A life worth living and dying for - MechaShaman

[MechaShaman]

Hi Subliminal club!

I want to create this journal for the progress I make with subs. I have been using them for a little over half a year. In the beginning I don’t have great results (most likely due to weed detox), but I have been running Khan and Khan black since April, and it changed me so much…but it also showed me…that there is much to do and that I am only at the beginning of my journey.

I have been going through intense changes in my life during the last 4 years. Marriage, got dumped while I was building our family home, divorce, Burnout, Long COVID, drug/alcohol addiction, escape into spirituality, Kundalini Awakening…but all of this was a wake-up call…a call that I was deeply deeply disconnected from myself. I have arrived at a point in my life where I can say that all of this was the best thing that could happen to me.

Went through a lot of therapy the last 3 years. Shamanic work, Ayahuasca, Kambo, Plant Medicines. Shittons of Yoga, meditation, pranayama. Sexual shamanism/tantra. Diving deep into human design. And a lot of other tools of healing and self explorations.

The journey with Khan though, was something else…but I guess I already laid out a foundation for it. Khan managed to get me going. To not only do internal work but to transfer that internal change into outward reality. It gave me an outlook and the drive to go for it and conquer the fear that was blocking me from making changes. It changed my mindset in a way I cannot describe in words.

During the last months with Khan I arrived at a place where I am sober, I don’t waste my day anymore in front of the PC/TV, I eat healthy, not spend all time learning stuff that doesn’t really matter for my life and I managed to have a really nice and sexual fullfiling relationship for some months (and managed to breakup with her because it was moving in the wrong direction…mind she was my second girlfriend). No more victim mentality.
Some rests of depression and chronic fatigue are still there, but I am confident that those will go away as soon as I get my life more and more in order. Those symptoms are only manifestations because I am blocking parts of myself that I haven’t been courage’s enough to face…YET

Currently not working, as long COVID made me quit my job. Decided last week that after those 4 years, I deserve a pause. I deserve to properly become stable in my life to build it up anew. Maybe change career…but not thinking about this for a year.

And for this I build this custom, as a base for a fresh start. Love, positivity and creativity. Those are the pillars I want to build my life on:

The Vessel of love
-) Love Bomb core
-) Khan Black 4 core
-) Synergy: Breath of the Storm
-) Synergy: Semper Praesens
-) Synergy: Divine Dominion
-) Synergy: Wonder of life
-) Synergy: Carpe Vitaem
-) Synergy: Harmonic Conflux
-) Gratitude Embodiment
-) Dopaminergic Revival
-) Inner voice
-) Mosaic

I hope I didn’t overdo it with the modules and synergys, as I want to run it together with one of the alpha titles. For now, I’ll stay with Khan 4 to see how the custom behaves.
Hyped as f**k for when it arrives. Getting presults already from some of the modules.

Looking forward to embark on this journey to the life of my dreams. I have no idea yet what that dream is…yet…but I have the trust that I’ll find it out at exactly the right time

MechaShaman

[MechaShaman]

So I drew this after adding Emperor: The will to power to my stack. After listening I went for a walk and I felt the subliminal leading me to a place deep within me. A place I was afraid of touching. Protected by barriers of fear…it was da dark, cold place…but filled with an immense power. I felt this coldness, darkness but also power, will and potential in my heart. I said yes to it. And an immense energetic barrier in my broke.

So I used to be a really “nice guy”, that’s why I fucked up my marriage. Always people pleasing. No frame, no standing up for myself. I used to believe being egoistical was something very very bad. That I would be unlovable if I put myself first…the sad thing is…if I don’t put myself first…I am unlovable by myself. And this is the most important love in my life.

I am saying yes to that power.
I am saying yes to claiming my power.
I am saying yes to loving myself unconditionally.
May that fire deep withhin burn away all the impurities that stop me from fully loving and accepting myself.
And may it burn away all that stops me from doing what needs to be done.

What I also feel E:TWTP is doing: internal communications between parts of my psyche are effected by the rules of power. Some parts surrender to others. Some parts start to excert dominance. Especially this helps putting my own parts in a higher hierarchy than other voices: parental and societal conditioning. What friends would Think.

[MechaShaman]

Custom arrived after 2 business day
I started with 0:45. I immideatly felt that the custom hits differently. Way denser. For around 5h the custom worked strong, then I got quite tired and fatigued…I guess love bomb is hitting on something, as there is some melancholy and sadness rising up.
I experienced some of the modules already.

