Day 22 washout day 1
Woke up tired, have been waking up tired for the past week or so. Probably from sub processing. Been a bit more tired/sleepy. Not a big deal.
Day 22 washout day 1
Woke up tired, have been waking up tired for the past week or so. Probably from sub processing. Been a bit more tired/sleepy. Not a big deal.
Day 23 washout day 2
Lots of vivid dreams. One where my dad got robbed (homeless guy took his wallet), and I was angry and chased the guy but instead of fighting or something I tried to explain to him my dad is a good and generous person and doesnât deserve it (mightâve also been cuz he had brass knuckles lol but I was being sincere and heart to heart). Another I was in front of a girl who was with her bf(?) and I think it was a girl who I used to like who I think also liked me so I was feeling kinda angry/jealous or something. In real life this sort of happened, I met her and I feel like we clicked (at my sisterâs bday), but a year or so later she got a bf. Never met him or anything, but in this dream I think it was them, and I was kinda starting shit lol (unless he did, donât remember), and he was sitting and pushed me away/grabbed me or something and I pushed him back hard and he stood up and was kinda big so I was thinking âoh better knock him down fastâ and I was about to go apeshit on him, and I woke up to my leg kicking out and throwing a right hook my heart was racing and my bed was shaking cuz I was shaking. Anyway, yeah dreams have been vivid since my two loops of AoH. Earlier dreams were fun, I felt free and was driving around in a flying car or something like thatâŚ
Day 24 washout day 3
Yesterday and today no longer woke up feeling tired. I guess the subs have mostly processed? Yesterday at gym, I felt quite a bit of female attention and one girl who I interacted with seemed to be trying to get my attention and looking at me a lot. She was pretty, and it actually made me nervous cuz I felt pressure, like ehh idk what to say. Had me thinking if I really do want girls to approach me, because then I have the fear of messing it up, or I might just not be in the mood etc. Still it was an enjoyable time at the gym, and afterwards I had a fun conversation with the lady receptionist about how âall âshouldsâ are opinionsâ (a âgym epiphanyâ I had). Iâm pretty sure Iâve been seeing AoH in action the last few days, in that I choose to do things and do them in a way that makes me feel more joyful.
I really like it. Not sure whether or not it would help while running seduction subs, it probably could, though I imagine itâd be less âcarnalâ and more happy/joyful/relationship-y (which isnât at all a bad thing). Yesterday there were moments of me wondering whether I even want to run seduction subs and instead just run AoH + RICH or something like that instead (joy + making money), or AoH + True Social, something like that. There were also moments where I realized I totally have blocks with romance/seduction, so I thought âyep, I definitely need Khanâ.
Edit: sidenote: was wearing Tom Ford Oud Wood yesterday, which I think fits the WB archetype very well.
Day 25 washout day 4
Yesterday was the opposite of the day before, felt needy, sad, and a lil nuts. Also felt like I was driving people away. Recon maybe. Didnât get a full night sleep yesterday, that could be partly it. Also, I compulsively bought a meta quest 3 the night before yesterday and that was pretty irresponsible financially, so maybe doing that made me feel dumb and out of control. I can pay it off but I should be saving rn⌠so yeah I guess I could always return it, but yeah Iâve bought no presents for anyone but myself so maybe THAT made me feel bad/dumb subconsciouslyâŚ
Or itâs recon from AoH, or from my main stack (LMHC + SSX), though I donât think so.
Edit: talked to a girl last night at the gym who was nice, but I think I drove her away. Today I feel better, talked to some girls at the mall from Idaho (they were on a soccer team or something), and that was cool, but yeah I think the super attractive/sexy effects/auras of LMHC + SSX have worn off since I havenât run loops of them in over a week.
Day 1 mini cycle
Chosen 3 min. Later in day: Khan ST1 30 sec.
Edit: feel more calm and grounded so far, nice change of pace.
Edit: yeah if khan is like this except even more grounded and also sexual that sounds awesome.
Edit: honestly fck it should I just run a 30 second loop of khan st1 rn?..
