ABC333 Khan Black

Journals - Major Programs
#381

Day 12: No listening.

I’ve had a few women stare at me. At the time I didn’t want to say it was maybe some LBFH but maybe. It happened multiple times. I didn’t get the sense that they were attracted to me in a sexual way. But definitely some staring at me.

I’m feeling a little lighter in terms of my vibe or energy. Still grounded mostly.

I noticed even if my mind does start to rev up into anxiousness or whatever, my body stays relaxed. So I’ll just work with that more. Just focus on my relaxed body rather than trying to mess with the mind.

#382

Day 13: 15 mins Paragon.

I weighed myself and I’m at what was was always my max weight. I fit into my lowest size pants again. And I know I haven’t put on 30 pounds of muscle in say the last 10 years. So that’s throwing me for a loop. I don’t have big muscles like a bodybuilder either. At my size I would say I should be 30 pounds lighter on the scale. But I would say there’s no way I have 30 pounds of fat to drop anymore. The way I train, well this year, hasn’t even been lifting weights either. I do plan to start walking with a weighted vest though I think adding that will just help out my walking.

Last night I was laying in bed and wanted to tune into my body. I found that there was still tension for what I was thinking was relaxation. So then I guess that was my intent to check in with my body. And then had some big tension releases from the body. Like I’d get some big TRE type stuff happening. So I will continue to work with that, more focus on relaxing the body especially during those resting times.

lol. It doesn’t happen very often anymore, but once again I’ve been struck with the “I wish I had somebody to talk to.” It’s Christmas eve and everybody is busy. So I’m not going to double message. I guess that’s the Q for me to get this workout in.

End of night:

I was searching the threads for info about individual experiences with the modules in my custom.

I don’t have either of these modules but I seem to have gotten those effects before subs. I was considering suggesting a grey man module so I can just go by and blend in and not stand out. But I think NSE probably covers that now as far as guiding the subs. Codename: Umbra to keep away the dangerous types. I think Primal covered the bases well for me too, I just liked how I was grounded and unbothered and I don’t recall any unwanted attention on New Primal.

“Entranced and/or Ethereal Presence give you the Inception vibes.
Remember when everyone looked at DiCaprio in the dream because the subject noticed he was infiltrating the dream?
Yup, that.
Be prepared to be stared and ogled at everywhere. Some people look irritated, others VERY interested. Either way, you’ll have the eyes on you”

#383

Day 14: No listening.

Got a text his am from someone who used to be one of my best friends. In recent years I finally detached and accepted that that was done. So it’s been a few years since any contact. Got a message and he says I love you man. Hahaha. Is this some LBFH juice? I don’t know.

Oh and this is the first year I got 0$ for Christmas. But I did get the car last month so the car is probably better than $100 Christmas cash anyway.

Last month I bough something on marketplace. So I went to this lady’s office to pick it up. And she was talking to me like how you might think a spiritual person would talk. Like she reminds me of the lady who does the sounds true voice lady. So I was just naturally chill vibing and soft talking too. Then when I was leaving I was talking normally and she snapped out of it and talked normal. So I think maybe she saw my fb profile and i think she’s a business sales lady. So she must have had a preconceived notion of what i was like, lol. I just thought that was kind of funny. People get some idea of you from a social media page, and for me it’s not an identity. Like yea I am into that stuff but it doesn’t mean I’m like what you think is stereotypical. But I guess many people are and so a sales person might know that. Me I tend to take things in the moment, as they are but many don’t so that’s where I used to get tripped up with people.

Been having some slight nerve pains from the back. So I think it’s time to try the isometric self adjustments. Just simple stuff to help out the sacroiliac joint. That seems to be the issue when my back has had issues. Here’s just a simple thing in case anyone was interested. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czjZ2rEfGtI

End of night: I’m going to stick with 30 seconds of LBFH/DRLD custom for the rest of this cycle. Only one week left. I’ll start increasing listening time next cycle. Just to keep it simple. Maybe also an exercise in self discipline and sticking to the plan.

#384

Day 15: 30 seconds of LBFH/DRLD custom.

Now my plans might be changing again. I’m thinking about just running my current titles for 12 cycles each.

Paragon is just a good idea for a 12 cycle run.

My LBFH/DRLD custom would be quite magical from 12 cycles.

