got my first LB/Genesis Joy custom mocked up. It’s pretty basic. Should be easier to run than LBFH/DRLD custom.

Some more crankiness coming up. I think it’s tied to now being tired after the short sleep caught up to me. I also think it’s my mental landscape changing, dumping that negativity. That’s one of the main things I like about LBFH/DRLD. Cleaning house in terms of the junk/negativity in the mental landscape.

Evening Updates

My tentative new plan is to finish 6 cycles straight of LBFH/DRLD. That’ll give me like 9-10 cycles total with it. Then I’ll take a month off, and only use Spartan/LOS for a cycle. Then I’ll bring my new LB/Genesis Joy custom on.

I could use a break from the current custom. The new custom will theoretically also be easier to run. Same direction but slightly different angle. I’m sure I could use the Genesis Joy skills for sure. Making it a custom is way more attractive than the store title is, for some reason. I just had zero interest when it came out. So maybe that’s why I should run it. The new talk about it being one of the titles to start with also interests me. Genesis Joy and one or both of the Love Bomb’s seem to be the recommended starter stack.

I was kind of ghosting my buddy. He went a couple days without replying. So I just didn’t bother messaging back. Kinda sorry I did. lol. I responded with what I thought was a funny a video, and he comes back right away with stuff about himself. He didn’t even watch the video. Like How To Win Friends and Influence People says people’s favorite topic is themselves. He is like definitely one of the extreme examples. My experience says most people at least have some basic social skills, where they know enough to not make it all about themselves. So yea, I’m not that lonely. Maybe if I myself mastered some social skills, I could nudge him in the right direction. But for now it would probably come off as me being just another person thinking I know what’s best for everyone. lol.

End of Nights

It’s just making more sense to me that my latest custom idea will be great. I feel like I could certainly make good use of the skills of Genesis Happiness. Definitely feel like I could shore up some self worth, self image issues. I think LOS will help with that tremendously. Maybe it’s just that all this time with LBFH/DRLD has me going a bit deep and LB/Genesis Joy looks like the welcomed light at the end of the tunnel. Plus I plan to add that wealth worth module in there and will have the wealth motivation module. That will be a very much welcome change, planning on just Lion IV and Total Non-Chalance for the chill alpha vibes. I think that will be a much better title for me to be on during summer, with the potential for much more people interaction. I won’t be dealing with the occasional moodiness that can come with the DRLD. I’m also planning on not including any seduction modules, so maybe that’ll also ease up on any potential recon.

So the custom idea is chill, happy, self loving, wise, alpha with a slight nudge towards the wealth arena, to get the ball rolling. lol, but we have time. I still can’t help but think I’m still going for like a Chosen/Primal Lite vibe. So maybe what I’m really after is Emperor Daddy, lol. But I just still see myself as a youthful man, certainly not someone who people think is almost 43.

TWTP and AOW aren’t so attractive for my immediate use anymore. I realize I have no need for that just yet. I’m still a free agent, so to speak. I’m not locked into a job yet and don’t plan to be. So yea, it’s all up in the air yet. I want the Primal Chosen Vibe with a touch of wealth development.

[ABC333]

Day 21: 30 seconds LOS, 3 mins Spartan

My new plan is to stop the LBFH/DRLD custom. Take next cycle off because I’ll have some family in town for two months! So I’ll go with Genesis Joy instead. That way I won’t risk any recon, and I’m sure it’ll help. So any custom would wait until August.

So it’ll be a, to me, minimalist stack with low recon risk for a couple cycles. Maybe I’ll try to get a name embedded Genesis Joy with the Harmonic Conflux Synergy module.

Good Afternoons

I got an oil change today. So I took a short walk outside. It was kind of nature-y.

I am cranky today. It’s nice out and I guess I’m still working on aversion to people, based on old events/memories. But when I got gas and had only to drive home, I noticed how relaxed my body was. I also noticed last night that when I kind of meditate and let go before sleep, my body still had some tension. But I wouldn’t have noticed if I wasn’t relaxing my mind. So I’ll have to keep cue-ing myself to relax my body consciously throughout the day, and just notice how relaxed it is.

