Is this advice you need to hear straight from @Fire?
9 Cycles of Stage 1 is a lot, if you’re considering going back to Ascension, you may have some fears of going to stage 2 which could simply be addressed by going to ST2.
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Thanks, ouroboros.
I’ve reflected, and I’ll move to ST2 on my next cycle.
This week:
Monday - K1, LB
Wednesday - KB1, LB
Friday - K1, LB
full loops.
Went a little overboard at the weekend by trialling 90 seconds each of KB4, Khan 4 and Wanted Black. The result? An immediate improvement in energy and perception that I could only described as magical. Like shifting overnight.
The results still somewhat linger, I consider this a big motivation boost to persist with Khan.
This week I listened to 5 minute loops of KB1, K1 and LB, now washing out until next week when I will move onto Khan Stage 2.
Got a lot of thoughts, noticed a lot of little perceptual things following the subs. I SHOULD JOURNAL MORE.
I’ve put it in my weekly planner to take some time 3 times a week to journal here
Cycle 10, Week 1
Monday - Khan ST2 3 mins, Love Bomb 5 mins
Wednesday (tomorrow) - KB ST2 3 mins, Love Bomb 5 mins
Friday - Khan ST2 3 mins, Love Bomb 5 mins
Processing a lot through the subs and therapy at the moment.
Motivation to push through discomfort and be disciplined is high. Gym, Muay Thai, etc. on point.
Respect from others is going up.
Noticing thought patterns around freedom from childhood patterns, a push to more autonomy and maturity.
Noticing repressed anger coming up around my father’s treatment of me in childhood.
Therapy is highlighting my history of either suppressing my needs, or being consumed by them. Just exploring.
Today I chose to go with Khan ST for 1:30, and LB for 3:00.
I’ll note that on Wednesday after listening to KB ST2, I noticed thoughts around Zhan Zhuang, Chei nei Tsand, abdominal massage and tantric massage - some thoughts going on as to how to clear and strengthen my energy.
I was walking to the gym this morning and saw a man, walking ahead of his children. For a moment, I empathised with the children who were, I assume, trailing behind a bit sheepishly and lonely. I then had the thought that even though this man is showing little care outwardly to his kids, this man would likely fight and die for his offspring.
This thought-stream then took me down a mental journey of what it means to be a man?
The boy within would look to the feminine for comfort, for nurture.
But what if your women and children were stolen by another tribe, for example?
No comfort. Just you and your men.
Would you cry pitifully? Or would you risk your very life to save them?
Bit of a mental journey regarding masculinity - what it means to be a man, when shit hits the fan and there are no comfy feminine wombs to nest in.
I purchased the book, “Love Yourself like your life depends on it” by Kamal Ravikant. This book kept getting mentioned here and elsewhere. I’m adopting the mantra practice.
The combination of Khan and Love Bomb seems to manifest itself, in me, at this moment of time, as:
“I am strong. I am independent. I love myself.”
This cycle went:
Week 1 - Mon: K2/LB 5 mins each, Wed: KB2/LB 5 mins each, Fri: K2/LB 5 mins each
Week 2 - Mon: KB2 7 mins, LB 5 mins. Wed: K2 15 min, LB 5 min. Friday(well, this evening): Ascension 5 mins, LB 5 mins, KB2 7 mins.
I seem to -feel- Ascension strongly and quickly.
Finished the cycle with a few runs of Khan/KB/LB/Asc.
So I ordered my first 'mones this week - got some Nude Alpha from LAL, ‘Love&Desirex2’ basically as a mone-empowered aftershave.
Today I did some breathwork, released some anger. Noticed lingering thoughts of anger around my father and upbringing.
Nevertheless, changed focus and listened to a hypnosis around comfort and confidence with women… then listened to 90 seconds each of WB and LB, put on a couple drops of Nude Alpha and took a walk into the city.
As a person who would usually describe themself as heavily introverted, shy, socially anxious etc, I set myself the target of approach 3 or more attractive women and basically just giving them a compliment and leaving.
And, well, I managed it. And it wasn’t so bad!
One woman laughed and smiled, one smiled, and the other was just feminine and receptive. All were grateful.
I know to some here it may not seem like much, but for me, this was a big step, and I feel proud of myself for taking action.
