Parsifals Khanquering of the Holy Grail in 2025

[Parsifal]

One of the main reasons I write that I run Khan out of desperation is our situation at home.

We’re living with my family which is slightly dysfunctional. It seems like we all keep what bothers us to ourselves until it bursts out. My mom had such a moment today. It wouldn’t have needed come to that if she would have voiced her concerns earlier.

I feel the same thing. Inability to voice my concerns. Out of fear that it can’t be solved civilized? My uncle decided, since he doesn’t work between Christmas and Epiphany, that he would use the wood fired central heating instead of the oil fired one. But since he doesn’t want the hot water tank be fixed, he needs to put wood in the fire every couple of hours, which he doesn’t do. So it turns cold.
When my fiancee put a electric heating device in our living room (in his part of the house), to bring it to an endurable temperature, he came in when we weren’t around and took it away (He’s paying for electricity). He just intruded our scarce privacy. His only answer is to put on more clothes and use more blankets at night. Disregarding her bladder infection with the epitome of ignorance. He doesn’t feel old, so others can’t feel cold as well. Supreme Logic.

Now my fiancee is pissed again, depressed again and I feel powerless.

The only way out is to get our own flat.

But for that we’re missing the income.

So I need to solve my financial issue (that probably isn’t financial) ASAP

That’s one of the main reasons to run Khan.

[Parsifal]

Considering having this personal details that help no one (but me) in a offline journal, and just write about the experiences and insights others can read with benefit.

[Parsifal]

05.01.2025

I don’t know what this is, but since I ran my first two minutes of total Breakdown yesterday, I feel a rage inside of me.
I deleted a few posts in here already because my answer would have been to aggressive and not constructive at all.

Also with my family and fiancee - I can’t take their BS atm.
I try to be levelheaded and to keep my voice down, but it’s hard.
I found out that I can sound threatening when I speak quietly.

And this were mere 2 minutes of Total Breakdown.

I knew for some time that I have anger issues. That I swallow my anger so smoothly that even I didn’t notice it for most of my life.
But I couldn’t access, feel it till now.

It’s kinda hereditary. The way my family deals with anger. Swallowing it and once it’s enough it’s bursting out. Not a healthy way.

Is anger perhaps the culprit?
Is anger causing me to procrastinate?
Because I don’t want to feel more anger and add to my large reservoir?
The Anger will not help in sales, but solving my anger issue might.
A part of me wants to see the world burn.

We’ll see.

[Risky]

Anger is so common when going through status subliminals like Khan and Emperor. I personally think it’s related to confidence and personal power. It means Khan is working straight away which is nice.

Anger is also a powerful force. It can power up the action you need to take and make a change. It can also be destructive. But it’s much better than mediocrity and apathy. Good luck mate.

Khan is great.

[Parsifal]

On my first day of TB I was so pissed that I decided to kill a bottle of sparkling wine.
So I sat there, drinking my bubbly, watching a few episodes of The Blacklist, making a few notes in my journal, when I realized that I need to change. Even if the whole world stays the same, that can’t be an excuse. I need to change, to evolve, to realize my potential.

And even after the bottle, I was still sober enough to know that I need to prevent hangover. So I took some pink salt, magnesium and lots of spring water. And surprisingly, I didn’t feel any hangover the next day.

[Parsifal]

But speaking of missing Hangover reminds me of another big change in my life, I didn’t expect so drastically.

My whole Lifestyle got emotionally and physically healthier

• I start my day with a Ginger-Lemon-tumeric Tea instead of coffee

• I replaced my shower gel with HQ organic soap, Shampoo with soda and Conditioner with acv.

• I use a copper tongue scraper twice a day, flush with a Himalayan brine at least twice a day, brush my teeth at least twice a day with hydroxylapatit toothpaste

• I replaced our dishwasher detergent for an organic one

• I drink a lot less alcohol, energy drinks and soft drinks.

• No more unhealthy snacks (mostly)

• Basically, I decided that I loved the way I felt on the Dopamine Detox so much, that I want it every day.

• No Facebook, next to no other social media

• I reduced my Telegram time tremendously

• Only minimal TV consumption. We replaced our Detective Conan ritual before sleeping with conversations about us, our development, our plans, our relationship, etc.

