For some people love can be inconsistent or unpredictable as a child. Instead of a comforting thing as an adult it’s a source of pain in all forms.
That dominant part sounds like what they call in IFS a protector. Their job is to utilize what they’ve learned to keep you safe. From the outside looking in it can seem negative, but it’s there for a reason.
Giving CFW a try for one spin a week on top of DR3.
I’m getting up at 4am quite regularly, someone mentioned 4am representing the lungs. I woke up feeling short of breath and feeling sad for something in the past. Don’t know what it could be because on the outside everything is going great. But there’s always something to uncover.
CFW seems to have the Regeneration/LB combo that may contribute to that elusive self-love concept, building it up from the side. I figured it’s not just “self love” that it’s needed, but self love from high above, outside of self. Something that says “I’m higher than your parents and I’m saying you are ok”.
Still unsettled over what to play in the next week when DR4 starts but these mini plays will give a future view.
In fact the ideal combo is a subliminal I’ve been sleeping on, that exists in my blind spot - Sanguine and The Elixir
Why?
Anxiety and being wired, on high alert and expecting the other shoe to drop are my primary states of being (even though it’s now a 3/10 from a full 10/10).
Emotional healing is still a must, but without wanting to be a leader of men. It has to be laced with kindness, as opposed to the Dragon harshness.
Negative thinking - it’s so automatic I don’t even recognise when I’m criticising myself, talking myself down and slagging off others without knowing who they are, thinking that I’m more “perfect” than they are.
Early results:
S:E is working on my trauma in the background, on one loop I feel something being rearranged and challenged. Sanguine has got me relaxing and feeling peaceful and hopeful.
The most impressive result though is that I can confront the elephant in the room… Rejection - self rejectionand the expectation of being rejected by others and stay still feel neutral. Met my partner’s daughter (who was standoffish) and just got on with things. Had another disagreement with my partner and just brushed it off too. I’m just not worried about things like I used to.
The search may be over.
Good stuff. I might have to consider this as well.
I’m with you. I’m running DRLD and it’s been transformative and it has really done a lot to keep me safe. But it gets a little abrasive at times. If Sanguine Elixir had the same sort of “keep the external shit out of your reality” that DRLD has I’d probably run it. But I’ve found there’s something really impressive in the scripting of DRLD that just lets me sidestep potential manipulation or less than great influences in my life in a very organic way. And I find this really important due to the lack of intuitive boundaries I developed as an adult. Number 1 killer of self growth is just being stuck in toxic situations and people.
Anyway I look forward to hearing how SE goes for you.
I think that’s just as important as developing self love, because for some reason, others like to control people for their own needs. Seeing it and sidestepping it early is a good superpower to have, it stops anyone stepping on your own pile of self regard.
Sanguine:Elixir has me really beaming 
@Malkuth talked about having anti-fragile self esteem - being resilient enough so that upsets, disappointments and setbacks doesn’t break your spirit. Both the Sanguine titles achieve this for me.
Unbreakable (almost).
The healing and self respect it engenders is something I’ve never experienced it it’s pure form for a good while. For me it performs the role of the foundation platform better than, say Ascension. Which means that within my own particular makeup, achieving confidence was only a matter of staying positive. Achieving goals and finding purpose is a positivity mindset thing. If only I paid attention much earlier in life… 
You sound amazing.
There’s a deep, smooth, flowing quality to your energy that bespeaks healing. It feels like Inner Depth and Inner Power.
Dragon Stage 4 is now giving me the masculine strength and assertiveness I’ve missed since healing. Whilst Sanguine:Elixir is starting to chip away at my immediate trauma, then it gets to work peeling away the immediately deeper layers to get to the trauma. Honestly it is tough emotionally to look that deep into my psyche for the raw emotions that surface.
I do see the need to add a lot more masculine titles, since I feel very weak as a man and life is kinda forcing me to man up, so I’m already looking at Ascension, GLM and maybe Commander, post Dragon.
Sanguine came through for me yesterday in an unusually busy period at work, I started to get really irritated at the high level of repeat purchases placed, almost compulsively by the customers. Combine this with counting money, making sure underage people do not enter the shop, taking abuse from an underage girl (who asked me if I sucked cock… 
), having a coworker who talks shite non stop… All in all, I could feel the tell tale signs of stress building up within ready to explode.
But Sanguine somehow kept me calm. It’s as if the sub had a circuit breaker to stop the worst happening to me, an emotional flashback. I kept thinking, this nonsense is a one off , this will pass, these customers are complete addicts, my coworker isn’t a bad guy… There were two realities going on side by side, one where I collapse in a tired heap, the other is one where I pass the test with flying colours and build new confidence, with three later eventually winning out.
At the same time I still feel trapped by the system and my relationship with a a chain and ball. I want freedom, more money and less hours. Sanguine can’t help here, but Sanguine:Elixir might. Healing does wonders for overall circumstances.
Every few weeks or months, you make yet another bad-ass evolutionary move that requires me to pull out of retirement this old video that I made for you 3 years ago:
Sanguine and Sanguine:Elixir is the winning ticket. 7 minute shots each.
