ABC333 Khan Black

Journals - Major Programs
#167

Day 20: No listening.

I did my workout first thing today. It was like nothing. I got in all the inner work I wanted. And now I’m again feeling some of those sad type feelings.

I am feeling good about my workouts, I’ll just do it first thing in the day and then I can’t procrastinate it. I was thinking I need more healing but at this point I think Inner Circle or Daredevil since IC isn’t updated yet. I guess part of me still longs for some connection with legit people again. So that is probably what new LB is working on. I always felt like I was okay being alone and preferred it to any drama and forcing my will upon the world. But new LB is working on rooting out whatever is left of wanting to depend on stuff outside of myself for my fulfillment.

The crazy thing is when that’s all done then, based on my experience, the right people will just drop into my life without any effort or planning. I like a lot of the people who claim you have to make things happen, well life is going to win out in the end and why not get in harmony with what life wants? That’s what The Surrender Experiment book is getting me back to. I never had great success with manifestation yet the best things were always things I never planned or intended. So to me it was more about letting go and life already has a course, nobody’s is the same of course but that’s where the best things happen. I’m not saying don’t take action at all. The guy in The Surrender Experiment wanted solitude and to do his inner work. But he surrendered to life and all these things happened effortlessly, money, people etc. Yet he did work and he worked hard. He even became the CEO of a company that was worth Billions. A programming company and he had to learn how to code and it started with him learning how to build and he worked on his own house. That turned into a contracting company and he acquired all this land starting from the tiny piece of land he bought for his shack to live in or so he thought. Yet it wasn’t about him forcing life, it was about him living life with his sails filled by life’s will.

End of Night Update:

I’m going to play around with new custom ideas. I was thinking what could I pair new LB with. Well, why not consider to just bundle it with new Primal. That way I’m staying focused on these two titles, and maybe just add back in those modules that I miss and bring on board those that I think would tackle what I think some of my nagging issues are, to get more focused healing with. It wouldn’t be too spendy I’d maybe have to purchase new Primal and the build, but I think the modules I’ve already purchased give me plenty to work with.

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#168

Day 21 6/7. 6/13 starts new cycle.

15 mins new Primal.

I’m kind of excited about making a new LB/Primal custom. I never wanted to make a custom with Primal because it was already so packed. So I was always thinking what could I custom with new LB. Well then it clicked yesterday- just combine LB and Primal in one that way you don’t add another core but you can pick up those modules that you miss from previous customs, and give some of them more time. So that’s my plan. So it looks like I’ll finish out my first run through of KB. Then when I finish that I’ll have a custom ready to go. I’m still thinking I’m due for a 30 day washout so that’s probably a good idea before I start the new custom.

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#169

No listening. 5 days of no listening.

Having some strong feelings come up was a good thing. It got me back to making letting go a priority and it’s paying off. By the time I get to work my mind is pretty quiet so I don’t have to spend the time trying to let go. I just focus on my work and stay in the flow and am able to more easily focus on the audiobook or podcast that I’m listening to.

Tonight I was also feeling something. I don’t remember what though. Just more okay with being sexy or something along those lines. Just at the right pace for me where the internal reality is shifting as fast or faster than the external.

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#170

No listening.

I made one rough draft of my custom. I was happy with it. Now I’m looking through the synergy modules and have two in the rough draft. One of them just combines two modules I was already using. One of them just adds a module.

So my second version of my new custom has 5 synergy modules. So I’ll leave it alone for awhile and come back to it with a fresh mind. I want to build the best custom I can but I do plan on going for Khan regular next year.

I don’t want to stop Khan Black but there’s also a synergy module on energetic development and so leaving khan black out for awhile wouldn’t be such a big deal. Since the plan is to pair up Khan Black and regular Khan next year. I just want to keep KB going but I also could stand to go with something with wealth scripting so I can get started on that front.

P.S. literally after ending this post a notification dropped in my lap and it was about this book about the energy of money. I’ve had the physical book and audiobook but haven’t gone through them. So just for fun I’ll make that my next book that I go through.