• I even reduced my forum time (why “waste” my time with threads of subs I’m not planning to hear like WB, ASBR, RMV,…)

• No gaming (I had one week in between the years when I played a lot, but that made me realize I can’t do it in moderation yet, so it has to go)

• Since I don’t waste money on unhealthy junk, I can buy more organic food.

I started to bake my own whole rye sourdough bread, and it is delicious. If I can, I only use the highest standard of rye I can get my hands on, this time I'll even grind my own flour. (Rye is the typical German bread grain, lowest in gluten by far)

• I guess there might be a few more points I forgot thanks to the smoothness of NSE

When I realized that so much is changing so fast, so naturally, without me even noticing it, I realized just how smooth NSE is.
@AnswerGroup

My Ascendet Love Custom contains

• Love bomb → love yourself to the max
• Ascension → Embrace an emotionally and physically healthy Lifestyle
• Ardent light → burn all your negative tendencies
• Breath of the Storm → Change bad habbits
• Divine Self image
• Dopaminergic Revival → Get your dopamine circuit corrected
• NEHE → it’s so smooth you won’t even notice it

I even ask myself what Impact this NEHE custom has on Khan Total Breakdown.

Of course I’ve run LB and Ascension a in my stack for a few cycles each, but this drastic change only started after I started my custom.

[Parsifal]

06.01.2025
TB 5:55 EoG 15:11 ME 2:00

08.01.2025
TB 5:00 AL 5:20 ME 1:33

Invictus by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

[Parsifal]

10.01.2025
Listening Day
TB 3:21 EoG1 9:03 ME 2:00

I start to feel my rage more consciously. It’s like it’s often there, but only now I can sense it, where in the past my rage was invisible, undetectable.

I still can’t determine what exactly it is that causes my rage, or if it’s just old rage, slowly resurfacing.

But I guess that with every day I feel the rage, I will slowly be able to determine, to understand it better.

As I wrote above, in the past, I swallowed my rage so smoothly that I didn’t even notice it’s existence.

Not anymore

[SoulFire]

It sounds like engaging with a very obscure space filled with unprocessed feelings boiling in rage, and now they are finally being heard and freed.

Day by day expanded and integrated in your conscious awareness and willpower.

[Parsifal]

12.01.2025
Listening Day 5
TB 2:22 AL 2:30 ME 0:17

Decided to run rather short loops today to reduce processing time for quicker results.

I mentioned in the ME thread that I made progress with goal setting. It’s true. Though I didn’t set clear goals yet.

Today was another breakthrough in this endeavor. I assessed today, that I, indeed, need big goals. Like 7 year goals. Where do I want to stand in 7 years.
In the past I made a plan for this, but I wasn’t ready yet. In the meantime a lot of healing happened. I grew a lot. 3 years ago, I wasn’t mature enough to really do something with the goals I’ve set. I was still struggling so much with everything. So plan for tomorrow is pondering about my future and what I want to have reached in 7 years. Then I can break those goals down into milestones and those I can use as intermediary goals.

Timewise, I wasted a lot of time these last couple of days on playing Dishonored 2. So I gave my game disc to my fiancee to hide it and forget about it. I will only play it again once I find it by accident.

[Parsifal]

Rest day after the short loops.

I slept long, but when I woke up, I felt better than a long time now, even before Khan.
I always needed at least an hour to be fully awake. Not today. I opened my eyes, ready to seize the day.
While having breakfast, I made shirt to do list of some household chores and then I immediately started working on it.
A total Game changer moment for me. I wasn’t like this in weeks, if not months.

Also, I had a lot of interesting dreams tonight. Some about my religious community that damaged me deeply and some strange dreams about me and my fiancee spending time with my cousin and her husband in a nudist environment.
I don’t understand it, and don’t remember enough to ask ChatGPT, but it’s a clear sign of healing.

[emperor_obewan]

Interesting journal. I’ve never run Khan myself, but I’ve watched the journey of others who have.

Rage is something that can be used or redirected towards growth while you’re trying to pinpoint its cause. Often rage comes out of powerlessness, and it’s closest to a form of stubborn, obstinate will power which can be redirected towards your goals.

It’s cool you’ve experienced the planning with LME too. One thing I learned from the CEO of a company I used to work for is the importance of the BHAG (big, hairy, audacious goal(s)). I recommend googling that term, it can be really good for keeping your vision strong.

