ABC333 Khan Black

Journals - Major Programs
#201

I woke up today and was still laying in bed. That feeling that I’ve had in the past came up again. That feeling of wanting to really live life. So of course I thought that this time I’ll be able to bring it to life, I’ll be able to really live with the help of new Primal.

So after I was thinking that then some past memories surfaced, of maybe time when I felt left out or something. I didn’t have to do anything with them and they went away, and so did that feeling of wanting to live. So I would say that was a level up. We got rid of the wanting and so instead of not knowing what to do or maybe feeling stuck, that feeling got resolved. That will make way for a new expression.

Been off Keto for about 3 weeks again. It seems this time I’m really experiencing how eating all the junk food really isn’t that great. So it seems that that pattern of binge eating is also being wiped out.

I finally did some wim hof breathing. Been about a month since i did it. I can see how it’s definitely useful to have some sort of breathing practice. Wim Hof is simple and a daily session really doesn’t take much time. I’ll probably start doing it 1x daily again. I like to do it before I workout.

I was sitting here browsing the internet instead of working out. I can feel like not anger I’d say more of a less aggressive frustration. It’s that wanting to do something but not knowing what, wanting to live life but not knowing where to start. Different from the feeling earlier. This is yea, more touching into frustration. So it’s a good time to get off the internet and get this workout in. I’m still having to play it by how my body feels. If I’m extra sore I’m not going to push it and I’ll have to do the main workout today that I planned for yesterday. Also why I probably need to get out and start just walking or something really easy on the body but still active.

Just worked out. I made a new discovery. I can use my mobility/warm up to practice mindfulness and presence. Instead of just rushing through it mindlessly I take it more slow and maintain my awareness and focus. I feel like I’ll be getting better mind/body results doing it this way. It also makes it more enjoyable when I see it as a practice in presence and mindfulness.

I’d say some recon kicking in earlier. In the form of just some feelings coming up again. My next cycle starts tomorrow and I’m surprised. I’d call this manageable recon with desired results also. I’ve only made it back to 1:30, one minute and thirty seconds on my titles after I got into overload. So the suggested course of action is just to stick to 1:30 seconds until decreased recon. I wasn’t expecting that since I’d been alternating 15 minutes with 30 seconds or 3 minutes and everything was fine.

#202

Day 1 : 3 minutes new Primal.

5th cycle with new Love Bomb. 4th cycle with new Primal. Second cycle with Khan Black stage 4.

Making a note that 6-7pm, will be 4-5 hours after listening. Just want a reminder to check in with myself to see if I notice anything around that time.

I’m already feeling those good feelings. So I think I’m already getting a Primal hit of the positive vibes.

I don’t notice much in terms of anything that would give me any insight as to whether or not things are done processing from my listen earlier or not. I still feel generally good. But maybe it’s different for Khan Black. I haven’t noticed any decreased need for sleep from that yet. I’m always at probably 9 hours of sleep most nights. But I do stay up most of the night so that might be why I stick to so much sleep.

I’m going with new Love Bomb and KB 4 at 3 mins each for my next listening day.
I feel like I’m still building that foundation with new LB. Also I’ve had some recon but not as much as others with LB it seems, so I think I’ll keep it going. I think new Primal is great stand alone and KB 4 supports it and LB is really the unlocker for everything else.

#203

Day 2 No listening.

I’m still considering Emperor Fitness as my next major. I’m turning 42 this year and health fitness has always been a priority for me. I also think I still have some issues to knock out that have kept me overweight a lot of my life. I have lost in the past but tended to gain it back. I’m also looking forward to having the healing and strengthening of tendons and ligaments and recovery aspects.

Stopped in to get some refreshments and I was walking out and I noticed a hot chick on her way in in the corner of my eye. I just kept on going, no anticipation. She must have saw me too because when she came around the corner and we passed each other she had a smile on her face.

