A More Lovable James Bond :>

Journals - Major Programs
#262

Day 9

Think I had some recon yesterday. Might want to dial back to 5 min. Like yeah I was feeling kinda down and depressed almost, not sure why (maybe because I smoked some weed earlier in the day). Felt very emotionally sensitive, so much so that the thought of approaching a girl was out of the question. I feel okay today though. Should I go back 30 seconds or no?..

5:30 min custom. Okay so I did 5:30 min, if I get bad recon again, I’ll go back to 5:00. Or maybe I’ll even go back to 3:30 since I was getting results and little to no recon :thinking:

Edit: I have a problem. My problem is that I feel that if I had an attractive girl(s) I would feel bad/guilt for guys around me who potentially feel jealous, guys who were in the position I used to be in… and I think that is one of the reasons preventing me from allowing myself to be in the right state to have a girl(s)… solution?

#263

Day 10 rest

Slightly intense recon today. Slightly. But aside from that, things mostly went well. Uber was crappy, so that probably made the recon worse. Felt needy, irritated, frustrated, a bit sad, went through a period of thinking “how do I not have a gf or anything yet?”, though I do seem to get positive smiley “reactions” from girls/women when I interact with them face to face (not all of them; it’s as if some are powerfully influenced by the subs effects and others are not, at least not obviously), the problem has been that I’ve been in such an irritated/frustrated/angry state from recon and/or Uber/life/something that I sometimes avoid eye contact with anyone, like I don’t even want to look at anyone in a mood like that, but that also kinda makes me annoyed at myself for missing potential opportunities to meet a girl or whatever. But I worked a lot of the negative energy off at the gym, and once I got home I started feeling much better. Perhaps when I get recon like this it’s from not eating enough during the day. Anyway, on a personal note, will either continue the 5:30 min mark or decrease by 30 seconds tomorrow.

#264

Day 11

5:30 min, because I feel like there’s something positive on the other side of the recon.

#265

Day 12 rest

Was feeling down and depressed/sad first part of the day, I attribute this mainly to not getting enough hours of sleep. Later around time of doing Uber and going to gym, I realize we’re all spiritual beings inhabiting these bodies (which is actually how I used to think/perceive things back in high school after doing psychedelics). This and also realized that if you sincerely love everyone around you, and command yourself to see the inherent innocence in yourself and all others, you can’t lose. You can’t lose if you sincerely love everyone around you. This thinking has shrunk my ego. Came up with exercise of going around and thinking “I love you” to everyone I look at. This may be a temporary state though.

(This has for sure been influenced by me reading “Letting Go” by David Hawkins right now)

Edit: ooh another realization: I didn’d have a second cup of coffee today which I usually do, and coffee is known to make people more irritable etc. maybe that’s also why I don’t feel as crazy/recon-filled?…

#266

Day 13

5:05 min custom. Cut it a bit short today, just to see if there’s any difference in recon, and also kinda got the feeling I should stop while I was listening.

#267

Day 14 rest

Somehow I pretty much had no recon today o.0 felt good and had positive interactions with women. Tomorrow will either do 5:05 again or 5:30.

#268

Day 15

5:05 custom

Edit: so I ended up eating a recon sandwich today, wanted to take a yoga class, instead decided to go somewhere with my parents, I was over sensitive/irascible/argumentative, and yeah pretty much wasted a day as a result. I think everything would’ve been fine if I’d just gone to the yoga class instead but who knows :man_shrugging: Ah forgot to mention I smoked some weed right before being with them (more than I meant to /: ) so that probably didn’t help. Also, I think the reason I felt the recon was because I wanted to go out and interact with people but didn’t, hence recon. Oh well, will have to let it go and do it tomorrow.

#269

Day 16 rest

While reflecting upon it, I realize when talking to girls, and other situations, what messes me up is like I feel a solid core (like an inner steel rod) when I first leave the house, and sometimes depending on certain factors, I easily get “frazzled” and that inner rod inside me (lol) gets wobbly and I go into my head. I need a tool to keep that inner rod stiff (you know what I mean :man_facepalming:), I believe that tool is Ascension or Khan, but since Khan has healing i’m probably going with that.

Edit: damn, saw some fine ladies at the gym and the store I went to afterwards, didn’t approach, though I could’ve. I felt the ones at the store looked too good in comparison to me at the time (just came from the gym etc.). I actually felt turned on in their presence. To have women like that in my life though, or who make me feel that way, that’s the goal :slight_smile:

#270

Day 17

5:05 min custom.

Random insight: A girl(s) maybe find you totally attractive/alluring but you may have no idea and may even think she feels the opposite. Yesterday when in the presence of those FINE ladies, I gave no outward indication that I was interested and they may have had no idea I was like dayum.