Will be an interesting journey with the custom for sure

[MechaShaman]

Broke my listening rules and listen 0:45 today again 🫣

It’s very interesting to see how the custom works differently. Especially love bomb works way more subtle. I like that. I am really happy that I got warned not include I AM ATMAN and included Divine Dominion instead. This is the module experience the strongest for now and it really helps me to guide my life more properly.
Defitley allready feeling the modules. They are coming online really fast. Hopeing to integrate them properly so they stay in my subconscious for long.

I made a big mistake in my journey with subliminales up until last weekend: I listened to the subliminals way to loud. I put the volume so the mask is as if I am listening to music…listening more quit now. For me the difference is as following:
loud: the sub comes in very very strong and fast but stays active only for some hours. And then I get tired and fatigued. Don’t know if recon or rather overload.
Silent: the sub comes in but more subtle and stays active for longer and no bad side effects (at least for now).

I have one week left now with my Stack (I changed a lot this cycle):
Khan 4
Emperor: The will to power
Custom Vessel of Love

I am starting to ask myself what I should switch from Khan. I definitely didn’t get all out of it and will need a rerun. But not now. I want to build the basis properly. Play the long game and do it properly this time.

Interesting Options for now are Genesis, Ascencion or Emperor. Genesis to find my purpose…and maybe build the functional structure in my subconscious that other subs build upon…
Emperor would be nice to build that will and resilience…something I definitely lack in my foundation. Would have the physical shifting as well.
Ascension is recommended quite often as a base to become alpha. I am defitley not Alpha yet. Ascension would the least dense I guess. Relief my subconscious a bit and get used to the custom.

I am still on rehab for long covid. Going home in a week and gonna continue with what I learned here and build my own at home program:
-) Daily exercise. I have to go really slow. Rebuilding from Chronic fatigue needs time and I need to be really disciplined not to Overpush myself. Slowly increase weighs or power during training. Even though I will think “I can do more”, stay with each step for at least 1-2 weeks without increasing. Instead of increasing weighs or intensity, rather increase duration and train for endurance.
When I feel fitness training is to much, go for a walk instead.
-) As I want to lose weight and cannot train like is used to do, I need to cut down food. Going with that ayurvedic rule of stop eating when the first burp comes out. And slow. Chew every bite properly. Eat ketogenic. Be careful with fruits.
-) Cryotherapy is the king. Continue with 2-3 sessions per week for at least a month, then see how it goes.
-) take a nap when tired and dont over push myself.
-) continue talk therapy and somatic experiencing therapy
-) start a gentle yoga + meditation practice again
-) not punish me for not being perfect, a bit of reading or watching some TV to wind down is alright…let go of the “be productive during all waking time” mindset. It burns me out and destroys me. I am worthy also when I don’t make progress for some time.
-) learn to not always give 100% learn to have energy and not use it. Recharge my battery properly and not draining myself again and again.

Other than that my plan is to be more social and spend more time with friends. Learn more about human design. Get into online dating. Enjoy life without feeling bad about not working, about not “being productive”. My job now is to build that foundation. I am productive in rebuilding my life. It’s the most purposeful and self loving work I can do.

This is the plan for the coming month…in one month I’ll be on an amazing training called Tantra meets BDSM. Gonna connect with my darkest sexual shadows there not gonna make plans for longer than one month forward, as I am changing so rapidly…

[MechaShaman]

The decision has been made. I researched s bit about the subs and it’s definitely ascension that I need. It’s often called an essential and I need the essentials of masculinity and assertiveness. It also has the find your goals and purpose scripting and it also has some body shifting.

My goals for it:
-) Develop more confidence in myself
-) assert myself more in conflicts, especially with my parents
-) get the proper routine in my daily life
-) find goals and purpose in life and allow myself those…whatever those are
-) not resist going into conflicts when it’s needed for my goals
-) become fitter and work on my body
-) get better with my boundaries with other people and myself (impulsiveness)
-) get trust in myself that I am a valuable/worthy man and use that to get into dating with confidence
-) develop more calmness within me. Will also work in somatic experiencing therapy on this feeling of nervousness/jitteryness that I feel in my body when becoming still

[MechaShaman]

So I had a test listen with ascension for a mini loop…
And I have to say: I should stick with the more narrow subs for now.
Listened to it for 3 minutes and had an amazing breakthrough:
I saw how my “spiritual mindset” didn’t allow me to put my own worth above others. To value my own way more than what others do. I saw how much I let my life be decided by outside influences. How much I am running away from conflict and fawning. How much I am repressing my anger and with that my own life force. No wonder I am depressed when I have no control over my life. No wonder my body has no energy when I feel powerless over my circumstances. And all leads down to a conflict with my family I am running away from since 2 years…part of me fears that there is no possible way to solve that conflict without breaking up with my whole family. But I have to do now. This conflict is making me sick. I have to do it, else I will die slowly and will never have the life I am dreaming of.

