2024: Tale of Two Swords (Khan and Khan Black)

Journals - Major Programs
#42

Cycle 2, Week 2, Day 5
KB1 6 min, LBFH 5 min, K1 5min

Uuufgfhh, the dreams with Khan are absolutely crazy. It’s like going to psychedelic carnival every night where I make friends and get laid in weird and wonderful ways.

So I used to work as a call-taker for the ambulance service irl, taking calls from the public and relaying info to despatchers, law enforcement, giving life support instructions etc. as needed.

Dream sequence

Dreamt this morning I was on a cruise ship enjoying a vacation.

I got a call from a paramedic giving me info about some guy who had taken 7 different medications he shouldn’t have. I wasn’t at work so I wrote the info down on a piece of paper and then forgot to call work and tell them about it. I had some guilt and anxiety in my mind…

…but before I could do anything about that, I made a ton of new friends.
I became friends with Mike Tyson, we did some light sparring, then went for a beer, then went to a Juno Reactor rave. Mike’s a really nice, cool guy.

I was then chilling on deck, lots of people around around, some girl sat next to me and subtly touched me, which sent the eyes into the back of my head and I had a full psychedelic trip culminating in a tantric orgasm. After that I looked at her, looked at my pale arm, and said “Tan… tra?” and she laughed.

Was then interrupted by a guy who wanted to be friends with me and we start talking and smoking cigs, walking around the cruise ship. We snuck into a cinema and hid behind screens because we weren’t allowed in as it was some kind of academic presentation. But we nearly got crushed to death as we were hiding behind a ton of screens on railings that pushed back into the wall. We cried out for help and were rescued, and were told that if we love learning so much they’d have let us in.

Another old friend from years ago turned up and criticised the knobbly bone on my wrist, I told him to stop dissing my bump. Idk.

So yeah, Mike Tyson is a pretty cool dude.

My job working at the ambulance service built up a professional demeanour, and I lost that job after some circumstances sent me into a nervous breakdown.

I think the sub is encouraging me to put down my identification with that chapter of life and with the “out of work, depression” phase, and is encouraging me to start having more fun. I’m a good guy and deserve that.

Anyway, going to listen to my stack now, meditate, gym, work etc now

2 Likes
#43

Huh, weird.
There’s a girl I matched with on Tinder who lives in another country, I just wrote her a friggin poem? We matched a year ago and never talked.

Idk it just came to mind

Aofie, my star-fated lover from across the narrow sea.
If we were closer, I’d tease you with a kiss, or three.
*But jesus sweet fucking christ, you are so far from me, *
So we’ll just have to dream, of the missed opportunity… Aofie!

I’m just having some fun and giving some free compliments
Here is yours, Aoife - You’re fan-fucking-tastically gorgeous!

Now go take that free validation and go have an awesome weekend. <3

idk it made me both laugh and cringe, kinda feminine, but just want to share some joy and it’s probably some Khan wanting to express so it was kind of a “You’ve had the idea, so you gotta take action”

Don’t want it to lead anywhere with this girl, if I did then I wouldn’t have written something like that lol. Just noting the impulse, I’ve not approached or messaged on dating apps or anything in ages, and it’s interesting it just came up and sorta happened by itself now and I’m putting that down to Khan.

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#44

that’s some serious ass good ass poem man.
Gives me middle dark ages fantasy vibes.

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#45

I’ve read too much song of ice and fire, and played too much dark souls, haha. Thanks.

Definitely feeling more social today, and making comments I normally wouldn’t.
Like I was at the grocery store after the gym today, the woman was having some trouble scanning my milk, and I said “Yeah those can be a pain sometimes… but you’ll get it, you’ve got the magic motion” wtf

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#46

My brain is refusing to focus on work, just keeps spacing out into brainfog zone. My body feels a bit anxious, just staff passing through. So I’m putting this down to some light recon and going to take the day off.

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#47

Cycle 2, Week 2, Day 5
Day 6 - Rest

Slept a load and feeling a bit better.
No crazy dreams.

The NFTW drop on the 18th has me hyped, especially as both Khan and Khan Black were alluded to.

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#48

That poetry was neat! Did she respond? Either way it is okay. She was a muse who moved you.

Big fan of the Song of Ice and Fire series myself. I watch David Lightbringer’s YouTube channel where he talks about symbolism in the ASOIAF books. Worth a look if you like.