Though a third title would come in later, probably. I guess I’m still in what I like to consider Foundation mode. Based on my experience it’s better for me to go long term. When I finally get to the money or seduction or whatever titles, I’ll be able to benefit more and take the right actions.

I guess I could do QL for 30 second listens. I really want to do that title but it seems my current stacks are more important right now. I guess we’ll check back in after 4 cycles (of LBFH/DRLD custom). Nothing is changing in my stack until then.

I’m also taking a cognitive hit today. I guess i still need to catch up on sleep from a few days ago. 3 days ago it was 6 hours of sleep. Then like 9. Today was like 7 or 8. I have typed words, the right spoken words, but the incorrect written words a few times now. lol.

I’m gonna get my workout in now and try for a nap.

I woke up today with a sore right chest and shoulder. It appears I was tossing and turning while I slept last night. Dreams weren’t nightmares that I remember, but maybe a little on that end. Working through some murky waters I suppose.

End of night:

And again being at work, getting out of the house by myself seems to do the trick. Wasn’t feeling great but fairly focused and feel a little better.

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#385

Day 16: No listening.

5 days left in this cycle. I’m feeling ready to start increasing listening time on LBFH/DRLD. 1 more listening day, I could try out 3 minutes.

#386

Day 17: 15 mins Paragon.

I think after 4 cycles I will switch to 30 seconds on my two titles. Then, bring on QL. That way I still can keep running them without too much density. I really want to get the nervous system benefits and hormone balancing and just brain benefits of QL. I think that is really going to help me out. I probably should have run that title first.

I think maybe it’s best we don’t remember our dreams sometimes. I get some quick flashes and it’s like bizarre stuff sometimes. Like where does that even come from.

My friend who messaged me on Christmas hasn’t messaged back anything yet. But luckily I’m free from that attachment. I don’t expect anything anyway. That’s just a nice place to be. Not bothered.

evening:

I thought I was going to enjoy eating lots of anything. But I’m ready to get back to the routine. I’ve got plans to tweak my keto diet so I can get a low bodyfat percentage. When I was younger I never had the flashy six pack abs and I always wanted that. So maybe I’ll see what I can do this year. I find that I prefer to be on keto and eating junk just isn’t what it used to be.

I’m also tired, lots of lounging. I’m looking forward to going to work now since I’ve been so tired. I know I’ll probably feel better and clear my head a big. Shake out the cobwebs so to speak.

A couple days ago I got the mini trampoline out and jumped for one minute. I could tell that it’s good for the ankles and I’ll have to ease back into it but at least I’m jumping again. Have not been walking though. I’ve just been doing very bare minimum exercise this week. Basically a rest week.

I’m also finishing up two months of no caffeine. I almost reached for it these last two days because I’ve been so tired. But I plan to use it sparingly and not rely on it like I was. I think I will start off by adding in some matcha for the nutrients and lower caffeine. Around 3pm is when I could use a little boost the most.

I definitely have been anticipating the increase in listening time to LBFH/DRLD custom. I think I’ve reached mostly acceptance with the ex thing that was so sticky. It still comes up in thought but nothing I feel needs to be talked about or mentioned in my journal. Also at this time I would say I no longer have any women I truly desire any longer. At times there still is some pull towards Heartsong. But I’ve got the custom to keep me busy. You Are Not Alone module is in there and I’d like to see where that goes.

After job work 1: feel better now. At work i was thinking dang could it be stagnant energy at my place of residence? I feel better at work than after a workout usually.

Now that I’m home I feel some loneliness. I’m like, Solitude module activate! Maybe it is. Resolving.

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#387

Day 18: No listening.

I got a 100 dollar bill from the place I clean for Christmas yesterday. But I’m not going to make that new custom anymore. Too early to purchase QL. So I might just play the game of thinking of what I could buy with 100, and i really could! That’s one of those Abraham Hicks games I think, some LOA action.

Another day of feeling tired. Work was okay. I like that I’m able to focus on work and there’s a new thing where I just sort of dial in and don’t even look at the clock. It’s not important for me anyway. I got a job to do I do it and I get done in the time I’ve always gotten it done.

Mostly sleeping 7-8 hours. I prefer 9 or at least I’d like to be able to get a nap in. But naps still seem to be rare. The other day, maybe it was yesterday I fell asleep and immediately got woken up by some noise. I think I fell asleep again so maybe got 15 minute nap.

