ABC333 Khan Black

Journals - Major Programs
#221

Day 20 No listening.

So today I’m feeling what I’d call the positive aspects again. Like the sunshine is out. Feeling pretty good and grounded so it’s not carried away or where I need go around trying to make other people happy or anything. I feel like I could talk to people and even if not that’s great too. Kind of a hootless state I’d say. So nearing the end of the cycle I think this is one of my best days.

I was feeling sad and stuff was coming up this whole cycle. So it had me thinking that I needed more healing with DR: Phoenix. When all I really needed was time. I still think DRP is a good idea. Just may not need to be as immediate as I thought. The recon this cycle wasn’t the kind that had me wanting to run away, it had me wanting to go for it that’s what I was ready for Phoenix. Now I can see that it’s just a matter of sticking with it and KB4 is more dense than I anticipated, especially with new Primal. It’s just not too dense. Manageable yet challenging. So now I think I’m going to stay the course after the 30 day break.

Also a week or two ago I stumbled on a video and somebody was talking about the Alta Major chakra. I’ve never heard of such a thing. But it’s basically located at the atlas, where the spin and skull connect. And that’s where I started having new “energetic” sensations when I started KB 4. Again, I don’t do anything with chakras. It just seems to correlate or at least lead credence to KB increasing and/or freeing energy blocks for better energy flow through the energetic pathways. I am not well versed in any of that either besides knowing the basic 7 chakras and the basic chinese stuff of the meridians.

I’ve also noticed an increase in libido lately. So I’m having to learn how to transmute it. Also sometimes it almost gets to frustration, I also think it’s related to those feelings of wanting to live life but not knowing what to do-whatever that is seems to be still getting refined. I think for me it’s about coming back to the now and then whenever I need to do something it’s not that I force action, it just happens naturally.

Still some slight wanting to switch titles again. I just read another post and what came up for me is a little bit of wanting to drop Love Bomb for something else. But I think I’m still on this stack for the long haul. I’d like to make it 12 months maybe, but I just have to take it cycle by cycle. It’s cycle 5 and I don’t think I’m where I want to be with new LB.

End of night:

I’m really going to see if I can get on Dragon Reborn Red after my 30 days off. I just read through DRR copy and that’s what I want. DRR and KB.

#222

Day 21 15 mins new Primal.

No probs so far with 15 mins. It seemed like once I started KB 4 I had to drop my listening times down.

30 days off until August 30. I’d like to do DRR and DRG alternating. st1 drr then st 1 drg like that through both programs. I’ll keep KB on. Not sure how I’ll need to adjust my listening times yet.

After my time on my current stack I feel like it’s time to just go for it with the healing. In the next year I might have no choice but to go back to working full time and I’d like to clear out anything in my programming that has put me on the radar of shitty people and shitty situations. I’d also like to get back to my zero point, as it’s called around here. I think a big part of the shitty situations and people I was around with work situations, was that I just thought I had no other choice.

I went to walmart today. And I was shopping. I noticed this one guy who worked there. He saw me and looked terrified. I think he might’ve been on drugs. Then he was just moving quickly and kept looking back at me. lol. But I’m mostly under the radar lately, which I’m cool with.

#223

Yesterday I did notice that after my 15 minute loop I was more in my head. The recon process of the old programming and memories coming up into consciousness. But it’s just a matter of not even efforting but just kind of noticing and remembering that the best thing is to come back to the now.

I guess I still feel like deep healing are the best titles for me to run. I like the coming back to my zero point idea. Going with what’s most natural to me and what most flows for me. I guess I fell out of that because I still thought I had to do things like everybody else. Get a job work all day, maybe have fun on the weekends and maybe take a vacation once a year and work for 40 years or whatever.

I think in the next 3 months DRR and DRG would be most beneficial to me. 3 more months of new Primal and new Love Bomb would be great, but I’m still drawn to the healing. Still feeling like my foundation needs to be reset. Primal and LB probably gave me the confidence to get back to the healing focus. At the same time they’re kind of a distraction and prolonging my facing the dragons.

My real focus is just getting back to my zero point. I think everybody has had those moments when they were fully aligned with there “true” selves and were living in flow. It’s just that life and the people and programming we take in weren’t helping us stay true to ourselves, they were just putting more shoulds and have tos and more about trying to fit in and get approval and happiness from things and events and people which might not even be in our control.

