A More Lovable James Bond :>

Day 22 washout day 1

Woke up tired, have been waking up tired for the past week or so. Probably from sub processing. Been a bit more tired/sleepy. Not a big deal.

Day 23 washout day 2

Lots of vivid dreams. One where my dad got robbed (homeless guy took his wallet), and I was angry and chased the guy but instead of fighting or something I tried to explain to him my dad is a good and generous person and doesn’t deserve it (might’ve also been cuz he had brass knuckles lol but I was being sincere and heart to heart). Another I was in front of a girl who was with her bf(?) and I think it was a girl who I used to like who I think also liked me so I was feeling kinda angry/jealous or something. In real life this sort of happened, I met her and I feel like we clicked (at my sister’s bday), but a year or so later she got a bf. Never met him or anything, but in this dream I think it was them, and I was kinda starting shit lol (unless he did, don’t remember), and he was sitting and pushed me away/grabbed me or something and I pushed him back hard and he stood up and was kinda big so I was thinking “oh better knock him down fast” and I was about to go apeshit on him, and I woke up to my leg kicking out and throwing a right hook :joy: my heart was racing and my bed was shaking cuz I was shaking. Anyway, yeah dreams have been vivid since my two loops of AoH. Earlier dreams were fun, I felt free and was driving around in a flying car or something like that…

Day 24 washout day 3

Yesterday and today no longer woke up feeling tired. I guess the subs have mostly processed? Yesterday at gym, I felt quite a bit of female attention and one girl who I interacted with seemed to be trying to get my attention and looking at me a lot. She was pretty, and it actually made me nervous cuz I felt pressure, like ehh idk what to say. Had me thinking if I really do want girls to approach me, because then I have the fear of messing it up, or I might just not be in the mood etc. Still it was an enjoyable time at the gym, and afterwards I had a fun conversation with the lady receptionist about how “all ‘shoulds’ are opinions” (a “gym epiphany” I had). I’m pretty sure I’ve been seeing AoH in action the last few days, in that I choose to do things and do them in a way that makes me feel more joyful.

I really like it. Not sure whether or not it would help while running seduction subs, it probably could, though I imagine it’d be less “carnal” and more happy/joyful/relationship-y (which isn’t at all a bad thing). Yesterday there were moments of me wondering whether I even want to run seduction subs and instead just run AoH + RICH or something like that instead (joy + making money), or AoH + True Social, something like that. There were also moments where I realized I totally have blocks with romance/seduction, so I thought “yep, I definitely need Khan”.

Edit: sidenote: was wearing Tom Ford Oud Wood yesterday, which I think fits the WB archetype very well.

Day 25 washout day 4

Yesterday was the opposite of the day before, felt needy, sad, and a lil nuts. Also felt like I was driving people away. Recon maybe. Didn’t get a full night sleep yesterday, that could be partly it. Also, I compulsively bought a meta quest 3 the night before yesterday and that was pretty irresponsible financially, so maybe doing that made me feel dumb and out of control. I can pay it off but I should be saving rn… so yeah I guess I could always return it, but yeah I’ve bought no presents for anyone but myself so maybe THAT made me feel bad/dumb subconsciously…

Or it’s recon from AoH, or from my main stack (LMHC + SSX), though I don’t think so.

Edit: talked to a girl last night at the gym who was nice, but I think I drove her away. Today I feel better, talked to some girls at the mall from Idaho (they were on a soccer team or something), and that was cool, but yeah I think the super attractive/sexy effects/auras of LMHC + SSX have worn off since I haven’t run loops of them in over a week.

Day 1 mini cycle

Chosen 3 min. Later in day: Khan ST1 30 sec.

Edit: feel more calm and grounded so far, nice change of pace.

Edit: yeah if khan is like this except even more grounded and also sexual that sounds awesome.

Edit: honestly fck it should I just run a 30 second loop of khan st1 rn?..

Edit: okay I did it, Khan ST1 30 sec.

2 Likes

Day 3

Khan ST1 1 min.

Day 5

ST1 3 min.