Then I was walking in another place and an older woman saw me and smiled at me while I walked by. Then I was driving and somebody did the steering wheel wave at me. So this is all new. I can’t remember the last time women smiled at me and definitely waved at me. In small towns outside of the city it’s common to get one of those waves as you’re driving past somebody.

Definitely new experiences, out of the norm or what was the norm for me. So things seem to be starting to click.

Main Disc. Thread - Emperor Fitness ZP
#204

Day 3 3 mins KB 4, 3 mins new LB.

#205

Day 4 No listening.

I’ve just been home or work the past couple days. Nothing to report. I feel like we’re back to the to and fro and so far it’s nothing at all. Maybe a little anxiety gets stirred up and then we might have some moments of the good stuff. Mostly normal or calm waters though so far. I feel like it was a pretty good 5 days off and a great start so far. I’m sure there’ll be more surprises in store as time passes.

#206

Day 5 3 minutes 30 seconds of new Primal.

After about 2:20 I started feeling good and it kept up until I stopped at 3:30.

I was at work by myself and had a moment where I was like you know, Stark Black could be good. I was actually feeling like I could use and navigate a little fame. But I have no plans to change any titles yet. I think KB will be updated and that seems like the only thing I’d change. I’d switch out KB for updated KB when it comes out.

#207

Day 6 No listening.

Had some things to do so I went out in the busiest part of the day. So stepping outside of my comfort zone. Not seeing a lot of ladies since starting this new cycle. I did see a hot older blonde, like the kind I rarely if ever see around here. I think that’s part of me not caring about going out in the busiest part of the day, more likely to see different people. But I got to the store and the parking lot was full. But every aisle I went in there was one or no people there. Just seemed a bit weird. The produce section when you first walk in was even emptier than usual. I only had one intimidation hit, I was driving and saw this girl playing on the sidewalk which caught my attention, then I saw what I think was her dad, but he kept his head bowed down so as not to look at me. I’ve had some hyper vigilance and identified as an empath in the past. So I tend to pick up on things and be aware of a lot of things, tough to explain. Generally I have good intuition, at times unexplainable and surprising to me and lots of knowing without knowing kind of stuff. But of course I am human so I’ve gotten in the way of my clear channels at times of course.

So far it seems I’m fine with where I’m at. There’s no more rush to change titles but I am more willing to switch up things in my life. So there’s still progress. I’m using new Primal as my sort of foundational alpha title. I think it’s more in line with what’s more natural to me but I still have work to do with it. Like the kind of life my own life not so caught up in society’s rules and expectations, being my own man. So when I master that and get that freedom, then I’d want to build on the success oriented stuff. But new LB has work to do as well.

#208

Day 7 3:30 of KB 4 and 3:30 of new LB.

I’ve had some more moments of sensing energy. It’s like subtle, I actually thought in previous times it was when whatever food I ate was hitting the bloodstream or something. But just now I was noticing these like good tingles kind of in my neck top of spine area, and I realized well I haven’t eaten anything yet today or taken any vitamins. So it’s gotta be some sort of energy awareness or sensitivity, in a good way though. By good I mean something that feels good, life enhancing.

I’ll keep upping my listening time in 30 second increments but starting to think maybe holding at 3 mins listening for each title is good. I’ve also had poor sleep the last say 3 nights so that may also be a factor.

Main Disc. Thread - Khan Black: The Crucible (Custom Core Now Available!)
#209

Day 8 No listening.

I think I’m gonna roll back to 3 mins and stick with 3 minutes.

I had no problems playing one title 1x per week at 15 minutes. Then I’d alternate the other 2 titles between 15 mins or 30 seconds or 3 mins and that was fine. No overload. I’m getting some slight overload symptoms already. So 3 titles in regular rotation might be too much and it might be better for me to stick to my previous listening routine. But I’m definitely planning 30 day washout after this cycle ends.