Almost forgot I still need to get my loops in.

Evenings

Post-loops, my cranky mood is all gone. Still tired. But more good vibes and chill-ness.

End of Nights

I came up with a new prompt for my letting go practice. It’s just asking myself am I safe now? Then just feeling the feelings and letting them go. Then I ask, is my body relaxed now? Then I notice what feelings come up and let go of any resistance. and just rinse and repeat.

I also found that it helps in action, I actually came up with it at work maybe a month or so ago. But this is the first time I’ve brought it home. At home I let go consciously. But when I ask the questions in action the letting go just happens and I feel good and come back to the present moment and what I’m doing.

Just a good simple thing to keep the monkey mind quiet and also practice the habit of feeling good now while dropping the “negative” feelings. It’s definitely not intellectual entertainment. It’s a presence practice.

I’m back on the train of doing a Spartan/LOTS custom. Genesis Joy could potentially make it doable for me. But I have one cycle where I’m only listening to Spartan and LOTS, to wash out from the LBFH/DRLD custom.

I would probably want to lean the Spartan/LOTS to relaxation and stress relief and being in the present. I don’t know if that’s ideal for Spartan/LOTS, but it also is, because all those things help in battle, and physical fitness and mastery.

I really want to keep the LB component. But Genesis Joy might be all I need for awhile. It’s only when I’d switch to TWTP or TAOW that I’d want the LB component back in. Just so many titles to choose from. Luckily I’m all set up for the next 3 cycles.

I read this quote earlier today. It was from a sales perspective. It was something like rejection is just part of the road. Most people aren’t going to buy from you. Most people aren’t going to marry you. Most people aren’t going to be your best friend. etc. So I guess it was pointing out that rejection is just part of that journey, and it’s nothing to take to heart. That got me thinking, that’s one of the aspects of Primal that I like so much. I don’t care about getting rejected or what other people think of me. Maybe that could go in the next Heartsong. That kind of goes with the track I was on the other night. I posted that the masses aren’t our matches anyway. So maybe that’s why people had a tough time with Heartsong. There’s so many people out there yea, but when you’re after that one match, maybe that whole thing is just bound to cause some recon.

[ABC333]

Day 1 of 5: No listening

Did the knee workout last night. 2-3 weeks I’ll be hitting all the numbers. I still will need to get more range of motion on the step downs. But everything else is going great.

I think it’ll be nice to get a washout from the custom. It’s going to be Spartan and LOTS for one cycle then I’ll add Genesis Joy.

I’m feeling like I want to get on with it already. So maybe some recon. I’m looking at Genesis Joy as a welcome surprise. My last run with Sanguine wasn’t the best. I don’t think I got all the benefits that I could have. But with Genesis Joy being a skills based title, I think that’ll be a really good thing. I think it will certainly support my letting go practice and give me some tools and strategies that will certainly up-level my happiness and all areas of life. I think it will even help unlock anything from LBFH, that hasn’t manifested fully for me yet as well.

I notice at times there’s like a freedom when it comes to dating and the idea of it. Like when I was getting my oil change, I also did some brief shopping. I was a little anxious and yet when I saw women, it was like there weren’t any hangups there and I felt a sense of freedom and open-ness. That if I wanted to, I really could open these women, at least to talk with them. I wouldn’t expect that I’d get positive responses though based on my past experiences. That whole thing where if I’m in the mood to socialize or wanting to get that date, they just aren’t into it. Yet when I’m not into it and basically ignoring them, they’re into it. But the point is that there’s no fear of rejection or attachment I guess. That it’s not about getting the dates, it’s more about being happy either way. So I’m looking forward to trying out Genesis Joy.

