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I feel like the healing part of Genesis is harder than DR1 was for me. It could also be the combination with LB though.
A lot is being revealed about myself. Where I am still being inauthentic. Where I am still people pleasing. Where I am still judging others. Where I’m still not being non violent towards myself or others & not in the physical sense.
I’m seeing where I still may need to reparent myself. The parts of me that weren’t provided for as a young child. Not to get caught up here, but to give those parts of me love and patience.
I asked myself today, when did I actually experience being spoken to in a way that feels good by my parents or foster mom? When did I actually feel heard or appreciated?
I expect others to speak to me in a certain way, but am I doing the same? Not always. It’s a bit hypocritical.
I see where I am full of crap sometimes.
I’m not enjoying when I feel sad but don’t know why I am sad. Where I just start weeping like a baby.
I notice when I have a realization of an area that needs love & healing but then I quickly go back to being defensive and protective of my self worth. Like I’ve gotta prove something.
Moments where intimacy and connection could happen, I feel like I don’t receive it well.
Grateful for this awareness.
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Woke up wanting to listen to Deepak Chopra. Love this guy. Haven’t followed any of his content in ages.
Enjoyed a short meditation on letting go.
Listening to this right now:
“Our senses do not take in a world that already exists.
They project a world that we experience as a particular species and how we interpret it.”
“Everything that is manifests, exists as space time matter energy.”
I’m sitting outside soaking in the sun with my 3 mushroom coffee ~ reishi, lions mane & cordyceps.
Enjoying the birds flying all around me, chirping and singing. The greenery.
Appreciating the spaces between everything.
The colours, the vibrancy. Life 
In one of the videos I listened to, the guest speaker was speaking on the matter of people having NLM ~ near living moments. Witnessing the breakthroughs of those who once experienced near death experiences or living in a way where they were essentially just killing themselves slowly.
Learning to truly love unconditionally, experience internal & external peace, harmony, joy, bliss.
To be an unbothered soul.
I was someone who had multiple NDE before I was 20. I manifested all kinds of situations from a state of fearing living & loving, with all its consequences. At one point I remember quoting Freddy Mercury a lot ~
I don’t want to die,
I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all. 
I sometimes wonder how or why I ended up meeting a shaman at 13 & experiencing plant medicines. I opened my third eye so young. I had many supernatural experiences. I tried to balance between the light and dark. The idea of duality.
I appreciate its place in the world but I now come from a more non dualistic approach.
Non-duality is an ancient Eastern philosophy that means not two . It refers to the nature of existence consisting of one interconnected whole, rather than many separate things cobbled together.
I just feel super inspired again to find a way to share my story with the world & the story of others too.
My bf wants to start a podcast with me & I am beginning to truly see the benefit of this experience.
I always wanted to engage & connect with others walking the path of consciousness & awakening. I love interviewing people from all walks of life. I started doing that with my camcorder in the 90s.
I may have veered off the path here and there, but in the grand scheme of things, not really. Everything happened for my own benefit and to also benefit many others too. My story is gold. 
Some random throwbacks: 
“What you consent to can only be discovered by an uncritical observation of your reactions to life.Your reactions reveal where you live psychologically; and where you live psychologically determines how you live here in the outer visible world.”
-Neville Goddard
The Power of Awareness
Oh yeah…
Court today … this afternoon… this time I have re~opened the case because I am ready to stand up for what I believe is best for my daughter.
Feeling all the feels… this has been over a 2 year “battle” with my ex. My ex & his family contributed to lots of pain & suffering in my family, defamation of my character, and testing of my faith in God/the creator.
I won’t give up.
If you feel you, or your life is out of control, or are you feel you want change but everyone thinks you are crazy, believe in yourself.
Know that your wild spirit is being given an empowerment from the universal goddess of life to become untamed. 
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The following explains what I am experiencing right now… with all areas of life, including my material possessions…
It just clicked for me right now that Genesis is aiding me along this yogic journey wonderfully.
Aparigraha or non-attachment is the last Yama in Patanjali’s Eight Limbs of Yoga.
It often translates to non-greed non-attachment & non-possessiveness
The yamas are essentially moral guidelines by which to live with regard to our relationship with ourselves, and the world around us.
Aparigraha in our minds:
Hindsight is a wonderful – and annoyingly useful – thing. If only we knew that those things we obsessively worry over didn’t really matter? If only we could stop being concerned with what might happen, and just enjoy what is happening?
Each time we enter into a new relationship, experience a sensation of joy and happiness, or start a new project, there’s often a flash of concern as we think – even just for a moment – what happens when this is over? What will come of this?
Aparigraha offers us so much freedom – the freedom to work and do what we love without worrying about the outcome, the freedom to rely less on external and material possessions to bring us happiness, and the freedom to experience everything life has to offer, whatever that may be.
Taken from the following website:
**TO BE YOURSELF IN A WORLD THAT IS CONSTANTLY TRYING TO MAKE YOU SOMETHING ELSE IS A GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENT” **
– RALPH WALDO EMERSON
Love this.