My goal is to have a life that I can control. Not guided by outside circumstances or rules, not guided by my own old limiting believes and patterns, but by my authentic individual expression.

Decided that I’ll do my washout early, and then stick to ascension and my custom. Later will add E:TWTP. But I’ll be more careful with subs now. I need to get the base done properly. Khan did it’s work, but I was nowhere ready for its whole potential. We will meet again Khan, when I am ready for you

[MechaShaman]

Washout brought up some deep realizations regarding self love. An area where I am not honouringyself properly is relationships. I keep spending time with people who are not good for me. People who are stuck in victim mentality. People who I had been friends with for quite some time. People who dont want to do what’s necessary to get their life in order. I am afraid to let them go before having other people in my life. But I want to do it and will do it. Those people pull me back into my old habits that I want to let go off (drugs and spirituality).

Started listening again and had some deep realizations from ascension: my spiritual mindset of “let’s all be friends and not hurt each other” held me back from doing what’s good and needed for my own life. And this especially held true with ending friendships. But I see it now that quite a lot of people in my life aren’t valueing the time they spend with me. I want to spend my time with people who properly value me and the time I commit to spending it with them.

Coming home from long covid rehab was intense. After living with so little things for 3 weeks I am realizing how much stuff I have at home that I don’t use at all. Already made some piles to throw away/sell. Bought myself an E-mountainbike to retrain my body as I learned it on rehab. It’s great be able to ride through the woods again after not being able to do it for 2 years. I am feeling really alive again
Integrating the lessons regarding not overworking myself well.

Tomorrow is listening day again, looking forward to it. Curious what it will bring I really like ascension, it’s quite easy and little recon.

[MechaShaman]

Its been an intense week for me. I did bufo with my shaman, as my depression was pulling me down to much. It works wonders, my body is able to relax, no more chronic fight flight and suddenly all the subliminals i lsitened to in the last months start to bloom.
When depression hits, subliminals dont really work i realized.
A lot of revelations that were holding me back. Intense emotions rising up.
Top revelation is: “i dont owe anyone anything”. Not even myself.

The custom definitely does its works. But i have to be very careful, its super strong. Ascension also works amazingly in me. I am way more open to women and have this attitude that rejection doesnt hurt me at all…its their loss of they dont like me.
Yesterday i was at a temple event. Approached the youngest and hottest woman. Connected with her deeply and got her number. Proud of myself that i confronted my fear of rejection.

Next weeks will be amazing. Doing an intense human design training online. Gonna do ayahuasca with a peruvian trained shaman after experimenting with it alone for 2 years. Tantra meets bdsm workshop. When i come back another temple event. Then ill get 1on1 human design training.

Future looks Bright

[MechaShaman]

So integration of my psychedelic experience brings up a lot of stuff…i am still not over my ex girlfriend. I deeply miss her. But i also know that she is not good for me.
The big question i ask myself is: why do i have souch resistance to emotional pain? What is this block that holds back my tears, so i only can cry when i take drugs or am at a retreat? There is a part withhin me from my childhood that tells me not to be such a whiny little boy. That i am a weakling if i cry. It makes me so angry that i have those oposing parts withhin myself that block each other and dont tolerate each other.

Since yesterday i am interested in the masculine archetypes. I definitely need the KING in my inner world. One that rules and takes care that the parts play along and work together and not fight each other.

What does the king say?
Its okay to cry as a grown up man. Tears make you strong.
To be angry with oneself is self harming behaviour and needs to stop.
Each part has its voice and get heard…as long as it behaves and doesnt get violent.

A lot of anger comes from not living out my sexuality currently. This part withhin me is super angry. The sex i had with my ex girlfriend was ridiculous. Dirty and at the same time we shared a deep connection between our hearts…we trusted each other. There is so much grief hidden there under the anger. I really loved the man i was while beeing in this relationship.

I dont know yet how to be that man while being single. It feels like i am lacking energy to do so. I dont know yet where to get that energy, but writing all this down shows me: i can be that man i want to be.