PPS:

Just like that I’ve come full circle. I’m now in favor of building a new Primal new Sanguine custom. With the synergy module on energetic development. I think that’s the perfect baseline for me to finish out the year before I go to double Khan. The reason why I’d do it that way is because I’d want to combing KB and Khan. And I feel like a stack of primal and a sanguine/love bomb custom with some targeted healing and essential modules is just what I need to prepare and also have the best rest of the year I can without being too heavy in healing and massive growth. It’ll be just more fun and right paced.

end of night update: So now I think I expanded so much that I’ll just put the custom ideas out of my mind for awhile. Let it cook. lol. Still like 3 months away from having in my stack.

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#171

5 day break update

So I’m feeling kind of good. Not the equal and opposite of the lows from previous days yet. But I’m feeling good like I’m getting to higher levels or something. So just some of that optimism maybe, just feeling good and being more grateful for now and things as they are too. I also notice with where my mind goes it isn’t going back to old hurts and problems, it’s kind of been giving me new perspective on some past memories. Not sure how to describe it. It’s a positive in my book.

One from earlier was an old memory from work. I worked with an ego maniac guy and his whole thing was to be a clown and make people laugh. He was also one of those guys that thinks its his job to tell the world how to live. I thought he was my friend back then, but another person I should have never put up with. Maybe it was a keep your enemies closer kind of thing, knowing he had a big mouth it was kind of a had to think of him as a friend and so he could think of me as a friend too. But it was just me putting up with it and being kind of nice guy. Anyway there was one random memory that popped up. Some guy came to our work on his shift and he was making buddies and he was gonna buy some herb from him. So he’s telling me all in a good mood. The next time I see him he’s ready to fight complaining he hasn’t gotten me my herb he better give me my money back. lol. At the time I was caught up in being a nice guy. I didn’t see the humor in it, even though I always felt like humor was one of my specialties as well. Whereas now it strikes me as some kind of comedy show. Like my mind was showing it how they’d do it in a comedy film/video. First scene the dude is all happy. The next scene guy is all out of sorts. The contrast.

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#172

5 days off update

I’m not keeping track of individual days. I’m on 5 days off until the 13th.

Today I feel like some more of the Primal is activating. My mind is filled with more seductive thoughts and vibes, with some optimism and fun still there.

I’ve only been listening to Primal 1x weekly at 15 mins. So far it’s been smooth and I’ve been patient with results because like I said my stack currently seems to be the right pace for me. Inner changes are occurring maybe even faster than externals and to me that’s always what I’ve been looking for mainly. Those internal changes because I’ve always had opportunities and good things but I was somehow holding myself back internally.

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Main Disc. Thread - The NEW Primal (Free Upgrade Now Available!)
#173

So my tentative plan is laid out. In 2 cycles I’ll have completed a round of Khan Black. I’ll take a month off and I’m thinking I’ll finish out the year with a Love Bomb/Sanguine custom, Primal, and Daredevil.

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#174

I had a slight pang of wanting friends again today. So I saw that it was just the mind using that to distract me from being on task. I didn’t get on task necessarily but it just kind of dropped away when I saw that. Still some light feelings but they don’t have stories attached. So just more squeezing of the lemon as I call it.

Still having some procrastination around getting back on track with my workout. I started listening to some talks from one of the self realized people I like to listen to. And just casually thinking about the times when things in my life were good, where I felt my best. None of it was forced, it wasn’t me exerting my will. It was less “me” in the personal sense and just being along for the ride of life. So I think when I get to Daredevil that could be fun and get me back in touch with that sense of adventure, that’s something I had when I felt my best as well.

I’m still kind of curious about stage 4 of Khan Black. I plan on only running it for 2 cycles before taking a 30 day washout. I think Daredevil will help me unlock more of that taking action at least in terms of the social game. I think that would really unlock a lot of doors for me in terms of dating, making money.

