Been really enjoying the book āRethinking Narcissismā
Day 19 ~ full loops of both titles
Woke before my alarm and donāt remember my dreams.
Did some lovely yoga. Walked outside barefoot.
Yesterday I came home to several emergency response workers next door. Multiple police cars, ambulances and fire fighters.
I had a really bad feeling.
One of my neighbours died unexpectedly in the home. She had 2 boys with one being same age as my son. She was just 33.
I sent the family distant reiki.
That really brought perspective to me about making each day count and practicing more gratitude.
I also felt like I needed to raise my vibration yesterday. Almost like I was stuck in a lower frequency to connect with other people or something.
I want to get out of this town asap but it almost feels impossible. Like Iām stuck.
I see how I have some wealth and money blocks.
My mind goes right to āthe cost of living is so high!ā For the 1% the cost of living isnāt so high though.
Gotta get my head on right. š«£š³
Wtf am I doing with my life ?!?!
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Wash out has begunā¦
Phoenix has been āwreckingā me emotionally, but Iām handling it pretty well. Things I tried to keep repressed simply cannot be anymore. Itās time to transmute and evolve.
Itās gone very deep into my ocd behaviours and tendencies. Hyperfocus on certain thoughts and patterns. I have also noticed my most dominate beliefs on things I observe daily.
Iām glad to have this awareness.
I was noticing where people werenāt successful with their endeavours. Where people werenāt getting it and not understanding my teachings.
I was essentially manifesting lack. I did some reframing and revision work on it yesterday in my journal. Reviewed it today.
I fell into this depressive state and went to bed early the other night. I didnāt want to do any mom duties. Had this fuck off attitude. Leave me alone donāt wanna be bothered type thing. Retreat to my bear cave.
I was feeling a bit more jumpy and more easily startled by noises and movements.
Last night I tossed and turned having semi lucid dreams. Not much recall though.
Iām at the end of my 28/29 day menstrual cycle and itās almost āsheddingā time, which explains some of what I may be experiencing emotionally. These subs are powerful, which means Iāve gotta take extra special care of myself. Especially as a woman with fluctuating hormones and all that metal. (Not jazz) 
I have been experiencing much different engagement on my socials with my regular followers/supporters. Theyāve been stepping up their questions and itās been giving me healthy challenge cognitively.
I mentioned above how I was assuming people donāt get it or it doesnāt come easy to them. Now I am assuming they get it, theyāve got it and it all comes easily and naturally. My teachings are understood by most rather than by not many.
Iāll keep exploring this consciously.
I donāt want to say that itās higher conscious thinking in a way thatās making me superior, but it is higher conscious thinking. Maybe 1-5% of people understand grasp and apply what I am teaching. Itās a daily practice as well. We are both human and divine. We will have our humanely moments. We are perfectly imperfect. 
After my depressive evening the other night, I woke up and made a video and 2 shorts for YouTube. I made a video today as well. Already made the thumbnails and posted quickly.
Itās like Iām riding a wave, surfing. 
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Day 3 of wash out.
Holy facking dreams all night!
I got up before my alarm and went for a walk with the sunrise. Decided to make 2 shorts/reels for my socials as I walked.
My reiki client told me she had a vision of me being famous and swears itāll happen. I started seeing myself on stage and feeling myself having that experience. The feeling of doing something great poured over me again.
A friend asked if I wanted to partner up and open a cafe/deli. I used to dream of doing something along those lines but I wouldnāt want to be locked down as a worker. Iād have an amazing team of employees and what not.
I pulled the Phoenix oracle card along with prosperity and family.
I got 100ās of views on my latest shorts today in a very short period of time.
I have also gained 40 new subscribers since adding in SB!
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Iām contemplating on a 3 sub stack where I listen to each sub only once per week with weekends off.
For example:
Monday ~ SB
Tuesday ~ Rest
Wednesday ~ Phoenix
Thursday ~ Rest
Friday ~ Seductress
Saturday & Sunday ~ Rest
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These wash out dreams are insane.
Fragmented pieces from my past blending in with the present.
I got a new reiki client yesterday through a moms group.
More subscribers and engagement on my YouTube.
A famous female musician followed me on IG yesterday. Sheās always been a huge inspiration of mine. I thought maybe she could be inspired by me too. I met her twice at shows over the years.
