Back to a meh day, unfortunately 
Today’s theme is embarrassing myself multiple times. Rationally I don’t think the people actually think poorly of me, but not being able to answer or figure out things quickly when asked is embarrassing for myself at least. 
Exhausting weekend involving family favours.
Did have some time to ponder about what I want in life, and in spite of recent events and wishing for recognition, in the long term I don’t care about making a name for myself in my field. It’s more of a “I want to do my job well, whatever it is, and be recognized and rewarded” mindset. Money is important, but as a means and safety net. After checking my liquid, rather than “Good, I have this much money”, it’s more of “Good, I can sustain my lifestyle for the next X years”.
Not sure if I should start this ~4th cycle of ASBR when I’m currently having doubts on my long-term desires. Although I have much clearer immediate wants (stabilize career, environment, git gud at whatever I’m doing…), maybe I should seek an answer to this persistent “what’s the point” in my life, but I still don’t know where to look.
Ended up playng Paragon and KB3 custom. Quick results from Paragon concerning a discomfort.
Today’s the opposite of last Tuesday, multiple irritations accumulated 
late bus, driver accelerates, brakes and swerves like a turd, new work computer BSODs at signin page, office scum, smokers, evening jam due to rain, missed a bunch of timings.
Only plus is someone kindly helped me with the door when I had my hands full at a dinner place.
KB3: Sitting at my work desk and perineum was hot for probably an hour.
Going to run Paragon for a bit more, somewhat paranoid with my block undergoing a massive paint job, running into smokers and vehicles with foul exhaust etc.
TMI dream
3 consecutive times on some vacation minibus, very vivid and prolonged sensations. Woke up with boner but no release.
Given last night’s dream, probably not the best to run KB3 but I did anyway. Surge of body warmth for about 2-3 hours to the point I kinda felt “heaty”, but settled afterwards. Ran Paragon in the afternoon full loop.
Very vivid TMI dream again.
Dream that seemed related to the HS core in the KB3 custom.
Second week, continuing KB3, running Sex Mastery instead of Paragon for reasons.
Almost-right-after heat from full loop of KB3, but no heat flashes today like the shorter listens.
Drumming out of whack today… Guess I should keep something with cognitive improvement in stack
Somewhat exhausting day. Ended up splurging on food at night.
Taking some leave for a break, but it’s not really a break when I’ve to handle home matters 
Ended up sleeping almost the entire yesterday. Motivation at a low
Today’s mood affected by a smug challenge against my correct math which I had to break down step-by-step 
Martial arts class was fun though.
KB3 full loop runs this week have been giving pleasant body warmth almost right after.
Observation playing today’s PoGo event: Ask for 7 Great Throws, I throw 7 in a row. Ask for 5 in a row, I struggle to get 2. Seems like I currently have issues performing under even small pressures. Overcoming internal anxiety and stress is probably what I need to handle.
Sunday night blues
More heat from listening to KB(3) as usual.
Jumbled handwavy thoughts, not new, thought of long before but dwelled on it today:
From my increasingly fading math knowledge, no sound and complete system exists to describe the arithmetic of natural numbers. Getting sound and complete systems pretty much involve stripping things, from quantifiers (0th order) to multiplication (Presburger) etc. But in doing so, even if it becomes complete, it loses the ability to state interesting things or even mundanely functional ones.
To abstract the same line of thinking, the modern layman’s understanding of “science” is about stripping things in the name of “logic” and “reason”, which loses the empirical, exploratory part of science. The only way to get a complete (if not sound, since soundness doesn’t seem to matter to most people) worldview is by stripping away things through some form of Newspeak. But otherwise, while our languages still have the ability to state and describe at least math, then as long as something is describable, interesting and useful with an acceptable degree of consistency, this logician is not keen of being stripped of it by “logical” people. Wouldn’t have come to subliminals otherwise.
So euphemistically, as long as this world I live in can still describe R, CH etc, I’m not interested in being limited to N. Which set theorist doesn’t include the axiom of infinity anyway. But how can I access R from N when only operations defined for N seem available? First, to remind myself that N is in R, and many similar operations are functional for R as well, even if the details are complex or even unclear to me - then to find an R-accessing operation for myself. But on the other extreme end, this does give leeway to unevidenced theorising and verbose nothingburgers, so it’s important to focus on functionality.
With my own verbose gunk dumped out, wonder if I should restart Alchemist next month. Have been running just KB3 several of the listening days actually.
KB3: The “light and well-greased” feeling in my arms today, especially the elbows and wrists. Didn’t translate to foosball performance unfortunately.