Been having some health anxiety. Nothing to where I’d go in to get a bill. I’m kind of tossing around the idea of a winter stack. Paragon would be in the winter stack and heck, maybe Emperor Fitness as well. I could do a round of EF at 1x per stage and run whatever stage I liked best another 2 cycles. Then I would go back to a summer stack. Staying up all night probably isn’t the best thing. But I work nights and for me it’s about getting to work alone without any unwanted attention or people bs.

One thing that used to get me is you can look around. See how many people are walking around not talking to anybody and minding their own business. Why was I getting singled out? I’d still say that was my own faulty programming from decisions I made about life/people before knowing any better. It just made no sense that you can mind your own business not even have a bad conscious thought about someone and they’re trying to make your life hell. Or they get triggered but of course it’s not their fault it’s yours! for existing!

#210

Day 9 3 mins new Primal.

Already halfway way through this cycle. Went by quick.

I noticed I’ve been hungry lately. So that’s a good reason for me to get back to keto. I can wear my shorts without belts and when I’m on keto I don’t get hungry. It’s more of an eat when it’s time.

I will plan to bring back one of my customs for 3-4 months during the cold winter months. I have a survival instinct/spartan that I guess I’ll update with the new spartan core. Then I have a LBFH/Limit Destroyer custom that I haven’t used more than a few cycles.

I’m going through recon again. I don’t see it as a bad thing. It’s manageable for my current life circumstances. Earlier I had a moment where I was feeling good about it, like yea this is just what it takes. Being born doesn’t seem to be a fun experience, lol.

I seem to have underestimated Khan Black stage 4. I also have new Primal in my stack. So that is 2 dense titles, plus new Love Bomb on top of it. So no wonder I got maxed out on 3 minutes of listening on all titles. It does make me more open to cycling back through all stage of Khan Black but I think we’re expecting a Khan Black update this year so I’m going to hold out for that.

#211

Day 10 No listening.

So far I’ve been tired this cycle. I would attribute that to staying up later and I’ve been eating more processed foods. Also I would say KB 4 and new Primal and LB are a bit dense and are working deep.

When I run my next multi stager I’ll keep Khan Black but I’d plan to only run 2 titles when I do that. So long term thinking is still that it’s best to stay with this stack for the rest of the year.

So I’m still finding that patience is key. And I’m really glad my life situation is such that I can handle a little more recon. If I had a normal job where I was around people I could be one of the guys who could only listen 30 seconds of my titles at a time. Or I’d have to run really light titles maybe. But I’ve definitely come a long way. Actually if I had a job where I had to be around people I’d have Inner Circle in my stack for sure I think.

The other day I saw this blonde kind of my aged woman. The kind I rarely see where I live. Driving a topless jeep. I realized that this has happened before. Say I saw a woman who I really liked, first few times it happend was a long time ago. Was a porn star. Then I was out driving and I see a woman who looked just like her. That happened two different times. I just think it’s interesting how that happens. When it’s a car I can see how you think of a red car or a particular car that you’d see that car everywhere. But when it’s a person, not the exact same person but looks just like the person, I’d call that a manifestation. I never intended to manifest seeing the person but for whatever reason it was lined up, probably because I didn’t care about it. It’s like oh you see porn star well I don’t ever think I’m going to see that person in real life.

I was also thinking about this idea that women don’t want guys who like them. Whenever I have genuine interest I never, at least up until now, get those women! I have been hoping to resolve my conflict about it. Why would I want to be with a woman I don’t even want? So now what I do is if I ever feel that I like a woman or god forbid feel that love, I don’t entertain that. I just move on the sooner the better. I don’t want to end up wasting years on someone who doesn’t want me. So it’s not a big deal but occasionaly has me considering Heartsong, because I know there are people who get together and stay loyal to each other and don’t need to do that stuff of having drama and going for the people who treat them poorly.