I had another moment of Formless Clarity. I think that was this am maybe. Some slight LBFH goodness today.

Evening:

I have had a theme lately that I hadn’t put my finger on until this evening. Lust. I would have thought KB would have wiped that out. I would classify it as a limitation, however. Therefore DRLD may have brought it up to be eliminated.

#388

Day 19: 01:30 of LBFH/DRLD custom.

One minute and thirty seconds. I wanted to try out a little more listening time for my last day with LBFH/DRLD this cycle.

I’m planning to start off with 3 minutes next cycle. Will probably try 15 minutes too.

I was doing a little driving today through downtown. I felt aliveness in my body. It’s better than being tired. There wasn’t much going on but I just felt kind of alive being in the hustle and bustle traffic. Alchemist Singularity would probably be good to clear up some stuff. It’s like that aliveness and anxiety are on the same coin. I guess what I call anxiety is probably just that aliveness tipped over into overwhelm and worry.

I also noticed some increased sensitivity today. It was like I wanted to cry, more so in my eyes rather than in the feelings. I think it is some release and effect of Path of Forgiveness. Like as I would make eye contact with people I noticed just being a bit more sensitive. Also noticed later I was feeling good about people.

It seems I’m experiencing some slight growing pains, of the emotional variety. Just a notch up. I think the healing/recon has kicked in. Nothing major. Just primed for growth it appears. All part of the process. I think if one were to remain comfortable or in homeostasis, nothing changes, it remains the same. So some stress or even discomfort shakes things up a bit. Like getting stronger. You may have to increase intensity or weight to get more stimulus for that strength increase.

#389

Day 20: no listening.

I think I’ve made a stage one for myself with LBFH/DRLD custom. I wanted to dive into higher listening times next cycle. But I might stay at 1:30. Just may want to take it slow.

Yesterday I was bouncing around a little, warming up. It felt so good. I was like loose and limber. I like to have those qualities of being agile, quick, loose, explosive, instead of being stiff and bulky.

I noticed I’ve added self love as a practice, just felt natural and wasn’t like I should because I’m on LBFH. Also notice more moments where I’m exploring just being, without thought, I think I’m taking to Formless Clarity pretty nicely. Also noticing how yea, I think I am getting more relaxed in my body and releasing tensions. I’m still happy with the LBFH/DRLD custom.

#390

Day 21: 15 mins Paragon.

That wraps up the cycle. Cycle 3 of Paragon. Cycle 1 of LBFH/DRLD custom.

A little cranky today, and last night. I’ve been tired and I’m ready to get back into the routine. My social battery needs to be recharged with some solitude. But, one more day of guests.

Daredevil might have been a good title for the last month. My custom seems to be healing for sure, and I was feeling the love bomb when i woke up. But when I found out we have one more night of company I kind of got cranky.

#391

Day 1 of 5 no listening.

The tiredness seems to have broke today, finally. I spent some time doing focused releasing on it yesterday evening.

I don’t feel 100% but I’ve decided to get back on caffeine. This, after 2 months of no caffeine. I’ll start with 50 mg at 2pm daily.

LBFH seems to be at work. I walked in the store today and a young girl was looking at me, kind of with wonder. At the checkout and older woman who seemed closed off, maybe a little worried about strangers. But as I was standing there I could tell she felt like she could be at ease around me.

I’ll finish out the week and then get back to keto. It doesn’t even seem like it’s hard now, giving up the carbs. I think my body just does better on keto anyway. In the summer I plan to experiment with adding in some carbs again.

I cracked the case on my fatigue the last say 5 days. I started back up on this zeolite powder again. I was most likely experiencing detox symptoms. I never had a problem with it before. But I tried a liquid dropper version for a month. I would forget to take it daily and then I’d been out for a week. I got the powder again and just started taking that in the last week. Coupled with the holiday indulgence it seems it does a good job. So I won’t go back to the liquid version. I noticed in the last two days I was having detox in terms of number 2’s. I could feel my stomach at work too. So it seems it’s finally cleared out my system again.

The caffeine bumped back my afternoon crash almost 3 hours. It’s definitely not like it was. I still had about an hour where I would’ve liked to take a nap. But feeling way better than I had been.

