Sunday again. One way or another, this has come to serve as a day of reflection. Itās typically not an eventful day, and it appears today will follow that trend. So here I am.
Itās not too long before I turn another year old and Iāve been thinking a bit about the progress Iāve made so far. Iāve thought about that for a long time. Being worried that Iām too far behind, that Iām not going to catch up. That Iām already as old as I am yet I still am not where I want to be. āItāll take too long.ā Iāve spent basically an entire year of my life during the pandemic and in that time itās been very self-centered. Itās good since Iāve been getting better at my career and in also developing some new practices. In fact, some of those practices did change up the game a lot. Discovering manifestation during my run of Man For Himself allowed me to awaken a greater power through which I am currently writing my life. Still, by the end of last year I felt I was far behind. Here I present some thoughts and feelings from that time.
- Despite Khan being such a great sub on paper, I didnāt get much out of it, yet. (Itās too bad we went into lockdown a month after I started it)
- Counter: Itās understandable for not much to come of it during lockdown, and when I still had much to clear out.
- Despite SCās subs being so powerful, I am not making or noticing big changes that quickly.
- Some journal entries show otherwise; take account of the wins!
- Despite the focus on social improvement for so long, I havenāt made satisfying progress.
- Counter: I actually HAVE made quite a bit a progress, itās that Iāve shifted goalposts since the beginning quite a bit.
- Despite all the focus on inner work, I donāt think it amounted to that much in real life. It just sounds good that I THINK I think a certain way.
This last point was the kicker, because itās possible that not much has changed under the hood despite intellectually knowing how to do better.
When I saw some videos about how everything arises from our identity (our thoughts and beliefs), I tried to tackle that directly. Try to see myself as a more socially successful being, for example. Or think that the past doesnāt determine the future and that the stuff that happened when I was younger doesnāt matter much now. Trying to make these kinds of changes using affirmations or by a naive use of the Law of Attraction didnāt really stick. At the same time, with me being a goal-oriented individual I worked hard towards some goals, like becoming fit, studying to get the right job, etc. The hard-working ethos that I have embodied for so many years HAS bore great fruits. After all, I did land my exact desired job and am paid fairly well. Mixing hard work with smart work has also been effective. For example, using a combination of intermittent and extended fasting to lose a LOT of weight quickly. So to be fair to myself, Iāve been quite successful in a number of ways so far.
That said, I yearn to succeed more in other regards. Perhaps itās the mentality of becoming good at everything that has caused more consternation than necessary. Iād like to have an inner circle of people in my life, as well as a very strong support network. Iād like to be spiritually successful and accomplished. Itās in these things that I feel Iāve had a lot of blocks that have been hard to overcome. At the same time, I donāt feel the classic āworking hard at itā approach works well in these regards. I was getting pretty tired of that by the time the pandemic started.
Itās when Dragon Reborn started (and with DR ST3 especially) did my sentiment about being able to change quickly picked up. The first two stages broke down so much and as I run Dragon Flight, I find myself becoming more and more confident in my ability to enact the changes Iād like in my life. With Dragon Flight, Iāve seen in myself more of a āYES I CAN and WILLā attitude about being able to accomplish certain things. Knowing about the existence of even more powerful tools from SC coming in the near future, I feel that Iām going to make progress at such an astonishing rate that Iāll just stop worrying about this stuff. I even get the feeling that āItās going to happen this year.ā I got the vaccine recently and that lifted me up.
- DR ST1 (Done)
- DR ST2 (Done)
- DR ST3 (In-Progress; April - May)
- DR ST4 (Planned; June - July)
You know, I donāt expect today to be a highly productive day. Thatās fine. I know these kinds of ups and downs are a part of our living. I can work with that. Keeping in mind the larger narrative I carry as well as knowledge of the steps Iāve been taking and the wins Iāve been getting on the previous days, I know not to quickly fall into despair and despondency. Right now, Iām thinking that those loops of DR ST3 Qv2 must be processing in the background so I can expect to be changing even now. People say we are constantly changing beings, but in a sense of mindset/beliefs I doubted whether thatās the case. Using the current method that is Dragon Flight, however, Iām inclined to believe that I AM constantly changing. Iām not stagnating. Iām not standing still. Iām ascending.