Having trouble on LBFH

Questions and Comments
#5

That’s exactly what’s going on. I’m a target for others. I began seeing the driver yesterday as a “bully”, and I held my tongue all day. I wasn’t in the best state of mind, and I’d see good spots of him throughout the day. I was afraid of my anger, as I hold it in most of the time.

I’m thinking about your suggestion to run Kahn. Undecided yet, mostly due to old messages popping up. I did Stage 1 when it came out originally, and I had no glaring recon pop up like others did. I felt more confident.

I’ll share this. Do you know why I’m undecided as of yet? I’m used to following others’ lead vs. my own. Like whenever I feel unable (unwilling?) to do something, I’ve always looked for a leader to follow. That’s very, very true for me. And being angry–ooooo–don’t do that. Being nice has been an easy, uncomfortable outlet for that. I avoid conflict, but create it in myself with myself. How the F do I handle it in myself? I ask myself, honestly.

Thank you for sharing your reason for responding, having done it yourself.

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#6

Yeah. It points back to things I’ve known about and avoided. Doing something which worked for me would be very welcome since old ways are loud about reminding me it never worked.

I’m going to stay on a 4-day rest, knowing recon will surface. I’ll keep it simple like that. Maybe a 5 day washout. I’ve wondered since I began doing longer rest periods if the washouts would be nixed because of this. I’m sure someone has asked it already.

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#7

I hadn’t thought of them. Thanks @COWolfe.

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#8

This tells me that Chosen or CFW might be useful. I’ve not used either one in-depth enough to say which would be better.

I do know that others have said they’re basically completely different flavors from one another since CFW is so inward-looking.

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#9

I had Chosen in my DR customs. I’m unsure how it worked in there, but I wasn’t incredibly uncomfortable in social situations. Iron Frame helped out in that too since it cut down my reactiveness to people testing me.

Part of the reason DR was attractive to me was it incorporating the masculine characteristics. I rarely wrestled with my masculine image on a deep level. I felt more grounded and generally unafraid of things popping up.

@Invictus was right. It’s doing some major shifts in me, all simultaneously. I’m thinking I should work with this.

I even rewatched a YT video just now, remembering how weeks back (maybe months), I’d watched it and balled my eyes out. It’s an analogy of him feeling out of place, protecting himself constantly. He takes his mask off in the end (a space helmet in the video), and strangers he’d previously met welcomed him just as he was. I cried again.

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#10

That’s is a symptom of lack of self-love. Somehow, you subconsciously believe that you are worth less than other people. That’s why you’d rather put your trust in someone else. The truth is that most people are just as clueless about life as you are.
Leave LBFH in your stack forever. I haven’t seen a sub that comes close to that one as far as self-love is concerned.
I don’t care how many subs you run, if your self-love tank is empty, you’ll always be dissatisfied with your results. Self-love is the one thing everything else is built on.

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A Northern Power (Not Nice)
#11

I’m gonna pick points in your post and you tell me if I’m on or off the mark. I just want to help but I am guilty of projection at times.

First question. Did you hit this work week because you genuinely wanted to for money or something? Or was there a deeper push inside you that made you feel like you should do it? Self harm can come in all forms that we don’t usually consider. Propping yourself on caffeine, not listening to your body’s need to rest, and powering through can be a form of neglect.

This sounds like old emotional neglect wounds being activated. More specifically an emotional flashback. I think you’re already familiar with all this, I’m just pointing it out in case you’re being unnecessarily harsh with yourself. It’s easier to go black and white and shut people out this way, like you said it’s a coping mechanism you learned. It’s not bad, remember that. It served a purpose and still does, you’re trying to protect yourself in some way. Don’t condemn yourself for this behavior.

You are not under any obligation to be friends with your coworkers. You can be cordial, even tempered, but you don’t have to have a bond. This is another side you should consider. Do you genuinely want to connect with these people? Or do you feel obligated to? Were you responsible for other’s feelings to an extreme degree in childhood? That might be another side playing out here.

I say this with the deepest intentions of helping you get better. Have you considered a therapist? The overload of work undoubtedly brought down A LOT of the mental energy you expend keeping these things under wraps. But it leaked through a lot more because in all likelihood your willpower got drained from everything.

It’s not about working harder, tough love, or any crap like that. It’s about finding out what has you stuck and working in a smart safe way to resolve it. Anything else is just machismo crap operating out of ego or insecurity directed at us. And as men we get that shit piled on us by the truckload. I will fight anyone who says otherwise because I’ve encountered too many stories in my life of guys silently suffering. It’s something I feel very strongly about and I believe needs to change badly.

I say stick with LBFH. It’s going to keep uncovering stuff. Out of all the subs I’ve run this one hits the past traumas the safest way. It’s like going in with a scalpel and surgical precision vs just trying to take a huge excavator and pull all that stuff out at once. The excavator seems like a good idea at the time, but it’s not always what you need.

You’ve got the insight, mindset, and courage for growth. You just might need some extra help to get you further along.

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#12

Buy Taiga or Ginseng and Schisandra they power you up very quickly.

Forget the pills and small doses, take much of that- very fast.

For the rest of your problems - Godlike Masculinity

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#13

I did it since it was required by our company. Hurricane Ian hit the other coast, but high winds hit us, and our city was filled with tree limbs everywhere. I didn’t know it was going to be 6 days originally, as 50-55 hours is normal for me. I had physical energy, but LBFH was doing a work on me, testing my old self-built guards. It’s gonna be a norm for a few weeks, but FEMA has some trucks and people coming in this week, which will lessen our workload significantly.