#224

Today I’m in a really good mood. Feeling good. Not sure I had a day where I felt this good during the listening cycle. Seems with the addition of KB 4 that I get the best feelings on my breaks in between cycles.

So that has me planning to go back to KB3 when I run DRR. When I was on KB 3 I was able to run 15 minutes of my other titles alternating 15 mins and 3 mins no problem.

#225

Today I kind of had a change in my thinking about next cycle. If I’m already going through some pretty good healing with KB4, why not just stick it out? That would let me spend at least 4 cycles with KB4. I don’t want to be in a healing dedicated stack over the holiday months. So it could be ideal to just stick with the current stack as I’d originally planned. Just finish out the year on it. Then start up the healing focus in January with Phoenix then DRR.

#226

Besides the one day of feeling great this washout has been mostly healing themed. Nothing major but I’d say definitely healing so far.

#227

I went to this place I’ve gone once before. The previous time one person ahead of me in line, same this time. But there was a couple sitting there and I was having the old anxiety experience. I’ve been trying some breathing exercises and humming lately to train the nervous system to stay calm. I try to do the breathing as soon as I notice that the pattern of anxiety is coming up again.

So I didn’t do any breathing while I was there, I was doing it on the way there though. It hasn’t seemed to work yet but I’ll just keep up the practice and habit. So after the person gave my food I kind of got back to being present and said thanks and was out the door.

I started driving and it was looking really apparent to me that I need to do new Sanguine. But of course I’m not sure I can peel myself off my current line up or stack just yet.

So I went back to the self inquiry/checking. I went well, what did I do to cause this? Just asking, not prying or trying. Like asking hey is the sun out? yes. Am I wearing socks right now? Yes. Is my car blue? no. So I’m not sure if any apparent answer came up but I was still in the experience of resistance. So I just move on to checking or noticing if I’m wanting to change that. Well yea. Okay so could I let go of wanting to change it? yes would I? yes. When? now.

So I did only maybe 4 rounds of that at most. But I noticed that things were starting to come up from the unconscious. Like what I thought were maybe random memories. Anyway I was able to drop the resistance and after that things were flowing again. But then I noticed that once the resistance was gone the mind was into its habit of trying to figure everything out again. I didn’t make a big deal, just more could observe it. Then I did the checking of could I let go of wanting to figure it out? would I? when? and eventually the mind forgot about it, kind of like when you’re onto the next dream, when you’re dreaming. or meditating, before you know it you’re caught up in the next thought. Well after that eventually the mind just quiets down for awhile and I just enjoy that and of course if more resistance or feelings come on I just do more checking on them and things eventually get back to flowing again.

I still really want to do new Sanguine. But it might be another case of I’ve come too far to stop the current stack. I’m still planning to start January with the Dragon’s and new Sanguine might find it’s home in that period.

#228

Close to 10 days washout. It seems I might be back to sleeping 10 hours a night.

#229

I think I’m actually at day 9 of my washout. I don’t miss it. I’m actually appreciating the time off subs. Letting myself relax without any pressure.

#230

I’ve had a belief surface a few times in the last few days. It’s the “I’m not good enough.” belief. So I’m actively working to remove it as it surfaces. It’s a really basic, simple belief but it certainly limits ones’ experience and opportunities. I’ve been finding it come up in regards to dating related stuff. Intellectually I know I’m good enough and everybody has their own BS and nobody is better than anybody else, we’re all humans etc.

I’ve also been thinking that since I’ve done new Primal for 4 cycles, and since adding KB 4 it’s been really dense. I’ve been thinking that I could go back to the most basic alpha title, Ascension. It’s lighter than new Primal, and KB 4 will already be working on a lot of stuff in terms of healing for what it does. Primal does kind of crossover some of that. So I’m now considering just to take it back and start from the ‘beginning,’ and go with Ascension for the rest of the year.

#231

Hey, what are your results of running Primal for 4 cycles?

