This weekend I was at a tantra retreat very interesting went alone to push myself. Ran libertine and my custom the day before.
First day was a bit nervous because of the newness of it. And many of the people there knew each other. But just started talking to more and more people. It’s a very loving enviroment which is really cool.
I noticed during one eye contact exercise that one of the women I looked at started biting her underlip. After the exercise she went to her husband and asked if he was ok.
At the first day I noticed i blocked my sexual energy a little and did not allow myself to fully feel it.
Day 2 we did some kundalini awakening and some ritual play. Ritual play was really interesting it’s basically when you have 7 minutes to just play with each other (No sex) . And I started to allow myself to feel the turn on for the play with the girl I did it with. And it just became more and more open… With another girl we started biting each others neck and wrestling… You can also just say no and the play stop. No of the girls did it with me though. It was a very interesting exercise because I think we lose that sexual playfulness.
And sex is suppoed to be playful and fun not so serious.
Day 3. My old abandonement trauma got super triggered. During an exercise which left me alone. I Was grouped with a girl but her friend was all alone so she went with her friend instead. I just wanted to go home.
But instead because of the sub and new teachings I learned I was like let’s try the new 2 hour meditation the nun gave me.
After like 5 minutes I had let go of the triggeredness and started feeling the metta. 1 hour 50 minutes later i open my eyes from the meditation and everyone is sitting around me. I even started feeling compassion for her friend. If I did not feel that pain she would have felt it and I doubt she could have handled it as well. It might have ruined her whole expereince.
So instead I became grateful for that experience.
After that everything changed. Girls started constantly approaching me, During the final exercise we were gonna strip the other person with a blindfold.
The girl I was with was like just do whatever don’t take off my panties thouh as her boundary.
I think this weekend overall and i think the processing of the subs from all insane action I took will really make a big impact in my life.
They talked in the first day about not going to hardcore and if it’s not 100% yes don’t do it.
I was more like fvck it im gonna push myself to the extreme.
Insights from the weekend is…
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Relaxation is almost everything at the end of day 3 i had stopped all judiging all expectation with all women. And conversation touching just flowed so effortlessly.
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Do not block your sexual energy… Or your desire for her… it’s a disservice to her and you.
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If i can let go of me being super triggered in 5 minutes a cold approach rejection is gonna do nothing to my emotional state.
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Talk to everyone as equals whether she’s your type or not. Only difference is show intent if you are interested in her in a more sexual way.
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Pushing yourself and doing the 6rs are insanely effective.
Overall i only had one regret and it was not asking one of the girls for her number. I was gonna do it but was completely exhausted from pushing myself for 3 days. And she was with her girlfriends.
Oh well.
Now subliminal you have a lot of references. Today I’m just taking time to reintegrate it. Go brain make me the Real Divine Masculine 