End of nights:

I was just thinking of maybe it would be nice to have a one two punch approach as an experiment. Say one title to clear and then the next title to reprogram and get into action. At first I was thinking of like a multi stage relationship/dating/seduction healing title. Right now I’m kind of open to Khan ST 1 even. There’s DRR and DRR gold and I’d probably do those, just one cycle each for a 4 cycle run. But Genesis Happiness and Joy might revolutionize my world. For 3 cycles I won’t risk heavy recon so that kind of leaves me the fall season and the start of the year as my 4 cycle deep healing periods, if I want that.

I did not work out today. I don’t know what in the heck. I haven’t had the drive this week. My work schedule changed slightly this weekend. I took had a harder Sunday than usual and so I was still sore Mon. worked out Tues. So it looks like I might only get 2 workouts in this week. If that’s the case maybe I’ll just do two workout days and just try to hit the walking in mobility on all the other days.

I think I got caught up into that old habit of if I can’t do the whole workout, then I don’t do anything at all.

I really need to do maybe smaller chunks, 2-3 times a day. I do walking as soon as I wake up. Then I can do mobility and do FT and the knee program on the same days again. I also have tended toward working out later in the day like 10pm since that’s when I go to work but I just can’t take caffeine that late, even if I take it earlier in the day it doesn’t get me going. I have been resting a lot though, and I guess maybe that’s something my body still needs.

I’m thinking Genesis Happiness and Joy will be a nice change for me though. This next cycle might be interesting too. I’ll only be doing Spartan and LOTS this next cycle. I’m actually kind of attached to the LBFH/DRLD custom. But yea, it’s just time for a change of pace, and it’s more due to life circumstances than anything. I’d like to have the ultimate stress relief stack if anything. It’s my third cycle with Spartan and more flow and results will appear, I’m sure.

As far as the resting, I still can’t take naps unless I’ve had consecutive nights where I got not much sleep. But getting into that state akin to sleep, helps. It’s like sometimes I can take a pre-workout and in my mind I’m gonna get to it. But then I start to feel tired, so I just let myself permission to fall asleep for maybe 20-30 minutes, and then I’m ready to go.

I did start reading a new book. It’s not practical at all. It’s about this famous Baba. I just like reading the stories. He never had teachings or wrote books, didn’t even let people record him talking. So there are just many stories of him. I’ve been really reading that lately. So it won’t take long to finish that book up. Probably finish that one in a week or so. Yet I’ve had Autobiography of a Yogi, 1/4 read for a few years, lol. I even saw Joe Vitale mention he just re-read it, and so I thought that would be get me to pull it back off the shelf. But not yet.

[ABC333]

Day 2 of 5: no listening

Feeling some of those good LBFH vibes today.

Afternoon

I just messaged my brother, “They got some battle ropes at walmart. $30 bucks, I might have to get some.” lol Then I realized that’s the same kind of thing my buddy does. So yea, I saw that program in myself too. My brother doesn’t always message me back, unless it’s like a really funny video. Or something kind of more important, lol. It’s not like we were talking, that’s just the first message out of the blue. lol.

So I got these spring forearm worker things a few years back. I wish I’d bought two of each. I can use them as portable battle rope type things. Like they’re flappy and so you can shake it really fast to build speed and endurance. You can also twist them to work the forearm muscles, would be good for relieving elbow pain too. So I might actually do a tabata routine with them. 20 seconds on 10 seconds off for 8 mins. I need a little variety in my workout I’m thinking. I know I gotta keep up the foundation training, to keep the back pain free. But my motivation has been dwindling the past two weeks. Just need some variety and it’ll help me build some quickness and reflexes, while also working to keep those elbows pain free. They’re called Legend Body Arms or something.

It’s also really hitting me today that I want to keep on with the LBFH/DRLD custom. Even if I drop down to 30 seconds while I have company in town this summer. I’d still get benefits while minimizing the recon. 1 more cycle and I’ll hit 6 cycles with it.

Evenings

A little cranky and tired this evening. Now I’m thinking maybe a month off (the custom) is a good idea. Then just proceeding onward with Genesis Joy. I think I’ll do that, lol. I want low recon risk until Aug. when circumstances should allow me to take on more.