I had some awkward thoughts about appearing creepy, old, and some thoughts definitely around making sure those I approached were like mid-20s or higher. It was actually quite reassuring to see once I pushed myself past my fear, things were actually fine.
The interactions WERE short, and I set myself up in a very non-threatening way by saying like “I’m not stopping, but I just wanted to say” etc. but fuck it at least I went OUT on a Saturday and talked to some women.
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I do find myself debating my stack.
I find myself wanting stability, foundation, basics.
A sense of safety in my body, self-love, forgiveness of the past, and a stable, strong sense of self.
From the shy/introverted ball of neuroses and shame etc. to hit it with the Khans, relentlessly, for the full year… I don’t know if it’s the most -productive- path forward.
I’m reducing antidepressant medication.
I find my mind going to Sanguine, Love Bomb, Ascension, and Wanted (not WB).
For the peace of mind (Sanguine), self-love(Love Bomb), strong sense of self without all the complexity of a full Khan script (Ascension) and for help with recovering my hairline, building a good physique, improving my sexual performance, building passive attraction from women, and just feeling wanted (Wanted).
Taking a few days off subs anyway for now, I’ll let this all sit.
You could try Ascension+SSX for some cycles, while you continue approaching ladies in your vicinity. I mean, you got the will and the pheromones ready. Now you just need more pleasant experiences until your subconscious feels that what Khan suggests to you isn’t that far-fetched or too far out from your current reality. Ascension will help you with the drive and masculinity, and SSX will manifest the scenarios you’ll feel comfortable in.
I’ve run Love Bomb for around 5 cycles now, and it does wonders for growing really fond of yourself, beyond what I’ve gotten from six cycles on Khan(perhaps because I’ve run it prematurely). From what you’ve written, you’ll want to get to the point where you are no longer self-conscious about age differences or feel the need for expensive pheromones/perfumes, because both are rooted in lack of self-esteem. Why would you want to defer to what society dictates to you about what is proper or not? You set the rules(within reasonable bounds).
I don’t think that Leonardo DiCaprio has ever been seen with a woman that is over 19. Why should it just be him that is allowed to do that?
You see a woman you like, you approach her or let her approach you. Take it from there.
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Props to you JAnon.
Confidence is built in small steps.
Well done.
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Thanks @GoldenBird and @KingR
Started a new cycle today, I decided to go with Love Bomb and Ascension and listen to them both three times a week.
Went with a full loop of both last night as relaxing before sleep. Had some interesting dreams.
Woke with a fury at my father - there is a childhood and adolescent wound here around never having really ‘stood up’ to his bullying tactics or forcefully exerted my own adolescent masculinity to seperate my will from his, that haunts me now as a diminished sense of self.
I find myself amidst a certain anxiety, reminding myself as if a mantra, I am my own man. I am my own man.
Meditation helped to bring some balance into the mix this morning, and then I affirmed for positive self-image. Went to the gym and broke some plateus which was pretty great.
I find myself wondering - how to talk to women at the gym - I did some hit-and-run complements on Saturday out in the streets, and I’ll do some more this weekend, but like there’s a couple women at the gym I’m sweet on. It’s a bit more claustrophobic in there.
I’ll bring in SSX when I have some disposable income to purchase it. An SSX/SMX custom would also appeal to help with following-through.
This week I’ll continue with gym, Muay thai, learning SEO, working on my art, having some social contact, doing my ME work, meditation, etc.
I also got some hair loss treatments (like topical dutasteride, minoxidil, a derminator) and have started a proper hairline recovery treatment regime. Feels good to be taking care of myself.
7 mins each of Love Bomb and Ascension last night.
Gone through a couple days with heightened emotion, victim-mentality thought loops, that then resolve and break into more peace and expansiveness.
Getting over a cold, so missed therapy and a social event this week.
Still planning to see friends on Friday, and to go complement some ladies on Saturday.
Patterns around standing up for myself, stating my needs and boundaries.
Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t, but awareness of this topic is increasing.
Gym went well today, I moved to a twice-a-week fullbody routine with less volume but really pushing the intensity of my sets up. Last week I was repping out like 4-5 chins and dips on the olympic rings, that is up to 6 now. Going to push to 8, then introduce some weight.
