A Journey of Self Love (DR st2-EOG st1)

[AlexanderGraves]

@Joa23

I began feeling a sense of beauty and love when I saw the pain Ive been through, specially in my childhood and teenage years.
The light in the memories was haunting, like a very well produced movie… I teared up a little at the scene of having experienced pain and how lucky I was to have lived through that and being who I am now.

I feel like you got in contact with your soul there.

The following is what I believe: We are incarnated here to work through our karma. What we did in past lives to and with others or in general.
Generally, we all are incarnated to experience SOME kind of lesson. It doesn’t necessarily need to be living in poverty or help the disabled. Even rich people have lessons to learn (like humility and temptation, for example).

So I think what you saw there was karma being worked through. Finally coming clear and understanding that what you’ve been through is actually GOOD because it shaped your personality. It made you a better person in the progress! That’s probably also why it made you so emotional. The deep connection with your life path, which this is certainly part of.

Or so I think.

[Joa23]

I agree with your appreciation of my experience, you make a pretty good point. Thank you!

Now I feel like the acceptance is pointed towards my life experience in general… before I felt like I wasnt able to accept the life I was dealt with, but now I get the feeling that I have the right life experience for me, that it is my choice to stop fighting what I have and start enjoying it more.

[Joa23]

Last night my girlfriend gave me a long speech about how much she loves me, how much Ive changed since she met me and how supported and protected she feels with me. The thing is I was in the middle of the crisis I wrote in the previous post and every word she said was void of meaning for me, I was unable to process anything good about me in that state.
Today it all makes sense and I can clearly see what she was saying… Im able to recognize and accept her message as true and percieve the love in her words.

[Joa23]

Im getting strong vibes about building a custom around the concept of wisdom, I dont know yet which cores or modules and to be honest I have a long commitment with my stack for now, but I like playing with the idea.

What are the best cores for cultivating Wisdom?? I dont mean Intelligence or Intelect, but Inner Wisdom.

[Joa23]

Naa… I will do Sage Immortal when it gets updated after the experimental testings.

[noaha]

Why don’t you wait for @SaintSovereign to release the Wisdom sub under the artisan line? He’s got one in the making – available for everyone.

[Joa23]

Ive forgotten about that… Seems like a good idea, Thanks!

[noaha]

Have you ever tried Alchemist (especially ST4)? If so, how does it compare to Sage Immortal?

[Joa23]

@noaha

Have you ever tried Alchemist (especially ST4)?

Yes, thats probably the sub Ive used the most.

@noaha

how does it compare to Sage Immortal?

I cant answer that question, most of my exposure to Sage Immortal (at least 90%) has been in a custom with Alchemist st4. The remaining 10% was in a stack with Alchemist. I never run it by itself.

I do remember adding Sage gave me very deep and revealing dreams about myself.

[Joa23]

Im feeling lots of pressure in the forehead, blurry vision and some dizziness. I have an aura around my eyes.

[Joa23]

I had a headache for like 4 hours yesterday… It got better during the night while sleeping.
Now its a lot better, but I can still feel some pain and low energy levels.

[Joa23]

This is some recon Im having!! Ive been irritable and pissed off all morning… its seems like everything my girlfriend does bothers me… Im very close to be pissed off at her for just being there breathing.

[Joa23]

The only thing that calms my recon is being away from my girlfriend… otherwise Im constantly in a state in which I feel I could snap at any moment.
I dont think its because of her, but because I need to be alone and she happens to be there at my worst.

I have endless hunger too… I could shove food in all day long.
Now Im sitting outside in the garden being bathed by the sun… hopefully nature can take away the negativity Im feeling.

Didnt I read somewhere that a micro loop could help melt the recon away??

[FireDragon]

@Joa23

Didnt I read somewhere that a micro loop could help melt the recon away??

yes you can try 30s microloop to get rid of the recon.

[Joa23]

Im gonna test that, thanks!

[Joa23]

I did the micro loops, then had a drink and ate lunch… finally I ate a lot of chocolate and had a nap… all of those things killed the recon.

[Joa23]

Recon is over and Im resuming my stack.
The thing is my body is hurting, now my right knee pain is back, I havent done anything that could explain the knee pain… no accidents, no injuries. It must have some emotional component and DR is bringing it to the surface.

[Joa23]

Dragon Reborn st1 × 6 minutes
Paragon × 6 minutes
LBHX × 6 minutes.

[Joa23]

I started this stack on oct 23rd.
This is my mood chart since oct 24.

Tuesday, October 25 I tested Wanted X.
Wednesday, October 26 I tested Diamond X.

Clearly you can see the effects of the overload and recon in the chart.
I reached bottom on friday 28.
Now on the 29 Im feeling good.

[Joa23]

Its weird this feeling of feeling good and bad at the same time.
My body is 85% fully relaxed and in pleasure, but I have pain in the lower back and my right knee.
Emotionally Im feeling really good, but under the surface I feel some turmoil, some level of unpleasantness.

Might be the Dragon digging up shit…