#392

Day 2: No listening.

Today seemed to be having some of that good mood stuff going on. I’m taking a day off, I got carried away with some new exercises I did the other day. I’ve had a sore chest shoulder, from sleeping on it wrong or tossing and turning one night. Like you know how your neck sometimes gets sore from sleeping wrong, well that but just shoulder/chest on one side. The exercises I did were just too soon and just got extra sore.

I had a cool glimpse from LBFH. Yea, I think it’s gonna be interesting this time around.

I’ve been wanting to get to QL but Paragon should be good for overall health. That would include nervous system and brain and everything, maybe not as focused as QL. But maybe I’ve just been getting ahead of myself with my wanting to get on QL. The custom has LBFH/DRLD so I think that in combo with Paragon would be good as anything for my health goals.

If anything I’d like to add New Mind’s Eye to the mix and really see what’s possible.

If anything from DRLD I’d say I might be getting some of the confidence boost. I’m sure other things that just haven’t jumped out into words yet.

#393

Day 3: no listening.

I just read through LBFH and DRLD copy again. Makes me more excited and I can see why I originally wanted these two titles together. I guess it really is like a stage 1 for me, this custom.

end of night:

I’m taking myself off injured reserve. I worked great tonight. Moving quick, feeling good. I’m back in the starting line up. It’s been like 3 months since my body seemed to be falling apart. Whatever I’m doing for working out it’s working and is transferring over to my work.

Still feeling tired more than I’d like. But I seem to be hovering between 7-8 hours of sleep. I try to nap once a day but I haven’t actually fallen asleep for a nap in like a week.

Again I’m thinking I still want to run Heartsong. It would clear out alot of stuff. I think it’s a prerequisite for me if I want to get into a relationship. I’d be coming from a different place and avoid a lot of the hassles of weeding through people to find the right one for me. I’m not gonna add anything yet. I still plan on 4 cycles as is.

I think I’m having a slight perceptual shift today. Things are different but I can’t say how. My dreams seem to have been working through some things again. Some limits may have been removed and now it’s just that rebalancing part. Nothing major. Just a bit of a void I’d say. Maybe a slight melancholy, perhaps mourning the limits that have perished. No major recon or any at all. Just whatever this is. I usually don’t get recon on washouts.

I had a dream of this chick I thought was hot. I found out she had a bf. And she ghosted me because I was flirting with her, I didn’t know she had a bf. I had a dream where she was trying to sleep with me but I couldn’t get it up. lol. I really wanted to but it wasn’t happening. So I wake up and check out her profile and yea, she doesn’t do anything for me anymore. I still go back and forth on women I like but sometimes I think I lost the attraction and there’s nothing. Then other times it comes back. So that’s why I am eyeing Heartsong. Hopefully to clear some things up around relationships and that whole thing.

I guess this is probably me gaining more clarity.

Yea seems like I’m getting more clarity in both body and mind.

#394

Tuesday I start my new cycle.

I added day 4 updates in day 3.

So this is day 5 spot…

I’m cautiously optimistic about next cycle. I thought I was going to 3 mins with LBFH/DRLD. But I think 1 minute 30 seconds will keep me busy for awhile. I don’t expect too much recon. But I still want to take it slow with that one.

I’m really happy with the pairing of LBFH/DRLD. I think I chose some nice modules that fit nicely in the mix. I definitely think I’ll be experiencing/seeing life much differently after some time with it.

I can see and feel that a lot of what I would have called negative thinking has cleared up nicely. More clear minded. Sometimes I wish I had a module for the brain/cognition boost in there.

I have been feeling some slightly increased goodwill toward others, at times. I think from the perspective of the other it might be amplified, based on the reactions I get. Just walking by someone or even general small take I noticed I might get a smile or someone just feels good. So that’s a plus. They say the secret is to make others feel good about themselves, though I don’t think we can, but that’s how we think it is. You did it to me, they did it to me, lol. So it works.

I’m considering doing 30 seconds 1x a week of the Happiness and Joy title. New cycle starts tomorrow!

end of night:

did my full workout again. I split it into first half of day and last half of day. I’m feeling a little stiff again. Not bouncing back like I would like. I’m sure I’ll be back to where I was in a week or so again. Took a week off for holiday, just did bare minimum core training. If Paragon doesn’t get the update, when I get to 6 cycles, I might just try out Spartan Apex store title. We’ll be closer to summer and I’ll want to be at peak performance during the summer.