#232

I feel like it’s helped me tap into my masculinity more. I’m less apt to give any attention to what I don’t want or like. I’ve seen some increase in attraction from women at times, a bit of intimidation in men at times. Sometimes I feel really optimistic and good. I don’t think I’ve had massive results and partially due to being on KB4 now, it’s been more healing and dense. So that’s why I feel like it’s time to switch over to Ascension. Dating and seduction is not my focus and I think Ascension will be better for me with where I’m at and where I want to get so I can get greater gains from Primal. Though I’d still say Primal is one of my favorite titles so far. Just need some Ascension foundation maybe.

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#233

So the next belief that was coming up was I’ll never get it, in regards to what I want. So I’ve just been working on it as “I’ll never get what I want.” Another basic belief that causes big roadblocks in life.

So that’s why I’m excited to switch focus a little bit with Ascension. Yea, it’s not the latest tech but the version it is, has had reports of it being a fast acting title with excellent results. The kind of results I need. Plus it’s just not as packed as new Primal, so that’s probably a great contributor to it’s fast acting reputation.

#234

Didn’t get a good night’s sleep 2 nights ago. Probably got too much sleep last night.

I’m feeling a little cranky now. My mind was expressing in ways that I’ve been to averse in others. Just being kind of judgemental and annoyed or whatever.

Also got me thinking that Alchemist would be good. If it could wash away all that energy and patterned stuff I picked up from others. It’s easy to see in others that when they hang around certain people they pick up their mannerisms and phrasing and stuff. When I’ve seen it in myself I was off put by it. It’s what I call the downside of being empathic. Taking on others stuff as one’s own. I guess if flipped positive it could be good, it’d be that concept of consciously taking on the attributes of others that we want. But when it’s come out in myself it’s been like unconscious, meaning that I didn’t want to do it but it just expressed through me in the moment. It wasn’t even what I’d call a way I wanted or liked. Like just expressing their energy and pattern, and I wouldn’t say it was a useful one. So to me I go back to working on in me, whatever that is that would get me to pick up others BS whether that be their energy or patterns, whatever.

I still don’t like either side, I want to be the purest expression of my own zero point. Without mucking it up with my own personal stuff. What I like is when things come together like when you do something and you’re just in the flow state. Whatever you did or made, after the fact if you’re being honest with yourself you’re not gonna say “I did that.” It’s like life or whatever did it through you.

#235

I was able to purchase Ascension today. Thanks to a surprise small amount of money that was owed to me showed up, I didn’t know it until I got it.

So I’m also looking forward to the physical shifting in Ascension. It’ll be nice to see results to keep me motivated to work out and stay physically fit. I think the mindset stuff in Ascension would already keep me motivated and dedicated to my physical health/fitness and the body shifting will just be a bonus.

There’s a cashier woman who works at a place I’ve been going. When I walked in today I heard someone say hi and I looked over and she was the only one working that I saw. She wasn’t looking at me though. So when I finally got to the register she said hi again, but I couldn’t even say hi because she didn’t skip a beat and kept helping the other guy ahead of me. But she definitely said hi to me. She’s kinda cute, I’d be open to a one night stand. lol.

I also noticed that when I was in another store I’d walk past an aisle and if a woman popped out, she’d be looking at my eyes, but I didn’t make eye contact because I wasn’t in that mode. So I was thinking I maybe wasn’t making a good first impression. But these weren’t hot women, but it did help me become aware of something that could raise my first impressions.

I have noticed how a lot of sexual hangups have been cleared out. One night I was just feeling a nice spaceousness. So Ascension will be great because it goes back to the basics of I’d say self image and that’s probably the holdback from me expressing the new Primal in more profound ways. Plus it’s a lighter faster acting title, so since I’ve been one to get some of the bloom effect it could make for a interesting rest of the year.

#236

I would be happy to start my new cycle today. But it’s only day 15 of washout, I committed to a 30 day washout.

Evening Update: I have been wanting to get more athletic again. I tried out some plyometric warm ups, just some basics called pogos. My body is definitely not used to that and I can see how it really is best to maintain your athletic skills instead of trying to rebuild them when you’re older. But I’m not over the hill yet and will just have to keep volume low and take it slow. Ideally I would have Spartan in the mix for recovery. I’d definitely like to have a fitness title in the mix but it just doesn’t seem practical. I plan to take LB to 12 cycles. Not sure on Ascension yet but I could potentially see myself switching it for Spartan at some point. I still plan on running the Dragons to start next year, but might wait until I finish out 12 cycles of LB. I’ll be really close and might be more like March when I get to the Dragon duo.

