Until I both started with subclub and also watched the mental health of several ppl decline over the past couple years, I never realized just how strong a role childhood play in a person’s development.
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Man, your childhood is similar to mine except the adults were my parents and their friends with teachers - all highly critical, control freaks. Targeted abuse and preferential treatment of other siblings just made me pull my own boot straps and cope.
Then people get mad when you don’t emotionally lean on others as it’s a human trait. They don’t realise it’s an early coping mechanism hard wired by others who are just as lost and damaged as us…
Letting other people in requires trust, but life experience may have taught us to keep others at arms length, for good reasons. Independent is only bad when it becomes isolation.
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Thanks for sharing.
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It took 16 years and a man I’ve never even physically met to truly realize why I move the way I do socially. I feel you, my mother was loving but also critical too, I pretty much just ignored her whenever she spewed anything that wasn’t constructive criticism, even as a young child, so I can relate a bit right there. Truth be told at this point, isolation is my preference. I simply prefer my own company over the alternatives. For me, ppl are best in small doses. I’m talking more like micro doses.
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I’ve already made the choice to stack emperor and Stark ZP with my primal ascension custom during my next cycle. I can see how doing this would basically have me expressing all 4 masculine archetypes and taking a multidimensional approach to boosting my overall masculinity, not just in terms of feeling but also have it expressed in all that I do.
Can’t lie, I’m already missing the feeling of enhanced stamina, energy and intelligence that the stark and emperor combo brought too. I can only imagine what kind of fuel could be added to the overall fire with my primal ascension QV2 custom being added into the mix.
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Interesting, chosen has already made my eyes a shade or two lighter. My glance seems more hawk-like too when I look in the mirror
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I really felt this with Emperor. I was coursing with power at the beginning and then after a while the effects felt like they disappeared. That was a bit of a recon-rut for me, and I haven’t gotten that massive surge of euphoria since listening to emperor, BUT, I can see that the results are still there.
It’s as if that first week’s massive results is just a teaser for what life can be like all the time if you stick with the sub for 6+ months. Saint calls that “the honeymoon phase” of listening to subs.
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theoretically this would cause extra recon by listening to both, even though it’s different titles. Someone asked this on the CFW thread and it was said that listening to both would give recon, although not as bad recon as listening to a ZP and a Qv2 title of the same title.
You may already know this, and it wouldn’t be a hard “no” to stack Chosen with CFW… just wanted to make sure you knew that before stacking them! it would be awesome to see someone run both and see what happened.
Thanks for pointing that out. On that note…challenge accepted.
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Basically became something like a hermit over the weekend and my energy levels were trash. It’s like I couldn’t stay awake and I also ate slightly more than usual.
I’m starting to notice the things I dislike about ppl in general, and especially in those I interact with seem amplified. I honestly don’t even want to go to work because I’m enjoying my own company that much, and I get annoyed almost anytime someone speaks to me. Obviously recon. It doesn’t feel as intense as the first couple days though.
This recon is definitely akin to what I’ve experienced on past versions of emperor but not quite as intense. I finally broke that cycle with emperor ZP though so let’s see what happens with chosen and CFW.
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My recon dropped while interacting with ppl at work. Even the supervisor I was frustrated with just a few days ago was much more calm in the ways he helped today and we were actually laughing together a few times.
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One female coworker for some reason wanted me to come and sit near her.
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Even women that normally pay no attention, did so today. Crediting that to the chosen aura.
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I was unusually kind and patient with ppl who called in and that translated into an overall excellent sales closing rate. The highest I’ve had thus far
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During my lunch break, I found it hard to stop smiling and laughing.
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Seems ppl are just all around kinder to me in general.
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A female coworker got up and hugged me in a sexual way. She kinda even felt up on me like she wanted to get it on right there in the lunch room, also shoved her head into my chest to get a better whiff of my cologne. I almost forgot where I was at in that moment lol.
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Tonight I finished with a record high sales closing rate.
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I kept getting congratulated constantly when making sakes.
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When my new official team lead came to work, he greeted me and told me good job for leading the pack in terms of team sale percentage. He came back a few minutes later and begged me to keep up the good work because a few members of the team were struggling. Glad I met his expectations but more importantly all these good sakes days shows I’m becoming more consistent.