End of Nights

One title that has fallen off my radar is Alchemist: Singularity. Too many choices. What do I want? I want it all! So getting back to basics should do me well.

Yesterday I was playing some online poker. Something I hadn’t done in easily 15 years, back when it was popular on the telly. I felt like I was getting some TAOW effects. I’ve been reading the updates in the thread. Anyway, this was the first time I ever played poker that I was actually reading the other player’s game play. That was in the first game I was playing. It was kind of blowing my mind. Today I played some more but I tend to play safe I guess. I only play the “good” cards. I wasn’t as into it today and didn’t have that spidey sense going on, but I was able to pick out that the guys I was playing with today, how they play any cards, and they were just using their bets to win pots. So generally I was still able to win when I did play because I just played good cards. But a few hands I had the cards but not the best possible cards, but based on their play style I was able to take the correct risks and still win a lot of the hands I didn’t fold. I had a bunch of moments where I was folding “good” cards and had I stayed in the hands, I could have easily ended up losing a lot, when all the cards came out on the table. A lot of what I would see as just dumb luck on their parts.

[ABC333]

Day 3 of 5 No listening

I guess I could attribute my poker strategy upgrade and new eyes to see and adapt and to capitalize on how others play, could be attributed to Spartan.

I’ve also had some intuition hits in general recently. I do recall that when my intuition was good last time, Spartan was also in my stack. So it could actually be helping with intuition, at least for me. Nothing major yet, but more like it’s starting to wake up again, after a long slumber.

Actually the time I was thinking of was Survival Instinct store title.

It’s been maybe 2 years since I had that good intuition though. And that was SI/Spartan custom. Makes me want to add the intuition module in my next custom.

I guess the poker thing could be Merger of Worlds module, that’s in my custom. Combined with the Spartan.

Evenings

People are showing up unexpectedly today. I guess they got that extra day off. I gotta get my workout in now though. So it seems like by the time Friday comes around my motivation is higher. But circumstances don’t allow me to workout Sat/Sun. Those are also my long work days and so by Monday I might be sore or wanting rest. But I think if I just keep at it as best I can, I should build up that work and recovery capacity. So I can at least hit those 3 workouts a week.

I’m bumping up my listening time to LOTS next cycle. So I’ll be listening to 1 minute. I want to do higher listening times but I also just want to gradually build into it. But even 30 seconds more will probably be more noticeable to me in terms of any effects.

I’m also changing my work schedule back to my summer schedule. I’ll do a short day on Friday, I’ll do my long day on Sat, and another short day on Sunday night. So that will also give me better chance at recovering and resting come Monday, to hit that first workout of the week. But it only gives me two full days off from working. Which I think is fine. I only work part time anyway. But it’s physical work, when I first started a couple years ago, it took me like a month to where I wasn’t sore every day. So I tend to forget that I am still getting a good amount of physical activity even if I end up taking extra days off the workouts.

Had some cool dreams lately. I don’t even remember them. The one I woke up from today, I was going to see my friend at some building. But towards the end I went outside and wasn’t allowed back in to see my friend. But I knew there was no problem, because I already had a way around that. Then I think I was walking to the back of the building and it started to rain. But it was like no big deal. I kinda think it was hailing too but I was undisturbed and then I woke up. Another dream a few nights ago was almost like a nightmare but right before it was over I said you’re done to this energy or whatever. Like a scary movie influenced dream. I woke up from that dream with no rapid heartbeat or anything either. So it seems like maybe overcoming fear and knowing things are going to work out. Personal power or something.

Looking up hail in dreams, I guess it could relate to this weekend. I wasn’t expecting these people to show up. Now I can’t do my laundry. I was just going along as if it would be a normal friday. When I should have planned ahead, so I could get things done since I guess it’s a bit of a holiday weekend.

End of Nights

Didn’t get the workout in yet, but I am doing my laundry now.

I will say that LBFH hasn’t seemed to work on the tough family member that I’m around every day. I guess the person is just a tough nut to crack.

