I think my journal should be recategorized into custom journal because I’ll mainly use custom for a long time
Third day of loops under my custom
I’m definitly starting to grind a bit on the edge of ZP recon
Feeling like I’m framed out of every single desire I have by some uncountrollable force
And yet thanks to meditation and the fact that I went 1 on 3 off and 1on 5off before this actual pattern
I was able to structure some good defense and results
Wich leads me to appreacite the uncounfortable moment for what it is without identifying myself to it
Knowing deep down that it’s just a phase
I keep dreaming about a family member for the last week or so I don’t know what I’m supposed to make out of it tho, I’ll try reaching to him at some point who knows
Honestly the module Endocrine system is really a lil wonder too
Like I know I have a healthy life style eating complete meal 3 times a day, no sugar intake appart from fruits or some bits of chocolate (85% cacao so guuud)
And try my best to tick 8 hours of healthy sleep
But bro when I look at the mirror how could I want to workout when I see such a good level of athletic/muscular all well balanced without doing any real workouts for so long
Plus my cardiovascular health is pretty good with 55BPM when resting thanks to meditation
Like damn the health 
This module definitly helped me
Because when I started my custom I was starting to loose some muscle a bit beyond the athletic look (yeah normal I guess) and now I seemed to have gained them back and even a bit further
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I’ve recently noticed that I gained the ability to visualize ‘’ depth’’
I don’ t know why but I just noticed it at some point, I was so used to use my imagination but only seing 2D that I shook myself like damn
Even with eyes closed
It’s still a work on progress but now I don’t know why I wasn’t able before it feels so natural and weird not to try to visualise more and more that way
It pretty much gave me more ‘’ realness’’ to any visualisation work and make it feel closer to actual “reality”
I’m about to play my 5 th loop on normal pattern
Today I had an immense sense of hapiness and love with some spice of bliss
I literraly felt the power of those emotions pouring out of my being
Gained the certainty that ultimately I want to become a beacon of such feelings
My way to shine I guess
I’m still reaping my skull in half as for deciding how to handle my future custom I’m so glad it’s not for right now because damn the ammount of thought that I have to put in is tirring
Cores (A sun has to decide to shine) :
- Mind’s Eye
- God Like Masculinity/ + Sage immortal ?/ + Love Bomb ?
Pure masculine strengths - Chaos bender :
- Power Awareness
- Steadfast
- Vortex dive crucible
- Immortals Courage
- Furious Ascent
/ Immortal’s Blade (confirmed module)/ ̶F̶e̶n̶r̶i̶r̶ (steadfast will carry over that aspect with vortexdive crucible)
Stillness Master :
- Everpresent
- Flow
Unlimited Emotion Unlocker :
- +Depth of love ?*
- Emo Unfiltered
- The wonder
Spiritual Sun maker/igniter :
- Awakened perception
- Mystery
- Faith unweilding
- Bluesky
Growth Boosters :
- Deus
- Tyrant
- Mountain Breaker
I still want big PP so does a sun :
- Male enhancement
Currently sitting at 21+ module but not fenrir anymore
I’m starting to bang my head against the wall 
If only the limit was 23 
I’d have my perfect monstruosity of spiritual sub
I’d need nothing else for the whole year or maybe just update the build if better fitting module appear every 6 month
Imma cry in the corner of my room
What would make the difference to you to help you decide which modules to put in?
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Honestly I don’t know
I think I’ll remove GLM core for now because I work on those qualities with : Steadfast, Power awareness, Immortal Courage, Furious Ascent
I’m still ± 22 modules
And I kind want to keep everything else 
I know it’s not recommanded to have three cores but from what I remember they’re all quite light and would work in perfect synergy from every module present (Mind’s eye, Sage Immortal, and Love Bomb)
Plus when I look at the current built
My Third eye is shouting to me “that’s it it’s perfect”
(honestly even GLM would fit perfectly too)
Also today’s update after my 6th loop last night
I feel like trash yet I feel perfectly okay with it
So it could be worse I guess
Meditating is just not the easiest thing to do right now
So even in recon I feel… Good ?