Day 6 rest

Won’t write all results down (yet), but one small thing is I went to a yoga class, which was fine, but afterwards I didn’t approach/talk to any girls or anyone and I left at first thinking “ugh, a-holes, no one talked to me or showed interest” etc. and was feeling all needy after that, but then I realized “WAIT, no. The reason I feel this way is not because of them, it’s because I didn’t take action, I didn’t approach or try to talk to anyone or anything, that’s on me.” So I caught myself thinking “everyone around here is an as*hole” a few times and correctd myself each time saying “nope. Nope, the reason you feel this way is due to YOUR action(s) or lack thereof, not other people. You can’t pin this on other people”.

2 Likes

Day 7

TB 5 min.

1 Like

Day 9

TB 5 min.

1 Like

Thrilled you’re on Khan

1 Like

Day 11

3 min TB, shorter loop since I got bad sleep.

Day 13

7:30 min TB.

Day 15

5:30 min TB.

Edit: a thought: do I want to be the “ideal” version of myself or the one who experiences my carnal desires but isn’t necessarily the “ideal” version of me? They might be mutually exclusive… But what is it that makes my “ideal” version of me “ideal”? Is it an idealized portrayal of me? As in it’s a version of me that pleases everyone/society and sounds good on paper etc.? Or is it the version of me “I” really want to be? But what is the “I” that wants it? The zero point? Does or can the zero point even want anything? Or is it just the layers of the influences of society that causes this want? In other words, would there even exist the concept of an “idealized” version of me in my mind without the influence of society/friends/family/my life experiences/etc.? :exploding_head: regardless it comes down to: is there a version of me who experiences his carnal desires and also is his “ideal” self? Again if not, what is my ideal self and why do I want the attributes of this ideal self? Basically, why is it my ideal self?

1 Like

Day 16 rest

So among other things, one noticeable result I’ve been experiencing since running TB is having deep talks with friends about life and particularly about traveling (living elsewhere) and not selling myself short. Basically “get out there and fight the dragon” (literally in one case lol) kind of talks.

Edit: Also among other things, there seems to be a status boost. I feel people treat me better/more respectfully and I feel I value myself more. But I definitely feel recon when I see a bunch of girls at the gym, for example, and don’t approach any. The reason I didn’t tonight was because I felt a desperate neediness/emotional sensitivity (literally always seems to happen with recon lol), that if the interaction didn’t go well, I’d feel f-ing pissed and sad. And that is a problem. I shouldn’t depend on others to determine how I feel. :thinking: anyway, yeah so I guess it was pain avoidance. I think this also comes down to: do I want to “approach” because I feel I ought to or because I want (sincerely desire) to, and would be down to literally go on a date with a given girl right then and there?.. I think when it’s the former reason (ought to), THAT is what causes the needy feelings :exploding_head: at the same time though, doing something I feel I ought to do can lead to feelings of wanting to (i.e. “getting in state”).

I feel needy to approach, that’s what it is. It’s like an itch, but an itch I’m afraid to itch lol… and when I don’t, I feel like a b**ch :joy:

2 Likes

Day 17

5 min TB.

Remember to ask: how can I play to win (in this situation)?

Day 19

3 min TB. Might add 30 seconds of WB or SSX later.

Edit: Didn’t add them. I’ll just keep this a pure ST1 cycle (with the exception of a 3 min loop of Chosen at the beginning, a sub I’ll put on the shelf for now…). Definitely feel less recon from the 3 min loop, much better, though it could also be I processed/reconciled something and now I’m good.

1 Like

Day 20 rest

Reading Khan Black makes so much sense to me now. Months ago I read it and thought meh, but now it sounds like exactly what I need: clearing energy blocks. Like I understand the sales page better, and I’m like “oh that sounds perfect and awesome for what I need”. Not stopping Khan, but might run it with KB.

Edit: Appearing not to have a life is unattractive (even if you have one).

You’re doing great on TB. I’ve had similar realizations while running it as well.

1 Like

Day 21

3 min TB