A Northern Power (Not Nice)

Journals - Major Programs
#403

@RagnarLothbrok To add to what Malkuth is saying here. I read a book recently with the term healing fantasy. It’s basically a very simplistic fantasy children create when younger when dealing with troubling situations and they spend their entire adult lives thinking if they fulfill it that it’ll fix everything.

That being said, untangling the true desire vs the healing fantasy can be pretty difficult at times and disorienting. You’ll probably need a period of time where you rebuild your relationship with martial arts but it’s possible it can grow and strengthen into something even more powerful than that fear and anxiety fuel.

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#404

There’s more to this.

The term ‘fantasy’ often carries an implicit disparagement.

‘I was foolish and naive.’
‘I was living in a fantasy.’
‘Now I’ve grown up and it’s time to face reality.’

These statements obscure a very crucial point. We are in fact creatures of fantasy. We live in webs of meaning, and, at best, those webs of meaning are at least partly intentionally and deliberately shaped.

The problem is not living in a fantasy. It’s living in the wrong fantasy.

With time, growth, and inner strength, we take on the role of contributor to the fantasies we inhabit.

We update and upgrade our fantasies.

Another word for ‘fantasy’ is ‘belief’. Another word for ‘updating’ is ‘learning’.

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#405

Very good point. I agree, mature expansive fantasies are the best possible avenue for exploring life.

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#406

From Sub Club I used Phoenix, that helped massively in processing the past through the lens of today. Outside of this forum, the best techniques Ive ever used is Emotion Code, Theta Healing and a series of energy healing videos by Vibration Elevation.

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#407

I see. Thanks for sharing. At times, it feels like c-ptsd is an endless challenge. Most of the time I dont see a way out of it. It’s reassuring to know that Phoenix has proven to be helpful for you.

Usually when I listen to subs I become very dissociated, making it very difficult to process the subliminal. Was that ever a problem for you with Phoenix?

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#408

Just read through from the start of the year to now. I wasn’t going to workout today because I haven’t been feeling up to it. But reading your journal gave me some spark and now i must do my workout!

I’m also going to test out Phoenix. I decided on CFW but Phoenix deserves my attention first. So that’s what I’ll be doing next cycle.

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#409

Suggestions in a sub are normally dissociated from your current state, sounds normal to me.

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#410

As stated above, using outside tools for therapy have cracked the code further in trying to get onto a solid platform for further growth.

I’m at the point now where I can suss out what to expect. Some of the things I’ve learned in this healing journey:

  • Most energy healing modalities are super effective for complex emotional trauma

  • Subliminals are only useful for “normal”, trauma free individuals with a stable base.

  • Confidence is the supreme root of all success, bar none. Self esteem is the foundation of confidence and is even more important to have.

  • Knowing yourself and your talents will go very far in life.

Plugging away listening to Ascension for the best part of 3 years trying to correct a whole host of traumatic episodes, faulty beliefs and regrets was the wrong decision. However, once those other issues got sorted out, Ascension starts to work brilliantly:

  • Since there’s no feeling of being unsupported, the confidence needed to be assertive can now be found

  • Speaking back at individuals (for good or bad) is a lot easier, I can say what’s on my mind

  • As there’s no self abuse feelings going off, relations with others seem to be a lot more pleasant and joyous.

So the lesson for me is don’t get stuck - use the tool that gives the biggest ROI at any given moment.

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#411

What about healing subliminals?

#412

Like reiki?

#413

No one is trauma free

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#414

This isn’t true. People with a history of trauma tend to project their own experiences out into the world, but I guarantee you there are plenty of people living trauma free lives.

Struggles? Yes. Emotional upsets? Definitely. We’re all human. But trauma specifically is a reaction to events. Not the events themselves. And along with it causing a bunch of dysfunction.

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#415

Nowhere near as effective. Phoenix, DR and Regeneration can take months for someone loaded with C-PTSD, the right energy healing techniques resolve this within weeks.

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#416

What could be great with energy healing/psychology might be Khan Black. I haven’t gotten to stage 2 yet but that’s where you’re supposed to be able to become more sensitive to energy and also be able to direct it.

The second stage of The Crucible focuses on fortifying your energetic channels, enabling you to handle and direct the immense sexual energy that will soon course through your body. As you progress through Tempering of the Currents, you will naturally become more attuned to the subtle energies within and around you, and your ability to consciously control these energies will increase exponentially.

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#417

Very interesting.

#418

Still living paycheck to paycheck, working really hard (for shit pay) and still being subservient to my partner and others.

I don’t know why I keep wanting to be on the surviving rung of the ladder, maybe its an addiction to seeking help when all the energy blocks are gone. It’s why I haven’t touched Emperor or Khan just yet, they seem to be next level alpha.

However the teaching side gig is ramping up and I just don’t have the chops to retain the students attention (I’m a newbie).

So I keep thinking about maybe stacking Ascension with Chosen.

I also don’t think I’m a good person either - like an emotional blood sucker. Do I have enough to contribute to others? Money, emotional support, attention. Did I have enough growing up to want to share? It might be getting used to my needs being fulfiled after post traumatic healing. Maybe I need to be selfish for a while - to start exercising independence and assertiveness before I can give?

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#419

@Michel : That is highly toxic and highly damaging self-talk.
It is of the highest importance that you stack Love Bomb and Love Bomb For Humanity for a solid amount of time.

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#420

This is it 100%. It’s probably not selfishness. It’s probably shame being triggered with healthy emotional needs and it feels wrong. I’m there with you man, unraveling it is tough. Just remember it’s not you, those thoughts are the direct result of the abuse you had experienced.

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#421

@Michel,

When I read your reply earlier, I immediately thought of the reselience scripting in the most recent subs. I’ve been on Stark Black and Phoenix, and both have that scripting in them.

I thought of that when you questioned your teaching ability. I was a teacher too, and I seriously questioned myself before my 3rd year started. My old ways of relating to kids was exhausting me, so I brought in a little courage to set the stage. It worked in other settings, it was never “hard”, and when I began being more honest with students, it was beautiful. Just being myself was so much easier.

Concerning speaking up for myself now, I’m wondering about Emperor again. I’m working with a guy who critiques everything, and insists he’s right. I’m tired of being voiceless around emotional jerks. Will see. (Emperor is big with the resilience scripting too.)

I thought I’d drop this in here since I read your journal regularly.

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#422

Switching between Ascension, Chosen and Godlike Masculinity.

Being a part time teacher in between having a long menial second job is like sitting on a sharp fence, one side with potential and growth involved, but the other as a means of base survival… So I cannot quite settle on a complete stack that would take care of being boldly confident whilst having an approachable and neutral aura.
I also worry that Chosen isn’t “alpha” enough but GLM and Ascension would be too far in the dominating direction. :confused:

The aim I need to get clear on is just developing confidence to eventually kick on and do the destined job of the Master Teacher. Right now I’m still too soft spoken, which works in a classroom setting but not so much in the hostile environment of the menial job.

(There’s also customs… :joy:)

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