Hello guys back with another journal. Please be kind to close all my older ones if possible, else I’ll just tag you in them at some point. Sorry for the troubles @RVconsultant 🫶
Lately, I’ve been feeling confused for several reasons, some of which I haven’t fully identified yet. One significant factor is the major change of taking parental leave. While children are a true blessing, they also bring challenges, forcing you to confront your own past, which may have had its darker moments. Sometimes, you have thoughts that likely originated from your own childhood experiences, potentially involving hurt caused by caregivers or parents. This realization can be unsettling because it highlights the concept that traits and behaviors can be passed down through generations, even if you don’t intend to harm your child. It’s a stark reminder of inherited trauma and the ease with which it can perpetuate. Moreover, you discover inherited beliefs and limitations that may not align with your own values.
Anyway, I’ve decided to work slowly to add a foundation and do some healing. I started this journal offline, but today I realised I’ve had alot of realisation and growth just the past week that I think might benefit others. It would be selfish for me to not share that.
Current Issues I’m Addressing:
- Identifying Obstacles:
- I’m actively working on recognizing and understanding the entanglements, blockages, and limitations that are hindering my personal growth and potential.
- Emotions and Blocks:
- I’m facing a significant challenge related to my emotions. Negative emotions often get concealed by resistance and shame. Sometimes, I feel like I either experience nothing at all or just anger.
- Embracing Authenticity:
- I’m on a journey towards greater authenticity in my life, aiming to be more genuine and true to myself.
- Overcoming Limiting Beliefs:
- I’m actively addressing limiting beliefs that have held me back, working to replace them with more empowering perspectives.
- Social Anxiety:
- Despite being perceived as extroverted by those who don’t know me closely, I’ve recognized that I experience social anxiety. This tension around people sometimes leads to breathlessness, nervous laughter, and people-pleasing behaviors. It suggests a discomfort and fear around others that I’m determined to address.
I run Genesis because of foundation and to not go totally healing. Aspects of status, wealth, confidence etc
My Goals:
- Becoming an Exceptional Father:
- I’m committed to addressing my personal challenges to break the cycle and provide a better future for my children, ensuring they don’t inherit my limitations.
- Pursuing Gaming & Streaming Dreams:
- I have a strong passion for gaming and streaming, and I’m actively working toward realizing this dream.
- Developing a Strong Foundation:
- Over the next 3-5 years, I plan to invest time and effort in areas like confidence, status, healing, and wealth. I intend to dedicate specific periods to each aspect, with future plans to run programs like DR, Ascension, EoG, and Emperor to support my personal development. The key is focus and commitment over a longer period of time
- Reducing Stress and Seriousness:
- I aim to lower the stress levels and intense seriousness that sometimes affect my well-being. This rigidity and tension can be draining and hinder my performance, especially when streaming. I want to be more playful, laugh freely, experience genuine emotions, and rediscover my curiosity, sense of adventure, and enjoyment of life.
So today I’m going to run Genesis and DR:LD.
Anyway, an interesting exercise I’m doing is basically writing an affirmation and noticing and writing down any blurts of limiting beliefs or negativity. And it’s insane what things come out. In my experience they’re not always blurts from the the inner critic. Sometimes while writing I day dream or go into thoughts or a memory. And then when I come back I realise that memory or thought story had a limiting belief.
So my affirmation is: “I, [name], am a brilliant and prolific streamer.” I write 
by hand it for a full page and then any negative thought that might come up, get blurted or I get distracted with a story or daydream or memory, I write down. And it’s crazy how these things actually make sense to me. How they are limiting me.
Example:
“You’re a bad streamer.”
“You’re a bad father and boyfriend.”
“I’m anti-social.”
The reason for these feelings lies in the fact that my parents and friends lack a deep understanding of the significance I attach to streaming and gaming. They don’t see the meaning in these activities as I do. It’s worth noting that my parents often labeled gaming as anti-social, despite having few friends beyond our family circle, which is somewhat ironic.
The main point I’m trying to convey is that when I’m streaming, a sense of shame, guilt, and unworthiness engulfs me. I struggle to justify dedicating time each week to my hobby. Consequently, I find myself in a constant state of coping, with these limiting beliefs taking control of my thoughts and emotions.
How can I effectively express myself despite these limiting beliefs?
Anyway hope this exercise helps you with awareness as it has to me. Ask questions if you have any.
PS: This is from a book called The Artist’s Way.
painting activity for kids in the town. And I realised why I avoid crazy adventures. Because adventure is adventure, you spend time and energy going in adventure. Your brain needs to work more to take in new stimuli. You have adapt and deal with unforeseen things. Of course I prefer laying in bed. But I did it.