My custom idea is definitely evolving. Now I think I’m taking out the healing modules, some I’ve used for a year already. I am thinking just make it a custom that maximizes relaxation and calm under stress, energetic transcendence, iron law synergy etc. And the ultimate results/manifestation synergy pack. with Fortune’s Favorite and The way of ROI and Way Finder. Also you are not alone module, safety net, love without attachment, attachment destroyer as the two healing focused modules. formless clarity, the flow.

So yea thinking to maximize the relaxation/stress relief/manifestation, and slightly spiritual focus with being in the now and Energetic Transcendence. So I think I’ve reached my final draft on my Love Bomb/Sanguine custom.

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#175

I haven’t noticed any status hits lately. Where people seem to react to some perceived higher status of me. I think Primal must be already in line with my internal sense of status so nothing stands out. Well, not yet anyway.

I had it in mind that tomorrow was my first full loop of KB 4. It’s actually going to be my weekly 15 min loop of new Primal. That’ll stay consistent with all four stages of KB4. But I think that’s good as I’m still curious to find out what stage 4 KB could be like, it’s still a priority for now. As much as I’m excited to make Primal a priority after KB is finished.

I was at the store today just to get a couple things. There was a new guy working and his boss must have been showing him what to do. So when i walked in they were walking out and I didn’t pay much attention because I was going in. Then I was where I was for a couple minutes and they showed up beside me to stock something. But I just got like some sad vibes from the dude and I was just trying not be affected. Lol maybe I shoulda said hey man congrats on getting the job I can’t even get an interview! lol. I was trying to push it and apply for all these jobs, no interviews but I realized why am pushing so hard here, I actually probably need rest since I’ve been working like 6-7 days a week for the past year. I got cut back to half time and had my pay cut this month. Next month I might actually lose my main job altogether for a few months too.

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#176

I finally got a good workout in. It wasn’t a “full” workout, or the workout I thought I should do. But I feel good and didn’t put it off until tomorrow. I saw a photo of a guy working out on FB and for whatever reason it brought to life my own inner experience of why I like to workout. And so I did work out. So here’s to doing something every day even if it’s not as much as I think I should be doing.

After a good night’s sleep I get to start up with new Primal. New cycle!

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#177

Day 1 15 mins new Primal.

I felt good while listening. I just closed my eyes and maintained my awareness on the good feeling. So that was my meditation.

–

I took a drive got some gas today. I was kind of bored while driving. Also had some more feelings come up. Still seems to be about wishing I had some genuine connections. But this will be cycle

#4 new LB - So I’m looking for things to maybe pick up and I’m still having some healing from it. Though it makes me look forward to when I’ll have You Are Not Alone module in my custom.

Cycle 1 with KB 4 in the stack.

Cycle 3 with new Primal in the stack. I only run it 1x per week at 15 mins. But it’s been helping at the right pace.

I’ve been with subclub for a few years and I’m still not a millionaire, don’t have the dating/social life I want. But I have grown by leaps and bounds. I tend to stick to a minimum of 4 cycles before I consider changing titles. I was able to stick to my custom for a full year.

I think the new Sanguine is the title that I needed when I first started but it had to go through its changes and updates also. I haven’t even used the new Sanguine but looking back, I probably needed to get myself out of the toxic work situations and hermit up and let new Sanguine reset my nervous system and just get me back to being regulated and healthy.

So we have what we have to work with and we make the best of it. No one way is right for everybody.

End of night update

I forgot a cool experience I had today. After driving around feeling bored and having some feelings come up. I thought about driving through a particular area and felt good about it. Like maybe there’s some reason. It’s an area near a marina and I used to go park in the public parking lot with a view of the water. I got hassled too many times by the law just for parking there. People park there all the time but I just stopped going for a few years. I’ll drive through but generally have avoided the area most of the time. So I drive through there thinking of course maybe I’ll meet a hot lady. And I’m going through there and there is a probably hot blonde walking her dog.

Now I live in one of the safest places, women can job and walk their dogs by themselves and they’re safe. But most people hear the news stories from around the country of women being harmed or whatever jogging or walking by themselves. So that’s on many women’s minds even in safe places, it’s like just on the back of the mind. So I get a little excited but I notice her vibe and she’s just cold, the not interested at all vibes.