Spartan Apex would go great with DRLD, as DRLD has reference to pursuing your goals. Spartan Apex, by way of mental strength and discipline.

#395

Day 1: 15 mins Paragon.

I am definitely leaning towards Spartan Apex store title. I think after 4 cycles of Paragon I’m going to switch. Unless I have any more injuries or health things, I think Spartan is the next level for me. Moving from healing to building. Also the mental toughness and strength will just boost DRLD and vice versa. I’m still kind of settled in my life. I also know I’ve got to level up and get some things moving again. Putting some things into action to increase income, and start to live a little more.

I got like a 10-15 minute nap this evening. Maybe less. I have been staying up an hour later lately too. So I’ve been hoping to get an extra hour of sleep.

I read about people’s dry skin or scalp clearing up on Paragon. I’ve still got dry scalp. But I might say that I’m feeling the energy drain a bit. I will stick out one more cycle on 15min loops. If anything I would like to try out 30 second loops if I don’t go to Spartan Apex next cycle. I do feel like I’m past any health worries and pains/injuries after 3 cycles. I’d also like to have some energy back, I mean I have moments but I also have moments where yea, feels like I just need more rest even though I don’t get more sleep.

I think that’s also why I wanted to get on QL, I feel like it’d have more energy and have the brain boost and cognitive benefits as well as nervous system. Typing this out makes me think if I’m feeling like Paragon isn’t a necessity maybe I could still consider QL. I’d have to trade one for the other.

#396

Day 2: No listening.

The only possible issue with going to QL is that I’m still on my LBFH/DRLD custom. I think that could be a heavy load with both. But I wouldn’t think anymore than with Paragon. Though I’d expect some recon just due to the extensive nature of QL.

Though, i feel like the benefits outweigh any challenges. The brain chemistry, balancing, hormone balancing, nervous system repair etc. I feel like are going to be most beneficial for me this year.

#397

Day 3: 1:30 LBFH/DRLD custom.

I woke up and was feeling the love bomb. Might be some of those presults. I hadn’t listened to my loop yet and haven’t felt love like that in awhile.

end of night:

Felt good at work. Physically I’d say I’m 100% conditioned to my job. So from this point on my workouts will be increasing my capacity if anything.

Last night or the night before I had some dreams. I was walking around and these women like me and they were trying to connect with me, that sexual connection. I wanted to connect with them as well, but it’s like it just wasn’t happening.

So there seems to be some conscious move towards wanting to find those right connections for me. Like people on the same wavelength. It’s been a long time since I had people I actually connect with and can just be myself with. I’ve been in hermit mode since I kind of became an outcast because people knew I was different.

Yet I wasn’t different, I just had the audacity to seek within myself and do the inner work. In doing that it’s been a long journey. I think I’m probably closer to finally meeting some people. I just remembered this could be some You Are Not Alone module influence, paired with Long-Range Seduction. I was wondering why it would be dating/seduction related dreams when I’m not on any titles about that. But that makes sense.

#398

Day 4: No listening.

Today I kind of have some more coming up, just wishing I had a great dating life. But I’d guess it’s just working through some things. Like I dont’ know if I want to date lots of women or find that one.

Still not sure what route I want to take as far as titles but I’m not there yet. QL will be the next tile I run, plan to run it all year. I still think it’s gonna be great if I can run my LBFH/DRLD custom the whole year as well.

I guess I’m still considering what title I’d really like to run. I just don’t know right now. This could be some effects of the healing in LBFH/DRLD custom. Breaking down limits, leaving me in some of the unknown territory where I haven’t nailed down my goals yet. Pursuing goals is in DRLD so yea, possibly healing effects to gain clarity on my goals.

I bought a bag of creatine monohydrate so I’ll be trying that out next week. I’ve always taken creatine but a micronized form. Just wanted to do an experiment since I hear so much these days about people finding out about creatine. I’m looking for the cognitive benefits and recovery. I don’t want to just increase caffeine. I plan to start drinking decaf though because I got a new coffee maker.

