No one is trauma free
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This isn’t true. People with a history of trauma tend to project their own experiences out into the world, but I guarantee you there are plenty of people living trauma free lives.
Struggles? Yes. Emotional upsets? Definitely. We’re all human. But trauma specifically is a reaction to events. Not the events themselves. And along with it causing a bunch of dysfunction.
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Nowhere near as effective. Phoenix, DR and Regeneration can take months for someone loaded with C-PTSD, the right energy healing techniques resolve this within weeks.
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What could be great with energy healing/psychology might be Khan Black. I haven’t gotten to stage 2 yet but that’s where you’re supposed to be able to become more sensitive to energy and also be able to direct it.
The second stage of The Crucible focuses on fortifying your energetic channels, enabling you to handle and direct the immense sexual energy that will soon course through your body. As you progress through Tempering of the Currents, you will naturally become more attuned to the subtle energies within and around you, and your ability to consciously control these energies will increase exponentially.
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Very interesting.
Still living paycheck to paycheck, working really hard (for shit pay) and still being subservient to my partner and others.
I don’t know why I keep wanting to be on the surviving rung of the ladder, maybe its an addiction to seeking help when all the energy blocks are gone. It’s why I haven’t touched Emperor or Khan just yet, they seem to be next level alpha.
However the teaching side gig is ramping up and I just don’t have the chops to retain the students attention (I’m a newbie).
So I keep thinking about maybe stacking Ascension with Chosen.
I also don’t think I’m a good person either - like an emotional blood sucker. Do I have enough to contribute to others? Money, emotional support, attention. Did I have enough growing up to want to share? It might be getting used to my needs being fulfiled after post traumatic healing. Maybe I need to be selfish for a while - to start exercising independence and assertiveness before I can give?
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@Michel : That is highly toxic and highly damaging self-talk.
It is of the highest importance that you stack Love Bomb and Love Bomb For Humanity for a solid amount of time.
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This is it 100%. It’s probably not selfishness. It’s probably shame being triggered with healthy emotional needs and it feels wrong. I’m there with you man, unraveling it is tough. Just remember it’s not you, those thoughts are the direct result of the abuse you had experienced.
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When I read your reply earlier, I immediately thought of the reselience scripting in the most recent subs. I’ve been on Stark Black and Phoenix, and both have that scripting in them.
I thought of that when you questioned your teaching ability. I was a teacher too, and I seriously questioned myself before my 3rd year started. My old ways of relating to kids was exhausting me, so I brought in a little courage to set the stage. It worked in other settings, it was never “hard”, and when I began being more honest with students, it was beautiful. Just being myself was so much easier.
Concerning speaking up for myself now, I’m wondering about Emperor again. I’m working with a guy who critiques everything, and insists he’s right. I’m tired of being voiceless around emotional jerks. Will see. (Emperor is big with the resilience scripting too.)
I thought I’d drop this in here since I read your journal regularly.
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Switching between Ascension, Chosen and Godlike Masculinity.
Being a part time teacher in between having a long menial second job is like sitting on a sharp fence, one side with potential and growth involved, but the other as a means of base survival… So I cannot quite settle on a complete stack that would take care of being boldly confident whilst having an approachable and neutral aura.
I also worry that Chosen isn’t “alpha” enough but GLM and Ascension would be too far in the dominating direction. 
The aim I need to get clear on is just developing confidence to eventually kick on and do the destined job of the Master Teacher. Right now I’m still too soft spoken, which works in a classroom setting but not so much in the hostile environment of the menial job.
(There’s also customs… 
)
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Spent a month away from this forum just to get my head straight and set priorities in my life. The first being getting to the root of my Nice Guy traits and the need to please people at work, even though they don’t deserve it. Other tools have been invaluable.
Even so, the idea of using SubClub albums still appeals, so I’d rather use Dragon Reborn stage 4, all of the “stand up for yourself, grow into a man, masculinity building” stuff. ST4 isn’t one I’ve used before, so I’d be intrigued in what it does in ZP2. That “confidence” eludes me, which is really fear of upsetting others, fear of receiving anger and a lack of self love. So maybe a does of Love Bomb too? Who knows.
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How about Phoenix + Love Bomb?
I ran 5 cycles of Phoenix and a lot is different for me and I just started Love Bomb solo on Sunday.
Sales page at bottom recommends Love Bomb with Phoenix. Check em out bro, see what you think.
Phoenix is one hell of a sub for us guys with past issues.
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Interesting combo, maybe you’re getting to the root of things, will try it out 
Love Bomb - good for others, not for me.
- Partner and cat are more loving
- I’m more pissed off.
I have no time to myself:
Work and partner take up all of my time, absolutely no thinking space to reconnect to myself. Really do think I want to abandon it all for a piece of air.
Feel quite smothered
Not liking this love thing - it’s suffocating me. Always believed that living without love was not so bad, now it is choking the life out of me.
I despite my current job
I hate faking it at work, listening to customers say the same thing over and over again, doing the same repetitive tasks day in, day out. There is no point to the job other than exchanging money and receiving abuse for the privilege. It’s boring af and I end up being the beta boy at the bottom, does the most, get the least shine.
I have no freedom
Relationship means compromising on a lot of stuff - likes, solo activities, can’t even talk to anybody else (male or female) lest I get accused of cheating!
I AM grateful for everything I get by the way! It’s just that the past meant I had to compromise on a lot of things including being a good little Nice Guy and repress my real self. If I had self love, would I even be in my current life situation? Shit no!
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Is it possible your partner does not respect you because you have yet to respect yourself?
Keep going with Love Bomb, I’m going solo with it. Small steps bro, pick one area to work on. Maybe work on doing what’s necessary to secure some time for yourself? If your partner starts acting up, it’s not about you…it’s their issue. Stay calm, hold the line and do not budge. “Boundaries” …it’s a struggle for us, I get it. Just start small and don’t budge on your need for personal time.
Stay strong, embrace the Love and Authenticity scripting.
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NEW Love Bomb is giving me such recon:
I wake up at 3 in the morning, with the hot sweats and a sick feeling to my stomach.
I snap at people, including my partner. I feel bored and at the same time a burgeoning excitement of self determination coming.
Forgetting to turn up at work…
I’m eating different without much prompting - a diet that’s lighter and more energetic.
Maybe that’s what the recon is about - the conflict between Mr Nice and Mr Me. Letting go of the falseness and embracing my self. It is ok to be interested in my own stuff and not always catering to the other in such a way as to forget yourself.
I am taking small steps to un-enmesh myself from the other: watching painting videos, learning languages and listening to music my partner dislikes in my spare time. Maybe “love” and “self love” has a different vibe about it than the controlling, infantile, fusing quality I’m used to. Love is scary - for the person that never experienced it
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Definitely not alone. First 2 weeks of LB I could barely tolerate 30s. It can be a rough one to run.
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Wow, that’s bold. From the outside it might seem silly or “normal” to do this or that it needs conscious effort. But from self-experience I know that this is a huge step for that kind of relationship. I congratulate you, brother.
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I know how you feel. I started LB a few days ago and feel really bad about myself today.
Here for you Brother
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I’m running one minute loops. Thirty seconds of masked and thirty seconds of ultrasonic. I’m basically deaf in my left ear which is my reasoning for running the ultrasonic track. I sometimes wonder if being deaf in one ear is slowing my results
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