Stiff shoulder. Need to work on posture.
After suffering the stiff shoulder for a day and half, ran Paragon 3m45s. Much better after half an hour.
The usual result for KB3.
Some slight mood lift, and mild reversal of my wariness of strangers developed a year ago.
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Performance feedback from bosses went well.
Country having elections in a week’s time. My area’s been heavily gerrymandered though, and the candidates are eh. 
Intrusive thoughts on overdrive, like worrying about the bus suddenly flipping into the bus stop etc. Having difficulty stopping these.
Some disappointing setback last night. Thinking about it today morning, I’m more stoic about it than when I received similar news last month. May be resignation, but I’ll also attribute this to Alchemist 2.
Not sure if placebo, but logged a similar experience before, along the lines of eating whatever your body needs possibly clearing recon.
A lot of small frustrations today, on top of struggling to process some new public code.
Looking around a bit at posted customs, not comprehensively but it seems like there hasn’t been one with a Synergy module and one of its focuses?
Whole day spent on observing the mudslinging in local elections. Doesn’t help with faith in humanity.
Taking another washout to sync with May.
Out of my scope, but the past month I’ve been having fear, anger and frustration following local and global news.
Honestly I know Alchemist 2’s working because I can feel its mitigating effect. But office shenanigans this week, so having the brim-of-the-pot feeling.
Guess I should cut the doomscrolling after local elections, and stop absorbing things I can’t do anything about. But it feels like turning a blind eye to things as well.
Recon or twisted result lol.
Revisiting the schools of thought about paradise from within, don’t look at the 3d, detachment etc. Unfortunately my interpretation is that the art of happiness is to lower standards, accept that the outside world is a cesspool, and live within the delusions my mind can come up with. Love Big Brother and Feel Good Inc. 
Sounds like a mental road to becoming a NEET.
As I write this out, emotionally I’m feeling chill like my first Alchemist 2 run but mentally it’s like I’m on DRR/Love Bomb. Bizarre.
Enjoyed reading your journal. How much overall progress would you say you’ve since starting and any key lessons you feel you’ve learned?
Hi, tbh I don’t think I’ve made much progress save in the energy aspect. The only sub I can claim significant progress with is Khan Black, as I’ve gone from physical discomforts and wearing jackets under the sun, to being able to work in an air-conditioned office with just T-shirts. Probably a weird thing I keep harping on, but it’s significant as someone who’s been cold for over thirty years. Also in contrast to other subs, with Khan Black I always have a rapid tangible effect after each listen, which is probably the carrot to keep listening leading to long-term changes.
For everything else, I still struggle as before I joined SubClub, if not worse. Socially, still incompetent, finding it difficult to improve my circumstances and mostly bitter. Intelligence and skills, I don’t feel like I have significant change when on a sub compared to off it. Emotionally not much better than when I first joined the forum. I’ve had results from some related subs, but they “peter out” by the second cycle. So I haven’t made significant progress, and probably worsened mental health. Can’t think of key lessons I’ve learned as I still don’t know what to do, and I’ve mostly just developed disappointment for the outer world.
One lesson that’s perhaps contrary, is that I shouldn’t try hard to “take action” - just listening and carrying on tends to work better for me. E.g. For a period of time I did very poorly with drumming practice, because consciously I was trying too hard, ended up doing worse and got frustrated about it. On the contrary I do better when I take it easy. So I need to work on detachment. Another’s not being limited to a single path or doctrine, which has helped make some improvements the last two months.
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Some positive things I guess - colleagues I get along with (older staff) have rotated back. Nice lunch together.
Dreamed a whole drama about the turning of some sci-fi civilisation into dictatorship and three conspirators’ attempt to stop it but failing due to miscoordination/self-interest.
Musing that maybe it’s not that I’m uncreative, just that I need better I/O.
January’s client shenanigans resolved.
Morning thought: Watch the monkeys, not join them.