Looks like I have a good insight into my own psyche and how it got damaged in the first place. Sometimes, all a kid needs is positive encouragement, protection and lots of reassurance when things go wrong. That happens to be the combo of Sanguine and Elixir
Both titles are the thing that is building up and keeping up my level of self confidence. I must have had decades of incessant negative criticism, setbacks and rejections that destroyed my self esteem, now that doesn’t even take place any more. Even being criticised and insulted nowadays shakes me for about 15 minutes, then I’m back to normal.
Before, even the smallest rejection has me in a negative spiral, lamenting on mistakes for years, having a heavy guilty emotional charge to each. Nowadays that doesn’t happen, it’s like, whatever… Making a mistake is not the end of the world, no drama, just be calm about it. Just be calm about it - and I am. Work is long but I’m no longer running around like a blue fly. The ironic thing is, my old workplace, where I’ve got absolutely no credit for tidying up the shops are a complete mess. Oh well…
Is this what self esteem is?
Thank you for the honest admission, as I relate 100%. That same pattern has had me believing that being in that back and forth survival mode is “normal”. Your gains with Sanguine and SE show that maybe there are other possible good choices in life.
Thank you for sharing your story here.
I keep finding small nuggets of clarity on Sanguine and Elixir, things like thought patterns that have served me in the past, but are kinda outdated now. I have three ability now to say to myself
That doesn’t mean I stop being alert to others’ nonsense, just that Sanguine has me less hyper, moving slower and more thoughtful. Calm, solid, sure is the foundation I’ve been looking for in 3 years subliminal use.
I also seem to have a more positive mindset as opposed to my partner. Maybe being immune to the world’s negativity is a great superpower to have, but will it affect my relationship if I’m chilled and she stressed out and worried? Who knows?
One thing about Dragon Reborn that I can’t stop thinking about is when to know it’s time to move on to the next stage? @Malkuth
Don’t even worry about that @James.
Just change the whole frame.
Instead of thinking of ‘how long will it take to fully complete this subliminal stage’, just give yourself enough time to get a feel for that stage and how it operates in your life.
Think of it like a box of crayons or a palette of paint hues.
When is it the right time to stop using blue or vermillion? It’s up to you.
Just give yourself the chance to become familiar with each of those colors and what it can do.
Then when it’s time for you to actually draw or paint something, it will be very easy to choose appropriate colors for the job.
You choose the tool based on the job that you want to do. And you use the tools until you’ve completed that specific job.
Self-development, Growth, Building the Life You Want. These are projects with no expiration dates. As long as you’re alive there are more opportunities to Build and to Develop. And that’s actually freaking great.
The context for how long to use a given stage or a given subliminal is your life and your immediate personal projects.
Apart from that though, the idea is to just take 1 to 2 or 3 months and allow yourself to get the feel for how a given stage works. Feel it, let it breathe for a bit, then move on. You’ll have the files as long as you have a computer and internet access. So you don’t have to ‘finish’ a program right now. You can bring it back when you want or need to do so.
I see my issue now.
Why Ascension* worked - then didn’t for all long time.
I never attended to my own “target” trauma in the first place (led to Khan). That finally got taken care of with outside help.
Unfortunately, the missing piece was building and maintaining confidence and self esteem. That I was absolutely clueless about and yet had enough experience in.
Shit happens to me and I fold like a cheap tent. Didn’t have to be big shit, even mild shit pulls me over.
Sanguine and Elixir is turning me into the rock in the sea, the amazing thing is Sanguine never lets me sink too deep in negativity - something automatically switches on in the brain and keeps me afloat.
That should make Ascension/another alpha sub work better as a foundation. The challenge now is picking the right Alpha sub.
@Malkuth hat tip for your 3 stage recovery program posted somewhere.
Starting again with a Sanguine/Elixir Ascension stack.
I’m going to give this stack at least until the end of the year. I’ve been switching subs in the hope that something will click and build. My previous journal hinted at the direction of travel, which was:
The book Not Nice essentially said that the opposite to Nice is Power.
I’ve given my life away to others in the hope that others will like me and not criticise, hurt and scar me too deeply. That strategy was successful for a short time. But now I have physical aches which doesn’t chime for a 40 year old.
Ascension is the sub I have the most experience with, even though other things got in the way - life changes. I also was full of trauma and didn’t have a roadmap to get out of it. Trauma healing worked in getting rid of a lot of the PTSD anxiety. But Ascension got me moved to another city, improve my work prospects, have a live in partner. So things are looking up.
Now this journal will help in keeping me focused on developing power.
But why not just use Khan again?
I need a solid foundation. Add to the Not Nice book I need power. Not over others, over self. To infuse myself with as much self-power as possible.
Let’s go.
It was so predictable but Ascension really does have me angry at taking such a backseat in life, letting powerful others to decide what’s best for me, like a 6 year old child. I’m 40 and only just stepping into th shoes of a self directed adult without fear. 
