Anger comes up…this course about the dark feminine is deep…it confronst the Patriarchal conditioning in me…These whish of having control over a woman…that she surrenders to me…
I guess thats good…but a part of me doesnt like it.
I learned of the dominant and submissive dynamic in Tantra meets BDSM and it has soem beauty…but what I have seen with my Ex is that its very very exhausting to allways be in the dominant role…as the dominant role carries 150% responsibility…opposed to the 100% of the submissive…
I wish for a relationship of equality. I wish for a relationship where I can also sometimes drop into my feminine and the woman goes into her masculine…That its a dance where everone takes the lead for some time…
Freedom is something thats very important…but I admit…I am afraid of imagining a relationship of pure freedom…where everyone can follow all their desires…open relating etc. But on the other hand I see its beauty…I guess I am simply afraid of all the Jealousy processes that would come up…but everything with its time…one step after the other.
Whats interesting in this course is that not the light masculine gets the woman…but the dark masculine…not the whiney man…but the man who stands on his own… so I really want to work on embracing my dark side…more and more and more…
And for thats its important to drop all those rules, should musts. All this shame about anything of me.
Find strength withhin me and not take anyone above me.
Its interesting…I often think of my Yoga Tantra techer from india…there is a childish part inside of me that want to prove itself to him…that want to tell him…Hey look at the progress I have made…tell me I did well please…and as I write this down…I ask myself…How can I include this withhin myself? I guess it has to do something with the father role…as from yesterdays process I saw that I wanted to prove my mother…and the same is happening with my father…
Human design says about me that I dont have to prove anything to anyone and that is one of my weaknesses…trying to prove myself and that this is my biggest weakness (or actually, the weakness of around 70% of people)…so how to stop proving myself? I guess the answer is unconditional self love…
Help me magical ChatGPT
Learning to stop seeking validation from others and giving yourself unconditional love is a beautiful and challenging journey. Here are some steps to help you along the way:
1. Identify Your Self-Worth Patterns
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Reflect on What Drives You: Ask yourself why you feel the need to prove yourself. Often, it stems from a desire to be accepted or from past experiences where you felt “not enough.”
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Notice When You Seek Validation: Be mindful of moments when you’re tempted to seek approval. When you feel that pull, ask yourself if this act truly aligns with who you are or if it’s just an attempt to earn love or approval.
Yeah…I am starting to see it…The why am I trying to prove myself? Wow, immideatly I feel a constriction in my throat…it says I am not good enough…A Voice from my childhood, an image of a child standing infron of its parents and anchestors saying I am sorry for dissapointing you…But here it comes: Its not my duty or job as a child to make any of my forecomers proud…The Disney movie Mulan comes to my mind…I really liked that movie…there its all around making the ancestors and family proud…I start to see the pattern of how this is programmed into children to control them…to abuse them basically…
Lately (Since starting emperor, I listen to a lot of German Hip Hop again…Sido…one song is called
Mum said:
Here is the English translation:
My mom said, if I want, I can be anything (hey, hey)
So I went a little crazy
I was only in school to annoy everyone, and now everyone’s singing along
My mom said, if I want, I can be anything (hey, hey)
So I went a little crazy
I was only in school to annoy everyone
Dude, aren’t we lucky? My mom said
I should be good, ever since day one (hey, hey)
“Put every dime in your piggy bank”
But I never wanted to be normal, that must be such a pain
That’s what they’ll say someday on my gravestone
Mom said
Blah-blah, but apparently (hey, hey)
I haven’t listened to anyone since I was young
I was supposed to become a cop, but that would be nonsense
'Cause then I’d have to keep arresting myself (ha-ha)
I was supposed to be a teacher, supposed to think about the future (hey, hey)
But as a teacher, I’d just skip school
Sorry, man, I’m kinda messed up
I don’t care what anyone else says
This is what I got…
My mom said, if I want, I can be anything (hey, hey)
So I went a little crazy
I was only in school to annoy everyone, and now everyone’s singing along
My mom said, if I want, I can be anything (hey, hey)
So I went a little crazy
I was only in school to annoy everyone
Dude, aren’t we lucky? My mom said
“Listen to your heart, boy, know your worth, boy” (hey, hey)
“Go your own way, you can learn from your mistakes, boy
You’re an astronaut, reach for the stars, boy
Only you set the limits, forget about geography”
Mom said, “Let things take their course” (hey, hey)
She said, “Boy, let your feelings out”
And that’s why I always barge in
That’s why I sometimes overshoot my mark
I know my teacher would’ve wanted it differently
But so what? (hey, hey) Now the whole wall is filled with gold
Mom said I’m cut from a different cloth
And today she says, “Son, mom is proud”
This is what I would have loved to hear…it shows me how to treat myself…
My mom said, if I want, I can be anything (hey, hey)
So I went a little crazy
I was only in school to annoy everyone, and now everyone’s singing along
My mom said, if I want, I can be anything (hey, hey)
So I went a little crazy
I was only in school to annoy everyone
Dude, aren’t we lucky?