One of my first instances of effortlessly hooking up I was just having fun in school not even like teasing this girl but entertaining myself. I don’t even think I was interested in her either. Or hadn’t even entertained the possibility. At a party she was the one who propositioned me and I went for it just because it was new. I found out later she had a bf who was definitely out of High school. I had been going through that too it was the chicks I liked, didn’t like me. The ones I would go for would reject me. I’ve had some hot chicks proposition me in my life and I didn’t go for them because I had my eyes on the prize, or so I thought. Even though I think some of the women who liked me I did like, but I was so shy that I probably gave all the right outward appearances of not being interested in them, so they did like me. So still some sticky points as far as how to transition. I don’t know that I want to play the seduction game and get involved in today’s dating world. Heartsong still might be what I really need.

End of night: It still seems that I need to spend easily the rest of the year on my current stack. It’ll help clear up things and get me back to the version of myself that has no problem getting women. Then if at that point I’m sure I’ll have a better idea of how to proceed.

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#212

Day 11 3 mins KB 4, 3 mins new LB.

Got to listening late due to circumstances. I’m listening at 11pm and normally I listen when I wake up in the morning.

10 days left in this cycle and just seems to have gone by pretty quickly. I haven’t noticed much like the end of my last cycle and during the washout. I think we’re still reconning and “healing”. But I’m seeing hints that things are still working. I’ve had women check me out but I’m still doing the ignore them thing focusing on my own self, especially in situations where I’m just driving by and can’t talk to them anyway. But it’s always a nice little boost to have women checking you out more.

Also had a couple situations where after the fact I was like wait a minute, that woman was totally vibing with me, but it wasn’t like somebody I’d date but it’s almost like one of those I think this could happen if I went for it kind of thing. I’m still kind of wary about sleeping with just anybody in today’s day and age though. So what I’m mostly after is the inner game, masculinity, and social skills that can be applied to everything besides seduction. For me there’s no other full package besides new Primal. It’s definitely one I’d like to stay on as long as I can. But the Dragon’s are calling too and after that I would probably want to tackle Khan. But again, new Primal seems to be the closest to a full package for what I’m wanting. I really want to add a fitness title but Love Bomb has gotta stay and KB isn’t going anywhere, it’s staying in my stack.

End of night: I am wishing I would have made a regular LB custom instead of an LBFH/Limit destroyer custom. I am wishing I could have more time with the you are not alone module.

#213

Day 12 No listening.

After today I noticed that I’m still going places out of my comfort zone. After the day is over I kinda just realized that the recon was reversed. When I was around people or in public I didn’t have much anxiety and if I did it was easily managed and overcome. But while I was having times alone and by myself I was having some resistance and anxiety come up. I was just getting in my head that’s all. So that was nice to notice. One of my big problems was of course getting in my head when I’d be around people but of course not realizing it and so I liked being alone because I could feel safe, comfortable, relaxed, happy etc.

#214

Day 13 3 mins new Primal.

I haven’t listened yet but I’m feeling juiced to get my next listen in.

I’m experiencing this relaxed, confidence and optimism. It’s almost a new thing for me. It’s gotta be a clarified version of what used to be familiar- that sense of wanting to live life but I had no sense of direction or purpose. But this is probably what I might term positive masculinity. It’s like I don’t need to know so there’s no restlessness, more grounded.

I guess there’s still some recon. I’m having a different flavor, it’s like on the one hand I feel this energy coursing through me a little of that wanting to live, but not knowing what, why or how. So this is the stuff that can be resolved by just taking action as I’ve seen others report. I guess I can see that it is kind of a freeze pattern, that I could see most clearly play out when I was procrastinating my workouts. So I’ll just do it now. :smiley:

#215

Day 14 No listening.

I was out and about and was experiencing some of that habitual or patterned anxiety. It doesn’t hold me back like it used to. I know there’ll be other times where I’m feeling more free and confident and uninhibited. Just part of the process.