And haven’t played Dark Souls but I love watching youtube channels that discuss it and similar games like Elden Ring.

Your journey and journal is freakin great. Keep going, brother :muscle:

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#49

Your journal inspired me.

Thank you.

!

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#50

Feeling sadness and some fear.

I hear other people talking about having wives, kids, home purchases, and feel sorry for myself.
Getting older and aware that money isn’t great, string of failed relationships, fear of growing old alone, renting and sharing with housemates. The ‘pressure is on’.
I guess the highest pressure can build the strongest diamond.

Gotta align with my true nature, relax this old story, and align with the circumstances of what I want in my life.

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#51

That poetry was neat! Did she respond? Either way it is okay. She was a muse who moved you.

No reply, but that’s ok. It’s a reflection of my subconscious assumptions around communication from women lol. Gotta change the inside for it to be reflected outside.

Nice, thanks for the tip. I’ll check it out.

The alchemist himself? Nice, glad to hear it. :slight_smile:

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#52

Note For Self - 2024 Practices

Whatever else happens, commit to the following.
You’ll be carving out a strong physique, releasing trauma, finding stillness, increasing your sexual health and growing all-round into the man you have a birth-right to be.
By the end of the year, by following this routine and building up slowly, you’ll have made progress.

Weightlifting - Mon/Fri

Escalating Density Training - 15 min blocks alternating Squat/Dip, Deadlift/Chin, up weight beginning of each month and increase reps throughout the month.

Squat 60, Deadlift 70, Front Squat 60, Chinup BW, Dip BW
Squat 65, Deadlift 75, Front Squat 62.5, Chinup 2.5, Dip 2.5
Squat 70, Deadlift 80, Front Squat 65, Chinup 3.75, Dip 3.75
Squat 75, Deadlift 85, Front Squat 67.5, Chinup 5, Dip 5

Squat 80, Deadlift 90, Front Squat 70, Chinup 6.25, Dip 6.25
Squat 85, Deadlift 95, Front Squat 72.5, Chinup 7.5, Dip 7.5
Squat 90, Deadlift 100, Front Squat 75, Chinup 8.75, Dip 8.75
Squat 95, Deadlift 105, Front Squat 77.5, Chinup 10, Dip 10

Squat 100, Deadlift 110, Front Squat 80, Chinup 12.5, Dip 12.5
Squat 105, Deadlift 115, Front Squat 82.5, Chinup 13.75, Dip 13.75
Squat 110, Deadlift 120, Front Squat 85, Chinup 15, Dip 15
Squat 115, Deadlift 125, Front Squat 87.5, Chinup 16.25, Dip 16.25

Bioenergetics - before meditation, 2x/day morning and early evening

January - 6x1 min Bow/Arch
February - 6x1 min Bow/Arch
March - 6x1:10 min Bow/Arch
April - 6x1:10 min Bow/Arch
May - 6x1:20 min Bow/Arch
June - 6x1:20 min Bow/Arch
July - 6x1:30 min Bow/Arch
August - 6x1:30 min Bow/Arch
September - 6x1:40 min Bow/Arch
October - 6x1:40 min Bow Arch
November - 6x1:50 min Bow/Arch
December - 6x2 min Bow/Arch

Sadhana - Meditation - after Bioenergetics, 2x/day morning and early evening

January - 5 mins Pranayama, 10 mins Deep Meditation
February - 5 min Pranayama, 10 mins Deep Meditation
March - 6 min Pranayama, 12 mins Deep Meditation
April - 6 min Pranayama, 12 mins Deep Meditation
May - 7 min Pranayama, 14 mins Deep Meditation
June - 7 min Pranayama, 14 mins Deep Meditation
July - 8 min Pranayama, 16 mins Deep Meditation
August - 8 min Pranayama, 16 mins Deep Meditation
September - 9 min Pranayama, 18 mins Deep Meditation
October - 9 min Pranayama, 18 mins Deep Meditation
November - 10 min Pranayama, 20 mins Deep Meditation
December - 10 min Pranayama, 20 mins Deep Meditation

Start 2025 with Samyama.