So I don’t make any judgements I don’t even look at her, just enough to show that I’ve seen her and her dog and am not gonna run them over lol. So I can’t say that was the reason why I felt like there was something there for me, why I decided to drive though. It’s just in the LBFH and Chosen era I figure if anything even if I’m not aware of it, maybe somebody just needs a small crack so the light can get in. Maybe they just needed to get a taste of that Love Bomb or whatever.

Plus it’s a nice experiment for myself- that I’m going to start following my inner guidance again. Even if nothing noticeable happens I’m going to start following my good feelings, those ones that don’t seem to have a reason especially.

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#178

Day 2 No listening.

I’ve been feeling some more of the kind of sad feelings I guess. I still have no story with them. So my take is still things getting resolved and reconciled on an other than conscious level. I think from my experience at some point those feelings will be resolved and it’ll bring more life and something good. So I’m not making a big deal of it. Just having patience.

I do feel like Daredevil is going to be pretty good in bringing back my sense of action and overcoming any social anxieties that are lingering. I think those are probably some of the things resolved too. The holdbacks from living more of the life I want.

So Daredevil is the most attractive title on my list at the moment. It’s not one of those things where I want to switch titles yet. It’s just that’s my next title to run for sure.

Morning update: got a full night’s sleep. I had lots of dreams. And I dont remember what any were about now. I just remember that yea, things being worked on worked through yet.

I was laying in bed and feeling good but I also noticed that my mind was creating all this resistance to it. Like I should get up etc. I noticed that and just gave my permission to lay there and do nothing but feel good for as long as I wanted. It only lasted another couple minutes because i had to get up and go to the bathroom, there was no resistance to that. Now that I’m up and moving around the resistance level to it is way low. So it’s keeping with my theme of just letting myself feel good and breaking the resistance habit.

After Work Update

I was pretty focused at work. It’s physical and it’s not easy but no big deal. Give me alone time and let’s me focus on the now and listen to audiobooks.

I was on my way home and of course I do some personal thinking, it’s a habit. It’s like oh if i do this then maybe this or that etc. But it’s always nice to know you don’t need that, that’s all just clutter. So anyway I like to do then when it comes to taking the route home. I have been going through the business area lately, thinking it’ll be more interesting, more chance of seeing some hot chicks, who knows. So I had resistance to that and I just went the other way, through a residential area, neighborhoods. Well it’s finally nice weather and I actually saw more people out in the neighborhoods. There was even a skinny blonde in a black dress walking her dog. She picked up on me just vibing. She was probably single or at least not attached. I was getting all the good body language and vibes. She was doing some primping and doing that thing women do where they can check you out but you might miss it if you don’t have a trained eye kind of thing. But I wasn’t feeling my most confident, I still get surprised when I would say hot chicks are into me. Especially like a skinny blonde, I don’t have that in my book of experiences. And it’s not my typical what I would think of as my type. I just make note because the other day at the bank there was a skinny lighter haired woman walking in. She had some tattoos on her legs but there was some mutual curiosity there. But I haven’t made any moves yet, and it’s not been ideal situations. Like when you’re in you’re car how are you gonna open someone anyway? ’

And then further down the way some younger dudes were walking by, one of them was looking at me he caught my vibes somehow and I can’t say what but maybe he was just curious or just maybe a well I don’t have the words. Like sometimes you see someone and you’re like struck by something about them. Maybe just their vibe or something.

#179

Day 3 15 mins KB 4, 3 mins new LB.

I think this cycle could end up being healing yet. Or I’m hoping for at least a mix of the things all coming together and healing this cycle.

I feel like some Daredevil is the missing ingredient at this point, though I am still committed to my current stack. There is not a title that I’m willing to give up or switch out yet. Plus I haven’t made new Primal a regular in my stack yet, it’s still 1x a week. So I think when I add new Primal into my stack in a normal rotation, that could bring on whatever I think Daredevil could provide.

