A Northern Power (Not Nice)

Journals - Major Programs
#262

A few new things have happened

  • started a new art training course
  • moved to a much quieter shop
  • have a bit more money in my handšŸ’²

ST3 still has me chilled out and relaxed, rather weaning off the adrenaline addiction of expecting chaos and violence. Feeling bored is something I need to get used to, just to normalise peace. Still have to fight the urge to run away and towards whatā€™s ā€œcomfortableā€. Sometimes changing the environment is the first, biggest step to getting mentally healthier.

Expecting good things to happen, having loving people around me and pursuing my purpose ought to be the new norm from now on. Slowing coming out of my shellā€¦

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#263

Have you ever thought about how movies where people are getting traumatized and endangered are reframed, packaged, and sold to us as ā€œaction moviesā€ and ā€œentertainmentā€?

This is a deep insight!

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MALKUTH The Phenomenaut
#264

@RVconsultant this is why Iā€™ve started to watch less TV series and start on my new paid-for art course, whilst coping with the fear (from my partner) of pulling away from her.

What I didnā€™t realise about ST3 was

constant, profound releasing and relaxation of the old. You can expect yourself to feel more and more relaxed as time goes by, with greater and greater levels of energy

Iā€™ve been calling this relaxed state boredom, as if I had no right to be in a non-anxiety state. Maybe that needs to change.

you will also be supported by the Dragon Flightā€™s energy that opens your mind to grand possibilities

Mostly the things Iā€™m not happy about are also coming to the surface - why am I away from my old big city, living a 2.4 domestic life, working full-time, getting bored and having dominant women teach me about life.

What I really want is being free enough to be creating fantastic paintings and mixing it up in the in the art world.

(Of course both scenarios can still happen, just not yet).

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#265

What about running the new Ascension? How does it work for you, mate?

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#266

I gave Ascension ZP2 a trial run a few weeks ago and am still eagerly awaiting its upgrade.

Frankly, Iā€™ll need more than one cycle of Ascension to even feel a smallest of self respect - Iā€™m still far too passive with no boundaries, cannot reveal my true self without fear of disapproval and Iā€™m letting strong personalities pull me off my path. I may look masculine but my own energy is severely underdeveloped.

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#267

What are you planning on listening to over the next 10 days?

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#268

@Michel Running Dragon Reborn LD and Dragon Reborn St 1 right now.

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#269

@rvconsultant Iā€™ll need to finish up with DR ST3 for a cycle, whilst pairing it up with something, either a combination of Genesis, DR:LD or an alpha title. Something that will end the passivity and lack of masculinity.

@James I wouldnā€™t be brave enough to try LD with ST1, but that stack says force ā€œhard resetā€.

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#270

Thatā€™s exactly what I want

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#271

I think this is wise. Iā€™m guessing youā€™re aiming for DR st4.

I have been reading your journal over the past year or so.

What are your thoughts on running Genesis for 45 days (along with DR), then re-evaluate if DR:LD would be a next step?

What are your thoughts of running DR st4 with Genesis, then perhaps also adding DR:LD (so you are eventually running 3 titles)? I wonder if that combination would blow away so many limits (DR st4 and DR:LD) and orient your existential compass (Genesis), that by the time you pick an alpha title, running the alpha title will feel easy and natural, almost as though it was impatiently waiting for you to listen to it.

Which alpha titles are you considering?

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#272

@RVconsultant Ascension mostly. However it does seem like Iā€™ve been at that program for years without even meeting the objectives.

The thought of even doing prep work just to listen to an alpha title is sobering. Genesis however did plug in the gaps I was looking for in terms of drive and rooted confidence. Half healing, half building up a la @subliminalguyā€™s journey is actually desirable.

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#273

I would think that Ascension might be good to start at, but if you did, at what point would you start to re-evaluate? (After all if youā€™ve been at it for years, do you think DR:LD might help, or perhaps a different alpha title?)

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#274

I found it not desirable from my end. Moving into major change without having a clear mental focus discouraged me from maintaining it. One was all emotional and perspective driven (healing), and the other was primarily unemotional and logical (small business mindset). There was no real overlap.

For me, to have focus is similar to holding great treasure. I had not appreciated this before.

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#275

@RVconsultant if/when Genesis/LD does the business, Iā€™d give Ascension the usual 28 day cycle. Even then itā€™s hard to say when to continue after that. I guess having a self criteria like:

  • do I feel freer in expression?
  • am I still emotionally closed off?
  • is my confidence weatherproof?
  • am I still spineless?
  • do I still need approval from others?
  • are my boundaries rock solid?
  • can I pursue my own goals without kowtowing to more powerful others?

Hadnā€™t really considered other alpha titles - does leadership/being a hardass even seem viable yet? Would something like CFW or LFBH be a good pre-alpha sub?

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#276

I would think CFW would be a constructive title for preparing one for leadership. I think that is what itā€™s designed for. As for LBFH, yes. I found that LBFH leads the feelings of those around me towards acting kind towards others. I didnā€™t have to do much of anything.

I think the idea that someone has to be a hardass to be a leader/alpha, or to be overtly dominant or masculine to lead is a false idea.

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#277

@RVconsultant the idea would be finishing up ST3 alongside maybe Genesis/LD, then run ST4 with something else. But I wonā€™t know exactly what suits a stage until Iā€™m in it. It could be that ST4 is all I need, then a Dragon ā€œST5ā€ sub to build an alpha foundation. I donā€™t know because I never got to ST4.

Have to say ST3 is healing and firming me up to a good degree, giving me peace of mind, a new, less chaotic environment and a bigger wage packet. But thereā€™s always more to come.

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#278

Sound like you are on the right track.

Although I believe in planning, I think this is wise to be open to this because after a few more weeks of DR, you might have different ideas about what you might want to listen to.

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#279

Iā€™ve been consistently avoiding building ā€œself loveā€ up for a good length of time. Why tackle it has on when itā€™s easier to just believe the worst of who I am. After all, it came from my family, who am I to disagree?

Maybe Iā€™ll try DR3 and DR4 with LBH.

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#280

As someone who also struggles with self love I get it.

Itā€™s a process, a long ass process. And Iā€™m of the belief tackling it head on isnā€™t always the best option. Itā€™s really up to the individual and what they feel is best for themselves. Self love triggers anxiety in me. Running LBFH or love bomb was too much. When components of it are in other titles itā€™s tolerable.

My point is trust your own experiences. Not hitting self love directly can ironically be a form of self love because youā€™re looking out for your needs.

This shit is complicated. Each of us has our own life experiences. Sometimes something sounds good in theory, but in practice it doesnā€™t work for the individual because of their unique makeup.

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#281

To add to the self-love challenge, Iā€™ve been on Genesis solo this week, and Iā€™ve clearly noticed a part of me resisting loving myself.

It was like a dominant part of me saying ā€œwe donā€™t do that hereā€ while trying to shut the door to further discussion.

Iā€™m facing some recon today due to it, but this is a rest day. It activates, the opposition rises up, and Iā€™m looking for resolution.

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