Definite flashbacks, but more like they moved in overnight. It seemed like I only had these old tools to work with. Me being hard on myself was old hat, but it never stopped. @Invictus was right when he said my anger was hurting me since I saw myself doing hurtful things over and over, but I wasn’t doing anything about it.

Not in a long time. I’ve used many mind tools since I stopped seeing one, so at that time, I thought I’d moved past needing one. Know any who deal with masculine issues and overcoming childhood trauma?

One of my biggest reasons for excluding therapists happened about 4 years back. I was doing a competitor’s sub, and I realized how I’d built some dishonest fantasies with myself and everybody else. I lied to myself and everyone else, but knew something was wrong. Even in therapy, I didn’t know how to be real. I stopped it and numerous legit recovery outlets since my whole existence there was grounded in lies to look like I was doing the work, when my real goal was to keep everyone away from my deepest pain. I was doing very little work on myself, and I couldn’t stand the charade. So I quit it. All of it except subliminals.

Speaking of which, I just thought of a recovery organization which I frequented online years back. I stopped when I saw myself coming in and putting on some show of how life isn’t working for me well, knowing my old intentions were to constantly keep people AWAY from my deepest pains. I haven’t thought of that in quite a while. I just don’t feel good about doing it again.

That’s a major reason I’ve not even considered a therapist in years–subliminals are showing me the dishonest displays I do. I wonder “who the f am I?” when old norms were “a liar”. And I’m the only one who can change this for me.

Thanks for the direct questions. I’m seeing I still do this hiding of my real pains and issues to work on using subs, and the disconnect between true issues and flagrant fronts is causing me more stress. I’d make a custom if I could change my pattern in this.

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#14

Would you elaborate on these?
And why Godlike Masculinity specifically? What’s your experience with it?

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#15

We need to understand that the whole idea of patterns and washouts was developed as a guideline for people who are initiates or are not really proficient in the art of Mental Alchemy that is comprised of self-observation and introspection. The general rule I follow is I run my loop only if I haven’t had recon or symptoms of “overexposure” for at least 24 hours. It works very well for me.

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#16

Thank you @Sub.Zero. I’m grateful you clarified since it’s something I’ve not practiced much myself (determining my own rest days). I’m reading about and discovering myself how ZP blooms sometimes painfully. It doesn’t lie. I’m seeing value in it as I go forward.

Point blank: I’ve not believed in myself to try this. Not admitting that, or keeping it in, has been problematic for me.

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#17

I don’t get recon. Recon gets me.

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#18

I’d love to know why you said that @Trader. It sounds deep and well thought out.

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#19

Just lifted from a Chuck Norris joke about fear.

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#20

Got me :+1:

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#21

Recon is just a form of growth through pain and once it’s got sorted out we’re good to go and get more of our subliminal training.

My golden rule is at least 24 hours without it and without symptoms of being overloaded or heavy processing in the back of my head then I run my loop.

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#22

“growth through pain”

I have never heard someone say that here, but with ZP it fits.

My former subliminal fantasies were having “no pain”. But reading subliminal veterans endorse it is, in effect, calming. One must let go of something to move forward. This causes some level of pain.

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#23

@Invictus, I’ve been writing an email to my bitcoin miner. The tab’s open, and I’ve not finished it.

But you spoke about projecting my anger onto others. My email blasted him for sabotaging withdrawal efforts time and time again. It’s been almost 3 years, and we’ve not paid off a simple 5k fee to extract it this whole last year. I am pissed, and I began writing him since I imagined me standing up in various ways to my coworkers I work with locally. It stirred me to take action. With my miner, I wondered “am I ready to say goodbye to all the earnings?” To not feel like I’m allowing myself to be used any more, I’ve considered it.

I’m just tired of feeling f***ed over.

In this email, I owned that I’d not started a business, and that was my own doing. Once I wrote that, I wondered where this anger is coming from.

I’ve allowed myself to be walked on.
I’ve passive-aggressively passed on responsibilities since I was afraid of being responsible for bad outcomes.
I’ve been afraid to let go of old fears and feelings in exchange for new ones.
I’ve been looking for someone to blame.
My last line was “You don’t care”. I slowly admitted right after that “I haven’t either”, and that made me stop. I’ve not cared about the money. I’ve not cared about others in this. I’ve not really cared about me.

My heart has begun to feel the pain of this and other dysfunctional relationships. I’ve hidden from its pain using denial and distractions. But it’s slowly, slowly coming through. I’ve created, allowed, and encouraged unworkable situations. I have.

I’m just not sure how much longer I can keep it (not) working like I’ve done. Not sure I want to either. LBFH must be working in me. Results are coming through.

I’ve not sent the email. I won’t.

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#24

That’s why Godlike Masculinity
Its fast acting and perfect for stuff like that.

Taiga or Ginseng are adaptogens that replenish your energy and relaxes you at the same time.
They transform stress into usable energy.

If you work like you do, at some point you will be depleted. It’s better to do something before your burnt out.

Schisandra is a powerhouse of an adaptogen.
It fills up your energy realy fast.
10-15 berry’s at morning are enough.

Trust me on this

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