Edit: okay I did it, Khan ST1 30 sec.
Day 3
Khan ST1 1 min.
Day 5
ST1 3 min.
Day 6 rest
Wonât write all results down (yet), but one small thing is I went to a yoga class, which was fine, but afterwards I didnât approach/talk to any girls or anyone and I left at first thinking âugh, a-holes, no one talked to me or showed interestâ etc. and was feeling all needy after that, but then I realized âWAIT, no. The reason I feel this way is not because of them, itâs because I didnât take action, I didnât approach or try to talk to anyone or anything, thatâs on me.â So I caught myself thinking âeveryone around here is an as*holeâ a few times and correctd myself each time saying ânope. Nope, the reason you feel this way is due to YOUR action(s) or lack thereof, not other people. You canât pin this on other peopleâ.
Day 7
TB 5 min.
Day 9
TB 5 min.
Thrilled youâre on Khan
Day 11
3 min TB, shorter loop since I got bad sleep.
Day 13
7:30 min TB.
Day 15
5:30 min TB.
Edit: a thought: do I want to be the âidealâ version of myself or the one who experiences my carnal desires but isnât necessarily the âidealâ version of me? They might be mutually exclusive⌠But what is it that makes my âidealâ version of me âidealâ? Is it an idealized portrayal of me? As in itâs a version of me that pleases everyone/society and sounds good on paper etc.? Or is it the version of me âIâ really want to be? But what is the âIâ that wants it? The zero point? Does or can the zero point even want anything? Or is it just the layers of the influences of society that causes this want? In other words, would there even exist the concept of an âidealizedâ version of me in my mind without the influence of society/friends/family/my life experiences/etc.? regardless it comes down to: is there a version of me who experiences his carnal desires and also is his âidealâ self? Again if not, what is my ideal self and why do I want the attributes of this ideal self? Basically, why is it my ideal self?
Day 16 rest
So among other things, one noticeable result Iâve been experiencing since running TB is having deep talks with friends about life and particularly about traveling (living elsewhere) and not selling myself short. Basically âget out there and fight the dragonâ (literally in one case lol) kind of talks.
Edit: Also among other things, there seems to be a status boost. I feel people treat me better/more respectfully and I feel I value myself more. But I definitely feel recon when I see a bunch of girls at the gym, for example, and donât approach any. The reason I didnât tonight was because I felt a desperate neediness/emotional sensitivity (literally always seems to happen with recon lol), that if the interaction didnât go well, Iâd feel f-ing pissed and sad. And that is a problem. I shouldnât depend on others to determine how I feel. anyway, yeah so I guess it was pain avoidance. I think this also comes down to: do I want to âapproachâ because I feel I ought to or because I want (sincerely desire) to, and would be down to literally go on a date with a given girl right then and there?.. I think when itâs the former reason (ought to), THAT is what causes the needy feelings
at the same time though, doing something I feel I ought to do can lead to feelings of wanting to (i.e. âgetting in stateâ).
I feel needy to approach, thatâs what it is. Itâs like an itch, but an itch Iâm afraid to itch lol⌠and when I donât, I feel like a b**ch
Day 17
5 min TB.
Remember to ask: how can I play to win (in this situation)?
Day 19
3 min TB. Might add 30 seconds of WB or SSX later.
Edit: Didnât add them. Iâll just keep this a pure ST1 cycle (with the exception of a 3 min loop of Chosen at the beginning, a sub Iâll put on the shelf for nowâŚ). Definitely feel less recon from the 3 min loop, much better, though it could also be I processed/reconciled something and now Iâm good.
Day 20 rest
Reading Khan Black makes so much sense to me now. Months ago I read it and thought meh, but now it sounds like exactly what I need: clearing energy blocks. Like I understand the sales page better, and Iâm like âoh that sounds perfect and awesome for what I needâ. Not stopping Khan, but might run it with KB.
Edit: Appearing not to have a life is unattractive (even if you have one).
Youâre doing great on TB. Iâve had similar realizations while running it as well.
Day 21
3 min TB