Here we can tell jokes so that people can see what kind of sense of humor certain nationalities have. So the POLISH joke goes like this.
Russian guy says: I’m fucking hungry. Man, I’m really starving.
Polish guy says: Here you are, drink that bucket of water.
The Russian says: All right - and drinks the whole bucket.
The Polish guy: Are you still hungry?
The Russian guy: Nope.
The Polish guy: I knew you were not hungry, you were just thirsty.
I saw this one somewhere.
So, a Russian, a German, and a Pole meet on the twentieth floor of a high-rise building, and decide to have a competition. Each one of them had to throw their watch out of the window, run down the stairs, and catch it before it fell on the ground. First up was the Russian. He threw his watch, but before he got downstairs, the watch was already lying in pieces on the ground. Then the German threw his watch, and, lo and behold, his watch also ended up in bits. Then it was the Pole’s turn. He calmly went downstairs, even taking his time to drop into the cafeteria on the eighth floor. After his coffee, he walked out of the front doors, waited a minute and caught his watch effortlessly. ‘How did you manage to pull that one off?’ ask the Russian and the German. ‘Easy!’, replied the Pole, ‘I just put my watch back two hours!’
After the death the Russian and the American went to hell.
The Devil asks them :
We drink in an international company, I ask something from a German.
Everyone was killed by the phrase of the Pole:
Okay enough of the nationality jokes.
A chicken walked into a library, marched up to the desk, and said, “Book, book”
So, the librarian handed the bird a book, the chicken accepted it, and then left.
Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, threw the book on the desk, and said, “Book, book.”
Once again the librarian handed the chicken a book, the chicken accepted it, and then left.
Ten minutes later, the chicken was back again! It marched up to the librarian, threw the book on the desk, then said, “Book, book”
The librarian handed the chicken a third book, but this time decided to follow the bird. She watched the chicken cross the street and climb down to a pond, where there was a frog sitting on a lily pad.
The chicken showed the book to the frog, but the frog just shook its head and said, “Read it, read it.”
A panda walks into a bar and forcefully sits in front of the bar tender and demands
‘pasta’
The bar tender is a little confused but goes to the kitchen and grabs him a bowl of spaghetti and gives it to the Panda. The Panda slurps it down, casually gets up, reaches into his fur and pulls out a pistol at which point he turns towards the bar pianist, who is playing a tune, and shoots him dead.
Everyone in the bar starts screaming and scrambling and the Panda starts to stroll out the door.
The bartender, too angry to be afraid, rushes after the Panda and says
" Now who do you think you are, demanding food and then violently shooting my musician!?’
The Panda calmly turns back for a moment and say “I’m a Panda, look it up”
before walking out the door.
The bar tender stunned, grabs his dictionary and looks up Panda…and right there in the entry it says
Panda- eats shoots and leaves.
(If your a panda and reading this forum I apologize for any political incorrectness of this joke)
Was thinking about this joke just before you wrote it.
What do you do or say, when an innocent child asks you something so innocent and they are so serious? Read on and you’ll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.’
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’
BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s me?’
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. ‘Please don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: ‘How much do I cost?’
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?’
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: ‘The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.’ Concerned, James asked: ‘What happened to the flea?’
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget…
This particular Sunday sermon… ‘Dear Lord,’ the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. ‘Without you, we are but dust…’ He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, ‘Mom, what is butt dust?’
What’s a narcissist’s favourite joke?
A me-me.
A man walked into a library and said
“hey i’m looking for a book on tiny penis syndrome. Do you have it in stock?”
“Hmmm,” the librarian said. “Let me check.”
“Ok,” said the man. She was taking her sweet time looking around, often stopping to talk to people when they approached her and asked her questions.
“Excuse me!!!” the man said… “My book???”
“Hmmm,” the librarian said wistfully. “I can’t seem to remember the name of that book. Let me go see if I can find it.”
She went on to her computer and went to go find it, but then she got a message on Facebook, and started messaging the person that messaged her… instead of looking for the book!
The man was furious, and he could hear her whispering to herself “hmmm what was the name of that book again? What was the name of that book again?”
But he didn’t care. He lost his shit and screamed at the woman
“Lady!!!” He screamed. “My… book!! IT IS IT IN YET!?”
“THATS THE NAME OF IT!” The librarian shouted gleefully
Another Polish joke. Here we go…
A sniper is lying in the grass covered with camouflage. He’s holding his rifle and aiming. Suddenly, his phone is ringing. It’s his wife. She says:
-Hello, darling. Are you at work?
-Mhm
-Can you go back home earlier? I’ve cooked a delicious dinner.
-Mhm
-I bought your favorite dark beer and it’s cooling down in the fridge.
-Mhm
-Darling, you know, my mom has come to visit us.
-I see…
Dude’s building a long-distance relationship.
Yeah, he’s building the best kind of relationship we can have with our mothers-in-law.