I started doing pushups once a week for max reps. I can already tell my body is able to look better. I think in 4 weeks for sure I can see changes. I’ve only done them 1x a week because I have zero conditioning for them and will be sore for a few days after. My reps improve weekly and it’s only been 3 weeks I think. On the one hand I think that’s great that I can see the changes, but I gotta keep in mind that those other changes that can’t be seen might take longer. Like strengthening ligaments and joints etc. Those are the most important things for me. I just gotta take it slow and steady.

Also helps me see that I don’t need to do hours of workout at least for looking good. My main focuses are still the mobility and some flexibility, just having more athletic qualities. I can pick a couple compound exercises and do 1 set and that’s all I need to look good and get stronger. I really want to get to some kettlebell conditioning routine to build cardio and drop the fat. But I’m probably a couple months away while I focus on still building and maintaining my base. Gotta stay healthy and injury free.

Evening:

I do notice now that I’m less inclined to want the same results as others. I’m more concerned with what’s best for me as far as titles go. I used to read a lot of the title threads and would be wanting to get on those titles. I still read sometimes but I notice I’m less influenced, and instead more focused on what I want and need from the titles.

I was reading up on Spartan and LOS. Spartan Apex still takes the cake for me. The mental aspects really stand out to me, and it’s a fitness title. I think I’m gonna be ready to trade out Paragon after this cycle. If Spartan Apex isn’t quite there for me yet I’d move on to QL for the rest of the year.

End of night:

I don’t have any noticeable recon from the 1:30 loop of LBFH/DRLD. Might as well try 3 mins next listen.

#399

Day 5: 15 mins Paragon.

Today I’m thinking just go for 6 cycles with Paragon. lol. To me health is number one. Physical and mental and then the money and ladies and everything else. I think I will at least go for one more cycle after this and then change it out in March or April. My plan was Paragon all winter.

I stopped at the bank today. I felt in a good mood. Felt love when the cute cashier was talking to me. It wasn’t attached though so I just let myself feel it. I wasn’t falling in love it was just feeling love and so I let it be without overthinking it. My recent experience was to walk away or get rid of it if I felt like I was falling in love with a woman. It’s never worked out. In my experience it does seem to be the case that you can love a woman but you can’t be in love with her. For whatever reason being in love is not the bag of goodies we’ve been sold, at least as men. But it could be different for somebody else. It’s probably just my limiting belief, as some would most likely say. I just gotta go with experience. Love without attachment is the master key in my book.

I have a new theory about you know how when you make silly mistakes. like drop something even though it’s something you do all the time. With myself I noticed that since they’re so rare and when they do happen I can see that I was thinking about something. Not necessarily bad but not good either. But for simplicity you could say yea, thinking a little judgemental or negative. So my theory is it’s like muscle testing. They say with certain words or imaginings you are strong, and others you are weak. So that judgement or negative thinking is temporarily making you “weak” so you make that mistake. I noticed with me dropping the thing or almost dropping it snaps me out of it and the past two times I couldn’t even recall what I was thinking. So it’s like a fail safe.

#400

Day 6: No listening.

The other day I noticed that I’m feeling stiff as a board in my core. So it’s time to add in rotational and lateral bending to keep my body mobile and free like I like. I started by adding in some rotation and lateral flexion during a ten minute walk. I already got sore, so I’m gonna stick with that for awhile.

I was thinking how I must have a pretty good base level of health. I mean if my body is still able to change and look better in weeks, and I’m 42. So that’s a case for me to move to Spartan, but I think Paragon has helped for sure. I started it because I had pain and injury. So for now I’m thinking 2 more cycles of Paragon.

I am still having those moments where I just want to sow my wild oats. Another good sign of good health. But for practical reasons I’m not dating yet.

I started noticing some women who I think are hot. I also think I’m starting to notice which ones might be open to something. I’d call it vibe or energy, maybe aura. Some are closed off there’s nothing there. Can’t really put it into words but seems to be some sort of change there.I did see one chick who I thought was hot, but vibe-wise I felt like she wouldn’t be into me. Maybe has a boyfriend or just not interested. Not like a hot hot chick, but hot to me. And that’s probably some limiting pattern in me, where in the past I’d like a woman, may not be hot to everyone but I really liked her. Annnd she just wasn’t into me. But seeing the other possibilities has me less attached to that.