Just now I was looking through the new Dragon Reborn Gold copy and though like somebody said it could be the closest thing to a multi-stage Chosen; I’m just not going for it at this time. I absolutely loved some of the things in Chosen and especially the quality and type of woman I was attracting yet for whatever reason I didn’t think the leadership and all the attention was for me just yet. I feel like Primal is more working on my inner game and finding my internal freedom first.

So my plan kind of changed now. I think I will bring new Primal on board as regular rotation. I’ll go 15 mins then the next two listening days will be 30 seconds. That will be my new listening routine.

I’ll give myself time with Primal in regular rotation and then that’ll give me a better idea of whether or not to try out Daredevil sooner. 4 cycles of new Primal and then test out Daredevil and I can always come back to Primal if I prefer it but Daredevil will probably help shake things up for me where I need them. Because Primal is about that internal freedom but it’s also about sexual, and as much as I wanted that of course, the more social oriented base will benefit me. I’ll already have plenty of the romance/seduction covered but Daredevil could be the key to unlocking more if that expression for me.

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#180

Day 4 No listening.

Still feeling light, so far, like 15 mins of KB 4 was not too much for me. Only the first listen of it though.

I made it to page 25 of this book The Energy of Money, by Maria Nemeth. It kind of brings things more practical in terms of taking something from the metaphysical (energy/formless) into the physical. And it brings home that it’s not you just think the good thoughts and good things happen. Like say if i have positive thoughts of money then money will just come to me. It’s that money comes to you from the action you take. Like you create the product and market it and sell it etc.

For me it’s a better book than I thought it was going to be. I thought it was going to be a book that I’d just have to force myself to read, but I do feel like it’s helping me see things in a new way already. It’s a bit of the idea of setting a goal with the how included rather than setting a goal and just following inspiration or letting life be the way. Like Sedona Method would say I allow myself to have an extra 10K.

And this way seems to be I allow myself to have an extra 10k by doing this this and this, which is what Sedona tells you not to do. In my personal experience it’s more surrender experiment than what I want. Life is not limited and anything I come up with is going to be limited, so it’s about learning to be in life’s flow rather than make life flow to where I want. Although Sedona has you do action steps. What’s an action step I can take to achieve this goal? Then you release or clear on that so there’s no resistance. Then you naturally take the right actions. That’s like why I’ve gotten into a lot of procrastination around things I want because there’s still that resistance and holdback, and forcing in the long run can be exhausting and draining. But when I’ve released the resistance it’s like effortless and just coincidence and things happen and I may have to work hard too but it’s not hard work to me kind of thing.

Another thing is this book says it’s about clearing the metaphysical first then you act. Which is still on board with how I like to operate. You clear out the limiting beliefs energy, or monkey mind as this book calls it. Then you act in the world.

I’m sticking to the same routine as previous cycles with KB. I think things could definitely get interesting in stage 4 so I’ll just keep everything the same as originally planned. I’m still not sure how or why KB will benefit me but stage 4 brings everything together. For me it’s just less concrete than say a wealth title or a fitness titles or something with a strong focus. I’m an energy guy for sure but it’s still that I’m finding my way how to work with that aspect. I think energy is one thing and then there’s the part where you still gotta do the groundwork. You can energetically be appealing but you still have to talk to the woman and seal the deal.

#181

Day 5 30 seconds KB 4, 3 mins new LB.

I woke up today from a good dream. In the dream I got a job doing some temp cleaning work. So I was cleaning this empty office, just vacuuming. And it appeared to be attached to another area, almost like a mall. In retrospect had I become lucid I could have went exploring lol. So I get done with the cleaning and there was nobody around, then the boss or something came as I was leaving to lock up the place.

Then all of the sudden it was like people were showing up so we had to wait. I was just standing there waiting. Then I noticed that inside there was another small work space. Maybe a salon or something. There was a hot woman, more my type, and I’d be surprised to see a woman like that around where I live but anything is possible. So she saw me through the window and she liked me. I knew she like my eyes and eyebrows or something. So I noticed my own reflection of my eyes in the window. Then I woke up lol. So now I’m kind of in a good mood. Feeling good again. So to me I broke through another level and that recon has now provided some greener grass.