Breaking up was the right decision yet. I got lost in the realtionship and lost myself. I am still working on keeping my boundaries up. I want a relationship where i can continue to be me. Continue my own journey without making compromise. You can follow me by my side, but i wont change my direction. She didnt want that, as she had children and was looking for a new daddy and provider. I wont provide for a woman who isnt availbe to carry offspring for me. And i wont provide for children that are not mine.

There is still a lot of hurt how our breakup went:
I asked for space for some days as a theraphy session destabilized me quite a bit and i wanted time alone. 5 days later i tell her that i dont know if we have a future together (all this happened aftereeting her kids the first time after we got together)…the next day we end the relationship and meet to give back oht stuff…and she tells me she allready had a date with someone else the night before…we didnt evem break up and she allready met someone else…its hard for me to combine those two parts of her…the one i had that deep connection with…and that other part of her thats was so extremely hypergamous. Are women such monsters withhin? Is it possible to have an authentic connection with a woman and still statisfy hypergamy? I am asking myself again if i truly want to let woman in my heart, when hypergamy is at play. Or keep my heart open for men. Brothers, who dont crush my heart. Where values are honoured…where there is some sort of honesty and code of conduct…but it seems that in the game of sexuality and intergender “love” there are no rules and woman are using their sexuality as a good of trade to get something from a man…i dont want to play this game with those rules. I want to be the price. I want to be the one thats chased. I want to be WANTED. No more running after woman. No more getting week for their bodys and sexuality. I see how lust is said to be one of the seven sins of death. It makes a man weak. I dont want to be weak.

I want to learn to use my sexual energy to transform my life. Stop the PMO, i fell back in in the last weeks. Gonna go to Ayahuasca retreat in 12 days and for that i need to be abstinent anyhow. So i have a goal to achieve.

[MechaShaman]

So latley i am asking myself what is my actual goal…what do i actualy want? Especially regarding sexuality. And there is only one answer: WANTED BLACK

I listened to a microloop (1 min) yesterday after my journal entry, while sitting on a bench in the woods. Withhin 2 minutes, a hot woman with her dog arrived. I have never cold approached a woman before…NEVER. and i just did it. Had a chat with her for 10 minutes. Played with her dog. Meanwhile my inner voice tells me: go for it, allways escalatey ask her number, its just practicing, there is nothing to lose, see of you can get it. Sobwhen she wanted to walk on, i asked if shes single…she wasnt. Still i am fucking proud of myself. I performed amazing.

Wanted black is the most ridiculous subliminal i have listened to as of yet. Immideatly during listening something deep within me relaxed.

Later in the evening the answer to my question above came: what is holding me back from being the man i was in the relationship i have been in, while being single? NOTHING

And i could see what happened. When i got together with her, i was just starting my subliminal journey. With wanted black. But after having sex with her, i fell weak and attached to much to her. I fell back into my old relationship pattern i used to live with my exwife. It served its purpose, because now i know that i would do allroght in a monogamous relationship. But this is not what i want yet. I want to focus on increaseing my status, building my career and getting to know myself. No place for ANY commitment.

Also, as i have written, i am deep into human design. And i have the type of a projector. Which means, i have to be invited, after beeing recognized for my authorizatic beeing…no initiating. Not for a job, not for a relationship. Being in a receptive state and wait for the universe to serve me, instead of running after what i believe that i want. So wanted black is exactly what i need.
It was also very interesting. It felt as if wanted black would create “reverse recon” for me. It actually set energy free. It freed energy up. Today i feel like i have the most energy that i had in a long time. I guess this subliminal actually suits me. It carves out my zero point instead of having to add things to me to get somewhere.

[joker]

Wanted black solves the problem of premature ejaculation in sex?

@AnswerGroup

[MechaShaman]

I dont know if it was purely wanted black. I do so much yoga and with my ex gf I simply did it the yogi way and stopped ejaculation. Like completely, i could go for as long as i wanted. The most important thing to delay and control ejaculation is to be relaxed. The second most important thing is to understand that cumming is actually an addiction and to let go of wanting it.
For me this means to be able to trust and relax with your partner. When i was with my ex, this simply worked, as i felt very very safe with her. During a casual encounter where i barely knew my partner, i didnt feel so safe and i cum way way faster than i want. The underlying issue for premature ejaculation for me is not enough feeling of safety withhin, which is exactly what i am working on in therapy. Its only a symptom of something way way bigger.