#237

And just like that, now, today, I’m feeling like I want to get in a workout. I have been taking this day off for awhile now. I’ve only been working back into 3x a week. I even realized I need to change my workout days. I need Mon/Tues off to recover because I work my job and recovery is more important. So I’ll actually get in a workout on Sunday my longest work day because I’m done earlier in the day and that will make sure I get those 3 good workout days in.

I think I’ve got some chemistry from yesterday’s workout. I increased intensity but very very briefly. Just those few bursts of high intensity and then I finished my normal workout after. Today I was feeling like yea I want to get a workout in today because I feel good, like maybe I had even more testosterone today or something. So I’ll just do some light mobility work and keep the intensity really low but still break a sweat.

#238

So I’m planning to run through KB 1-4 again, but at 1 cycle for each stage instead of 2. Unless new KB drops before the 30th. If it doesn’t then I’m planning to stick to the current version of KB even if new version drops, as I finish out my second run through.

Between LB and Primal- I’m noticing way more I’d call it confidence. It’s just me saying things that I’d otherwise keep to myself. In conversation, though I wouldn’t call it conversation. It’s when I’m talking to someone and usually they don’t know any better, they don’t know the concept of letting someone talk, someone wanting to I guess just vent if anything, rather than asking for opinions and solutions. Like just about anything. And when someone automatically provides their opinion or “solution” I will just add my own two cents after it, just to let them know that I know that, but also for myself so I’m not left with unprocessed feelings about it, leading to unwanted blocks/feelings/limitations. I will say I notice that it still does feel argumentative to me. But since it’s normal way of “communicating” for most people it’s not taken as argumentative, but to me it’s still coming off as standing up for myself even though I’d really like to not be affected at all. But I think it’s necessary to my grown and Ascension will surely make me confront this more in a big way. I used to be non-reactive to people and I’d see them change and lived in that magic at times, but my own fears got in the way, it was like one of those shooting games where things are coming at you and your shooting isn’t able to keep up and so you get rolled over.

End of night: I’ve been considering sticking with new Primal. Because I’m planning to start over KB from Stage 1. None of the first 3 stages were a problem for me. It’s only when I got to KB 4 that I started reconsidering new Primal. Funnily enough, right after stage 3 KB is when I felt like I wanted more Primal influence. So I moved it into the standard rotation for 3 titles instead of 1x weekly at 15 mins. 1x weekly at 15 mins was no problem, after a couple cycles I just wanted more of it. On KB 4, new Primal was kind of like walking through mud instead of clear water. I just mean to say that it was definitely more of a load and kind of humbled me.

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#239

I was sitting here eating a bag of potato chips, singing random made up songs about my cat. Then all of the sudden it hit me and I looked at my watch time 13:03 so I ran upstairs to get my food out of the oven. I didn’t set an intention, I basically forgot all about it and the food in the oven wasn’t even on my mind. But the other than conscious had my back. That kind of thing if I intended for it to happen it probably wouldn’t. That’s how my “manifestations” go too. If I intend it and work really hard, it might not happen. But if my mind isn’t even entertaining it and I’m just kind of having fun living in the moment, it happens just like that. But I can also say that I intended to get my food out at 13 mins because I did. So I did intend it but with absolutely zero attachment, and if I think about it that could be reckless or dangerous or whatever, and yet it worked out perfectly because I wasn’t attached and watching the plant grow so to speak.

Afternoon: I am still thinking and feeling that I’m going to go ahead with Ascension for the rest of the year. That’ll get me 4 cycles with it. I’m really excited about the physical shifting and narrowed down trimmer focus of Ascension as compared to Primal.

I don’t know when that new Ascension comes but I guess I’d expect by year’s end so I could potentially get a cycle of the new version in yet this year too.

#240

Feeling like I would like to start up a new listening cycle today.

11 more days of my 30 day washout.

I’m planning to move forward with Primal and keep my stack the same. Only thing I will change is that I’m starting over KB from Stage 1 and will do 1 cycle per stage.

I want to make sure that this isn’t recon that has me wanting to switch titles after 4 cycles. I’ve done that a lot in the past. So I’m staying for at least 6 cycles and then I’ll let myself entertain any changes in my stack.