#271

Day 18 rest

These last few days have been unusual… So after the weird day out with my parents, I have been sort of ice cold, like non-reactive. Like in situations where previously I would react, I have this ability to remain ice cold, and this is different from the past. Other subs in the past have made me less reactive, but not with this “icy coldness”. During a delivery yesterday, I delivered at the same time a cute girl was delivering to the same address. I asked her about what job she was doing, and we talked for a few minutes and I got her number. I was in a state where I would’ve been fine regardless of what happened.

Also interesting dream last night, where I was with friends, was arguing with one and I became such the common enemy that they moved to the opposite side of the room before leaving the house (and me), and I felt foolish and rejected :thinking: totally a recon/subliminal influence type dream.

#272

Day 19

5:05 min custom

#273

Day 20 rest

Got two opportunities at the same time to go out and be social: one was a neighbor across the street who invited us over for his daughter’s college graduation party (probably had lots of ladies), the other was my brother and a couple friends to go out. I went with the latter. At one of the bars we went to, I went to go get food because I was starving, was approached by a young cute girl in a skimpy outfit, possibly 18, asking if I was emo (she was emo and I have kind of an emo look), we talked for a bit, she thought I was gonna walk across the street with her but I was going the other way.

In the bars (we went to two), the girls who I was “intrigued” by (there were lots of pretty girls everywhere, but only a few really stood out to me/had an effect on me) stared at me as well :smirk: I didn’t go talk to them as I was enjoying the atmosphere and myself as I was, and was “taking it slow” since I haven’t gone out in a long time. Then I was with my brother out on a balcony area and I saw him motioning for someone to come to us and two girls (one attractive the other not) came over to us and started talking. They were very pleasant and had good energy, but I was left totally out of the conversation at first, and honestly I didn’t care because I didn’t feel like putting in effort anyway lol. But the cute girl eventually came over to me and started talking and she talking to me like 1 inch from my face o.0 and my hands were folded (not arms) but she was so close that my hands were touching her boobs basically lol and yeah that was enjoyable. I feel like I could’ve kissed her or something but I didn’t want to do that in front of my brother in case he liked her, I would’ve felt bad. She had a ring on her ring finger and I jokingly asked if she was married, she said she had a boyfriend, but she may have not mentioned that had I not asked. Eventually the bar closed and the two girls and my brother and friend were talking, I wasn’t in the convo anymore but I didn’t care, I was chatting with another one of our friends with us, but we were both tired and just wanted to go so we waited for them. Anyway, it was a good night and I was totally actually enjoying the atmosphere and all the girls around.

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#274

Day 21

3:50 min custom. Cut it short today because it “felt right”.

Edit: was gonna do either Khan or Ascension next cycle, but am enjoying this stack so much I will probably do one more.

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#275

Day 24 washout day 3

Honestly feel like Khan ST1 would be very beneficial, but so would Ascension… maybe ST1 first to clear out the garbage then ascension? :thinking:

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#276

Maybe 2-3 cycles of Ascension to prepare yourself for a Khan run?
Even half a cycle of Ascension did already a lot for me. I gained so much drive to get a better job.
Tomorrow I’ll have my interview and preparing intensly for it. I wasn’t even able to apply before starting Ascension 2 weeks ago.
Its a miracle drug that’s acting really fast.

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#277

Day 25 washout day 4

Honestly I think I’m gonna run Khan ST1 next cycle. I feel like I need to be shaken out of this fruitless routine I’m in.

Edit: so I’ve been reading this dating book the last 3 days or so, I’m about half way through it, and fuck, honestly since reading it, I feel my recon has increased a lot. It’s like I’m getting recon from reading this book. Was feeling really needy at the gym, then was feeling super frustrated and whatnot driving home, but then I just said in my head “okay, I admit and accept that I’m feeling needy and might be behaving needy as well. I admit and accept it”, and honestly that REALLY helped; just setting my ego aside and being honest with myself.

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#278

Why did you stop using Primal,lb,sanguine?

#279

For the last 2 cycles I’ve been using all 3 in a dense custom (before that I used just the 3 major titles, not in a custom). Really I just feel the Ascension and/or Khan ST1 goals would be very beneficial for me rn. The Primal/LB/Sanguine stack is great but I think I need a different tool for my goals rn and I think ST1 or Ascension would be better for them. I will definitely re-visit the custom in the future though (unless I decide to run it again next cycle lol).

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#280

Day 26 washout day 5

OG Wanted, WB, and SSX has manifested girls who like me more than any sub or custom I’ve run come to think of it… :thinking: Edit: and with this stack, I’m not getting crushed on as much, but I seem to have a stronger face-to-face effect, as in I’m able to really get girls in a trance face to face, but not have them crush on me as automatically as Wanted’s+SSX. And I for sure feel great internally, like I f*ckin love myself lol (it’s like my 6th cycle running LB) but yeah it seems less effective for manifesting girls who are crushing on me… not necessarily a bad thing, just different.

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#281

do you mean when you stack those three subs or just in general those three subs?