[MechaShaman]

Depression did hit again and i went for another round of bufo/5-Meo-Dmt…this time was more intense.
I am learning a lot in the last days. I see that there is a big difference between purging and healing. I had this view that healing is the process of going back to a healthy state…to go back to a place where i allready was. But this was such miss interpretation by me. Purging is the process of getting rid of negativity. And healing is the process of becoming healed. As gabor mate says, our whole society and world is deepy unhealthy. Going back to a place of healthyness as society or parental programming tells me is not healing. In german its called HEILUNG…the process of becoming HEIL. HEIL means complete. Jesus is called the HEILAND…the one who is healed, the one who is complete. There is no trauma healing. There is only trauma purging. And healing afterwards in reprogramming. First getting rid of the programs that brought me to the palce i am (that i am grateful of because they seeved a perfect purpose and kept me safe) and then finding a new way. An authentic way to go forward in life.

I was going in the completly wrong direction in my “healing” journey. I thought i needed to become like i used to be…no wonder this didnt work. I want to become someone completely new. I want to become the best version of myself. I want to become my zero point.

[MechaShaman]

The shift i have experienced since having Bufo is ridiculous…and the interesting part is: it is actually a manifestation of the custom i created…

Lets go through it:
Gratitude embodiment: i am becoming way more grateful for everything, i started praying again
Inner voice: my inner voice starts to get positive. This is actually one of the most amazing things: my inner voice (ego?) stsrts to fall in love to me and by itself surrenders to me. It doesnt want to be stronger and in control anymore.
Synergy: Semper Praesens: i am becoming nore and nore present.
Synergy: harmonic conflux: i am becoming more and more relaxed
Synergy: divine dominion: the rate at which my life changes is increasing rapidly right now. Also i start to get full trust into the direction i wanna go in. Tyrant does amazing work there, as does current invoker
Synergy: wonders of life: i am starting to see how lofe is actually a fractal. Everyones reality is a unique fractal thats crystalzed out of the seed sound of Om.

Lovebomb: wow, the new forgiveness experience is amazing. My main issue used to be so much anger…but i can let go of it. Bufo experience showed me that all my trauma, all of my “bad” experienced actually made me into who i am, and that a wonderful flower will blossom out of the seed that my trauma has created withhin me.Bi saw how everything is perfect and the main issue in life is resistance to it…to fight the stream of life itself.

A beautiful process emerged…where i understood why i am still not over my ex wife after 4 years. I realized that i fully surrendered to her. This was the dynamic i knew from my parents and frandparents relatiobship…that the women are the bosses. I put all my trust, my future, everything into that relationship…and she simply dropped me. Like a toys she doesnt want to play with anymore.
I had a nice idea…i used to love my wearing my wedding ring, custom made for me, exactly how the perfect ring looks for me…i erased her name from it. It was a nice ritual…not surrendering to her anymore fully, bht rather to my self. I am gonna make a engraving inside with a mantra i learned in sexual shamanism: I am here with myself. I lost some weight since those days and the ring is fitting on my middle finger now. What a coincidence

Khan black: so what all of this process is bringing on a somatic level is deep relaxation in my pelvic floor. I allready learned from my courses in sexual shamanism that the root (or sex) chakra is where trauma is stored. When the pelvic floor relaxes…this relaxation is the foundation for the remaining organism. As i am becoming more and more my true self/zero point thats hidden under all the conditioning or depression, I sees how much porn and societal programming oversexualised me. I want to be able to use my sexual/creative energy for my process, to become more of myself. I have trust, that at the rigth point in time a/or multiple woman will appear and will come to me. All in perfect timing!

Synergy: carpe vitaem is also unfolding, but in a way i didnt think it would be: i start doing what i actually want to do. Not what i should do. But what i actually wanna do. i am seeing how much the values and “how you are supposed to live” from my parents were guiding me. But: there are no rules. This is my life and i can do whatever i want. Ascension helped here for sure.

So a lot of crazy stuff is happening in my life. Changes i didnt think would be possible in such a small timeframe.

Currently not listening to subs…i definitely listened for a to long time and put myself into overexposure/recon. I think ill stsrt again soon, but very very low. 15 seconds, and try to get to s schedule where i dont even reach the point of recon.