OK SO I notice this pattern of wanting to approach girls AND ALSO a timidity in that I would want to eject myself quickly. Like say hi, complement, and get the fuck out of there.
I think that is ok for this week, let me get used to acting on the impulse to approach, that is step 1. And realising that most women will be at least -polite- about it, and probably appreciative. Step 2 is going to be to stay present and extend the interaction… being present with any butterflies without moving.
There was a woman at the gym I noticed today I was dead-set on approaching at the end of my workout (I only noticed here like 3-4 mins before the end of my workout), she glanced at me a few times also. But she moved the fack away and I didn’t see her when it came time.
Kinda torn between adding Sanguine or SSX.
Because there is still a lot of nervous energy about me, PTSD stuff, and having a salve to help wash away that tension sounds so damn luxuriously welcome right now.
I imagine that kind of calm and freedom would be very liberating as well when interacting with women.
Last night I listened to 3 minutes each of Khan Black 3 (first listen), Love Bomb and Ascension.
Had some great energy today with my 3d art.
Some peaceful meditation and satisfying creative visualisation/affirmation time.
Some annoyance and irritability.
Worked with consistent energy on my art today. Going out soon this evening.
Tomorrow I’ll do morning practices then focus on going out and talking to new people. No more subs until Monday.
So, had an absolutely brutal dream of screaming my lungs out at my father, volcanic anger. Definitely there is a skipped/stunted developmental phase that is trying to correct itself inwardly. Finding my voice, setting a boundary, being my own man, standing on my own feet, these kind of themes.
Despite that, had a blissful morning meditation and affirmation session with some banging fresh coffee, then took a walk into the city to do some ‘hit and run approaches’ aka complementing some women.
I stopped to sit and drink some water and noticed a woman, in her 30s, with her dog and a friend. She was standing in the park and smiling a lot, being very expressive. I approached her and told her that I noticed her and her smile and found her beautiful, and wished her a good day. She was happy and receptive and wished me a good day too. Good vibes.
Second girl was in a more crowded part of town. Attractive woman in her 20s walking with a friend, I was walking the opposite direction and had to stop her briefly and give her the complement. She said thanks for looked uncomfortable and wanted to get away obviously. I wished her a good day and went on my way.
Third girl was sitting on a bench in the mall, youngest I’ve approached yet probably early 20s. She had her headphones in and was sitting looking at her phone so this was the most ‘interruption’ kind of approach I’ve done so far. I walked up and WAVED at her. Told her I’m not stopping but noticed her and thought she was beautiful. She SMILED and said thank you so much! Again, wished her a good day and left.
The fourth girl… I just wanted to get it done with (I had an objective of four complements)… noticed her last-second walking in the opposite way, probably in her 20s, delivered her the complement and she looked SO uncomfortable and whispered and thanks and scurried away.
So, that was that.
I’m home and feeling tired from all that walking, and will just let those experiences settle in mind.
Going to get on with my art for the rest of today.
Have a good one.
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Another night of dreams.
I was in a large family, fractured into two sides.
My side were being kidnapped, murdered, tortured etc. by the opposing side.
So many moments of rage and terror.
Clearly some muck getting cleaned.
Again today, notice anger with thoughts of the father.
Giving space, not interfering, letting thoughts and feelings be.
Last therapy session on Tuesday.
I noticed I’m being more efficient today than normal, in terms of cleaning the house, getting things ready for next week, etc. I think Ascension is helping a lot here.
Monday was Love Bomb and Ascension, 15 mins each.
Anger seems to be a reaction to being hurt and crushed when young.
It’s like an energy of fighting back against being crushed into oblivion.
Oblivion being the people-pleasing, eat-everyones-shit, traumatised personality I contorted myself into in order to survive the overwhelming presence of my father and an unsafe world.
But I can’t live like that.
Had my final therapy session today.
I will give some focus to accepting my needs and feelings more.
It’s okay to be human.
It’s okay to be me.
It’s healthy to have needs.
These are the kind of messags I need to soak in.
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Been having a bit of a meltdown these past couple of days.
Left one manifestation community right now. Everyone posting how easy their successes are. The moment I begin to talk about some of my challenges, it’s just the toxic positivity “stop crashing our party” response. Fuck that.
Been feeling a pull back to plant medicine. Soul is crying out for it.
Feeling self-pity from so many circumstances gone bad.
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