Angion Method - 3x/week on Tue/Thu/Sat. 5 min ultrasonic before, Mindgasm session and 10 min reverse kegel and stretching after

January - 10 min Angion pumping
February - 15 min Angion pumping
March - 20 min Angion pumping
April - 25 min Angion pumping
May - 30 min Angion pumping
June - 25 min Angion pumping, 5 min Angion 1
July - 20 min Angion pumping, 10 min Angion 1
August - 15 min Angion Pumping, 15 min Angion 1
September - 10 min Angion pumping, 20 min Angion 1
October - 10 min Angion pumping, 25 min Angion 1
November - 10 min Angion pumping, 30 min Angion 1
December - 10 min Angion pumping, 25 min Angion 1, 5 min Angion 2

Subs - Listen Mon/Wed/Fri, every 3rd Friday off

January - Khan Black 1, Khan 1
February - Khan Black 1, Khan 1
March - Khan Black 1, Khan 1
April - Khan Black 1, Khan 1
May - Khan Black 2, Khan 2
June - Khan Black 2, Khan 2
July - Khan Black 2, Khan 2
Aug - Khan Black 2, Khan 2
Sep - Khan Black 3, Khan 3
Oct - Khan Black 3, Khan 3
Nov - Khan Black 4, Khan 4
Dec - Khan Black 4, Khan 4

1 Like
#53

OK, PMO’d.

Was having blueball earlier and manually relieved myself in a conscious healthy way, but that opened the gateway for the gremlin.

Note to self: We’re doing a strict NoFap for a while. Can’t have healthy masturbation without the chaser effect getting triggered. Better to just not go there for a while.

Gonna be a bit of a journey with two Khans, Mindgasm and Angion going on, to master this. I’ll try not to beat myself up over this lol.

Khan doesn’t use porn.

I’ll take this as a sign that I need to start expanding my comfort zone and start interacting with real women more.

I could update my dating profiles.
I could start ‘going out alone’ to meet women.
I could start reading about those topics and explore that.
I could journal about whatever ‘comes up’ exploring that topic.
and take action.
Hm.

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#54

“I need to rest, and put down my burdens”.

Came to me after meditation this morning.
Gentle unwinding of tension. Less analysis-paralysis.

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#55

Cycle 2, Week 3, Day 1
Khan Black 1 - 7 mins. Khan 1 - 5 mins.

I decided to MO yesterday, this was an intentional decision, I wanted my last ‘release’ before going into a 6-week retention to be natural and porn-free.

Probably a combination of Khan Black, Angion and Mindgasm but it feels like I’m on a low dose of viagra or something compared to before. Considering I’m still on an SSRI this is super promising. I’m only just coming into the second week of Angion/Mindgasm, and KB I’m not even halfway through Stage 1. My little guy is super relaxed, hanging and excitable today despite this weekend, so I’m happy with that and excited for more progress and healing over the rest of this year.

My tailbone/hips/legs still have some pain, so gym today was all upper-body and core. Felt great to rep out pullups, dips etc.

Slept a ton and felt very tired this morning after my loops, but gym, shower and protein shake have helped a ton. I woke late and the old me would have said “Its too late, I’m tired, skip the gym” but I just said “Just get it done, you can work afterwards even if it’s only for an hour or two before dinner”

Speaking of which, better get to work.

#56

Cycle 2, Week 3, Day 3
KB1 7 min, LBFH 5 min, K1 5 min

Now on a 5-day washout until next week.

Just putting this here for future reference, currently thinking to run this once a week. I’m doing some basic pelvic floor relaxation/stretching 3x a week, but once a week I could take more time and do this to be really thorough.

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#57

Cycle 2, Week 3, Day 5
Rest day

Super-hyped for New Khan, which begins with Cycle 3 on Monday.

First two cycles were shorter loops, I’ll move up to 10 minutes each KB and Khan. Need to contemplate on the copy also and start applying.

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#58

Fights urge to play New Khan during washout

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#59

Just noticing some old shame/embarrasment coming up around my past.

There is a sense that this ties in with holding back from feeling social, and especially of dating and meting women. It is a part of my past story I’ve not yet healed or integrated.

Like meeting women = inevitably sharing this stuff = potential for rejection/mockery/shaming

Not sure on quite how to deal with this.
I think, I will journal offline about this stuff, and see how I can resolve it.

#60

Great journal, wishing you best of luck this year. I see what you meant in that other post about the combo cleaning out carpets lol.
Looks like this stack gets deep.

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#61

Btw one way I’ve learned to share vulnerabilities is to briefly mention something I went through in the past, but then quickly start to speak on how the experience empowered me or taught me a lesson.

Doing this shows that I can be without getting emotional or sounding like a victim.

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