[MechaShaman]

Sooo…that psychedelic experience is starting to get integrated and my ego is rebuilding.
I learned a lot in the last days. It feels like i preloaded my mind with my custom. Bufo desintegrated my ego, and on the way back my ego was build together again with my custom pricesse

What came into my life is heart coherency, as a means of destressing and managing anxiety/depression/fatigue. I got their device…and its ridiculous…its been so long that i havent been so relaxed…the last time when i used to smoke weed.

This relaxed state is very new for me. And scary. Because in that relaxed state, i lose all ambitions. There is nothing to do. All the goals i used to have, seem so pointless…as soon as I am i sympathic response again, i run after things again…want to become this or that, want to have this or that. But sympathetic response is killing me. It burns out my body.

Its interesting…i listened to genesis today. An now i sit here with a feeling that the whole life and existence is meaningless. I guess this is recon to find my purpose and my own meaning for my life…my own goals.
Very proud of myself that i can sit with those intense feelings without beeing overwhelmed, and without numbing the pain with drugs, porn or unhealthy food.

Since i do that heart coherency i often feel my heart hurting. Its something new for me. Never felt that before. Not even after my dicorce or recent breakup.

I am seeing how i put a lot of pressure on myself…there is a deep longing in me to becoming legendary…in job, in romance, in wisdom…not because it happens organically…but because i feel i need to prove my worth. Either everything or bust. And i put such big goals, that they are completely overwhelming for me…so i dont even start…i want to make my goals i have for my life smaller. Actually i am realizing that that what i used to call my goals are actually dreams. Chasing after dreams is for sure overwhelming.

genesis working at its finest after just 1 minute of listening…

[MechaShaman]

I guess the andwer is slowly arriving…

Just continue what i do and love to do…but not in this hectic way of needing to master it in some months to earn money with it… Not needing to master dating etc. to get a relationship…

Rather: in my life i want to study whats interesting for me. I want to experienece what i want to experience. I would love if at one point i can guide others out of my experience and earn some money with it. I want to have an active romance life that unfolds naturally in my life at the perfect pace without forcing it.

It feels genesis is turning around my whole view about my goals. That my goals are not something that i need to achieve for my life to be sucessful…
But rather that i am content with myself without anything else (i invested now 4 years into learning this) and i can fill my life with some things…as a bonus…but not as that what makes me happy.

[MechaShaman]

Wow. Genesis is really working with me…

WHAT DO I WANT? WHAT DO I ACTUALLY WANT?
What do i want as the true me?

I start to see how so many things I believe I want are just coming from my past…wanting to be wanted (having a harem) because I was the outsider in school and never popular with woman…wanting to be a “real shaman” because shamanism has helped me so much to break the patterns of my old life…

But whats beneath that? These wishes are just a continuation of the past. Of living the live of a victim.

I am getting the chance now to go into the direction of becoming a psychedelics facilitator. Learning it with someone…but the undergound way…part of myself fu**ing loves this…but going this direction would always prove a feeling of unsafeness and anxitey.

I start to see how making steps in one direction make me burn bridges in other directions…so ot comes again down to the beginning question…

WHAT THE HELL DO I ACTUALLY WANT?

I have no answer yet. The only idea i had was to envision the attributes of the life i want to have and have this as a metric to make decisions as i go forward…

This live has a limited time…i cant experience everything…what direction do I want to go?

[joker]

Hi. Do you use psychedelics?

[MechaShaman]

Yes, they helped me a ton to work on my trauma. i choose them above regular anti depressants. I cant recommend any experiments though. They only help when coupled with proper theraphy and its an intense path to walk.

I dont want to break any forum rules and get into trouble, so if you want to dive deeper, send me a message.

[MechaShaman]

So…tomorrow my crazy workshop starts: Tantra meets BDSM

Last weeks where deep internal processes. Not much energy and a lot of going withhin. A lot of fatigue…
And today something amazing is happening: Khan is coming back
I am feeling a deep shift in my beeing. It’s all coming back. I went through the khan journey while i was with my girlfriend and when we broke up khan went into subconscious. We planned to get into BDSM together. I feel like the ruler of the world again. Memories are coming back how easy it was for me to be dominant with her…I feel very sexual again. Todays morning i was productive again.

Last days i though about about skipping subs for the retreat, to not have any processing…but there is one sub that is calling me again…Khan Black Stage 3
I listened to it only a very little bit, as the energy was hard to handle. But i feel a revival coming for the retreat.

Its very interesting how the subliminals come and go withhin me…how the archetypes only come out when needed. But it gives me trust, that nothing of my progress is lost.

That retreat is going to be crazy.
The Khan will be pleased