Disconfort feels okay
I think it stems from the starfilled night Wich really has put some sort of filter on my perception of reality as a whole
It makes me feel like everything is somewhat ‘’ new’’ and aesthetic? I’ m not sure to be able to put precise word on that feeling it’s too subtle
Plus the modules on love like bluesky and depth of love are making the process soothing, what I call process is the fact that I’m changing literally my whole life that I’m laying brick by brick, day by day, no rest days
Yet even if everyday looks a bit the same or if life feel a bit slow in general, I still enjoy those feelings, it looks good and feels good
Recon that feels good, I have been there numerous times. I try my best to describe it but never sure I’m doing it justice. For me however good wears off and then it’s just regular recon.
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I seem to stay more in th “feel good” part than the other one
I think it comes from the fact that my perception of those types of feelings had changed thereof
Can’t really be experienced fully negatively, at least not when it’s at that intensity
I don’t remember returning to the full on recon “feel bad” at all so far since I started once again the classical patern, even if it was more intense compared to what I was on (1on 3 off or 1 on 5 off)
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Also everytime I woke up I have this feeling that nothing is the same no matter how similar everything is a bit like when you return to your home the first day after a really really long trip, you know it’s your home yet it doesn’t feel like
It’s a bit weird to have that feeling everytime you woke up
Yet it feels really cool like a breath of fresh air
I really enjoy that effect
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I noticed that today (the day right after my loops of both custom and AC) in my long meditation
I had non-stop surge of ideas and plans to devellop
It juts couldn’t stop
everytime I focused on my meditation, after only a few seconds I would go into a mental explosion of ideas/vision/projection no matter how hard I tried to stay on track
My brain was vomiting creativity I swear
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8th loops in
My dreams are looking so realistic that I forget that I’m dreaming Wich is not an usual thing
I’m used to instinctively knowing that I’m dreaming to some degree
Well I say realistic yet so many weird things happen, I’d say that it looks real because it is more ‘’ clear’’ not especially vivid but’ ‘clear’ ’ yes that’ s the word
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I had a really intense session of dreaming last night with many indicators that I’m processing negatives stuff that happened during this last year
Also I had a few metaphor representation for me going the right direction and that I just need to keep up what I’m currently doing
Asides from the dreaming
I feel like I’m being carried by the whole existence spectrum toward a better life, I just need to take a few actions every now and then while keeping some discipline toward the greater goal everyday
Honestly I’m really enjoying how I feel right now
It’s a mix between happiness, peace, curiosity and excitement
I still have tensions in my body (mainly back muscle a’d jaw muscle) because I still have a lot to go through but appart from that I feel really good
I really love how everything seems to make more and more sense to my eyes, the more time passes the more it gets better especially the day in Wich I’ll listen to my loops at night
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Seing that ‘’ vision’’ take shape everyday a little bit more is Trully a bliss
It’ s like I’m watching the movie of my own life taking place in live
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Absolutely a reality shifting effect 
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Did my 10th loops
Priapus dream + AC
For about a month I’ve eliminated a LOT of dopamine source, reduced social media to strict minimum, only watching a bit YouTube is everything is done for the day (what a hard source of divertissement and knowledge lol), I’d like to note more of them but I’m already pretty low on those source of dopamine I’ve eliminated them over the last 5 years slowly but surely and this journey is slowly coming to an end
But it’s seing my productivity rise to unprecedent unmatched level, I’ve become a LOT more daring in my everyday life, I just have to grow all the time lol
I’m setting up pathways for money, slowly but surely, brick by brick, not cowarding and hiding in half-done things like I used to unconsciously do for the last few years
I’m feeling a bit weird but it smells magic in the air, so I know I’m on the right path and that I’m transforming myself into a miracle machine
I’m starting to really feel safe by my side
Wich is a weird thing to say
But it should’ve always been that way
I don’t understand how I could live without this feeling of self generated security and strength, no matter what I did or improvement I had It has only recently been the case
As I’m writing this I have a few tears rising
It does feel great
It’s been a Melior’s update
Feet deep in the earth taking roots,
Heart pumping the fire of life,
Head in the sky looking at the cosmos to ever greater realities
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