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So… I haven’t even run my stack yet and I’m…not feeling the need to do so. Chosen and CFW are a deceptively powerful combo for me. I just realized that after fighting through the initial recon, I’ve been almost 100% positive the past 2 days straight. It’s making me feel as if I’m losing my edge.
No matter what I know I’ll always have the internal fortitude to stand up for myself but I’m now feeling unbalanced. Maybe cause I haven’t felt this consistently positive in years. I may take another rest day
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She smell man. She want man. He remembered he still at work. 
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Hey just had a thought pop into my head.
You have two powerful auras… sales success and opposite-sex attraction.
Do they correlate? Do you think you’re getting more female attention when you’re on a sales streak? Or have you noticed even if you’re on a “slump” with one, it’s still possible to be “hot” on the other
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Funny you mention this because this past week my attention from women has risen along with my sales streak
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Well then, I woke up thinking about money HEAVILY. All of a sudden it’s like the ruthless productivity mindset I got from Mogul ZP and the motivation to make huge amounts of money I got from Rich ZP are back. Spoke with my mother this morning and she said she had a book for me she’s never read, called “The richest man who ever lived”. Is this a sign that something is brewing on the horizon?
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I’m doing well more consistently in sales, haven’t had a bad day for over a week. I’m exceeding department standards.
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The celebrity like effect from earlier ZP’s like mogul and Stark seem to be firing back up. My coworkers are extra friendly. Better all-around treatment from agents and management alike.
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Starting to hear the “Jarvis” in my head to start focusing more towards money after this current cycle. I’m getting signals that the bit of emperor and Stark programming I got was enough for now.
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CFW is definitely a more powerful healing sub than Regeneration Q was, although regen Q was extremely potent as well as be stated before. I know the signs from when I’m emotionally healed so now I’m thinking of doing a short washout and going back to doing mogul and rich ZP. This time though I may just go straight to stage 4 and use it as the QV2 in the stack.
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This morning during meditation, I realized that I’ve been burying resentment for both myself and others.
This resentment stems from the need for interdependence. I hold a small resentment for myself for not building myself up in certain ways when I had the chance a bit earlier in life. For falling into the young-minded trap of thinking I was invincible when in fact I didn’t know as much as I thought I did, being naive in a sense. I fault myself for not seeing things more clearly or building up a mindset earlier in life that would’ve allowed me to do so. At times, practically allowing myself to be weak and ignorant in certain regards. I resent others around me for the same reason.
Not only generations past for not trying harder to instill in the youth the mindsets and skill sets needed for this thing called life, but also for not even leading by example, at least. For being too wrapped up in their own egos to have ended up creating an ego-based world, and current generations for seeming to not do much better. Many of the “solutions” being presented are just creating a different set of problems.
For a while, there’s been a part of me that’s wanted to become a beacon of sorts, to show others how to become and remain the best version of themselves after I myself have done it, for the purpose of making the world better. Then there’s another part of me that feels that the world at large simply doesn’t deserve a beacon like that, whether it’s me or someone else.
It’s like now I just want to get myself straight and just be good for the remainder of my days without truly needing anyone, but part of me senses that being in heaven alone, can still end up feeling like hell. All I know is that I’m tired of others depending on me for any reason and I’m tired of having to communicate with them or ask for even small favors occasionally.
All this is probably an extreme reaction to some deep-seated recon. In this moment I feel like a man conflicted, somewhere in between struggling with how I want things to be vs how they really are.
I’ve been interacting with others but right now I’m very withdrawn, especially when I’m at work and overhear ppl saying stupid shit. I tend to not even look their way or even make efforts to speak or interact. I just let my mind wander between sales calls. I feel a bit lost but not in a depressing sense. I’m pretty much just tired of life and everything in it. I’m not suicidal, I’m just feeling highly indifferent. Though I still have goals I’m feeling extremely detached from them. Like I’m playing a game in which I don’t care if I ever win or not.
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Childhood reconciliation from being made to be mature and responsible before your natural time. You can and will get through this.
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