I told my mom, “Mom, don’t worry” (hey, hey)
“No one ever died from messing around a little”
Mh, I don’t know why I make it so hard for myself
I know it’s hot, but I keep touching the stove
I dance out of line, even though I can’t dance (hey, hey)
Always talking like I’m sitting in the chancellor’s office (blah-blah)
You can only shut me up with duct tape
My therapist says I’m a bit nuts like a party gun (boom)
I don’t have time to grow up (hey, hey)
Life is tough, but I take it lightly
I’m annoying, loud, and cheeky
That I don’t feel sorry for it – well, I’m sorry
This is what I need to accept myself…
My mom said, if I want, I can be anything (hey, hey)
So I went a little crazy
I was only in school to annoy everyone, and now everyone’s singing along
My mom said, if I want, I can be anything (hey, hey)
So I went a little crazy
I was only in school to annoy everyone
Dude, aren’t we lucky? My mom said
This preserves the spirit and rhythm of the original text while translating the message into English.
According to human design I will always seek validation…its a weakpoint of the mind… so dont try to fill the why more…But I am starting to get faster seeing that I seek validation…like from that teacher…Better befriend my demons…
2. Reframe Your Self-Talk
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Replace Criticism with Compassion: Start noticing critical thoughts about yourself and reframe them. For example, if you think, “I’m not good enough,” counter it by saying, “I am learning, growing, and already enough as I am.”
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Affirm Your Worth: Use affirmations that resonate with you, like “I am worthy of love and respect just as I am” or “I am proud of who I am becoming.”
Reading this…I see…I AM DOING IT…I am doing the correct things
3. Create a Safe Space for Yourself
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Honor Your Emotions: Let yourself feel without judgment. Giving yourself unconditional love means accepting every part of yourself, even the parts you struggle with.
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Establish Boundaries: You may need to protect your energy by setting limits with people who make you feel inadequate. Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out but about honoring your needs.
I am getting there…I may be a bit harsh with boundaries…and going all out…lets see with how this calibrates in the future…especially regarding this equal relationship thing…
4. Practice Self-Compassion and Forgiveness
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Forgive Yourself for Mistakes: True self-love isn’t about perfection. It’s about accepting yourself despite your imperfections and forgiving yourself when things don’t go as planned.
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Treat Yourself as You Would a Friend: When you’re feeling down, imagine what you’d say to a friend in your situation. Often, we’re kinder and more understanding with others than we are with ourselves.
I am learning all this…I can improve regarding the second thing…to look at myself from my best friends view…But for now its super helpful to have that friend to tell me all of that in physical reality 
5. Focus on Your Values, Not Achievements
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Clarify Your Values: List the values that define who you are, like kindness, honesty, or curiosity. Let these guide your actions, rather than constantly needing to prove what you can do.
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Celebrate Growth, Not Perfection: Celebrate small personal wins, like being consistent in self-care or making time for your passions, rather than external accomplishments alone.
Wow…this is something new for me…So at some point its time to work on my values…celebrating growth is something that I start to do…sicne I found the
button…I may look a bit to much on achievements…
6. Engage in Regular Self-Care Practices
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Find Joy in Being with Yourself: Do things that make you feel alive and connected to yourself. Spend time alone in nature, journal, read, or simply rest.
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Embrace the Power of Mindfulness: Practice being present. When you feel drawn into comparing yourself to others or looking for validation, gently bring your attention back to the present and remind yourself that you are enough.
I am doing it…this is my journey 
7. Let Go of Perfectionism
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Allow Yourself to Be Human: You’re not defined by every decision, success, or failure. Embracing your flaws as part of your wholeness will free you from the endless cycle of proving yourself.
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Celebrate Self-Acceptance Over Self-Improvement: Personal growth is natural, but don’t view it as a means to make yourself “better” in the eyes of others. See it as a journey toward aligning with your truest self.
here I can grow…seeing growth as a Value of me…something that happens when I am myself and let go…and also somethings come to my mind…I dont have to do anything to grow…I just have to be…there is no doing needed…no forcing…Exactly what has not happened in my childhood…I wasnt allowed to jsut be a child…and then to outgrow being a child…I guess that somehow happened with the developmental trauma…whatever…not tell stories about the past…Now I am getting better and better at allowing myself to be a human and fucking up…And take the growth as something that happens out of myself when I let go
8. Commit to Loving Yourself Unconditionally
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Make a Daily Commitment: Every day, remind yourself of your commitment to unconditional self-love. Imagine what a day filled with self-love looks like, and try to carry that feeling with you.
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Write Yourself a Love Letter: In a journal, write about everything you appreciate about yourself. Revisit this letter whenever you need a reminder of your inherent worth.
it feels like I am doing it…by continously making the wise choice…I may be a bit to strict with myself…lets see…That love letter deeply triggers me… so I have to do it
Letting go of the need to prove yourself and embracing self-love takes time and patience. But with each small step, you’ll find greater freedom, self-acceptance, and peace within yourself.
A Love letter to myself
What do I love about you? I love your commitment to growth. I love your commitment and drive to become more and more of yourself. I love your honesty. I love how you forgive others. I love how concerned you are about not hurting someone else. I love how careful you are not to grow a to big ego and putting yourself above others. I love how radically you have become in letting go the things that are not good for you anymore, be it people, patterns or things. I love your commitment to staying in the present and regulating yourself. I love how you try to show up all the fucking time. I love how well you talk. I love your wisdom. I love your creativity…your creative approach to how to heal. I love you running heads in into fear. I love how you confront your demons heads on. I love how you can be gentle. I love how you can be rough and hard. I love your stregth. I love your power. I love your resiliance. I love how you get up again and again over and over again and try again.
I love you for how you ARE not for what you achieve.