I haven’t listened yet. It doesnt’ seem like a big deal to listen to my subs but I will. Just kind of enjoying those good cozy feelings when you’re still waking up. Since I don’t have a strict schedule I’m just going to let go of more resistance and just let myself be and enjoy some good feelings, if its lazy that’s fine with me. That also seems to be a thing with creatives, they’re not strict with schedules and stuff because on some level they know that that creativity will show up when it does and that’s when they get to work to ride that sort of windfall.

I’ve had this book since 2012 and I remember I just had so much resistance and would try to force myself to read and learn things to get out it and live the life I wanted. That didn’t work so well. I think this book so far is kind of a right time thing. The energy of money by maria nemeth, I’m not saying I think I’m going to get rich but certainly gain new insights to help me move things along. I listened to The Science of Getting Rich like 20 times earlier this year, but it just didn’t click for me. I’ve been making longer posts in this journal and I think that helps me too. Just putting my thoughts down and helps me clarify things and I can’t point to like a specific thing it helps but journaling does seem to be a positive for some reason. I guess in a way it’s like throwing everything against the wall and finding what sticks. There’s no real rules to it and it just seems to help things flow better.

—Evening Update—

I finally skimmed through the Dragon Reborn Red thread. I’m impressed. I’m really thinking about running that before Khan now.

Also some nice little money synchronicities are coming in. Just unexpected things. Nothing major but it will keep me from waiting until my next pay day. One thing was an item that I was thinking about yesterday. I’ve had it up probably the whole year online for sale. Well somebody out of the blue messaged me about it, it’s not even listed anymore I think. Then my job that went to part time will be paying me this week and I though I would have to wait until after the 1st of July, that was our previous arrangement. But now I’ll go to weekly since I work less. I have started daily releasing on a money goal I’ve had. I missed a few days but I keep coming back to that and releasing on self love to start the day.

—End of Night Update—

I am pretty set on Dragon Reborn Red being my next sub. I’d like to continue to run DR and new Sanguine with it. I still have a couple cycles and a 30 day washout to go. So I don’t have to make anything concrete just yet. Also I’d wanted to focus on fun for the rest of the year but DRR looks like the full package I’ve been waiting for. It’ll be great and am kind of planning to run regular Khan after it. But maybe I’ll feel differently by then.

#182

Day 6 No listening.

I think my longer journal entries have gotta be that new Love Bomb scripting.

I haven’t really noticed anything that stands out in terms of relationships with Love Bomb. But there’s definitely been that inner healing I would say.

Yesterday I would say I was touching on bliss and joy again. So I’d say that was finally equivalent to some of the lows I was experiencing at times previously. I would say probably most of the healing was from new LB more than anything. Just going over the new LB objectives makes me go, yea that makes sense that I would have lows and recon while the changes were happening internally for me to be able manifest and express those objectives for myself.

Was laying in bed relaxing. I noticed some vibrational sensation in my area, we’ll say the root chakra area. So the noticing of subtle energies has already been happening after just two listens of KB 4. After my first listen I was noticing a vibration sensation in my throat area that felt good. And just some general subtle goodness in the body.

I think I will save Dragon Reborn Red to start off the new year with. I don’t want to risk the recon during the end of the year with the holidays and possible extra stress anyway. So I’ll still plan on finishing out the year with Daredevil on a high/fun note.

I have also been feeling like I need more rest and again, haven’t gotten back into the exercise daily habit. I am able to read and learn though and focus on my inner work at times, but now that the previous wave of recon feelings is gone, it might be a good time to build a meditation habit.

Did some tapping on my resistance to working out. Didn’t do my workout immediately but I’m getting around to it now.