Iām becoming more disciplined with my thinking and how much I engage with unideal stuff.
Daily practice.
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Day 1~ Beginning a new cycle as follows:
Once per week listening to the following subs together full loops:
- Stark Black
- Seductress
- Phoenix
I will do this for 3 weeks followed by a wash out and go from there.
I will journal about my experiences and successes.
I wrote out some affirmations for myself that I feel are good friendly reminders:
I freely and easily release the old and joyously welcome the new.
Letting go is easy.
As I release the past, the new and fresh and vital enter. I allow life to flow through me.
I lovingly forgive and release all of the past. I choose to fill my world with joy. I love and approve of myself.
I choose to enjoy my life.
I am a creative visionary.
I am healthy and whole.
It is safe to be the amazing and outrageously talented successful woman that I am.
I use my power wisely.
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Iāve never been into reciting daily affirmations but I picked one up from a video a month ago and I love it, been doing it three times waking up and going to bed, very soothing and helps me let go deeply:
I am who I am and that is enough.
3 full loops back to back sound intense, you might want to use that listening day as a special āme timeā day with plenty of space for digestion and integration of the subs.
Iām curious about this listening pattern, Iām looking forward to your experience.
Good luck on your journey!
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Itās a day where I have my daughters, but I am kid free in the evening until tomorrow evening.
I used to listen to 3 subs together full loops every other day in the early days. 
Iām looking forward to the gap in between listening to digest and integrate.
I listened to a full cycle of full loops every other day of Phoenix & SB, and listened to seductress for well over a year full loops.
I feel this will be good.
I was having some intense feelings yesterday. I feel like I went back in time ~ 2018-2020 for healing purposes. The fear of falling back to those ways freaked me out.
I just read them when I feel like it.
Nice to glance at for a reminder.
I see so youāre pretty warmed up on all these scripts.
I donāt need to tell you because you already know it but Iāll also remind myself by saying that the bad and the good of the past can never be the same again at any other time because of the constant growth happening in every cell of this universe.
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I posted a short on YouTube that was about my dream and got almost 300 views almost instantly. Wowza!
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Day 2 ~ rest
My dream world was all over the place until suddenly I noticed this woman placed 2 microphones down for me and another person to be interviewed or something.
What I thought was something troublesome turned into something completely different and unexpected.
I went to see a movie last night which had visual and auditory subliminal messages in it. This women was hypnotized and had forgotten her total identity as she became someone completely different.
She began to write books based off her actual memories unknowingly. Thatās wild!
I went into recon land a little bit thinking how subs are bad for me and then suddenly shifted to all evidence that proves otherwise.
Woke before my alarm appreciating the bird song out my window and the sun rising.
Just made 3 shorts for YouTube.
Cleaning a new clients house today with a dear friend of mine. I feel less dread about cleaning. Iām bringing in money. I am connecting with new people.
Opportunities are everywhere.
I revisited Dr Joe Dispenza yesterday and a bit this morning. I enjoy his work but see where you can get stuck in overwhelm if you donāt get the bigger picture behind his process.
Itās a tool. Useful or not useful. Take it or leave it.
I noticed how I created a story about technology which turned into a habit and eventually formed a state where I think I canāt do certain things related to tech. Thatās bs!
Iām going to work on my thinking about tech and shift into the woman who is fully capable and doing the things.
As I acknowledged my story and excuses I found all the ways I have been good with tech and someone pointed out how quickly I picked up making YouTube thumbnails. Iām doing many things I couldnāt before.
Creating a website with a store and getting better with marketing things are on my bucket list.
Iāve gotta get some digital products out into the World Wide Web!
I want it to be a regular experience for me to wake up to money in my bank that came while sleeping.
I miss teaching yoga online. I took a pause over the Christmas holidays. Iāve started incorporating more yoga into my content.
Someone reached out yesterday asking if Iām still teaching on Sundays. They inquired about distant reiki and my yin yoga videos for sale.
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That was a great movie!
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I got on the stark black train too! triple stacking with heartsong and primal seduction.
Why did you think subs were bad for you? The only reason I can think of is maybe getting into a loop of constantly buying new ones (kind of like what I did but Iāll probably come to a stop considering I found the perfect stack) and giving them too much weight/time of the day.
That they harm my mind or something.
Damage it.
I know this isnāt true.
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