I also haven’t seen it hit as much this time around. But it is in a custom and I’m running two other titles. So less is more probably applies here. Let’s say I only ran the custom, I’d no doubt have greater effects. Also I’m only at 3 mins on the custom due to it being a tougher title to run for me.

I’m fine with it though. I have definitely been kept busy with things coming up to work on. Those inner limits. It’s been kind of a back and forth run. Like the other day, feeling LBFH good in the am, and cranky in the pm. lol.

I was also realizing that somewhere I read the advice that you should talk under people. Don’t talk over them. Well for me that was bad advice. I think I actually need to talk “above” certain people just to break the bad habits on both sides. It’s not what I prefer, but it is what it is. I can see how there are both sides though. Definitely lots of problems I’ve had with people stem from insecurity on both sides, but their angle is to project and go on the offensive. And mine is just to do the inner work. Which is great but for being in the world, I just have to try new things.

LIke I just had a conversation, and the person has the habit of making me wrong all the time. No matter what it is. Even if it’s something I do know about. So I just have to stick with what I know. Then I got the angry look like I was a problem again. But even though I saw that I had no reaction. I’m not a problem nor am i trying to be. It’s just that making someone out to be wrong on even little things, it’s just a bad habit in my view. One that at the very least break off my habits that would let someone think it’s okay. I also could see that my non-reaction, was enough to get them to settle down when they saw that there really wasn’t a problem. Besides their own reaction and perception.

Makes me think maybe I need to go even more basic, and try GLM in August. Instead of whatever route I was thinking. GLM and I like DRLD. But maybe Sanguine Elixir would be a nice healing title for me. I haven’t tried that one.

I will be running Spartan all summer. That will probably have some surprises and could take care of my need for GLM. I guess I’ll see. If I still feel I could benefit from GLM, I’d switch out Spartan for GLM. I’d keep LOTS and be looking to pair up a feel good title. I don’t want to do GLM but I probably need it. I just want to make sure I’ve got something like Genesis Joy alongside it.

Ideally I like Primal for the whole package. lol. So now I’m just doing too much thinking when I still want to try and get in some sort of workout before bed.

I didn’t get the workout in. I just did mobility. It’s way too late now. I think this procrastination is still some lingering flight or fight pattern. Due to my perceptions and reactions from being raised by someone who wasn’t so nice. But I didn’t know any different, like you love them but you didn’t know they maybe weren’t happy with their own lives and then having to raise you kind of thing.

So if I ever do make another custom, I’d probably gear it towards feeling good and relaxing a lot of the tensions. I heard some mention of a nervous system reset, that sounded good to me.

If I wasn’t still trying to get back to being in tip top physical shape, I probably would look at switching Spartan for GLM, despite wanting low recon until Aug. I could start at 30 seconds and be fine I’m thinking. But Genesis Joy seems like the welcome refreshing, cool breeze on a hot day that I need.

I’m also leaning towards Sanguine Elixir as the best healing title for me to try next. I read through the objectives and think that is another piece I need. Maybe it should have been prior to DRLD. But LBFH/DRLD won because I wanted the protection scripting and detaching from toxic people and influences of that combo.

On another note there is an interesting situation I have. I won’t mention it though. There’s also this chick I like, she’s not that hot but I really like her. She just isn’t interested in me at all. I mean I don’t believe in leagues when it comes to women, but apparently my problem is that I tend to like the ones who aren’t in my league, not above it either. lol. Because the one’s who check me out and give me all those signs are actually hot women. But I don’t usually go after those ones because I look at my life and I don’t think it’s set up to be able to keep a woman. I never was a sleep around kind of guy, but that definitely seems like the path of least resistance for me, yet I’ve always resisted it. lol.

[ABC333]

Day 4 of 5 no listening.

Feel like I bounced back today. Some sort of recon last night, lol. Not too bad.