I started and just had some thoughts come up, like I feel this feeling that’s kind of always there and I was able to see that it comes from this thought/story/belief that they’re judging me. So it takes my focus away from me and what I’m doing and puts it on some perceived threat. That threat isn’t even a reality int his moment now! Just something I picked up when I was a kid and seeing how people were judgemental and prone to conflicts and things. Wanting to avoid it but all I would’ve had to do was check is that happening to me now? No. But instead I took on a limiting belief.

#183

Day 7 15 mins new Primal.

Primal is just calling to me today so I’m going to bump it up to 2x a week this cycle.

I also think some buffer room on KB 4 might be a good thing as well. Give it some breathing room since it seems to be working pretty good.

I did notice some recon this evening. I was starting to have the power struggles going on in the mind. Just old situations coming up with some anger. I didn’t have to fight with them though and it passed pretty quickly and smoothly, no residue. Wisdom and resilience prevailed.

No ill effects from my 15 mins of new Primal so far. I’ve been doing it for the last 3 cycles at 1x per week. But I finally felt like I wanted more of that Primal influence in the mix. Plus it could theoretically give a buffer for KB 4 and new LB. I think LB may have been the main culprit in terms of any recon.

Also I have been feeling drive and motivated lately. Like I want to get a job but all I can do is apply and contact people. At the same time I don’t want to feel like I’m trapped and stuck in a schedule. If nothing else that will probably end up getting channeled back into working out, learning, and doing my inner work. So I’ll be ready when the opportunity comes around.

Also: I’ve been noticing some change in the procrastination. Before it was all my workout, now it’s shifting to procrastinating running to the store and having a morning smoke and a drive. It’s like part of me is pulling me to stay put and get my workout in first. So that’s a change and sign that things are moving. Some change workers/coaches say that it’s less about right or wrong and good or bad sometimes and just a matter of getting things moving. Because when something changes that’s a sign that the old pattern is breaking up or at least changing so we’re going to at least get a new result.

Also: I have switched inspiration on my custom. I’m thinking a KB4, new Love Bomb custom. I’ll do my best to keep it tight, sticking with what I think are the necessity modules. I do plan to run the new Dragon Reborn Red as my next major, I’d just run the custom with DRR. So that kind of has me eyeing modules that are probably in the Sanguine territory. For a stress free, relaxed body and bulletproof mind.

I just got into it with a family member. All I did was ask how they were or something. Then they started into their story of misery. I made the mistake of holding the door of solutions and possibilities beyond that open. I got accused of playing the victim and made to feel bad. I bounced back really quickly. But I dunno, it kind of made me realize that some people really don’t want solutions. And I don’t like people generally because it’s complaining and what I call drama. I’ve always been willing to listen but I’ve been bad at remaining neutral, I tend to take on their feelings and I see that that’s not productive. So the best thing I can see is just to be okay with not engaging people. I’m not going to change them, sure I’d like to help them, but I need to keep in mind they may say they want help but deep down they don’t want help at all. Kinda like when a woman tells you the kind of man she wants, you be that and you find out that’s not who she wants to be with, but it’s just what she says.

I was feeling like I was ready to get back into relationship and friends etc. But now I’m kind of thrown for a loop. Is it really worth it? I don’t think so but when it comes down to practice, so far no, it’s not worth it. I see it as an opportunity to go deeper into what I really want. But it’s like damn, what now?! I feel like inner work is number one priority but also basically being a con man without stealing or hurting people is the way to go. So I can mix in the people world but I don’t have to be affected by it. Any titles for that?

I will say another insight rolled down the stream. It’s that I don’t feel rejected at all. In fact it shows me that I don’t care. That’s a positive in my book. If I had that with me throughout my most challenging times life would look very different at this point.

I haven’t been in any resistance since the bs earlier. Now things have kept flowing and I’ve even had some creativity come through, able to crack some jokes with internet friends.

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#184

Day 8 No listening.

Last night I had a headache but I was so tired I was able to sleep through it. I woke up earlier and it was still there slightly but I went back to sleep. It seems to be all gone now.