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#216

Day 15 3 mins KB 4, 3 mins new LB.

In my last 2 listens I can notice how things kind of queue up and then I have some almost imperceptible recon/resistance come up after listening. I noticed that thanks to the contrast of feeling good before listening and just being aware that oh now I’m in resistance or caught up in the head. I haven’t gotten it down to where I have a timeframe for how long that listen takes to process.

At times I still wish I had You Are Not Alone Module in the mix and something to help physical recovery. After my work weekend I’m still a little sore until now, that’s 3 days. Then it’s more of an experiment now. I took those days off from working out but at the same time there’s some all or nothing thinking getting in the way. So I have to remind myself, consistency over intensity for the time being.

I have a new idea. Rather than make a custom with new LB and Sanguine. The better idea might be just to alternate them. I’ll have 5 cycles of new LB under my belt. So after my long washout, I could switch over to new Sanguine. But I’m still holding on to new LB a little. But at the same time, some time with Sanguine will be beneficial.

Still no signs of needing less sleep. Most days I can get a 20min to an hour long nap in.

#217

Day 16 No listening.

I’m feeling like new Love Bomb is in effect today- I’m feeling pretty good since waking up today.

Out and about still had some anxiety, when in public but saw more signs that my appeal to women is increasing. I don’t even feel that I look good today.

#218

Day 17 3 mins new Primal.

4 days left in this cycle. it went fast then for a few days it seemed long now it seems so fast again.

I feel like I definitely need to spend more time with my stack. New LB and new Primal aren’t going anywhere. I was set on KB staying in my stack no matter what but since I think I read that the new KB will be out this year, I could try Sanguine. I’ve really wanted to try sanguine. If I had extra cash I’d be tempted to just put together that Sanguine/Love Bomb custom.

I am actually considering to try out Phoenix after my 30 day washout. I’ve got 5 cycles of new LB and 4 with new Primal. Phoenix will definitely clear some ground and I would only use it for a max of 2 cycles.

#219

Day 18 No listening.

3 days left! I feel ready for this 30 day washout-no listening. I think I might’ve taken 21 days off and sometimes I’d take 10 days off. But 30 will be my longest break.

I think a few rounds of Rebirth will do me good. I can see I still have the past coming up and clouding my now.

Yep. I’m looking forward to running DR: Phoenix now. I’m still going through healing mostly. Recon of resolving on the other than conscious level with the new programming and new desired reality. I’d really like to run both of the new dragons. But for now it’s looking like I’m open to the recommended path of Ascension and then Emperor. But I only have Ascended Mogul.

#220

Almost forgot to post Day 19 was Sunday. Day 20 is monday.

3 mins KB 4, 3 mins new LB.

I’m still going to say that this cycle has been way more healing than anything else. So I’ll probably have a good washout. That’s new for me since last 5 days off, where the washout seems more productive than during the 21 days cycle.

My last listening day before 30 days off will be a full 15 min loop of new Primal.

I’m planning to run a full loop of 15 mins of DR Phoenix 1x a week. And KB 4 the rest of the time. Not sure on how long. I’ll probably try out 6 mins of KB 4 when I start up that next cycle. 2 title stack. Then I will probably onboard new Sanguine finally.

So I guess I could chalk up the healing to KB 4 since that’s the only thing new these last 2 cycles. When I was on 2 customs at once and one was my LBFH/Limit destroyer custom, it had lots of heart healing and it seemed to have some physical symptoms. Since KB 4 I’ve been touching on some of that kind of thing but definitely not to that extreme. It does have Paragon on my radar so I can maybe root out any health related anxieties. I did get a full check up and got a clean bill of health when I was previously experiencing those physical symptoms.

This also has me considering either just cycling back through KB from stage 1. That would let me keep my current stack. If I stay with KB 4, I’m thinking I would swap out new Primal for Sanguine.

Or just swap out new LB and new Primal for Genesis.