I guess I am still mastering non-reactiveness and stoicism. And balancing that with the fun. There were moments where I was thinking about some of those events where I got in my feelings. And I started laughing. But that was when I was alone by myself, where I don’t have to be the masculine manly man.

I’m kind of wishing for the most zen title. To me it looks like Sanguine Elixir. I have no more plans for a Spartan/LOTS custom. Because now GLM is in consideration for me to run. I don’t think I would make a custom with a healing title again. If I’d went with LB/LBFH custom or any non-healing title I could still be running that all summer. Then plan to test out another healing title come August.

I’d probably run The Power of Now if that was a title. So I’ll most likely add in all related custom modules in the next custom. Stress relief, being in the now, quite mind type stuff. I feel like that would be most beneficial for me.

I really hope it’s true that truths will finally start to come out. So that people will be united. They been talking about the veils lifting for years, but on the surface it would appear that things have just become more chaotic and disharmonious. For me that’s one thing that I think keeps me from dating and meeting friends, politics. No matter what side it is it just puts me off. Even people I would say we’re on the same “side” it still just gets old.

Evenings

On the physique front I haven’t seen dramatic changes lately. I also haven’t been able to hit it in the workouts like I’ve been wanting to. But a big win for me is I found a sustainable plan that I won’t gain the weight back like I did in the past. I think it was that all or nothing program that was taking me out.

It just hit me as I was letting the thoughts digest and switching my mind over to something else. I could plan for a custom of GLM, and add all those touches that I think it’s missing for me. While maybe keeping the social/dating aspects to nil so as to really focus on what I really need to work on and can take action on immediately. That would let me hit 4 cycles of Spartan and keep LOTS.

I’m really thinking a 1 core custom this time around. GLM and all those goodies. That does give me a shot of life when I just consider the possibility. I’d certainly like to minimize any chances of being cranky or pushy with people, be in control of my emotions, and just feel good, free from tensions. Still have fun and do the things I love.

Good Nights

I’ve got my first draft of the GLM custom. I’m actually really excited about this one.

I’m ready to call an audible. If I had a month off and the cycle started Monday to replace LBFH/DRLD, I’d go with Mind’s Eye. But I remember I’m waiting for a full cycle off the custom first. I know people have said Mind’s Eye can bring that relaxation. I still want to try it out. Perfect those productive visualizations that help to attain a more fulfilling life. I may do that first. Then bring on Genesis Joy for sure if I start GLM. One of the things I work on is my letting go practice, it let’s go of the underlying emotions and charges so that the thoughts and outcomes just become more naturally positive. Mind’s Eye would serve to support this goal.

[ABC333]

Day 1: 1 minute LOTS

New cycle started!

I was awake all night 2 nights ago with only 1 hour of sleep. Last night I was still up until about 2am. Then 5 hours later I woke up. Was up for an hour or two and went back to sleep. I think I managed to get 8 hours in. Just not feeling back to myself. I don’t want to go two weeks in a row where I didn’t get the workouts in. It’s evening but I gotta take some caffeine, I don’t think it will keep me up late though. Not with this little sleep in 2 days. I gotta say that I did feel better after 5 hours of sleep than when I went back to sleep again and woke up, that’s when the groggy hit me and is still here.

End of Nights

The fronts of my hips are sore today. So that’s new. Calves are okay. I will just shoot for a Tuesday/Friday workout and hit the mobility most of the other days.

[ABC333]

Day 2: No listening

Haven’t done much today. But earlier in the day I was feeling like I had extra energy. Had a moment where I felt really good and I was like am I sure I want to try Genesis Joy, what if I get too happy?

Then I chilled the whole day away. Now I get up to workout and now the tiredness caught up with me. lol. But I gotta get the workout in.

Yea, this am I was so cold in my room when I woke up. I did a short walk and warmed up. Ended up doing a few things I guess, got sweaty. Then I lounged all day after that. But I did feel like I had energy to workout, just had some of those morning errands again. So I didn’t get to use it for working out.