I had a dream where I was watching tv and there was company. So I went back downstairs to my bedroom. My bedroom had been emptied out and needed to be vacuumed. Some of my family had filled up the storage room behind my bedroom, there’s a door to that room. And I wasn’t happy about it so I yelled at them and I woke up.

I forgot that when I first started subliminals and whenever I’d start a new title I’d have these dreams like that where maybe my living space was being rearranged or even moving into a new place. So that second loop of Primal this week must have shifted things around.

I am feeling tired and I get 10 hours of sleep most nights. I never got to the less sleep as others have reported on Khan Black yet.

My little incident with a family member was about money. They were worried about money. Which is quite coincidental because I’ve been reading this book called The Energy of Money. The same thing the sections I read today talked about! That we don’t like to look at what we do with money, and it can make us crazy having to deal with it. I had it sitting in the bathroom and so the person saw it and maybe it was just a subconscious thing, got that person thinking about money and some situations that they got taken advantage of. Yet I could also see that had it happened to me they’d appear to have so much confidence and have so much to say that I should do, yet it happens to them and they act helpless and feel like they have no control, like they’re a victim! So that got projected on me.

Anyway it made me realize that I need to brush up on some communication strategies. I’ve got a basic set that I learned and have just stuck with. Basically like well if it happened to me, or here’s how I handled a similar situation. And instead of approaching people how they approach me it’s almost like I need to approach them how I want to be approached because they don’t like the approach they themselves use either, when it’s used with them! But that’s also not true in every case. So I see my error was appearing to lack empathy, yet empathy is what’s gotten me in so much trouble in the past.

#185

Day 9 15 mins KB 4, 3 mins new LB.

I have 2 customs, actually 3 (1 that I’ve never used, I was intimidated by it). I’m probably going to take a break from new LB next cycle and run only 2 titles, new Primal and KB 4. Then I still plan on 30 days off. Then I’m kind of thinking I’ll want to try out my customs again just for refreshers before I commit to Dragon Reborn and/or a new custom.

Noticing some anxiety coming on today. I have also been procrastinating on doing the regular errands lately and being around people. So some rubber band effect going on, some pulling back. The two steps forward one step back kind of thing, but at this point I think it’s just part of the process sometimes.

Noticing that despite having anxiety and not wanting to be around people, I’m still in good spirits and not putting any pressure on myself while I’m at home. So it guess it’s kind of that process of mixing and/or transmuting.

I’ve had these brain overload symptoms (just happens when I get into overload territory) that first came up back when the subs were where you could basically listen 8 hours +. So after trying something new I can say that yea that headache I had the othernight was probably an overload symptom. Feeling extra tired too.

So I’m going to go back to what I’ve been doing. 1x week I’ll do Primal and I’ll keep alternating KB 4 between 15 mins and 30 seconds (I could tweak it but I don’t want to overthink things right now) I’ll keep new LB at 3 min loops.

I do want to switch up to having Primal be the priority title. But I could try to find the balance between all three and find that sweet spot. For me that would mean starting all titles at 30 seconds and just increasing 30 seconds until I get into recon territory. But for now new Primal goes back to 1x a week I’ll just be patient with it.

I would say Love Bomb kicked in and had like a half hour good conversation with the same person I had a problem with the other day. I think they saw their own BS and sometimes I forget how raising in consciousness isn’t always easy for a great majority of people. It involves in seeing through our own BS first of all, and that’s not a fun thing. Until it is. But the half hour or 40 minutes just flew by in to time. I noticed that I wasn’t resisting anything and that Love Bomb was probably working it’s magic somehow.

Then I went back to being by myself. I think if anything I’ll finally trade out new LB for Heartsong next cycle. I think it could be the most beneficial thing in terms of finding some close friends if not my soulmates. I think if I found my woman that’d be fine at this point. I’m not big into going out anyway, more of a homebody. It still seems I have some sort of journey into the financial success realm, but Heartsong is probably long over due for me anyway.

#186

Day 10 No listening.

I’m probably going to microloop this week after my brush with overload. Half way there. So far it seems like the first half of this cycle has flown by.