**** You are free to choose the concept you will accept of yourself. Therefore, you possess the power of intervention, the power which enables you to alter the course of your future. The process of rising from your present concept to a higher concept of yourself is the means of all true progress. The higher concept is waiting for you to incarnate it in the world of experience.**
-Neville Goddard
**
It’s been 7 days since I last listened to my stack.
Still debating on what’s next.
If I want to continue with Genesis or not. I want to keep HoT for sure.
The following look like good options to choose from:
Stark
UA
BL
Mogul
EoG
I wanna get the ball rolling here with my success & wealth production. Keeping in mind my kids & the court crap.
& writing my exam for YTT in less than a month.
Edit:
I was invited as a guest on a podcast to discuss manifesting with the law of assumption & said yes. This will be a big leap for me. 
I was invited to be a vendor for an upcoming wellness show. I said yes. Another big leap for me. This will be my first time participating as a local vendor. I have said no to several before Genesis.
I just had such a big healing cry session for 12 minutes while listening to Invincible by Tool. It sounded different. It felt different.
So many things came flooding in. Realizing how strong I really am, but how strong do I really need to be. I’m over being so strong or needing to be so strong, in the sense of feeling like I’m in survival mode & have been for so long.
Yeah I mediate, yeah I do yoga, yeah I do all these proactive and healthy things… but,
That’s not a fun way to be living. It’s gotta end.
I got to thinking how there are people hoping I fail because then it proves they are right about me. All my crazy ideas and big dreams, leaving my secure career, changing so many things dramatically in a short period of time. I look nuts to them and they are hoping that stays.
My ex’s family are rooting on me failing. They want to erase me from my 3 year olds life. They are asking for me to only see her every other weekend.
They refer to her as Jordy when her name is Jordan. They use their last name instead of what we decided on~ hyphenating both of our last names because we weren’t married. It sickens me…
I’ve always been a good mother. I left her dad when she was 10 months old. I really had no other choice. It felt like life or death. I experienced being a victim of covert narcissism & reactionary abuse. I fell for it over and over. My ex didn’t see any of it. His mom was really good at what she was doing. She planned it all out. Used her power to corrupt me.
She took my daughter from me and wouldn’t return her. My ex went along with it the day she tried to put me in the psych ward. I fell into a big trap.
I have relived all of it today.
It breaks my heart wide open.
The thought of losing in court terrifies me.
I feel it in my bones that she would benefit best from being with me primarily. I fought for 2 years just to get 3 nights a week.
I spent every single day of her life with her up until I left my ex.
Canadian laws suck for separations with kids involved. No court order means the other parent can keep the children from you.
That was what happened to me.
Edit: I realize I was being a victim & that pisses me off even more
No one to change but self
No one to blame but self
I allowed it all…
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So after that big release…
I started thinking about my purpose…
I felt into being that amazing yoga teacher… alternative & unique. Impacting many lives…
I thought of my music…
My writing…
My creativity…
My vision…
My why…
& here I am… thinking I’ll go with RM over UA or Stark to go with Genesis & HoT
To add: From my short listening to PCC & been reading the book…
I realize where my ex’s mom used some of the laws of power on me… & it worked.
Firstly
This thread made me laugh haha, as funny and as delighting
After I saw your concern about your BF after running PCC and PS I wanted to give my own opinion about how a man should live and how his woman should. Basic masculinity and feminity stuff. But I was reluctant(I guess I need more confidence) until I saw this post. Cuz I think our opinions go more in line, if I am not wrong.
I basically beleive men should provide EVERY expenses and other basic masculine stuff such as power and authority in the house. Even if he is wrong sometimes and forceful(this will happen VERY much less if the woman is feminine enough and makes the man think that he has the string 
) And the woman being the traditional obedient housewife who is just or most of the time in the house looking after children, making meals(cooking IS creativity) and other feminine stuff. I’ve seen very much masculine men crumble to feminine enough women. AND NO ONE CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT IT SINCE IT’S A UNIVERSAL LAW.
So I guess women with enough feminine charm(and brains) can have their share if INFLUENCE in the house but it also should be from a position of obedience so that the man feels like he is the boss.
That is my view.
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I like that. & yes
I’d love to hear more too… I’d love to understand more about the balanced masculines role of power & authority in the home. To better surrender as the loving balanced feminine that I have learned to become.
I had to be mom & dad at times with my kids, handle a household in my own for some time too… my masculine side was my safety net….
I’m learning to soften my armour.
I wanna be more of my feminine side.
I love to cook btw… I started working in kitchens at 15.
My bf is a sous chef by trade and cooks amazingly, but so do I. I’m just much less messy in the kitchen and have a different method to my madness
I think our opinions are in line for sure.
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What do you mean by balanced masculine and feminine?
Balanced vs wounded.
Healthy mix of both. Coming from love not fear.
Not sure how to explain it. Hmm lol
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