[ABC333]

Day 3: 3 mins Spartan

I feel like I’m noticing more when I need to switch gears. Like I’ll be engaged in one activity then after awhile I feel like I should switch to the workout, or something else. So I’m noticing that. Maybe not quite putting it into practice, but today I’m doing better than yesterday.

I’ve also noticed myself getting bored lately at times. I think it’s actually good, that tells me that maybe I’m putting something off. So like if the situation allows I’ll just go right into the letting go practice, or doing my best to get back to being present now.

Good Evenings

Workout in progress. As I started my walk some feelings came up. There used to be an app like 5 years ago, it was shut down. But if you remember usernames you could still look them up and watch a few replays. I was watching some of them the last few days. Now it kinda hit me in the feels. So from like 2016 to 2020 it was just one of those peaks times. It was a real community. I used to watch a lot of singer songwriters and everybody knew everybody, make friends. Many would even fly or road trip and meet up with each other.

There were a few travelers who traveled the world. Just the best times. Especially since I had anxiety so that was my place to hang out with people. Made great friends. But now nobody really streams anymore. Once in awhile there’s a couple of the favs. But the community is just gone. So I guess I need to channel that energy into getting into shape this summer. Who knows what may come along eventually as far as a community of great people.

A few of the streamers were like we’re just going to keep going, and well, life happened I guess. It’s maybe like driving through the town you grew up in and now it’s a ghost town, nobody even lives there! The other apps are okay, I waste my time scrolling but that’s getting old. Yea, just need to channel that energy into something, and for me that seems to be working out. So I gotta get back to the workout. I feel a bit better expressing that in my journal. There’s maybe a couple new people I follow, but as far as building bonds and having a connection and interaction, that just hasn’t happened yet. I mean I could play the field and try out the dating world, but I’m just not interested in that in the times we’re in. lol.

Yea, so I’m sure Genesis Joy will do me good after all. Just one more cycle before I get to that.

I also gotta find some new exercises that are more whole body multi-plane movements. I notice especially in the upper body I’m kind of stiff and not reallly free flowing mobile like I prefer. Pushups and Pulls and the back work is all one dimensional and I’m not liking how I feel like I’m not as free flowing. I also tried light jogging in place. I can do that with no pain. So maybe I’ll do some of that as the next step to getting back to jumping rope.

End of Nights

I uncovered a couple of those lack spots. Where I was still seeking for happiness outside of myself. I guess I didn’t realize it until now. So it just gets me back on track. It shows me where my work is.

I feel like I’m really over the ex finally. Haven’t even thought about her for days at a time. When I check in with it there’s no more feels. I said that before I think last year. But this time it feels like yea, I’m over it finally. lol.

I also am pretty sure why it didn’t work out with the one woman I really liked years ago. We were both coming from lack. I could see that yea it was a good thing. But I didn’t see it at the time that there was the lack, she I guess just blocked it out and focused on work and making that money. Now she’s got a completely new sidegig that I never expected. But also a man who probably got her into that gig. Me I just grew a lot, lol. No uhh major outer life upgrades yet. Just more unlimited I guess, thanks to DRLD and LBFH, I mean, freer from lots of baggage and limiting beliefs and old patterns and attachments.

I a week or so ago I was also seeing from a higher perspective. I was seeing that since now I’m way less identified with my thoughts and am getting better at just remaining present, despite any unwanted thoughts. I could see that when I’m dealing with other people, it’s almost no different then it was dealing with my own mind. Because it does what it does, and when I’m not identified with what it does I don’t get pulled into the sort of conflict and agitation. It’s not all the time of course, but I’m always having perspective shifts through understanding my own mind. That lets me have those moments of seeing where people are coming from, and they don’t even realize what’s happening because that’s how it goes when identified with the mind and feelings.

lol. I just remembered something. In a few cycles back I was really knowing that for every bout of recon, there’s some sort of payoff or reward. That’s been happening but I didn’t realize it until now. Like before I worked out I had some feelings and stuff come up. Then I worked through it, and later came these revelations and feeling better. Not elated, just back on earth, grounded.