[Parsifal]

That’s what I’ve noticed about rage as well. It’s pure energy. At first it was offsetting.
But, I guess thanks to the scripting, I was quickly able to put it behind the thought of growing so I don’t have to endure this shit anymore.

[Parsifal]

I wrote about this one obstacle I can’t even grasp, much less dissolve. That’s standing in my way to financial prosperity, but isn’t about finances.

In the last couple of days I got the impression that it’s an issue of self-worth. A part of me still seems to believe that I don’t deserve abundance.

[Parsifal]

Just to keep it present in my Journal, for later reference.

Solving Self-Worth Issues

I realized, that there’s something that’s hindering me, from making serious progress in my life. I start something to improve my life, and I can go all in until I notice first results, or understand that this has the power to change my life completely. Then it’s over. I just can’t keep on going/ reading/ whatever. Like with my sales training. I was amongst the best until I got the first result. Once I had the chance to finally make some little money, I was blocked internally. And that was th…

[RVconsultant]

@Invictus See above.

[Parsifal]

14.01.2025.
Listening Day 6
TB 2:00 EoG1 2:00 ME 0:17

16.01.2025
Listening Day 7
TB 3:00 AL 3:00 ME 0:17

The last two days I was reflecting on the answers I got in the thread above.

Do I need more healing? More breakdown? Do I need to solve more? Reduce more of the things weighing me down?

Or do I need the opposite? Building up? Add something I’m missing? Gaining the strength I need for the future?

My inner voice leans towards the later.
It’s like with an accident.
You can heal all you want. But once you’re healed, you need to start training your muscles to be able to walk again. You can’t heal your muscles into strength. You need to train them.

The day before yesterday, I used a coaching technique called figure dialogue to talk to the part of me that is holding me back. Before my inner eye it manifested as nothing. As a void.
It told me that it’s single purpose is to keep me empty. Not to allow any passion to grow, any drive to manifest. Nothing that would lead me to loose my mother (as in having my own life). It’s an old programming back from my childhood when my mother was about to die regularly because if renal failure, a botched transplantion and the cancer following wrong medication.
It agreed to retreat, but I need to fill it actively.
The following night, I couldn’t sleep until 7.
Sluggish day. Stayed lazy in bed until early afternoon. Then started to clean my bedroom.

This morning I woke up and knew why I wasn’t able to work. It’s fairly easy. I didn’t want to because it’s boring. Two days ago, I wouldn’t have been able to make this deduction.
Today I can and it’s great.

Now I can decide to work just because I want to. Not because it’s fun, because it’s my decision to do so.

[Parsifal]

18.01.2025
Listening Day
TB 10:20 AA 10:10

Felt like I need a harder push this time.
Also I felt like I could use a refresher of my other Custom Abundances Architect which has winner overdrive and a few more wealth modules I cja use right now.

[Parsifal]

19.01.2025
That was yesterday.
I almost doubled my longest listening Time on TB. Today I have a mild but constant headache.

Tried everything (except for sport) to reduce recon: Salty bananamilk, minerals, sweets.
Nothing helped so far.
Sport isn’t an option right now since the headache gets worse once I start moving.

Nevertheless, it’s a good sign that I see an effect of TB which I didn’t consciously for the last couple of listening days.

[Parsifal]

20.01.2025

I started reading Learning to love yourself which @JAnon recommended to my fiancee.

I’m a third into the book now.
But even the introduction hit my like a hammer.
It sounds so simple and so easy.
Just accept yourself and love yourself and everything else will fall in place.
This hit me harder then the 10 minutes of TB.

Once before, when I confronted and acknowledged my sexual desires, I had terrible headache because my brain needed to reconcile the obvious truth with what I was living.

Yesterday it was the same.
Whereas recon headache was mild and in the back of my head, the headache from understanding this simple truth, was a piercing headache in the frontal lobe. @CurlyGirl massaged my forehead for over an hour to reduce the pain.

This morning I continued reading the book and it felt like knowledge I learned years ago dropped from my brain, down into my heart.

Today I’m extremely tired.

I’m still waiting for the new drops before I decide what to run today. I’m considering pausing TB for today. If the drop happens at 4pm EST it’s around 10pm over here, so still before I go to bed.

We’ll see.